#020 – I live here now, got a problem?

#020 – I live here now, got a problem?

“You think this does something…?” I murmured.

There was a tiny screen in front of me at the side of one of the locker walls. It was so unassuming, my brain had registered it as part of the background until Irid in chat had pointed it out to me.

Irid123: use the bracelet

I hummed and slowly approached it, raising my hand to touch the screen with the bracelet. The moment the bracelet got close, I knew I’d made a mistake.

The thing beeped and I tore my hand away, suddenly on alert.

That would have probably been a ridiculous reaction in an ordinary water park, but this was a freaking dungeon.

And of course, the screen lit up and instead of a random locker opening as it probably would have in a non-dungeon setting, the number ten appeared on it instead.

Before I could voice my confusion, the screen let out a short beep and the number changed to nine. A second later, another beep, and it changed to eight.

A timer?

Once again, before I got the chance to say anything, there was suddenly an earthquake and the sound of iron scraping against the tiled floor filled my ears. I yelped and quickly looked around as I dropped my bucket and covered my ears with my hands.

The walls of lockers were moving.

“What the heck?!” I finally yelled, my voice lost in the horrible noise.

I was panicking, worrying about getting crushed by these skyscraper-sized monstrosities. My eyes darted back and forth and I did my best to stay out of the way as much as possible as this chaos happened.

I caught a glimpse of the stupid little screen still counting down.

Four, three, two, one…

The shifting abruptly stopped and the everpresent noise turned to dead silence once more.

I waited a second, then two, and when it didn’t seem like the walls would go back to trying to crush me like a meat grinder, I slowly lowered my shaking hands from my ears.

“W-What…”

Then I heard the little screen beep again and my head whipped around at it. Instead of the countdown numbers, it now read, ‘Locker 6579 opened.’

I stared at it in bewilderment and was about to voice it when I heard a metallic click and a subsequent creaking of a giant metal door.

I whirled around again to see that one of the giant lockers had actually opened and was about to complain about the physics of such a thing happening without it collapsing when something flew out of said locker. Many somethings, in fact.

There was a massive flock of… I couldn’t even tell what. All I knew was that they were all in various colors and were flying straight at me.

I immediately breathed in and unleashed a wave of fire at them as I backed up. Once the surge of fire dissipated, I heard the sound of a pile of cloth hitting the floor as a burning mass of the things fell from the sky.

Unfortunately, there were still many of those that I hadn’t hit, flying around my Fire breath and trying to flank me.

I unsheathed my sword and shot a lightning slash to my right in a single motion while jumping forward to dodge those charging at me from the left. I felt the wind swish behind me and heard the sound reminiscent of someone throwing a big ball of laundry on the floor.

I turned around, ready to continue the fight, when I noticed what these things even were and felt so flabbergasted that I stopped for a second and stared.

Were those towels? Was I fighting flying towels? What the fu–

My shock seemed to have lasted a second too long as the group of apparently sentient towels recovered and launched themselves at me. I instinctively breathed in to use another Fire breath but before I could shoot it, one of the towels had made it all the way to my face and wrapped around it like a freaking face-hugger, while stuffing my mouth.

“Mghmp?!” My free hand immediately shot up to rip the thing away but it was too persistent and I couldn’t get a good purchase in my panic.

Moments later, I felt more towels wrapping around my legs, torso, and my arms, making me flail even harder and subsequently fall on my back.

And then, of course, as if this already wasn’t enough, my thrashing had landed me in another one of the puddles around the place and I could feel it wrapping around my neck and shoulders.

Despite my panic meter steadily climbing off the charts, I had somehow managed to keep a hold of my sword, and since I couldn’t use Fire breath at the moment, I instinctively poured as much Ether as possible into the sword.

The subsequent loud bang might have deafened me if I didn’t have sentient towel-shaped earmuffs and I could feel the electricity burning my hand and coursing through my body.

Luckily, the towels did too with how they all went slack for a moment.

I ignored the pain, shook off the towel wrapping around my free hand and grabbed the one around my face before finally ripping it off and gasping for breath. As soon as my lungs were filled, I rolled to face the ground, screwed my eyes shut, tensed my entire body in preparation for what I was about to do, and then vomited all the fire I could manage with my current Ether.

The regret was instant as I felt the searing pain on my face, neck, and then rest of my body. It reminded me of when the robot had flooded me with flames, but somehow, this was way worse despite it being my own attack.

I began coughing because of exceeding the skill’s limit and my eyes teared up. Said tears promptly evaporated because of the sheer heat of my surroundings though.

After what was probably a couple of seconds but felt like an eternity, the flames died down and I gasped for more breath between my coughs even as I sat up and frantically looked around to see if there were any more face-huggers or leg-eaters.

Luckily, all I was left with were burning pieces of cotton and a cloud of steam that all abruptly turned to mist. There weren’t any more flying towels or sentient puddles.

It took me a good while before I slowed down my breaths, lessened my shaking, and calmed down enough to think straight again.

‘Ten birds with one stone’ achievement unlocked!

+3 Skill points

I slowly blinked and then decided that I was too spent to celebrate having accidentally gotten more skill points. I didn’t even check what that achievement was.

KaiEbikoOfficial: nana?!!?

Irid123: sorry I didn’t know that would happen

Jeofffff: niiiiice

GeorgeDoshington: and this is why you get flameguard kids

I closed my eyes and dropped my head as I continued to breathe. I didn’t even have the energy to snap at George. Ugh, why had I invited him to the group chat again?

I shook my head… and then winced because that irritated the burns on my neck. “Why does my own Fire breath hurt more than the robot’s flamethrower? God, ugh…”

GonguuH: the potion, probably

“Oh, yeah, right…” I said between breaths.

I reached into my pocket with my shaky hand, found my trusty potion and let a drop of it drip onto my tongue again.

The effect was instant, but this time, I somehow managed to not collapse into a convulsing heap the moment it happened. I merely screwed my eyes shut, grit my teeth, and let out a sound of a cat dying.

But a big portion of the energy soon dissipated as it used itself up healing all my burns and probably restoring all the Ether I had used with the big flashbang and subsequent Fire breath.

I let out a relieved sigh.

“Chat… I’m going back for today. I was going to poll it but… Heck no. I had enough for today. Even after eating that drop of my miracle cure, I feel dead tired.”

GeorgeDoshington: nooooo

KaiEbikoOfficial: yeah you probably should

RetconRanger: Sounds like a plan.

GeorgeDoshington: it was finally starting to get inretesting!

“George, I will find my way back to Earth just so I can punch you in the face,” I deadpanned.

With a huff, I finally stood up, looked around… and then froze.

“Uh… Ebi? How do I get back?” I muttered as I stared at the new layout of the stupid maze.

KaiEbikoOfficial: umm…

KaiEbikoOfficial: I don’t think my map will help

Jeofffff: time for a new map

I groaned and dragged a hand down my face.

“I can’t even freely leave now… Ugh, I hate this floor!” I whined before huffing to myself. “Why did I even come here right away? Stupid past me…”

Well, complaining wouldn’t get me any closer to the exit, so it was time to move.

I sheathed my sword, retrieved my bucket, shot an annoyed glare at the little screen that caused this whole situation to begin with, and then began walking.

I also idly checked the achievement I’d gotten earlier.

Ten birds with one stone - Defeat ten or more dungeon monsters within the span of a second. [COMPLETE]

I hummed.

“Yeah, that’s about what I expected… Was that really ten of them? Sheesh…”

As much as part of me wanted to sit down and decide which skill to get next, I also wanted to get the heck out of here and sleep. I would probably end up going with Flame bullet in the end anyway.

Whatever.

Time for some more maze wandering.

Ugh.

First, I wanted to check the still-open giant locker that had all those towels flying from it. Obviously, I was hyper cautious and ready to fry some cotton the moment I saw more of them, but I didn't need to worry. No more puddles or towels ambushed me as I peaked inside the locker and stared.

Of course, it wasn’t just a regular locker. It was a gateway to a dark room that geometrically didn’t make any sense with how big the lockers supposedly were. I didn’t even bother being surprised by it.

Still, I wasn’t going to just go and enter the dark room. Especially not now that I wanted out of this dungeon rather than deeper in.

“Oh, look, chat. What a safe and welcoming new area,” I snarked before turning around and walking in another direction.

GeorgeDoshington: go inside!

Irid123: what if it’s timed?

GeorgeDoshington: what if theres loot

Irid123: it could close after some time

KaiEbikoOfficial: stop goading her chat!

I scowled. “I’m not going inside right now, chat. I want out. Knowing my luck, that’s probably the boss room!”

George and Irid, of course, continued trying to convince me to enter the dark room, but I completely ignored them. I wasn’t doing that. Maybe tomorrow.

Probably tomorrow.

Most definitely tomorrow.

Ugh.

I was getting real cranky. A good sign that it was sleep time and not dungeoneering time anymore. Too bad I had no idea how to get out of here and get to a safe place.

I wandered for a good half an hour in frustration as Ebi continued to map my steps once more.

I didn’t find the entrance or the exit, but I did find something else.

I furrowed my brows at the chest innocently sitting in one of the dead ends of the maze and fired off appraisal.

It said exactly the same thing as the chests in the first ‘floor’. It looked the same too, so I had no reason to think it was a mimic.

I, of course, still decided to double check and poked it with my sword from a distance, as was the tradition at this point.

Irid123: you know you can probably stop checking for mimics

GeorgeDoshington: classic nana

Irid123: at least with chests

KaiEbikoOfficial: Nana seriously…

I scoffed.

“Never! Chat, I’m telling you, this is how you die to mimics!” I declared. “One day you just stop checking for them and the next chest you don’t check eats you alive!”

With my caution sufficiently satisfied, I opened the chest to check the loot.

I couldn’t help but blink at the objects offered.

Ether-powered shower head

A shower head that automatically uses the wielder’s Ether to create and spray water.

Ether-powered soap

A bar of soap that automatically uses the wielder’s Ether to create foam and destroy dirt, grime, and other unwanted stains.

Without saying a word, I reached inside and grabbed the shower head in one hand and the soap in the other. I inspected them, then pointed the shower head away from me, and then pushed the little button on its handle.

It sprayed out water, just like advertised, and I faintly felt my Ether drain, unlike with the pen or the mop. Since I figured this thing used more Ether than them, I quickly stopped it and glanced over to the soap.

Bubbles appeared all around it as I fed it some Ether and I couldn’t help but stare at it. Then I looked down at my still-bloodstained pants, knelt down, and rubbed the soap on the stain, before washing it off with the shower head.

The stain wasn’t gone completely, but the soap had definitely worked.

“Chat…” I murmured. “Chat, I… I can finally take a shower!”

I felt unreasonably too happy about that. Or maybe not that unreasonably. After all, I had more or less been living like a homeless person these past few days, and even this little bit of luxury felt like a massive step forward for me.

KaiEbikoOfficial: yaaaaaay!

GeorgeDoshington: oh no fan service scene

I glared at empty space.

“I really hope this censor thing works. For your own good, chat,” I muttered with a cold and deadly tone.

Again, I briefly worried about getting banned. But then I remembered that the Snitch admins were already trying to ban me anyway.

I shrugged, checked my surroundings once more, made sure nothing would crawl over to get me, and then I climbed into the now-empty chest to use it as a shower cubicle, took off my clothes, and turned on the shower head again to check the temperature with my hand.

The temperature was absolutely perfect. The damn thing was probably reading my mind just like the bucket.

Well, I wasn’t going to complain about that.

I pointed the thing at myself and I suddenly felt alive. God, I hadn’t realized just how much I’d missed a simple shower. All that stress I’d accumulated over the last few days seemed to just dissipate as I let out a sigh of relief. For the first time since hatching from that egg, I could feel myself truly relax.

As I showered, I took the chance to also wash the blood and sweat out of my clothes and nodded in satisfaction as chat began complaining about black screen and lack of sound.

I enjoyed a good hour of a relaxing shower even though I kept checking for potential dungeon mobs.

What the hell had my life come to that I was now gleefully showering in the middle of a monster-infested non-euclidean maze?

I wasn’t going to think about it too much.

Once I deigned to stop, I stepped out of the chest, still dripping wet… and then realized my mistake.

“...Chat. I have no towel. Or a change of clothes.”

GeorgeDoshington: lmfaoooo

GonguuH:

use fire breath

KaiEbikoOfficial: dry yourself with fire?

I scowled at George’s message, then blinked.

“...Oh yeah. I can do that.” I definitely didn’t blush in embarrassment.

Look, I was tired, okay?

Just as suggested, I spat some fire in front of myself, which already managed to dry my face for the most part before it dissipated. I only had to do it a few more times to completely dry off both myself and my clothes.

Once done, I wore the pleasantly warm and dry Vcuber garb again, and couldn’t help but let out a yawn.

“Ugh… I should have waited with the shower… Now I’m too lazy to keep looking for the exit… I just wanna hit the bed,” I grumbled.

KaiEbikoOfficial: you can do it!

GeorgeDoshington: just sleep right there lol

KaiEbikoOfficial: don’t fall asleep yet!

“George… I’m not gonna sleep inside a freaking dungeon!” I growled. “I don’t wanna wake up suffocating on a towel or a sentient puddle!”

Jeofffff: there’s an achievement for it tho

I opened my mouth, then closed it.

“...There is?”

I quickly opened the achievement page and scanned through them, and sure enough, it was there.

Sweet dreams - Sleep inside a dungeon.

For some reason though, it was only a tier one achievement despite how stupid and crazy it was. Or, actually… maybe not that crazy if you had a party who could keep watch. But since I was alone, this was incredibly suicidal.

I groaned.

I really didn’t feel like going through the effort to find my way back, and now not just chat, but even the stupid system was goading me into making the dumb decision instead of going with the smart one.

GeorgeDoshington: do it do it doit

KaiEbikoOfficial: nana don’t listen to the devil

I pursed my lips and really thought about it.

Was it worth the risk? Could I survive even if something ambushed me in my sleep?

“...I have an idea, chat.”

Jeofffff: oh no

I walked out of the dead end I’d been in, looked around the little crossroad, and proceeded to evaporate every puddle of water I could see with my Fire breath. Then I walked back into the dead end, evaporating all water on the way, as well as all the water inside the chest.

Then, I tried to move the chest itself to act as a blockade, but unfortunately I found that it was stuck to the ground.

I scowled.

“Well… That sucks.”

KaiEbikoOfficial: nana please stop considering sleeping inside the dungeon filled with things that want you dead

GeorgeDoshington: shes doing iiiiit

“But I wanna sleep, Ebi! There’s no guarantee I'll find the exit before I drop dead from exhaustion! Heck, there’s no guarantee that there even is an exit now that everything moved!”

KaiEbikoOfficial: you gotta at least try…

“I did!” I snapped out before taking a breath. “Look, I’ll sleep with my sword so if anything tries to smother me in my sleep, I’ll just do the flashbang again,” I explained as I unstrapped the sheath and held it to my chest with both arms. “Also, as far as I can tell, all the enemies here are ambush predators… That sounds weird, but you know what I mean. They wait for you to get close instead of hunting you down. So if I stay in one place, I should be safe… right?”

GonguuH: makes sense but still feels dangerous

KaiEbikoOfficial: I don’t know about this…

“Worst case scenario, I’ll just cover everything in fire…” I grouched. “It’s gonna be fine! Don’t worry about it!”

I ignored all the protests and just lay on the tiled floor. I was so exhausted at this point, that the moment I closed my eyes, I was out cold.