chapter twenty-one | sitting in a tree, d-y-i-n-g

THE COFFEE SHOP was filled with people chatting, coffee machines humming, and baristas calling out orders. The smell of dark roast filled her senses, reminding her of all the cups of coffee that she and Gracie shared, all the laughs, and spilled coffees. Her mind began to think back to all the coffee shop dates and long songwriting sessions they would have. Those were a few things that she missed.

Something that she probably wouldn't get back.

Mila stood in line, hands shoved in the pockets of her hoodie, head down like she was trying to disappear into herself. The room's warmth pressed in on her, but it didn't feel comforting today, not when everything felt wrong.

All morning her phone had been buzzing. She had received texts from Audrey, and her manager, and a few unread emails that she couldn't bring herself to read. She had an idea of what most of them were about.

The video.

As of recently, her PR team has been working overtime to get everything under control and a lot of time had to be spent on damage control for the damage that Tessa caused. People love a good scandal, and thanks to Tessa, the people have what they want.

Her name was in the headlines.

She was a trending hashtag.

Her name was in Gracie's mouth — but probably not in the way it used to be.

Her phone buzzed again, but this time she pulled it out, glancing at the screen. It was a text from Audrey. Since her breakup with Gracie, she had checked in with her whenever she had time, meaning: when she wasn't checking in with Gracie and making sure she was okay. While she did appreciate it, it was another tie to Gracie other than the tour.

The line had moved, making it her turn.

"Hey, what can I get for you?" The barista asked, flashing a polite smile.

Mila's eyes flicked to him, her mouth opened, but she hesitated. Her gaze slid back up to the menu, scanning it like she was looking for something specific. "Give me..." She started, tapping her fingers against the counter. Her eyes locked on the words "extra shot" under one of the drink options.

She didn't want sweet or comforting. What she needed was something strong. Something that would hit her like a punch to the gut and remind her that she was still here, still breathing.

"Triple shot of espresso," She said, her voice firm now. "Make it four. No milk, no sugar. Just straight."

The barista raised his eyebrow, but he didn't question it. He scribbled on the cup, glancing at her with a half-smirk. "Long night I assume?" He asked like it was some kind of inside joke.

"Something like that," Mila muttered, pulling out her card.

Once she was checked out, her card and receipt were handed back to her. Her name is written across the cup in black marker. It looks sloppy like the barista didn't care to get it right. She stared at it for a second too long, her mind replaying the way Gracie used to draw hearts on their cups when she got bored. "You're such a sap," Mila had told her once, but she never wiped the heart away.

The sound of the espresso machine roaring pulled her back to reality. She moved to the pickup counter, folding her arm across her chest, eyes locked on the machine like it was some lifeline.

Her phone buzzed again. She knew it was Audrey, but she didn't check; she couldn't.

She went to glance out the window, but the sound of the door opening caught her attention instead. "What are you doing here?" Gracie asked curiously, approaching her with a sad smile. The same smile she had every time she looked at her.

She opened her mouth to speak, but the barista beat her to it. "Four shots of espresso for Mila!" The barista announced, placing the cup on the counter.

"That's what I'm doing here," She replied, letting out an awkward chuckle. She stepped off to the side once Gracie had ordered her drink. "Is it a rehearsal day for you?" She asked her curiously. The look in Gracie's eyes showed how much she hated this conversation or how much she hated her, she couldn't tell which one fit this situation.

"Yeah. It's not supposed to run very long."

She had noticed that a lot of her rehearsals had been shorter since the two had broken up. This was Jordan's doing, she could tell. It was okay, though. It wasn't her problem anymore.

She wasn't with Gracie anymore.

"I could walk with you," She offered with an awkward smile. It would probably hurt for the both of them if she accepted, but deep down, Mila craved that sense of normalcy even if it was just for a little while. It was something they both wanted, even if they didn't admit to it.

It was something they could sense.

Gracie silently nodded, that was answer enough for her. Once she got her coffee, the two left the coffee shop together in silence.

Once rehearsal was over, Gracie sat on the edge of the stage, taking a drink of her water. As she tried to catch her breath, she began to scroll through her phone. She was trying to catch up with emails and texts that she had missed. A piece of her hoped to see something from Mila, yet there was nothing.

There hasn't been anything from her in a while. She missed her. A lot.

She hasn't changed her contact since everything happened. She hasn't changed a thing because of the thought that things would go back to normal soon. She missed the warmth of Mila's arms, the way she supported her no matter what was going on, and how much time they spent together. Now that Mila wasn't around, everything felt so lonely.

She felt empty.

She remembered how Mila would always tell her that everything would be okay and hold her tight after a long day at the studio or rehearsals. She also remembered waking up next to her and seeing her tired smile first thing in the morning, she probably missed that the most, knowing that she was the reason that Mila smiled so often. Her presence just brought her pain now, and that killed her.

She locked her phone, set it down next to her, and looked out at the empty seats in front of her. She imagined all the seats being full, seeing the fans sing and dance along to the music. She could feel the happiness within herself while she was on stage, but once the lights died down and she walked off, the feeling of loneliness and emptiness would return.

"So, I saw you walk in with Mila earlier today. What was that about?" She heard her best friend question as she made her way toward the stage, taking a seat next to her. After flashing her a comforting grin, she looked at her, seeing the disappointed yet sad look on her face, her sad smile. "Did anything happen between you two?"

Gracie shook her head, wishing she had a different answer. "She just walked with me. We bumped at the coffee shop and she just offered to walk with me." Gracie replied with a shrug. Audrey nodded with understanding, waiting for her to continue. "We didn't say anything to each other, but for once, it felt normal...like nothing had happened between us."

"I could see that. I saw your smile when you walked in, you looked sad, but there was a moment when you were happy again. I hadn't seen that happy look in about a month."

"It felt so familiar yet so different all at the same time."

Audrey nodded along as she spoke, listening as Gracie talked. It was clear how strongly she felt about this. She still talked about Mila as if they were together. She could only imagine how badly Gracie was hurting; she hadn't talked about it much until now.

"Have you tried just being friends with her?" Audrey asked her curiously.

Gracie nodded in response. She had considered the option, but she knew it would just be hurtful to both of them. If she thought that she could stomach it, she would have proposed the idea by now. She couldn't do it, not right now. "I thought about it, I just can't do it right now. The wound is still too fresh." She replied, letting out a chuckle.

Audrey then laughed along with her, standing up from the stage. "Do you wanna go get something to eat? I'm in the mood for Subway." She admitted.

Gracie stood up with a smile, now following her out of the venue.

Mila sat in her hotel room, her phone propped up against a lamp, TikTok Live displayed on the screen. She didn't have anything else going on today, so she thought to pass the time with her fans and answering questions or having conversations with them. She tried to read the chat, watching as it rapidly moved, many different gifts fluttering up the side of the screen like confetti.

Her knee bounced as she read through the flood of comments.

"DROP THE SKINCARE ROUTINE"

"WE LOVE YOU, MILA!!!"

"WHERE'S THE ALBUM QUEEN???"

"ARE YOU STILL FRIENDS WITH GRACIE???"

Her heart skipped at the last one, but she scrolled past it quickly. She wouldn't be answering any Gracie questions today, not for a while.

"Alright, alright, slow down, everyone." She spoke with a small laugh, running a hand through her hair. For something that was supposed to be a distraction and not about Gracie, they always found a way to make it about her. "I can't answer everything at once, I'm not a superhero."

Questions kept pouring in.

"FAVE SONG RN???"

"GIVE US AN ALBUM HINT"

"SINGLE SOON???"

"Favorite song right now?" She repeated the question, her eyes flickering toward the screen. She tapped her fingers against the table, thinking. "Maybe... 'How Did It End?' by Taylor Swift, it's been on repeat a lot recently. So good that it deserves to be a single." She replied with a half-fake smile on her face, that familiar ache creeping in. Now, this song only reminded her of Gracie.

"Ugh taste"

"GIRL ARE YOU OKAY??"

"not you exposing ur feelings on live"

Mila laughed, trying to shake off the weight pressing on her chest. "Y'all are wild, I swear." She shifted in her chair, pulling her hoodie sleeves over her hands.

More questions flew in. She leaned forward, squinting at the chat.

"WHERE'S GRACIE"

"ARE YOU STILL COOL W GRACIE"

"HAVE YOU SEEN THE VIDEO OF HER???"

Her stomach twisted. She sat back, her heart thudding a little harder than before. For some reason, Gracie's name was everywhere. It didn't matter where she went — online, on the street, her childhood home.

There was no escape.

"Okay, next question," She muttered, forcing a tight-lipped smile.

"FAVE SONG YOU'VE EVER WRITTEN?"

"Oooh, good one," She said, grateful for the shift in conversation. She tilted her head back, thinking. "I think 'Wasted Hours' will always have a special place in my heart, even though I swapped it out of my setlist recently. It was one of the first songs I wrote that truly felt honest."

As soon as she said that, the chat blew up once again.

"WHY'D YOU TAKE IT OFF THE SETLIST THEN???"

"I NEED IT LIVE AGAIN"

"WE WANT IT BACK"

Mila laughed as she silently read the comments.

She rubbed the back of her neck, feeling exposed in a way she didn't expect. She should've seen that coming. "You guys are too smart, I swear," She spoke, flashing a quick grin. "Sometimes you just...gotta make room for new stories, you know?"

It wasn't the whole truth, but it wasn't a lie either. She had cut the song from the set because it hurt too much to sing every night, it was Gracie's favorite. She wanted to keep playing it, but she just couldn't right now.

"Let's get some spicy questions going," Mila suggested, trying to steer the energy somewhere lighter. "Ask me something bold, I dare you."

The chat took that as a challenge.

"WHO U DATING??"

"TELL US ABOUT SERENA"

"WE SAW YOU AT THAT BAR LAST WEEK, WHO WAS THAT???"

The second she saw the comments, her smile faltered. Her twitched against her knee. She couldn't help but wonder how they knew about that, she didn't think anyone saw her that night. She was extra careful.

"Spicy, huh?" She said, playing it off with a small laugh. "Y'all love to stay in my business I see." She teased, glancing at the screen and narrowing her eyes. "I'll tell you this, though — I'm too focused on my music to worry about all that."

Just when the comments started to die down, she got a join request. Once she saw the name, she hit the accept button, seeing Gracie's face pop up on the screen. "Gracie Abrams everyone." She spoke, a little bit of excitement peering through.

As Gracie waved to the fans, the comments went wild.

"OMG GRACIE"

"GRACIE IS HERE, EVERYBODY CALM DOWN"

"WE MISS YOU GRACIE"

There was an awkward silence for a moment, both of them just staring at each other through the screen, as if unsure where to go from there. Gracie bit her lip, glancing down for a split second before meeting Mila's eyes.

"Hey," Gracie said softly, her voice quieter than usual. It had that familiar, tender sound, but also something else, something guarded.

"Hi," Mila replied, trying to keep her voice steady. She couldn't ignore how her heart skipped a beat just hearing Gracie's voice again.

She watched as the comments continued to pour in, but the moment between the two of them felt like it existed in its own world.

"How've you been?" Mila asked, the question slipping out almost too quickly, but she couldn't help it. She needed to know.

Gracie replied with a shrug, looking off to the side for a moment. "You know...busy with the tour and stuff." She flashed her a half-hearted smile. "You?"

Mila's smile faltered. "Me too," She paused, watching Gracie, trying to read the look on her face. It was a mix of nostalgia and something else—something that she couldn't identify. "Just been doing the whole opener thing." Her chuckle came out forced, the look on Gracie's face made it obvious that she noticed it.

"Listen, I know things have been weird between us," Mila began, her voice lower now, the weight of the words starting to hit her. "But, I just want you to know that I'm here. If you need to talk or...anything. Just..."

Gracie's eyes softened, though there was still a distant look in them. "Mila, we're okay. I'm okay." She paused, glancing away before her gaze locked back onto Mila's. "I just need some time to figure some things out."

Mila felt her heart breaking, but she didn't push. She nodded, trying to hide the disappointment that threatened to show. "I get that. Just...don't be a stranger, okay? You're just next door."

As the comments continued, it felt like they were the only people around right now. "I'll talk to you later, Mila." She waved goodbye, and then she disappeared from the screen.

"Okay everyone, thanks for all the gifts and things, I'll see you all later!" She smiled at the screen and then ended the Live. Seeing Gracie like that brought back that sense of normalcy that she missed, but also made her sad all at the same time. She had missed her so much, yet couldn't look at her at the same time. Like Gracie said, she just needed time to figure things out.

She hoped for things to be normal soon.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE !

guys, i thought i was getting

writers block for a second,

BUT I DID IT!!! i hope you

all enjoyed and i hope there's

no mistakes!