CH 77

The sun was slowly rising, and blue light, like watery watercolors unraveling, seeped through the curtains.

Lucia looked around the room in a daze.

Then she sighed heavily and buried her face between her knees.

“It was a dream.”

She had dreamed the same thing that had happened in the past, and for a moment she thought it was real.

“No, it was a little different…….”

In her dream, she hadn’t confessed to Herwin.

By not telling him, she hoped to spare her younger self a lonely and exhausting future of 13 years.

But there was one more variable.

“Is this my wish?”

Herwin had confessed, not to anyone, but to herself.

She didn’t know if it was because of yesterday’s confession or if what she had hoped for had happened in a dream.

All she knew was that it was all a dream.

“I guess I still haven’t gotten over Herwin…….”

Lucia thought it was just her subconscious mind reflecting on her dream.

That’s why she had dreams that contradicted and is opposite to her past.

The relief she felt from not confessing clashed with the elation she felt from receiving Herwin’s confession.

For the first time, she had the upper hand.

The fact that she had felt pleasure at that moment made her feel an abject disgust.

“Worst. Lucia Agnes.”

Lucia chastised herself.

Nevertheless, her heart fluctuated at its disposal. No matter how much it was just a dream, it responded to Herwin’s confession on its own accord.

Lucia checked the time, sweeping down her dry face.

It was almost six o’clock. She’s wide awake. Lucia staggered to her feet and headed for the bathroom.

She washed her face with cold water, trying to calm her racing mind.

“Let’s not dwell too much on dreams.”

Yes, a dream is a dream. It doesn’t change what happened in the past.

“Yeah, well, why did he confess to me yesterday, he’s just confusing people.”

Lucia pointed the dagger at Herwin, but the more she did so, the heavier her heart grew.

Slowly, Lucia remembered what had happened yesterday.

‘I love you, Lucia.’

She could still feel it all, his sweet, melt-in-your-mouth eyes, his sweet voice, his breath on the back of her hand.

Her face burned unnecessarily.

Once again, Lucia ran cold water over her face as she tried to put Herwin out of her mind.

“Come to think of it… he was a little different than usual.”

Yesterday, Herwin had looked a lot worse for wear.

“He seemed to have lost some weight, he had some dark circles, and his eyes were a little puffy, right?”

At first glance, she was worried about his appearance, but she was so surprised by his sudden confession that she forgot about it.

The more she thought about yesterday’s events, the more she wished she had checked in on Herwin.

“Should I write him a letter?”

She wanted to see him in person to check on him, but it was against the law to go to an unmarried man’s house in the presence of a fiancé.

“Come to think of it, he was hot, what if he’s sick?”

Lucia paced the room, her concern for him growing as she tried to put the thought of Herwin out of her mind.

* * *

“Mmm…….”

“Master, are you awake?”

Through his blurred vision, Herwin could spot Jerome.

As he tried to sit up, he felt his body weighing him down like a thousand-pound weight.

“Ugh……”

“Don’t get up. Your fever hasn’t dropped yet.”

“Fever…?”

“Yes, you collapsed as soon as you arrived at the mansion last night, don’t you remember?”

He guess he did, and he guess he didn’t.

He couldn’t even remember what state of mind he was in when he returned to the mansion.

Herwin pressed his pounding head. As Jerome said, it was as if he had a fever.

“A fever…….”

“Do you know how surprised the lady was yesterday, I think she was even more surprised because you’ve never been very ill.”

Herwin, remembering Scarlett’s presence as an afterthought, looked at Jerome.

“That’s right, my mother was here, and where is she now?”

“She’s eating, but she’ll be here soon.”

“Okay…….”

The tension eased, and Herwin lazily sank back into bed.

He could count on one hand the times in his life when he’d been this sick, and it made him feel even damper.

Unable to move, his mind wandered.

‘Come to think of it…….’

He felt like he was dreaming about something that happened in the past.

Of course, things were a little different then.

Like Lucia yesterday, the young Lucia in her dream was trying to leave him, and he desperately confessed his feelings to her.

‘What was it like after that?’

He doesn’t remember if she answered.

All he can remember is the image of her back, trying to get away from him.

Herwin squeezed his eyes shut against the pain in his chest.

‘This is punishment.’

The fact that he was this sick when he’d never had more than a mild cold, was surely a punishment from the gods for hurting Lucia.

‘I wonder if Lucia felt as bad as I did?’

How could Lucia have endured the pain for over a decade when he had only just awakened his mind?

How could she love him while enduring the pain?

Putting himself in Lucia’s shoes, he felt sorry for her and felt like he owed her a lifetime of apologies.

“Master, can you eat?”

Jerome, who was still beside him, said.

“No, I have no appetite.”

“But you haven’t had a proper meal in days, and you went right out yesterday.”

“I’m not feeling well.”

“But…….”

Hearing the deathly tone in his voice, Jerome shuffled his feet, thinking Herwin was really sick.

“The sicker you are, the better you should eat.”

Just then, he heard Scarlett’s voice. She had been standing in the doorway for some time, and she gradually made her way over to Herwin.

“I spoke to the chef specifically to bring you this.”

“Ma’am. You didn’t ask me to…….”

Scarlett appeared with food, and Jerome took the tray from her hands in a panic.

“Have you lost your fever?”

Pulling back the covers, Scarlett placed her hand on Herwin’s forehead to take his temperature.

“Better than yesterday, though.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine. Get up and eat this so you can take your medicine.”

Feeling like a child, Herwin grumbled, but eventually sat up and began to eat.

Scarlett, seeing him stirring, gestured to Jerome and dismissed him.

When they were alone in the room, Herwin looked at Scarlett.

“Is there anything you want to tell me?”

“……Is there anything you want to hear?”

“I heard that you went to Countess Agnes yesterday.”

Scarlett, who had a hunch that Herwin would not speak first, stopped trying to scoop.

“I thought you went to see Lucia, is that right?”

“Yes. …….”

“Between the news of Lucia’s engagement, Henry’s letter, and the way you acted yesterday… something must have happened with Lucia.”

Herwin pursed his lips, avoiding answering.

As expected, Scarlett sighed heavily.

“If you don’t tell me, I have no choice but to think as I please. Are you still gonna keep your mouth shut?”

Scarlett frowned when Herwin turned his head.

“The coachman tells me you’ve been kicked out of Countess Agnes. No matter how close we are to Agnes, I don’t intend to stand idly by while they keep you outside for hours on end. I’m going to protest against Agnes right now.”

Herwin looked up and said urgently,

“Don’t do that……!”

“I have to go this far so they could see me.”

Scarlett crossed her arms over her chest, and Herwin clenched his fists.

“I…I did something bad to Lucia first, and that’s why, so please forgive them.”

“What did you do wrong that they would kick you out?”

Herwin pouted. No matter how much had happened between them, it was hard for him to confide in Scarlett.

But he couldn’t let the innocent sparks fly to Agnes.

“I can’t go into details, but I know my behavior hurt Lucia, and yesterday… yesterday, I just went to see her because I needed to talk to her urgently.”

Scarlett looked down at Herwin wordlessly.

Scarlett thought that Herwin was hiding his feelings until she got a letter from Henry and arrived in the capital.

So she purposely mentioned Lucia’s name and talked about making her his fiancee.

But when she met him again, he was a broken man, overcome with love.

She doesn’t know if Henry’s letter was a lie, or if Herwin’s heart had changed in the meantime.

But she knew she couldn’t leave her son in such pain that she thought he might die.

“I see. Now that you’ve said that, there’s nothing more I can say, but let me ask you something. Do you like Lucia?”

Scarlett knew his answer even if Herwin didn’t say anything else. A spark flared in his red, lifeless eyes.

“Well, at least you seem to have found an answer to what I said the last time.”

He remembered Scarlett’s words from the last time they were up north.

‘Lucia will one day be engaged to someone, and then married, and if you can take it in stride when she walks away with someone else’s hand, then you’re a true friend, but if not, you’ll have to think about it.’

Even though the answer could be found so easily without having to return far, Herwin didn’t think much of it.

Until then, it was clear that he had been arrogant enough to think that Lucia would stay by his side forever.

He felt a bitter taste in his mouth. If he had been more self-aware, he wondered, would Lucia still be with him? He wondered.

When Herwin’s expression darkened again, Scarlett removed the bowl from his hand and handed him the medicine.

“The doctor says you should rest for a while. Take the pills and get some rest.”

Herwin rolled the pills in his hands for a moment, then obediently took them and lay down on the bed.

“If your fever comes back, or if you have a headache, you must call someone. Do you understand?”

“Where are you going?”

Scarlett’s tone carried a nuance that suggested she wouldn’t be home.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been in the capital, I need to see people I haven’t seen in a while.”

“You’re not going to Agnes, are you?”

Scarlett stopped wringing her hands and looked down at her son. After a moment of silence, Scarlett smirked and placed the wet towel on Herwin’s forehead.

“I only said that because you’ve been keeping your mouth shut, so don’t worry, it won’t happen.”

“Good, then.”

Herwin’s suspicions were allayed, and he let the medicine take over.

He made a soft sound as he fell asleep.

Scarlett drew the curtains tight to make sure Herwin slept soundly, then left the room.

Jerome was waiting in the hallway.

“Keep an eye on Herwin while I’m gone, please.”

“Yes, I will, and where are you going, my lady?”

“To Countess Agnes.”

Scarlett wiped away the warm smile she’d given Herwin and gave him a cool expression.