Chapter 12 - Regrets

EVADIENE

He pulled back and looked at me. I had never spoken truer words in my life and they both made me happy and sad. He seemed to feel the same, a sort of understanding on his face as he brushed hair away from my face and I tried to commit the feeling of his hands on my skin to my deepest memories.

His lips met mine again and I moaned as he pulled away to speak. “Let’s get you back in that shower. Unless you want to walk around the house smelling like what we just did, which frankly I wouldn’t mind at all.”

He was giving me a big toothy grin, moving to lay beside me on the bed. I wasalmost certain that he would enjoy it, and I thought about what that would look like.

“My dear Ambrose, I was a stripper, the voyeaux in me would probably enjoy it as much as you,” I purred.

His face warmed and I thought he was blushing but he kissed me and breathed, “I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t you ever say such nonsense! You are mine, perfect in every way,” I returned, just as harshly as he had to me earlier, but my guilt returned. “You are a far better person than I am.”

He made me wish I could be selfish.

I pulled him into me, kissing him again. His sweet lips made me crave him all over.

“Ready to shower?” I asked with a grin.

Despite not wanting to abandon our previous conversation, he was eager for that. He was out of the bed first, observing my wet hair from the almost shower and my sweaty skin from the best orgasm I’d ever had. I was in his arms before I could object and he was carrying me to the bathroom.

He helped me clean up, being very attentive and gentle with me.

“Did I hurt you?” He asked after a moment, taking a warm wash cloth between my legs.

I shook my head. “It was perfect,” I whispered, reaching to feel he was already firm again. “I want to taste you.”

He moaned approvingly. “Not right now, let’s get you some real food first and see how you feel.” He kissed my head and continued. “How about you enjoy the warm water, or maybe draw a bath and I’ll go get us some plates?”

I nodded and kissed him one more time before he left. He closed the doors behind himself and I waited a few minutes before I got out, leaving the water running while I dried off

I had made a choice all those years ago and it cost me severely. Of course, part of the deal was not remembering the choice and I had to trust, everyday, that what I had given up was worth the choice made.

Meeting Ambrose, I knew there was nothing less that would ever make that choice worth it. I had definitely given up a piece of myself for a mate of the past, and I knew I would do it again for Ambrose, but I also knew I was putting him at risk. Many year ago my family I had made brief contact with one of my brothers who had let it slip that theywoulddo anything to get me home.

The only way they could do that would be by breaking the terms of the deal I made. I knew enough about deal to know me trading such a big part of my life would need to be for something of equal value; most likely another life. If I had saved my mate with that deal, the only way for my family to get back my phoenix was to kill Ambrose. I knew I was right, I could feel it in my gut and that was why I hadn’t let myself feel closely about anyone since all of this happened.

Seeing Ambrose, feeling him.. tasting him. All of it made me feel like I was floating. I had forgotten what real depth of emotions was meant to feel like and Ambrose had woken me up and swept me away in them. Disappointment reared its head over me; that I had let myself get so carried away, even begging him claim me. I let myself pretend that the niggling worry in my bones was just that, convincing myself, the way I did around the humans, that the feelings and memories I couldn’t explain outright just didn’t exist.

This was a mistake, allowing myself to be with him like I somehow deserve this,I chastised myself.

I quickly got dressed, selfishly putting his shirt on under my hoodie to take something of him with me. Sequoia laid around my shoulders and I tucked her in when I drew my hood up before adding my coat. I saw a cross road on the way in and I knew I could get a ride from there back into a city for a car. It wasn’t far, and if I could get a lift he wouldn’t risk shifting and it being humans in the car.

Outside the bathroom window was a drain pipe running down the corner where the window was reassessed into the side of the building, and I prayed it had been installed well. My thin fingers wrapped around it and I dropped my shoes to the ground to use my bare feet for grip. I slipped twice on the cold metal but I made it and warmed my feet before sliding them in my boots.

The pain in my chest was matched by the pain in the mark he’d made on me the further I ventured from the house. I passed very few people but whether they didn’t care who I was or didn’t notice, they ignored me heading out to the woods. My pain got stronger the farther I went and when I felt their boarder I grew suddenly nervous.

I felt the hum of magic, stronger now then I had when we stood near it the day before. It felt like it was greeting me and Sequoia made tentative meows in return.

I reached to touch it and it thrummed louder, lighting up around where my hand met with a warm glow.It showed me everything to approach the boarder since the last time someone had spoken to it, and there was a lot. Every wolven, every deer, rabbit,.. I got the distinct feeling it wanted me to know it was safe here, like it was showing me how thorough it had been in its task.

I felt Sequoia purring around my neck, grounding me to where I stood, but I could still feel myself sway with the loss of my sight despite the lessening of my pain.

—-

AMBROSE

I left my gorgeous mate, naked in the bathroom, despite Emrys begging to claim her again. I didn’t expect this need to dissipate any time soon and didn’t want to rush her when I knew she was still tired. I didn’t plan on that happening at all, not for a while. She had been through a lot, and her life had just changed completely very suddenly, but they she all but begged me…

The kitchen was bustling when I entered, cooks putting out the last of the food for the buffet for everyone else. The Alpha sat at the bar in the kitchen, and I dipped my head slightly towards him when I noticed. His eyes flashed angrily to me as I sat beside him and asked the head chef for two plates, one a half portion because I knew Evadiene ate at least that much less.

I tried to ignore his burning glare but ignoring uncomfortable conversations wasn’t something I excelled at. “What is it?”

He snorted a disgusted sound. “I know you’re just thrilled to have your human mate moved in, but must you go around reeking of claiming her? I’m surprised at you, having just marked her on the way in this morning, she must have been barely awake..”

I growled in return, a sound that surprised everyone in the room but me. “I would never touch her against her wishes.”

He made a scene out of plugging his nose. “Could have at least showered,” he muttered in return.

I smelt at my shoulder and couldn’t figure out what he was complaining about. “I did.”

A sudden pain ran through my chest, like a team of fire ants lancing their way through my heart and lungs. I choked on the pain and the Alpha gave me a strange look of annoyance.

“If everything was great, where is she going?” He growled at me.

“Something’s wrong,” I muttered before taking off to check on her.

I didn’t realize the Alpha had followed me until I heard him entering my room behind me. I would have snapped at him if I thought she was still in there but I could feel she wasn’t. I went for the bathroom, finding her finger prints on the window in the steam, and opened it finding more finger prints on the down spout for the gutters.

I ran my hand bitterly though my hair. “Well I guess what’s a gutter but a square pole,” I muttered, ignoring the Alpha laughing at the door and leapt out to chase after her.

She was heading the wrong way for town but the right way to hit the next road and as I passed other wolven I wondered why no one stopped her. I could see her standing in front of our barrier, that seemed to glow around her, and I ran faster for worry it was rejecting her on her own.