Twnenty-Three

"I'm sorry. I don't understand."

My voice cracked. I stared in shock at my boss, who sat frowning from behind her desk, an ominous pile of paperwork in front of her.

"I regret having to do this, especially while you're on sick leave," Mrs. Brown said, watching me closely. "Do you deny that you had a relationship with Sergeant Huxley while he was your patient?"

Hearing Mrs. Brown's accusation of unprofessionalism, I felt sick. Of course, I knew relationships with patients were unprofessional, but Kyle was more to me and always had been. Shaken, I had no idea how to begin to explain this.

I met Mrs. Brown's steady gaze. She waited for my answer, and I saw from her expression that she fully expected me to deny the charges. I swallowed hard, grappling with an answer.

"We went to school together. We were friends and then..." It was hopeless. "I'm sorry."

She stiffened, her eyes widening with surprise. Sliding her glasses down her nose, she peered at me with an unreadable expression. "You understand I'll have to let you go."

I nodded, feeling like a failure.

"I don't know if any further action will be taken against you, but I'll do what I can to keep this from going higher up."

"I appreciate that."

Her eyes softened. "Lucy, what happened?"

I told her the story about knowing Kyle since high school, and how we'd met again while he was in the army. She listened and seemed sympathetic. When I was finished, she surprised me by standing up, coming from behind her desk, and hugging me.

Mrs. Brown was a fair boss, but she was more stern than affectionate so the uncharacteristic gesture humbled me. She wished me good luck, and I left her office still stunned.

It was as if I'd released an avalanche of trouble when I'd chosen to break up with Kyle. I was mad at myself for trying to fix something that wasn't broken. Pushing Kyle into Ava's arms was foolish. I let fear guide my steps and now I was facing the consequences.

I hadn't trusted in the Lord. I wondered if this was how Sarah felt when she hadn't trusted God to give her the child he'd promised, and she'd sent Abraham to Hagar's bed. Sarah had been impatient and forged her own path apart from the Lord's will. If only she'd waited on God, Sarah would have been spared jealousy and heartache. Why had I listened to Ava instead of waiting on God?

I drove to Kyle's house and saw with despair that Ava's car was parked in his driveway. I kept driving, knowing that I had no right to feel hurt when Kyle was doing what I'd asked him to do. Just like Abraham had done what Sarah had asked him.

Had Sarah been distraught when Hagar got pregnant with Ishmael? She had to watch another woman raise Abraham's son, a son Sarah had desperately wanted. Despite her disobedience, God kept his promise and Sarah eventually gave birth to Isaac, but she would have prevented much heartache if she had trusted God.

Pulling over, I bowed my head and prayed. I turned it all over to the Lord. Then I left it in His hands.

Sometimes I wished God would send me a postcard from Heaven with explicit instructions, but I was sure he was teaching me faith. If God wanted me with Kyle, it would happen. If God had other plans for us, I would accept them.

I had an appointment to try on my bridesmaid dress this afternoon with Aunt Karen and Lindsay. I didn't need to glance in the mirror to know I looked awful, but not showing up wasn't an option.

Wearing faded jeans and sneakers with a navy t-shirt and ball cap, I walked into the exquisite boutique two minutes late. I saw Aunt Karen with her arms folded over her stylish gray suit and Lindsay on her phone.

"Hi, Aunt Karen. Hey, Lindsay." Inhaling a whiff of flowery-smelling air, I forced a smile.

Aunt Karen's face scrunched as if she'd smelled something bad, her eyes flicking over me with distaste before lifting to my face and gasping. Her hand flew out and touched Lindsay's arm. "What on earth happened to you?"

"Fight." The looks on their faces were worth those two words. "Just kidding. It was a skateboard."

"You've got a black eye!" Aunt Karen exclaimed in horror.

My gaze traveled longingly to the elegant coffee bar set on white linen with a carafe, cups, and tiny pitchers of cream.

"Mother, I'm sure it will heal before the wedding." Lindsay patted her mother's arm consoling her.

So that's why they were concerned.

"You must be more careful," Aunt Karen admonished. "You wouldn't want to ruin Lindsay's wedding. Imagine the gossip it would cause if you showed up at the wedding like this."

"Mother, no one will be looking at Lucy. Everyone knows the bride is the star of the show."

Mother and daughter shared a smile. "True, darling, but one does not have bridesmaids that look as if they have had fisticuffs."

After I was escorted to a dressing room, I slipped on a beautiful pale ivory dress with sheer sleeves, a V-neck, and a fitted bodice with an A-line skirt. It was one of the loveliest gowns I'd ever seen. "I thought the dress was purple."

Lindsay stared at me like I knew less about fashion than the little spider crawling on the floor. "We thought that would be garish, besides eggplant was last season's 'it' color, and I want to be original."

"It looks a little tight. Have you gained weight?" Aunt Karen asked frowning.

"I don't think so." Since I didn't weigh myself regularly, I didn't know for sure.

"You must have," Aunt Karen insisted. "Lindsay and I do a spin class every morning at five am to keep in shape. We don't eat bread, sugar, carbs, gluten, meat or anything with artificial additives."

"That sounds effective." It sounded like torture. "I guess the two of you don't like The Pit. Dad and I love that place. It's our favorite."

"I'm sure that it is," Aunt Karen continued, looking down her nose at me. "Your dad was always provincial."

It wasn't the first time she'd said something negative about him and it wasn't even the most critical comment she'd made, but it made me angry. "My dad is a good man, he's hard-working, and he's been the best mom and dad to me."

Be still

I stiffened, wondering if I'd really heard a voice. It was different than the ones I'd heard recently.

Aunt Karen's lips compressed. "Hunter Donovan is a blue-collar worker who never finished college and wouldn't be your father if he hadn't taken advantage of Parker's sister before she was even out of high school."

"They were in love." Mom was actually seven months older than Dad and he did not take advantage of her.

"One must always live up to one's full potential," Aunt Karen retorted coolly.

"Who determines one's full potential, you?"

Be still

"Lucille, what has gotten into you?" Aunt Karen snapped.

"Mother," Lindsay whined. "Please, remember what we discussed."

"From the look on your face, I was what was discussed." My temper was rising quickly, and I struggled to remain calm, not wanting to say something I'd later regret.

The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still

Gasping at the clear words, I froze.

"Lucy, Mother and I are concerned about you," Lindsay said, her judgmental gaze sliding over me, hunting for flaws and finding them. She gestured for me to sit in one of the chairs in the dressing area, and I saw the boutique manager listening with interest.

"I'm sorry. Forgive me." A peace I could not explain washed over me.

"It's not the dress. We have all been concerned about you," Lindsay gushed sympathetically. "Of course, it is not only Mother and I. Father and Brandon are also troubled."

"You don't need to worry."

"Your behavior is a reflection on us." Aunt Karen glided to Lindsay's side in a show of support for whatever Lindsay was about to say. "Considering the circumstances, it is understandable that you feel jealousy and perhaps have some unresolved feelings for Brandon."

"You think I have feelings for Brandon?" I hadn't seen that coming.

"Don't you?" Aunt Karen asked, her shrewd gaze narrowing.

"No."

"You're obviously heartbroken," Lindsay observed, looking down at me.

From the looks of false sympathy they were throwing, neither of them believed me. "Maybe you should talk to someone. I'll give you the name of my therapist."

I politely took the card I would not use.

Going home I changed into my running shorts and shoes, grabbed my music and ran. Seven miles later, I returned home, showered, and fell into bed. It had been a long day, but before sleep claimed me I prayed to the Lord.

***

The next morning I didn't want to get up, and I had nowhere to be so I stayed in bed.

If it hadn't been for the half a dozen phone calls and texts from Brandon, I might have continued to hole up in my room, but I couldn't keep ignoring him. I sent him a text, agreeing to meet him and Lindsay for coffee and reluctantly got myself out of bed.

It took a lot of effort to pull on jeans, a t-shirt and a hoodie. I didn't see the point in trying to cover my bruises so I went without makeup, and pulled my hair back in a ponytail.

I stepped out my front door and ran straight into a solid wall of muscle. Strong arms reached out to steady me. Kyle!

"Hey, Lucy," Jase drawled with his usual grin, only this time it vanished as soon as he looked at me.

"Jase, what are you doing here?" I tried to hide my disappointment.

He didn't answer right away.

I frowned. "Jase?"

He blinked, seeming disconcerted. "Yeah, I was just dropping this off for Katie. She left it in my truck last night."

"You went out with Katie?" I smiled with interest.

"I went to her concert and I drove her home." He tried to pretend it was no big deal.

Katie came home late last night. I wondered if it might have been a little more than a ride home. Whatever had happened, Jase didn't seem pleased. A moment later, I discovered I was the cause of the scowl on his face.

"Lucy," he said hesitantly, seeming concerned. "You look like—" He finished with a swear word, but I didn't take offense. That was how he talked.

"Thanks, Jase. I'd try a different line with Katie. Something like Wow! You look amazing."

He flashed a heart-stopping smile. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings," he replied cautiously. "I'm just gonna ask. Did someone hit you?" His expression didn't bode well for whoever might have done such a thing.

"No, I was trying to catch Kyle and I had a confrontation with a skateboard. The skateboard won." He cocked a brow as if he didn't believe me.

"You were chasing Kyle?"

Every time I told the story, it sounded more foolish. With a grimace, I got straight to the point. "I broke up with him so he could sort out his feelings for Ava."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"I know, right." Throwing my hands up, I tried to make light of the situation. "Wish you'd have told me this before I did it."

Jase blinked, studying me. "You're joking."

"No." I held my ground beneath the weight of his stare. "He was upset. That's why I was chasing him."

"Hate to break this to you," Jase drawled. "But people tend to get upset when they're blindsided with a break-up."

My shoulders sagged with guilt. "Again, you're a little late with the advice."

"At the party, I told you not to let anyone mess things up. Telling him to get back together with his ex-girlfriend is messing things up. You might have just ripped his heart out and stomped the sucker flat."

Despite the circumstances, I smiled. Everything he said was true. I just didn't know what to do next. "Jase, do you believe in God?" I asked suddenly, not sure where the question had come from. I expected him to shoot back with a flippant answer.

Instead, he was strangely silent and appeared to give the question considerable thought.

"Not like Kyle. Maybe one day," he said finally.

"You have any more words of wisdom?"

His gaze held mine. "Talk to Kyle. This time instead of 'Why don't you see your ex-girlfriend?' I'd go with something like, 'Please, forgive me, I love you to the moon and back.'"

I almost laughed because Jase was funny, but I was hurting too much. "He doesn't want to talk to me. He won't even take my calls or answer my texts."

"You've called him?" he asked, surprised.

"Enough times to plant me in the stalker zone. I even drove to his house, but Ava was there."

"Nah, that's not right." He shook his head. "Try again. Once he gets a look at you, he'll care."

"Jase, I don't want him to feel sorry for me."

"Did you feel sorry for him when he came back from Afghanistan with a crushed leg?" he countered, watching me closely.

"It's not the same. I don't want him to think I'm pathetic."

"So this is about your pride," Jase said quietly.

I froze at the accusation. It was true. I'd reached the same conclusion after talking with Katie. Maybe the reason I had trouble hearing God's voice was because I was still struggling with my pride.

"Do you really think there's a chance I can fix things?"

"Talk to him." His gaze traveled down me, noting my clothes and seeming not to miss a single detail. "You're not going to work, are you?"

"No. I was fired." I'd surprised him again. "Apparently, my boss doesn't think it's professional to have a relationship with my patient."

His jaw dropped. I saw the moment he realized that I was talking about Kyle. "Does Kyle know?"

"He was a willing participant," I quipped wryly.

Jase laughed. So he knows you were in a relationship. Does he know you were fired because of it?"

For the first time I considered that, wondering how Mrs. Brown had found out about Kyle. "Maybe," I answered thoughtfully. "Jase, I've got to get going. I'm meeting someone."

He was quiet and gave me a measuring look before he asked, "Where you going? I can give you a ride."

I told him but shook my head. "Thanks, but I'm good."

"Take care, Lucy," he called as I left. "If there's anything I can do, say the word."

"Pray."