CH 38

<CHAPTER 38

“I’ve heard people talking about it, and it seems to be the hottest play right now. After seeing it, I can see why it’s so popular.”

“I’m glad you liked it. I didn’t think you’d like it because it’s a standard love story.”

“I think it’s because there are some funny moments in the middle of it. I got sucked in.”

Herwin hummed, thinking he’d found a good hobby.

When the play ended, it was already night. It was dark outside. Lucia stared longingly at the back of Herwin’s head, which glistened like a black pearl in the moonlight.

“We’re going to dinner now…….”

“Herwin.”

Herwin stopped in his tracks, not missing Lucia’s small voice, and when he realized she had fallen behind, he walked over to her.

“Why aren’t you following me?”

Instead of answering, Lucia lifted her head and stared into Herwin’s face. It was hard to see his face because he was standing with his back to the moon, but that was just as well, she thought.

Lucia quietly dug into her purse and pulled out the small gift box she’d been carrying all day.

“This.”

“…… What’s this?”

“I like you, Herwin.”

Herwin’s hand froze as he took the gift.

It had only been a little over a week since her confession, and he thought her next confession would be at least two months away….…

Herwin raised his head in silence and looked at Lucia.

The pale walls, shrouded in darkness, bent gently. But somehow it felt different from her usual confession.

“Will you please go out with me?”

Herwin, who had been so playful just a minute ago, stiffened as he realized Lucia was serious.

“……I’m sorry.”

“……May I ask why?”

Herwin frowned in confusion, but finally managed to get the words out.

“I told you before, I like Arista.”

“……….”

That’s what he’d said when he’d refused her confession a few days ago. Lucia knew it.

Still, she tried to smile and asked.

“Do you think you would have accepted me if you didn’t like Arista?”

“That’s…….”

He looked confused as if he hadn’t thought about it at all.

‘I’m sorry, Serian. I never once saw you as the opposite sex…….’

Why did she hear that line from the play now?

Herwin was speechless. But he had a vague idea of his answer. And that made her even sadder.

It meant that she would never be seen as a reason by him.

Lucia finally lowered her gaze and burst into tears.

She didn’t make a sound, but she cried very quietly, and it was more painful than ever.

It was so dark, and Lucia had her head down, that Herwin didn’t even realize she was crying.

It was just that the mood had sunk so low that it was uncomfortable, unlike his usual refusal to confess.

“Hah, is this why you asked me to give you a day?”

He asked cheerfully to lighten the mood, but no answer came. At this point, Lucia should be smiling broadly and trying to break the tension.

While he was wondering what was going on, Lucia forced the gift box she was holding into his arms.

“I’m afraid I won’t be able to join you for dinner.”

Her voice was hushed, and Herwin realized she was crying.

“I’ll go first.”

“Wait, Lucia……!”

Thud-!

Herwin grabbed her and Lucia shook him off.

It was the first time he’d ever been rejected by her, so it was a shock.

“Sorry.”

Lucia tried to smile, but she ended up looking back at Herwin with a distorted face. He could see the tears streaking the walls.

As he watched her walk away, he had a hunch that he couldn’t lose her here.

He grabbed Lucia once more.

“It’s getting late, I’ll take you home.”

“……It’s okay.”

“Come on, listen to me, how can you go alone on a night like this…….”

“Herwin!”

Lucia shouted, cutting off Herwin’s words. She said in a trembling voice.

“Don’t make me miserable anymore.”

Seeing the deep despair in her eyes, Herwin could no longer hold on to her. His grip on her arm loosened, and she pulled away from him.

“I’m sorry for causing this before you go to the North. … Later, we’ll meet with a smile on our faces.”

Lucia smiled faintly and walked away.

Herwin couldn’t move until she disappeared into the darkness. Surely Lucia was smiling. But beyond her eyes, he could see that she was crying.

“There you are, Master.”

A moment later, a carriage bearing the emblem of House Phoenaeus pulled up beside Herwin.

The coachman had come for him when he failed to arrive on time.

“Has Lady Agnes gone first?”

Hearing Lucia’s name, Herwin frowned and ruffled his hair. The coachman, sensing his mood, quickly shut up.

Herwin climbed into the carriage without a word.

“I will take you to the mansion.”

Herwin glanced around the cold interior of the carriage.

It must have been fun at the theater… but now everything seemed as colorless as the darkened streets.

With a rattling sound, the luggage in the carriage shook. Among the disheveled shopping bags, Herwin spotted one and sighed.

“……I couldn’t give it to you after all.”

The aquamarine earrings he’d bought for Lucia.

He’d meant to give them to her as a thank you for buying him a gift, but now there was no way to give them to her.

“Maybe I can give them to her later.”

He doesn’t know, he just wants to get along.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get it through his head that she saw him as the opposite sex.

Herwin suddenly remembered Lucia’s last gift and opened the crumpled box in his hand.

Inside was a handkerchief embroidered with the Phoenaeus family crest and her initials.

He could see Lucia’s sobbing face on the handkerchief. His heart sank and he found it hard to breathe.

Herwin let out a frustrated breath as he unbuttoned his neatly fastened collar.

‘Later, we’ll meet with a smile on our faces.’

He remembered Lucia’s last words.

“……Really, we can meet with a smile, right? Lucia?”

The unanswered question scattered through the carriage.

Herwin squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to think any more complicated thoughts.

Unlike his clenched left hand, the handkerchief Lucia had given him rested unwrinkled in his right hand.

* * *

Lucia, separated from Herwin, wandered the dark streets in constant tears.

Her heart felt like a gaping hole.

No matter how much she tried to compose herself, like pouring water on a broken venomous snake, the deep wound released emotions that could not be filled.

An overwhelming sense of loss and emptiness raged like a storm, making it hard to stay sane.

Lucia stopped moving and froze in place.

She placed her hands over the gaping hole in her chest, but it made no difference.

It was frustrating. She knew there was a hole, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t fill it.

“……a, ugh…….”

She felt like she was drowning in frustration. A voice that can’t cry even if it wants to. Nothing is going her way.

“Miss ……!”

“Mmm, hmm…….”

“Miss!”

The familiar voice sounded far away, then gradually drew closer.

She blinked back the tears that blurred her vision and saw a pair of shoes in front of her.

“Miss, what are you doing here?”

“……Sean.”

Biting down hard on her lower lip, she helped Lucia to her feet, her face a mess of tears.

“Did ……that not go well?”

Instead of answering, Lucia just sobbed.

The sight of her clutching her chest, unable to make a sound, was so pitiful that it broke Sean’s heart.

“I won’t ask, miss. Just stop crying and get into the carriage.”

At her urging, Lucia barely took a step forward.

The reason Sean was here when she should have been at the mansion, was in case Lucia failed in her confession and returned home alone.

If she did succeed, she had already told her to go back because she wouldn’t be back in time.

Sean had the carriage waiting for her, twenty minutes before Lucia’s eight o’clock.

She prayed and prayed that Lucia would not show up.

It was a little past the appointed time, but she waited this long just in case, and to her dismay, Lucia did show up.

As they boarded the carriage and rode to the mansion, Sean remained silent and stood by Lucia’s side, lending her a shoulder to cry on.

Lucia leaned helplessly on her, shedding tear after tear to the point of exhaustion.

Everyone in the mansion was stunned when Lucia, who had been so cheerful, appeared like a soulless doll.

John and Julian, who had heard the news late, rushed in to check on her.

“Lucia, did something happen to you?”

“Please, say something.”

Their hearts broke as they watched their adorable daughter, whose eyes wouldn’t hurt, cry.

Lucia opened her mouth, her eyes unfocused.

“It’s over.”

“What ……?”

“I was rejected by Herwin, so now…it’s over.”

Why does saying it’s over sound like she’s saying her life is over?

The fear that something was wrong with Lucia washed over him.

John’s walls shook with the sight of Lucia as if she had been hit harder than she had expected. John reached out to Lucia.

“I’ll try to have a blind date as my mother and father want.”

But he stopped before his hand touched her shoulder.

“I will obey, but please leave me alone today.”

Lucia brushed past John and Julian and staggered up the stairs.

It was precarious, but no one but Sean followed her.

When Lucia was out of sight, Julian burst into tears and grabbed John.

“Honey, are you sure this is okay, is this really what you want to do for Lucia?!”

“……shit.”

John swore, unable to give Julian a straight answer. It was the first time harsh words had ever come out of his mouth, and everyone was stunned.

John bit his lip in silence as he wrapped his arms around the crying Julian. For a moment, though, he closed his eyes tightly, as if the situation were painful.

He didn’t think he’d be able to sleep tonight if he didn’t have something to drink.

* * *

Sean, who was helping a stunned Lucia get dressed for bed, looked up to find a transparent droplet of water dripping onto the back of her hand.

“Sean…….”

“Yes, miss.”

“Is love supposed to be this hard?”

As her tears, which she thought had dried up, filled again, Sean rose from her seat and sat down next to Lucia.

“I didn’t ask for much, I only wanted Herwin’s love… I don’t know if I deserve it, and I don’t know how to get out of this pain.”

Lucia buried her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking slightly. Sean quietly patted Lucia’s shoulder.

“Think of it as growing pains, young lady.”

“……….”

“Everyone goes through growing pains, and it’s not just the body, but the mind as well. I’m sure if you can get through these growing pains, young lady, you’ll grow into a wonderful person.”

“If it’s going to be this painful, I’d rather not go through it.”

The pain shoots up to her jaw and she feels like she’s about to choke. If these were growing pains, it was better not to go through them.

Sean laughed bitterly and nodded.

“I suppose the pain is only because you were so sincere in your feelings for Phoenaeus, young lady, but you have no regrets about your fondness for him, do you?”

Lucia, who had been silent, nodded slowly. She had no regrets about liking him and expressing her feelings unreservedly.

“That’s okay then, you’ve given it all out without regret, so I’m sure you’ll be fine once you get past this growing pains thing. I know it’s obvious, but time is the medicine.”

“……I hope so.”

Lucia clutched at her throbbing heart.

When she closed her eyes, she could see the image of Herwin rejecting her clearly, and it pained her again.

Would there ever be a day when she could think of him and not be tormented?

For now, she couldn’t tell.