Chapter 21

HUXLEY

It feels like my heart is in my mouth as I prepare to hear Zainab’s side of all this.

I can usually guess what she is thinking by looking into her eyes, but today she is a closed book, and I don’t like it one bit.

“Please, go ahead.”

She nods. From the way she straightens her shoulders and lifts her chin, I have a feeling that she is going to contest each and every point I have made.

“Let me address the relationship point first. I haven’t been in one for a long time, so I’m in the same boat as you. I can’t say I’d be the perfect girlfriend, but you and I are in therapy. We know how to communicate, and honestly, I think that is all we would need to be good partners to each other.”

~I can’t argue with that.~

“And as for losing me, that is a perfectly valid concern, and I’ll be honest that it’s one I share. I’ve grown so used to having you live with me; I would be really upset if things didn’t work and you moved out. That being said, I also think I would regret not seeing what this could be between us. I want to explore this, Griff.”

Her voice ends in almost a whisper.

I look at her. My emotions feel like they’re snagging in my throat, making it hard to breathe.

She is everything I want, and she is offering herself to me, asking for a chance—as if I could possibly refuse her.

“What about the first point?” I ask with dread in my stomach.

Zainab frowns. “Your job is on the line here, Griff. I don’t want to put you in a difficult position. How long is your contract again?”

“Three months. We have about nine weeks left together,” I tell her, and her frown deepens.

“My therapist and I discussed the possibility of you being both my boyfriend and my bodyguard.” Her eyes widen and she quickly adds, “Not that I’m calling you my boyfriend yet or ever. It’s totally up to you.”

I can’t imagine being someone’s boyfriend. It has been so long since someone called me that, probably since high school.

She swallows nervously. “But maybe we should have someone else as my security while you and I explore things with each other.”

I’m both hurt and relieved that she is the one to bring it up. It’s a struggle to swallow past the lump in my throat.

“My therapist came to the same conclusion. She doesn’t think it’s wise.”

Her eyes meet mine. “And what do you think?”

“That I was out of my mind when I couldn’t find you last night.” I close my eyes and take a deep breath before opening them again. “I don’t think I can trust myself to stay calm and think rationally when your safety is involved. I’m too compromised.”

“So, we’re in agreement?” she replies with a grimace. “We’ll need to find me a new bodyguard.”

“I can handle that,” I say quickly.

“Okay. But I would like to propose that we continue getting to know one another.” She gives me a shy smile. “I’d like to date.”

My body instantly reacts to her confession. My chest feels warm, my heartbeat increases, my fingertips tingle.

~She wants to date me.~

“It’s your call, Griff. You’ve told me your concerns. I’ve given you my answers. Now it’s up to you to decide if this is something you want to pursue or whether you want to go back to normal.” Her lips press into a line.

“I will do it if that’s what you want,” she continues. “I will go back to normal with you and ignore my feelings. I understand if you don’t want to take this risk. I’m asking a lot of you, and you’re risking more than me; I get that.”

I’m still processing her words when she gets to her feet. My eyes widen in panic.

“We’ve talked about a lot of heavy stuff. I’ll give you some time to think about it. Take the evening, and we can talk about this in the morning.”

My lips part in surprise, and I suck in a breath. Before I know it, Zainab is crossing the room and walking down the corridor.

~Don’t go.~

I’m on my feet a second later, rushing after her.

“Zee!”

She pauses outside her bedroom door and looks back at me, her eyes as wide as mine. I close the space between us with a few long strides.

She tilts her head back to look up at me.

“I don’t need any more time to think about it,” I tell her in a low voice. “I know what I want.”

She swallows hard. Her pupils dilate as she focuses on my eyes.

“What do you want?” she echoes.

“Isn’t it obvious?” I murmur as I bring my hands up to cup her face.

I can’t resist rubbing my thumb over her smooth skin.

“I want ~you~, Zee.”

Tears form and rest on her long eyelashes.

My heart thumps rapidly, worry surging through me. I don’t want her to cry. I don’t know how to handle seeing her cry.

“You want to do this?” she whispers.

I rub her cheeks with my thumbs again.

“Yes, I do.”

“Griff,” she says my name with such emotion.

We move closer, and our lips meet in a heated clash.

I can’t hold myself back from devouring her mouth with mine. This is probably a time to be gentle, to ease her into this new thing between us, but instead I take control of the kiss and push my tongue into her mouth.

Zainab doesn’t seem to mind. She softens in my arms, her body pressing against mine, becoming pliant.

I snake my arms around her waist and keep her close. Our chests collide each time we heave in a breath. Her lips are so soft; they mold perfectly to mine.

When she sucks on my tongue, I damn near lose my mind.

“Zee,” I groan, breaking the kiss. “We need to talk about this.”

“What more do we need to say?” she asks breathlessly and kisses me again, stopping only when I push gently on her shoulders. “We’ve agreed to give this a go. We’ve admitted we want each other. I don’t see the problem, Griff.”

There’s a teasing, irresistible smile on her face.

“But I don’t want to rush into things,” I insist. “We should take this slow.”

Her smile turns seductive, and she tugs at my short hair.

“Says the man who was fingering me only two nights ago,” she murmurs.

I close my eyes as Zainab kisses my neck. She draws some sensitive skin into her mouth and sucks. My eyes flash open.

“Don’t,” I warn and push her back by her waist.

She grins wickedly at me, her eyes flashing with amusement.

“You didn’t…” I trail off, leaving her in the corridor and heading to the bathroom.

I yank the door open and look at my reflection. Right there on the left-hand side of my neck is a fucking ~hickey~.

“Zainab!” I shout.

“Yes?” she replies innocently, making me jump because I didn’t realize she had followed me.

“You gave me a hickey,” I complain, turning toward her so that she can see it.

Her grin widens. She wraps her arms around me and pulls me into her.

“I think it’s hot,” she whispers. “Really hot.”

“It’s embarrassing. How am I supposed to train at the gym tomorrow with this giant thing on my neck?”

She licks her lips, her almond-shaped eyes narrowed in delight.

“Easy. You train as normal. Anyone who sees it will know that you got some or are getting some,” she says simply, shrugging her shoulders. “And they will know that you’re taken.”

One corner of my mouth lifts in a smile.

“You wanted to mark me as taken?”

“Yes,” she admits, looking bashful.

~How can I be annoyed when she’s this cute?~

She slides her arms upward and wraps them around my neck. She pouts prettily at me.

“I just want the world to know you’re off the market; is that so bad? So many people check you out in the gym. It’s hard not to feel jealous.”

“Excuse me? Do you not see how many guys stare at your ass whenever you work out? I’m lucky I’ve made it this long without having an aneurysm or something.”

“You get jealous too?” she asks delightedly.

“Yes,” I reluctantly admit.

“Forgive me for the hickey?” she pleads.

“Fine, I forgive you, but we need to talk about pace, Zee,” I tell her firmly, despite the fact that her hands are traveling down again.

She squeezes my butt.

~Really?~

“~Okay~, we can take it slow,” she relents. “But we can still kiss, right?”

“Yes,” I reply cautiously.

But instead of kissing me there, she takes my hand and leads me to the living room. She gets me to sit down on the sofa. Then she climbs onto my lap, straddling me.

She takes my hands and places them on her hips. Then she leans over me and captures my mouth.

~Fuck.~

“Just kissing, I promise,” she mumbles against my lips.

Then she lowers herself down until her crotch is pressed against mine, and the little minx rubs herself against my rapidly growing erection.

~Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.~

My hands automatically slide around to her luscious bottom and squeeze it.

She grinds on my dick again, making it twitch.

It’s at this moment that I realize that I’m a complete fool and ~going slow~ is going to be much harder than I thought.