CH 11: I'm Sorry

Gulf had been the new him for a whole of three weeks. Mew was only hurting worse as the days passed. His heart was hurting because of the changes in Gulf's personality. But who was he to complain? He was the one who was wishing to see changes in Gulf. He was the one who wanted Gulf to keep his distance from him. But Gulf never complied with all this before. And now, when Gulf had changed just as Mew had wished him to, his heart was aching.

Mew wanted to see the chirpy Gulf. But this Gulf only talked when Mew talked to him. Gulf would rarely start conversations. And when he did, none of the two knew how to keep it going. Mew missed the times when Gulf made breakfast for them. They used to chatter over what they will have for lunch even if they still weren't done with the breakfast. They would talk about their schedule for the day. But now, when Mew walked to the kitchen every morning, Gulf would already be gone. Gulf had stopped going to the office with Mew.

At work, Gulf was back to the man he was for the past five years. But Mew wanted to see the man he had been before he disappeared for two weeks. Mew regrets the night he asked Gulf to stop courting him. Because Gulf not only had stopped courting Mew but he had also stopped talking to Mew. Mew could not stand the silence. Mew could endure any silence in this world but not the one that Gulf was giving him. For years, Mew loved the silence and loneliness. But the silence Gulf gave him was piercing through his ears. His ears could bleed because of it. For the first time in years, Mew felt lonely when someone didn't talk to him. He was someone who had started to like being alone. But now, he could not be the same. The warmth he had was all gone. He was turning cold on the insides. He was starting to die.

Gulf would be the happiest person when Mew was on his periods. Gulf won't leave Mew's side. He would get him everything he wanted. But this time, Gulf found work a little more important. Gulf left Mew's room after Mew had fallen asleep. He didn't cuddle with Mew like he used to. Gulf gave Mew the heating pad instead of snaking his hands under Mew's shirt. He was not the Gulf Kanawut known to Mew. It was like someone else was trying to copy the original man. Gulf wasn't the same person who would flirt with Mew. He had kind of stopped caring for Mew. Gulf was so close to him but still felt so distant. And Mew hated himself for that.

Mew was blaming himself for wanting to see these changes in Gulf. When he was wishing for these, he didn't know better. He didn't know that he would get so used to Gulf's behavior that when he changes, Mew's heart would go numb. He didn't know that he would be the one who would hurt like this. He never imagined. Only if he knew better, he would have never wished for these changes. For him, it was his fault. It was his own fault that he was hurting.

It was to be almost a month to those hurtful changes in Gulf. Mew had gone to his mom's grave to talk to her. He wanted to tell his mom all the mistakes he had done. Because she was the only one who would not judge him. Mew wasn't even talking to Win and Wan these past few days. He was too tired to listen to them. He was ignoring everyone as much as he could. He didn't want to show anyone his tears.

Mew was not home for the whole day and it was evening already. The sun was to set in not more than an hour and there were no signs of Mew returning. Gulf was sitting in the living room, surfing through Netflix. The bell rang but Gulf ignored it because he thought it was Mew. And Mew already had keys to the door. But whoever it was, rang the doorbell again and again. Gulf got irritated and got up to check who the hell it was.

"Ai'Fai?" Gulf was confused. She was holding two bags. "Hey yo! Brother!" Puifai greeted him. "What are you doing here?" Gulf inquired. "Pizza and beer! We need to talk about your love issue anyways so I bought this on my way," Puifai said as she walked in. "You could have called me to inform at least," Gulf rolled his eyes.

Puifai settled herself on the couch. "So, how's it going?" she asked taking out the beer cans and pizza boxes. Gulf came and sat beside her. "No as such progress" he answered. "How has that man been behaving around you?" Puifai reframed her words. Gulf sighed, "He tells me everything he's doing. He never did that before. It's like he has changed." Puifai saw the sadness her sworn brother's eyes were screaming.

"And how have you been acting with him?" she asked further. "What do you mean?" Gulf didn't understand what the girl was trying to ask. "Are you still the old clingy person, or are you giving him some space?" Puifai explained. Gulf took a sip of his beer, "I'm trying to give him his space. But it doesn't seem to be working." He took another sip and continued, "He is either trying to stay away from me or he is asking me why am I like this." Puifai was confused, "If he's staying away then how does he ask you?" Gulf looked at her, "The only thing I see in his eyes is this question, 'why are you like this?'. I can't see any emotions there. It's like he's empty on the insides."

"How much time do you two spend together?" the girl asked. "A lot lesser than before. We just can't communicate how we used to" Gulf almost cried. "Do you flirt with him? Give him presents? Do anything to make him feel your sincerity?" she bombarded him with questions. "We can not even talk properly with each other! And you expect me to flirt!?" Gulf's voice was breaking with every word. "He is moving back to his shell! I can't even see him around!" the tears were invading his vision. "I've tried telling him my feelings! give him flowers! give him presents! but all he does is reject them! I am losing my mind now!" Gulf was still trying to stop his tears.

"And how sincere were you while doing all this?" Puifai couldn't help voice it. Gulf looked right into her eyes. His eyes were screaming that he was nothing but sincere with his feelings. But nobody out there was ready to see the sincerity his eyes carried. He was so lost. He didn't know what to do anymore. Mew stopped sparing him glances. Mew started to ignore him again. Their conversations were back to those that all had dead ends after a few words. His feelings were going to be the death of him.

Puifai suddenly got up and stood right in front of Gulf. She bent forward and cradled Gulf's face to keep his attention to her. "Are you sure that you would like to show this side of yours to him?" she wanted to stop Gulf from being so pathetic. Gulf just looked at her, lost. "No. He won't. He surely won't like to see your tears," she was trying to talk some sense into that numb brain of Gulf. "He would not fall in love with you truly just out of pity for these tears of yours," she told him. "He would rather fall harder when he sees your sincerity towards him." Gulf was still not saying anything.

"I am not saying that you have to hide your scars. You don't have to act all mighty all the time. It's good to show your weaker side at times," Pufai was still holding Gulf's face. "But achieving what you want by taking an advantage of your scars is wrong." Gulf was taking in every word that came towards him. "You can not make him love you just for these tears. He has to love you wholeheartedly for you both to have a long and lovely time together," finally, Gulf nodded. He smiled at his sworn sister. Puifai patted Gulf's cheeks lightly and smiled widely at him.

Gulf turned his head when he heard something. "Mew! you're back!" Gulf was still smiling. Puifai straightened her back and turned to look at the new arrival. Mew's eyes were wide in shock. "Hey!" Puifai greeted, cheerful as ever. Gulf stood up too, "What took you so long?" But Mew didn't seem to be in a condition to answer anything.

"I- I'm sorry for interrupting. I'll leave now. Please continue," Mew turned on his heels and left. "Mew! Hey wait!" Gulf understood that Mew had misinterpreted the situation. But Mew was not coming back.

"Did you and your secretary have some work to do?" Puifai asked. She was too unaware to understand what the situation had turned into. "No!" Gulf was stuck in his spot. "Then, how did he get in? Did we leave the door unlocked?" Puifai asked. "He just came back and left again!" Gulf yelled. "Why are you yelling? It's just your secretary," Puifai frowned. "Just my secretary?" Gulf confirmed what he heard. "Yes... what else is he?" Puifai asked.

"Damn it Fai! He's my husband!" Gulf yelled again. But soon realized that he never mentioned these details to her. "You're married?" Puifai's eyes were wide in shock. Gulf nodded, "He's my husband. And he is the man we were talking about." Gulf saw the shock in her eyes. "I should have mentioned all this to you earlier. It's my fault" he apologized. "So why did he leave then? Wait! If you're married then why are you courting him?" she could not connect the dots.

"He must have misunderstood when you were standing in front of me... I'll tell you the details later. Can you please leave for now?" Gulf was so frustrated. Puifai collected her things and walked to Gulf.

"Just remember that you need to talk to him. As soon as possible, and clear things up. I'm just a call away if you need help," Puifai said, walking to the door. She stopped while the doorknob was under her grip. "Remember that miscommunication can lead to terrible fallouts. So clear everything properly. Bye," and she left.

MEW'S POV...

When I reached home, I saw a pair of unfamiliar shoes. They seem to be of a girl. Is mom here?

I walked in with a smile plastered on my face. It was fake but I don't mom to worry about me. But the scene I walked into was something I never imagined. Gulf was smiling, at some girl. That's not mom. She's much younger than her. Then Gulf turned to me. "Mew! you're back!" Gulf said to me. He was still smiling. Was he mocking me with that expression?

Then the girl straightened her back and turned to me. Pleum Corp's CEO!? My heart stopped beating. I should have understood that these two have something going on the time they hugged that day. It could have saved me from this scene in front of me. Then this woman greeted me. How can she be so chill about me being here? That also when she just got her hands off my husband!

'My husband'? are we anything like that though, other than those legal papers? No. I never treated him like one and now he isn't treating me like that either. Did Gulf even tell her that we're married? I don't think so. Suddenly Gulf's eyes changed. I can't read him anymore.

"I-I'm sorry for interrupting. I'll leave now. Please continue," I said and turned to the door. I just want to leave here. I can't see this anymore. I heard Gulf call me but I don't have a reason to turn to him. I drove away as quickly as possible. Tears were spilling out of my sockets but I had to keep my composure. At least till I reach my house. I should just keep away from him. That would be better for us both.

***MEW'S HOUSE***

AUTHOR'S POV...

Mew shut the door the moment he entered. He lost all his strength and slid down the door. His eyes couldn't take it anymore and the dams of tears were let loose. He was screaming his heart out. Mew was messing with his hair. He had totally lost himself.

"I'm an idiot!" he yelled at himself. "Why did I have to wait for today?!" he was so not in his right state of mind anymore. His face was already covered with tears. His heart was aching. He somehow raised his hands and clenched the piece of clothing right above his heart. He was already lying on the floor. No sense of what was happening around him. No thoughts of what he should do. No care for his state.

Only regret.

He regretted his whole existence. Everybody who was dear to him left him. His mom left him first. He had to live without her love or anything similar for years. All that was left with him was his father. But even that man left him in those evil hands of his stepmother. The one-man he loved, left him hanging. That was the first person who made Mew feel alive. But even he left him alone in the darkness of that so-called family of his. That was when Mew had built walls of that fort. He had caged himself in there for so long.

And after years of being imprisoned in his self-built prisons, Mew felt like going out, in the sunlight. He felt like opening the gates to that fort. All because of the care and acceptance Gulf was showing him. That was what helped him make a key to unlock those dark dungeons. But even Gulf had turned his back on him according to him. The pain he felt seeing Gulf with that girl was beyond expression. Now all he could do was to lock himself back in those dark places of his mind. He had lost all the reasons to try and be himself.

"I'm late... I am too late" Mew kept on telling himself. He wanted to pour all his tears out today. Good for him that it was a Friday night.

____________________________________________________

And here I go making everyone cry again. I'm such a bad person.

An unplanned double update ends here.

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- Wan <3