Five

"Lucy, are you really a clown?"

The question came from a five-year-old girl named Anna, who'd just had her appendix taken out and was recovering from the surgery.

"Don't you think I look like a clown?" I asked, lifting the sides of my polka-dotted skirt and holding the edges out. Slowly, I twirled letting her examine my clown attire—purple suspenders, white puffy sleeves, and hot pink hair.

Anna giggled. "You look like Sarena Sparkle! Her eyes are glittery like yours."

"You're right. Sarena inspired me."

Frowning, Anna asked, "What does i-ispired mean?"

"It means that she gave me a super-fantastic idea. But since it's important to be your own person, I didn't want to copy Sarena exactly so the hot pink ponytail and colorful outfit are my own."

"That makes her unique," Anna's mother, Mary, added smiling appreciatively at me. "Thank you for what you've done for my daughter."

"I'm happy to help. Anna is an awesome young lady."

"What's u-neek?" asked Anna.

"It means special, like Lucy," Mary told her daughter, and then she hugged me. I felt as if happiness was bubbling inside me like soda over the top of a shaken can.

I'd graduated from college recently and had quickly gotten a job with the VNT, the visiting nurses team, but I still worked a few days a week with Izabelle.

Before I left I made a mermaid balloon for Anna and promised to see her before she checked out. Glancing at my watch, I debated going to see Kyle. I knew he usually took a nap after therapy, but it was later than I normally visited.

The need to see him overrode my reservations, and I made my way to the orthopedic wing, where Kyle had a private room. Peeking inside, I saw him sleeping and breathed a sigh of relief.

Quietly, I walked into the room and drank in the sight of him, categorizing every detail for later when I could replay them in mind. I wanted to touch him just to be sure he was real.

Gone was the cute boy from high school. Kyle Huxely was a grown man, and he made my heart beat quicker even in a hospital bed. Had it only been desire I felt, it would have scared me less but my feelings for Kyle were deeper. I was buzzing just to share the same space as him.

His dark hair had grown out a lot from the buzz cut he'd worn when he had first been brought in, and a five o'clock shadow kissed his jaw. It made him look like one of those brooding models with smoldering eyes and a woman hanging on each arm. I didn't like the image.

Dressed in a gray t-shirt with black sweats that were cut at the knee because his lower left leg was encircled in what was called a Ilizarov apparatus, a device used to treat multiple tibia and fibula breaks, he looked like a superhero with a bionic leg. I wondered if he was in pain.

Before I realized my intent, I reached out to touch his cheek. My gaze traveled back to his face, and my eyes locked with his. Startled, I gasped and dropped my arm.

When I managed to speak the words were rusty. "You're awake." Heat crept up my neck to be caught staring. "I'm sorry."

He cocked a brow. "I'm sure you are, but I thought it was time we talked."

His rough velvet voice was deeper, more tantalizing than I remembered. Our gazes crashed. Lost in the depths of his stormy blue gaze, I could not look away. "I-I meant I was sorry I woke you."

"You didn't. I knew you wouldn't stay if you thought I was awake."

"I didn't want to disturb you." The excuse was weak.

"You're a terrible liar, but if you want to try again I don't have anywhere to be."

That pulled a smile from me. "Your sense of humor is still intact." Glancing at the door, I wondered if I should call his nurse.

"Thinking of making a run for it, Lucy?"

"I should call your nurse."

"I don't need a nurse." Left unsaid was that he did need something.

My throat went dry. "What do you need?"

"Someone has been leaving me gifts along with white daisies. I've asked around, but no one knows where they come from." He reached over and pushed the buttons on the side of his bed, lifting him to a sitting position.

"Do you like the gifts?" I asked, my heart thumping madly. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the sketchpad I'd bought lying open on the bedside table, a drawing of a majestic house covering the page.

"I do." His intent gaze crashed into mine. "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God." His eyes never left mine. "There's more but those were the words on the watercolor."

"Someone once told me they would help me fight my fear." I shifted, uneasy beneath his steady, unrelenting regard.

"Did it work?"

"Yes. That Bible verse has been my lighthouse when I can't seem to find the shore." What I'd said pleased him, I could tell.

With a curt nod, like he was bracing himself for bad news he asked, "What happened with the person who shared them with you?"

"Oh, Kyle." Hearing myself say his name brought a wave of emotion I wasn't expecting. Without warning, unwelcome tears filled my eyes. "I've missed you. I wanted to see you."

Studying me as if trying to weigh the truth of what I'd said, he asked curiously, "Why didn't you?"

"I don't know." The lie was out before I could catch it. Guilt washed over me. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing." Tilting his head he leveled a look at me that made it clear he didn't believe me. "I was hit in the leg Lucy, not the head."

"I-I'm not sure what you want." The words trembled from my lips.

Kyle shifted and winced. The EKG machine began an insistent beep.

Instinctively, I reached out and placed my hand over Kyle's heart, hoping to soothe him. At first, he tensed beneath my touch, but then he put his big hand over mine and I felt him relax. My skin tingled where he touched me.

"I looked forward to every email you sent. At the very least, I thought that you and I were friends."

"I am your friend, Kyle, and you're mine."

He looked like he wanted to say something else, but the nurse came in to take his vitals. I stood back and watched while the efficient and flirty nurse fussed over him. She gave me a narrowed look and asked me to wait outside, but Kyle told her I could stay.

"She's right, you know. You look really good," I told him after the nurse left.

"Thanks." He didn't seem to believe me. "So do you. I like the pink hair and glitter." His slow smile made my belly flip-flop. "You're a cute clown."

I'd forgotten about my clown outfit until that moment, and I laughed. "I heard from a reliable source that I look unique."

"Yeah, you do," he agreed. "Lucy, I've thought about that night a lot, and I've reread your emails too many times to count."

That he would make himself vulnerable and admit that earned him a piece of my heart. It also surprised and confused me.

"There are only two reasons I can come up with as to why you wouldn't want to see me. You have a boyfriend or you don't want to continue our friendship."

"Door number three," I blurted, teasing.

The corners of his eyes crinkled. "Let me know when you figure out what's behind that door."

My heart twisted. Izabelle was sure he belonged with Ava. I wasn't sure about anything. Searching for answers, I glanced down and saw the leather-bound Bible sitting on his table. I picked it up. "What are you reading?"

"Samuel. I relate to David running from his enemies and God protecting him."

"Like God protected you."

"Yes. When I start to feel sorry for myself, I think of how lucky I am to be alive."

The urge to hug him, take his hand, touch him in any way made me feel like metal to his magnet. For distraction, I opened the Bible and saw the handwritten notes he'd made in neatly printed letters.

"King David the man after God's own heart," I marveled. "When I first read it, I could not understand why God favored David when he was guilty of murder, adultery, and deceit."

"Don't forget that ill-fated census."

"Which was responsible for a deadly plague." I sat down in the chair beside his bed.

Kyle studied me a moment. "Did you ever figure out why God loved David?"

"It's because of his faith. Even running from his life he was at peace. When David messed up, he repented and trusted God. Always."

"Trust is important." He reached out and brushed a strand of pink hair from my cheek, leaving the spot where his fingers grazed buzzing.

"That's why I didn't visit you sooner. It's why I wrote less often."

His brow knitted. "You don't trust me."

"I don't trust myself around you. I have feelings for you." I felt the weight of his regard and couldn't look at him if I was going to finish. "You have a girlfriend."

I waited for his response.

Silence.

I counted to five, ten...

Finally, I looked up at Kyle and saw his blank stare. "Lucy, I don't have a girlfriend." He spoke slowly, deliberately, as if I might have trouble comprehending.

Confusion and relief dueled inside me. "Izabelle said you and Ava are getting back together."

"No one told me." A touch of sarcasm lined the words.

"Oh. Well, now you know." There was no holding back my joy.

His lips kicked up at the corners with a smile. "Now I know. So that was the problem. Why didn't you say something sooner?"

"I assumed you knew," I said returning his blank stare and playing along.

"Not about having a girlfriend, which I don't. Why didn't you ask me—never mind that's a stupid question." He lifted his arm to rake a hand through his hair, forgetting the tubes hooked to him.

With a groan of frustration, he lowered his arm and sighed. "You think I'm the kind of man who would betray you."

"No, you didn't owe me anything. I get that. It's not like we were dating." I'd intended to make it better, but from his expression I did the opposite.

After a moment, he spoke. "I think I get it."

"Explain it to me then."

"This is not a conversation I'd wanted to have stuck in a hospital bed." His eyes searched mine. "I thought we were heading there someday. Dating."

The last word was added because he probably thought I was slow of understanding by now. "I thought that too."

We stared at each other silently for a long moment. My phone buzzed. Tapping the screen, I frowned realizing how late it was. "I have to go soon." To my dismay, I heard the disappointment in my voice.

"Hot date?"

"My cousin Lindsay is getting married. I'm being measured for a bridesmaid dress. I'll come back and visit you when you're awake."

"I'm going home next week." His gaze held mine.

"Are you being released or breaking out?"

"Released." He chuckled. "If that falls through, breaking out is plan B. I'm tired of hospital food."

I didn't want to leave him, but I wasn't sure what else to say. Standing, I gave his hand a quick pat. "I guess I'll see you around."

Turning, I started to walk away but I couldn't do it. Spinning around, I faced Kyle. "If you want to talk, I'd really like that."

His slow, genuine smile was breathtaking. "I'll call you," he promised.

I wondered if he really would. Once I'd left the room, I glanced back at his door and whispered, "Goodbye." Just in case he never called.