chapter twenty-five | downward spiral

🚨TRIGGER WARNING🚨

THIS CHAPTER HAS MENTIONS

OF ALCOHOL AND GETTING DRUNK

PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION

ON A SUNDAY at 9:34 pm, Mila was back in the same bar, her fingers wrapped loosely around a whiskey glass. The burn in her throat was familiar, almost comforting. She leaned her head back against the booth, watching the muted TV screen mounted in the corner, though she couldn't focus on anything. Her thoughts were loud enough to drown out the low hum of conversations and clinking glasses around her.

The bartender approached her, her dark hair pulled into a sleek ponytail, eyes sharp but warm. Serena. The sight of her brought back memories Mila wasn't sure she was ready to confront.

"Well, if it isn't my favorite troublemaker," Serena said with a wry smile, her voice growing louder as she approached her. She looked Mila over as she had taken the now empty glass. "Rough night?" She asked her curiously, a hint of worry in her tone.

Mila smirked weakly, her words coming out slightly slurred. "Rough year, more like." She replied through a bitter chuckle.

Serena raised an eyebrow. "That bad, huh?"

Mila nodded, the alcohol loosening her tongue. "Got fired. Publicly humiliated. Oh, and my ex probably thinks I'm the villain in all of this." She sighed, letting out a sigh and running a hand through her hair. "So yeah, pretty bad."

Serena tilted her head, a flicker of something unreadable crossing her face. "I heard about the tour stuff, but I didn't realize it was this messy. Want to talk about it?"

Mila hesitated. The idea of spilling everything to Serena, of all people, felt strange. Their history was complicated, and while they'd hooked up a few times, their connection had never gone deeper than surface-level moments of comfort. "You don't have to," Serena added, sensing her hesitation. "I'm here if you need to vent—or another drink."

"Both," Mila muttered, standing up from her seat and following her back to the counter with a small smile. "Definitely both."

As she sat down on a stool, Serena poured another shot of whiskey, sliding it back with a practiced ease. "For what it's worth, you don't look like the villain type to me, but maybe I'm biased." She admitted with a chuckle.

Mila chuckled, though it sounded hollow. "You'd be the first to say that. Seems like everyone else has a different opinion." She sighed and took a sip of her drink.

Serena leaned closer, her voice dropping slightly. "Not everyone, Mila. I mean, sure, you're a little self-destructive sometimes. But villain? Nah. That's not you." Her voice came out comforting yet firm. She knew that Serena was being biased, but at this moment, she didn't care. All that mattered to her was that someone was on her side, even if she didn't know her very well.

Mila met her gaze, surprised by the sincerity in Serena's tone. She hesitated for a moment before speaking, her voice quieter now. "I don't even know who I am anymore, Serena. Everything feels like it's slipping away, like...maybe they were right to fire me. Maybe I deserve this." She admitted, her tone showing how sorry she felt for herself over this whole thing.

Serena frowned, her teasing demeanor softening. "Don't do that," She said firmly. "Don't start believing the worst about yourself just because someone else wants you to." She reached out, her hand brushing Mila's briefly. "You're allowed to screw up, Mila. You're allowed to be human."

Mila wanted nothing more than to believe that, but right now, she couldn't. Deep down, she knew it probably was true, but in her current state, she couldn't do that. She tried so hard, but couldn't succeed. "It just feels like everything I touch falls apart," She whispered. "I thought...I thought I was building something good, you know? With the music, with her. And now, it's all gone."

Serena's hand lingered on Mila's for a moment longer before she leaned in, her voice soft but insistent. "Not everything's gone. You're still here. And you've still got people who care about you." She reminded, her tone comforting yet had something else behind it. It was something that Mila couldn't pinpoint right now.

Mila blinked back the sting of tears, her throat tightening. She hadn't realized how much she needed to hear that until now. Before she could respond, Serena leaned in further, brushing her lips against Mila's in a soft, lingering kiss.

It caught her off guard, but she didn't pull away. Instead, she leaned into it, the warmth and familiarity of Serena's touch grounding her in a way she hadn't felt in days. When they finally pulled apart, Serena's cheeks were flushed, and Mila's lips curved into a faint smile.

"Thanks," Mila murmured, her voice barely above a whisper.

"For what?" Serena asked, her tone teasing but her eyes earnest.

"For reminding me I'm not completely lost."

Serena smirked, standing back up straight. "You're welcome. But don't think that gets you out of finishing your drink." She replied with a chuckle.

Mila softly chuckled with her, glancing around the bar before looking back at Serena. "How about we get out of here for a while? Just...clear my head?" She suggested, hoping for a yes, but she was quickly disappointed by her response.

She gave Mila an apologetic look, gesturing to the bar. "Tempting, but I'm still on the clock, troublemaker."

Mila nodded, her smile dimming slightly. "Rain check, then?" She asked her again, hoping to get a different answer this time.

"Absolutely." The smirk on her face was all she needed to know she meant it.

As Serena walked away to tend to another customer, Mila couldn't help but feel a small flicker of hope. It wasn't much, but it was enough to remind her that maybe, just maybe, she wasn't entirely alone. After a time like this with the tour and Gracie, this was something that she needed.

Now, she just had to figure out how to fix her problems.

One good sleep and a painful hangover later, Mila sat in her kitchen, sipping on a cup of hot coffee. Her head throbbed with every movement, and her stomach churned uncomfortably. She stared at the blank wall across from her, the hum of the refrigerator the only sound in the otherwise quiet apartment.

The events of the previous night felt like a blur. Serena's kiss, the faint glimmer of hope she'd felt, all of it seemed distant now, replaced by the gnawing ache of self-pity. Mila pulled the coffee cup closer, her fingers trembling slightly.

What was the point of any of it? The music, the dreams, the fleeting connections—all of it felt like sand flipping through her fingers. She had always been good at convincing herself she didn't need anyone, that she could handle things on her own. But sitting here, she felt smaller than ever, her failures weighing her down like a lead blanket. She wished she had made Gracie see what she knew was going on with Jordan, but it wouldn't have been much use.

She never seemed to believe her when it came to Jordan. To Gracie, Jordan could never do anything wrong, no matter what she did. No matter what she said to her.

It was always Jordan over her. The more she thought about it, the more realized it.

Her phone buzzed on the table, pulling her out of her spiral. She hesitated before glancing at the screen, her stomach flipping when she saw the name. Tessa.

For a second, she considered ignoring it, letting the call go unanswered. However, something in her, maybe a glimmer of misplaced hope or sheer curiosity made her pick up. "What do you want, Tessa?" Mila asked as she put the call on speaker, her voice rougher than she intended.

"Relax, I just wanted to check in," Tessa said, her tone too polite and entirely insincere. "Heard you've been having a rough time."

Mila snorted, leaning back in her chair. "Yeah, well, you're about a week late for the sympathy call. What's your angle?" She asked her, her tone coming out dry.

Tessa laughed, a sharp, cutting sound that made Mila's skin crawl. "No angle, babe. Just thought you might want someone to talk to, seeing as your little tour adventure didn't pan out."

Mila's grip on the mug tightened, the warmth of the coffee doing little to calm her growing irritation. "What do you want, Tessa?" She repeated, more forcefully this time.

"Oh, don't be like that," Tessa replied, her tone staying the same. "I mean, you have to admit, this whole thing has been kind of...predictable. You jumping into something way over your head and then crashing spectacularly? Classic Mila."

The words hit harder than Mila wanted to admit. She's been wallowing in her self-pity all morning, but hearing it from Tessa, that smug tone made it sting even more. "Go to hell," She muttered, setting the mug down harder than she intended.

"Touchy," Tessa replied, her voice dripping with mock concern. "Look, I'm just saying, maybe it's time to accept that you're not cut out for all this. Stick to what you're good at—whatever that is." She added, her tone coming out mocking.

Mila's chest burned, a mix of anger and humiliation flooding her system. She wasn't going to let any of this slide. "You don't get to waltz in and act like you know me," She snapped. "You don't know anything about what I've been through."

"Oh, but I do, Mila. We're not that different, you know."

"We're nothing alike. We never will be alike."

Before she could respond, she ended the call. Her chest rose and fell as she tried to steady her breathing. Her hands were shaking now, a mix of anger, shame, and exhaustion coursing through her. Tessa's words echoed in her mind, each one cutting deeper than she wanted to admit.

Tessa was right, though. Things had gone wrong, she had crashed, just like she always feared she would. However, she wasn't going to stay down. She grabbed her phone again, scrolling through her contacts until she landed on Audrey's name. She hesitated, her thumb hovering over the call button. Audrey had been there for her, and if anyone could help her figure out what to do next, it was her.

Taking a deep breath, she hit call.

"Audrey?" She said when the line connected, her voice steadier than she expected.

"Mila? Hey, are you okay?" Audrey's concern was immediate, her tone warm and grounding.

"Not really," She admitted, leaning against the counter. "But I want to be. Can we talk?"

"Of course. Where are you? I'll come to you."

Mila let out a shaky breath. Maybe, just maybe, this was the first step toward picking up the pieces. This time, she wouldn't let anyone stop her.

The buzz of the café was oddly comforting as Mila sat in a corner booth, her hands wrapped around a steaming cup of tea. She hadn't planned on leaving the house today, but Audrey's assistance that they meet up had been hard to ignore.

She stared out the window, watching people move through their daily routines, unaffected by the storm raging inside her. When the door jingled, signaling a new arrival, Mila's heart jumped slightly, and relief washed over her as she spotted Audrey making her way toward her.

Audrey slid into the seat across her, offering a reassuring smile. "Hey, Firecracker." She said softly, her tone teasing but kind.

Mila managed a weak laugh, shaking her head. "Not feeling much like a firecracker these days," She muttered, sipping her tea.

Audrey leaned forward, resting her arms on the table. "Want to tell me what's going on? Or should we just sit here and stare out the window until you're ready?" She asked her curiously, wanting to do what was more comfortable for her.

The lightness in her voice was enough to pull Mila out of her spiral, if only slightly. She let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding and glanced down at the tea in her hands. "I don't even know where to start," She admitted.

"How about wherever it hurts the most?" Audrey suggested gently.

Mila's eyes lingered on the tea, watching the steam curl upward, as if it could somehow carry away all the heaviness she felt. She swallowed hard, struggling to find the words. Her heart felt too full, too weighed down, everything that had happened—Gracie, Jordan, and the constant pressure—felt like a storm raging just beneath the surface.

"I... I feel like I've lost everything," Mila finally said, her voice barely above a whisper. "Like no matter how hard I try, nothing's ever gonna be good enough."

Audrey's gaze softened and reached across to gently place a hand over Mila's. "I get it," She said quietly. "You've been through so much, and it's okay to feel lost sometimes. But you're not alone in this." She reassured, her tone comforting.

Mila's eyes met Audrey's, her chest tightening with a mix of gratitude and frustration. "I don't even know who I am anymore." She admitted, her voice cracking. "I mean, I thought I was doing something that mattered, something real. But now... it feels like all I've done is let everyone down. Gracie, the band, even myself."

"You haven't failed anyone. You know, when Gracie found out that you were fired from the tour, she was furious. She worried about you, she still is."

"She is?"

Audrey nodded, her expression earnest. "Of course she is, Mila. She cares about you more than you realize. When she heard what happened, she was ready to tear the place apart." She admitted. She saw the look on Audrey's face as she recalled the day. "I've never seen her get like that. You matter to her. A lot."

"I just want to fix this before I can face her again. Don't tell her that you saw me today, please."

Audrey let out a sigh as if she was just put in a difficult place. She knew that Gracie was worried about Mila and wanted to know where she was, but she didn't want to betray Mila either. "Okay, this will stay between us, but if she finds out somehow, I won't deny anything." She replied, making sure to sound as serious as possible. "She would like to hear something to know that you're okay."

"I'll talk to her soon, I promise."

"Good, you better."

With that, Audrey stood up from the booth. After flashing her one last comforting gaze, she left the café, leaving Mila to think about their talk. To think about Gracie.

Deep down, she knew that Gracie would worry about this once she found out the truth. Once the time was right, she would talk to her.

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AUTHORS NOTE !

guys, poor mila has been

THROUGH it almost

through this entire story. i

promise that it will get

better for her...or will it?

i'm kidding...or am i? guess

you'll find out with due time.

i hope you all enjoyed and i

hope there's no mistakes!