chapter eighteen | yet another loss

THE RAIN HIT the window in soft, uneven taps. It was like nature was trying to get her attention, she didn't listen though. She had to finish this album, she had just a few more songs to write. It was getting difficult though.

Her thoughts were occupied by the absence of Gracie. She had been thinking about it for days, she felt like she was a teenager again, waiting for a sign of life from Tessa only to be ghosted again when she got one. It was a toxic cycle that took years to break, now it felt like it was starting all over again.

She gently tapped her pen against the notepad, the same empty notepad that she had been staring at for days. This had been on her mind for days and it was affecting her career.

She had to talk to Gracie about this. She just didn't know where to find her yet, unless she went to her apartment and waited for her. That made her look desperate and weird, she couldn't do that. That would push Gracie away. That would be the last thing she wanted to do.

That's when it hit her. She finally had the first lyric ready to go, which would make the rest of the song come easily to her.

"I don't chase ghosts anymore."

From there, her pen went to work. The words that she had longed to say were spilling out onto the page like she was writing the letter she wished she had written a long time ago. Any negative emotions that she was feeling at that moment had started working their way out of her system and onto the pages where they belonged.

Her phone then started to ring. She looked up to see Adam's name displayed on the screen. With a smile on her face, she accepted the call and put it on speaker. "Someone must be in a good mood, you answered the call pretty quickly." He pointed out, soon making Mila chuckle. That was the first time she laughed in a while, it made Adam happy to hear it.

"Yeah, I guess I'm doing okay." She replied, writing down a few more lyrics. This thing with Gracie might still hurt, but now that she was able to write down her feelings, she was feeling a little bit better.

"Well, I was just calling to check in with the album work, but it seems to be okay." He replied and cleared his throat. "Have you heard from Gracie at all?"

"Yeah, I got a voicemail from her last night. She seems to be okay though, just busy like you and Jordan said." She confirmed. She put her notepad down along with the pen. "Could you possibly schedule some studio time and maybe get in contact with Billie and Finneas?" She asked curiously, hoping for some chance to make this happen.

"I'll see what I can do, just hang tight. I'll talk to you soon, get back to work." He laughed and then ended the call.

Mila let out a laugh until she looked at her notepad where her new lyrics had been written.

Her attention was then pulled away by the sound of her phone yet again. She had looked to see a text from Gracie, a name she hadn't seen in a while. Without hesitation, she unlocked her phone and opened the message.

Gracie<3: again I'm sorry for being MIA. can we talk later? i miss you

Can we talk later? That didn't sound good. In her mind, this was the part where she was broken up with or blamed for something. She took a deep breath, reminding herself that Gracie wasn't Tessa. It's not the same and never will be the same.

of course, call me whenever, i miss you too :Mila

Now, she was scared to find out what she would talk to her about. There was no other context other than her wanting to talk.

It was going to be okay, Gracie wouldn't hurt her or anything. She loved her, she said that and meant it. Gracie has never been the type to intentionally break her heart. She had to trust Gracie, she did trust her. She trusted her with her life, nothing was going to change that.

She just had to wait for Gracie.

The wait was always the worst part.

The anxiety that came with it. All the worst thoughts that you could have were suddenly at the forefront of your mind, they could send Mila in a spiral. She was never invited to parties, but she could imagine this is what they felt like—anxiety-inducing and scary.

Moments like this are when she needs a drink, so she goes to her favorite bar, Rockslide. Once she sits on a bar stool, the bartender Serena immediately comes over to take her order. "Strawberry Sunrise, please." She speaks, pulling her phone out of her pocket.

"Hard day, huh?" She asked her curiously as she started to mix the drink.

"Something like that," Mila muttered, her eyes glued to her phone screen. She refreshed the conversation for the millionth time, waiting for some type of sign. At this point, she was desperate. There were no calls, no new messages. Just her message back to Gracie, the open invitation to call her at any time.

Serena placed the drink in front of her, soon pouring a drink of her own. She then carried it to the other side of the bar, taking a seat next to her. "Boy troubles I assume?" She took a shot at guessing.

Mila huffed a short, bitter laugh. If it were boy troubles, this would make more sense. "Girl trouble, actually," She corrected, taking a sip of her drink, and letting the sweet tang of strawberries wash over her tongue. It was good. Too good. It almost made her forget why she was so tense in the first place.

"Ah, girl trouble," Serena nodded knowingly, taking a sip of her beer. "I've been there before, they'll make you crazy. All sweet words and then radio silence the next day." She waved a hand like she'd seen it all before.

She let out a light chuckle, spinning the straw in her drink. "It's different with her. She's not like that...or at least, I thought she wasn't." Her voice softened on the last part, the weight of her doubt sinking into every word.

"Are you sure it's her and not you telling yourself stories?"

That hit a little too close to home. Mila lowered her eyes to the swirling colors of her drink, watching them mix in slow, lazy spirals. "I don't know," She confessed, her voice barely above a whisper. This had gotten far too confusing, she didn't know what the root cause was anymore, she just needed answers. "She said she loved me, and I believed her. I still do. It's just that it's been days without a call or a text. People don't just disappear for no reason, right?" She glanced up at Serena, her eyes pleading for some kind of reassurance.

With that, her phone started to ring. She looked down at the screen where Gracie's name with the bow and heart next to her name was displayed. "Looks like you're about to find out," Serena spoke, flashing her a comforting smile as she stood up, going back to work.

After letting out a breath, Mila answered the call, lifting the phone to her ear. "Hey," She said softly, trying to sound more steady than she felt.

"Hey," Gracie's voice came through, quiet but familiar. It still felt like home. "Can we talk?"

Mila squeezed her eyes shut, bracing herself for whatever storm was about to hit. "Yeah," She replied, her voice steadier this time. "Let's talk."

Mila took one more sip of her drink, liquid courage, now standing up. She made her way outside where it was quieter. A place where she could give Gracie her full attention.

The rain stopped, but the air still hung heavy with the weight of a storm not quite gone. Mila leaned against the side of the bar, phone pressed to her ear. Her breath curled out in small, uneven puffs of fog as she waited for Gracie to say something—anything.

But Gracie didn't. Not right away.

"You still there?" Mila asked, her voice sharp with the edge of impatience.

"Yeah, I'm still here," Gracie said quietly but present. It was clear that she was unsure about this. Her tone gave it away. "Sorry. I'm just...I don't know how to start this."

"Start with the truth," Mila said flatly, her fingers drumming against her leg. She could feel it building inside her — that slow, creeping sense that something was about to break, and it was going to be bad.

Gracie let out a breath. "I'm sorry for the ghosting and the short, dry responses. It wasn't on purpose, I swear."

"Wasn't it, though?" Mila's eyes flickered toward the streetlights ahead, her lips pressing into a tight line. "Because you don't just disappear like that by accident Gracie. You don't."

Gracie was taken aback by this, she'd never seen Mila act like this before. This made her realize how badly she had messed up. "You know that's not true, I would never intentionally do this to you." She shot back, a little offended that Mila would think that of her to begin with. "I wasn't trying to disappear. I've been slammed with rehearsals. Jordan has been on my ass 24/7 about every little thing — setlists, choreography, vocals — I barely have time to breathe, Mila."

"Oh please, spare me, Gracie." Mila scoffed, her voice colder now. "You think I'm not busy too? I've got an album to finish, I'm stressed just like you are, but I still took the time to check on you because you're my girlfriend and I love you." She argued, letting out a frustrated breath. "You could've sent me one text, just one, but you didn't."

"God, I know that, Mila," Gracie spoke, her voice rising with frustration. "I know I should've texted. I know I should've called. I'm sorry, okay? What else am I supposed to say?"

"I don't want you to say anything, Gracie." Her voice cracked at the last word. This whole conversation reminded her of something she hoped to long leave behind, someone she hoped to leave behind, but it was all coming back. Everything she wanted to forget and leave behind came flooding back in. "I want you to do something. I want you to make me feel like I matter to you. Since I joined you on that tour and we started being friends, Jordan had hated me and I knew that, she tried to separate us so many times and you let it happen. You continue to let it happen. I know what she says about me, and I don't like it at all."

That felt like a knife to the heart. She felt like she had been stabbed repeatedly with no sign of stopping. It killed her that Mila thought this way about her, even when she knew it wasn't the truth. "You do matter to me," Gracie replied, her tone louder now. "And as for the Jordan thing, I have defended you on multiple occasions and even threatened to fire her because I love and care about you so much!"

"Yet, you still let her run you into the ground and control your life. Don't you see it? This was her goal and she just won. You let her win, Gracie."

She went silent after that. She was wondering how she meant that. There were thousands of ways that could go. "What do you mean by that?" She asked, her tone calmer now, more scared than before. She didn't like the way this conversation was going, she went into it thinking that they would be able to work past this. Now, she wasn't so sure. "Come on, Mila. We've been through so much together, we can't let one fight get between us."

"That's the thing, it was never just one fight. I told myself that I would never go through this again, and I continued to promise that."

Gracie wanted to desperately say something, anything to make this better. Maybe even changed her mind, but she didn't. She just fell silent. That seemed like an answer to Mila, not the answer she wanted or expected, but the one she got. "Tell Jordan I said congratulations on her win. Goodbye, Gracie."

Before Gracie could say anything, Mila had ended the call. She wiped her cheeks with the sleeve of her jacket, soon pulling it back to see a damp spot in its place. It was over, truly over, and she was the one that ended it.

Maybe it was over when it started.

She pushed herself off of the wall, making her way back inside the building, returning to her seat. Once she sat down, her phone buzzed once again. She looked down at the screen, half-expecting it to be Gracie, but it wasn't. She might never hear from her again.

It was Adam. A simple text.

Adam: studio's open tomorrow. you ready to work? billie and finneas are available too, they'll swing by.

Mila breathed in slowly, letting the warm air fill her lungs, and clear her head.

yeah :Mila

i'm ready :Mila

She shoved her phone back into her pocket, letting out the breath she didn't know she was holding. It wasn't the ending she wanted, but it was the one she got.

No more waiting.

No more ghosts. She was done. "Another Strawberry Sunrise?" Serena asked, already reaching for the shaker.

"Yeah," Mila said, a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "But make it stronger this time."

Serena grinned knowingly, already pouring the shot.

The first sip tasted like strawberries, sharp and sweet, but this time, Mila let it burn on the way down.

This time, she didn't mind the burn.

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AUTHORS NOTE !

i'm sorry that mila and

gracie had to end this

way but I BEG THAT

YOU ALL TRUST ME

PLEASE 😭🙏. thank you

for reading and i hope

you all enjoyed! hoping

for no mistakes!