Just Disappointed

Scene 1: M22 Bus

Zach Teeling

"Are you never going to speak to me again?" Evan asked.

My mom sent us both on a trip to drop a check off at the post office. It's a one-person job but this is how she makes Evan feel included. Now I have to sit next to him on a bus.

"I spoke to you this morning."

"Pass the milk?"

I nodded. "Yeah, thanks."

"Why are you mad at me?"

"I'm not." I shrugged. "...I didn't know you liked Karlie."

"I told you she was pretty."

"So? I think she's pretty too, I don't kiss her."

"You don't kiss girls."

"I wish you didn't either," I mumbled and kept my head turned toward the window.

"What's this about?"

"We're all friends. You and Karlie are going to ruin it."

"I don't think so." He gestured between me and him, "Look at us."

"Exactly."

"I thought we were fine?"

"We didn't like each other over and over. You had to be homeless before we could talk. Is Karlie losing her house soon?"

"That won't happen with her because it's not the same, and you know it."

"Right," I rolled my eyes, "straight couples don't have problems."

"Why'd you snap on Karlie?"

"She was my friend first. You're not supposed to date your friend's ex." And after everything she knows about us—and how long she watched me chase you.

"I didn't think it would bother you. We're not conventional."

"So what? I have PTSD from you kissing girls all of the time, and now even Karlie?"

"You'd prefer if it was a guy? Charlie or Oliver?"

Me.

"I guess I don't want to see you making out with anyone ever—whether we're together or not."

"I'll be more careful."

"And never in my room," I said, sternly. "..Or at least not on my bed...it's your room too."

"Okay," he nodded, "no problem...Is that it? We're good now?"

"Are you and her going to get serious?"

"Maybe, I think we're seeing how it feels first."

Great. She gets the real chance with you that I never had. You were scared, and then I was scared, and now you're Karlie's.

"Glad we talked. I feel a lot better," I said, turning away again.

Scene 2: Queens Boulevard

Ethan Carey

The walls are thin in this building. The halls are filled with the sounds of cable television, kids running around, and pots and pans hitting surfaces.

I knock on the door and then take a step back. There are three locks on the door that seems to originally only have two. I heard every one of them unlock before the door opened.

So, it's your face I see in the mirror.

"Hello," I managed to say.

"Hi, whatta you need?"

"Is there an Anna Murphy here?"

"You're looking at her."

I nod, "oh, so I am."

A little girl comes to her side and clings to her leg. "Mom, I can't find-"

"Not now, go back inside," she motions the girl away from the door before looking back at me. "Are you selling something? Because I don't have money to waste."

"Yes...sorry." You kept one. Good for you and go to hell.

"What is it?"

"Never mind."

"Wait, hun, I can spare a little," she said and stared into her apartment. "Bring me my purse, sweetie."

"No, don't bother."

She had another kid who apparently escaped the tumultuous grip of the system.

Well, joke's on you. I escaped Queens.

There's a town car waiting for me outside, and I almost reach it before-

"Ethan?" I froze when she said it. It's odd that you named me...that my parents thought it suited me even if you didn't. I turned and faced the woman. "Oh, my god. It is you, isn't it?"

"Mhm."

"Wow...you're all grown up."

"Yes, well, that is what happens with babies...whether you're there to see it or not."

She reacted as if the truth pained her. "Don't be that way."

"Abandoned?"

"I wanted to keep you, baby, I did," she pleaded. "How was I going to take care of you? I was still sharing a room with my sister."

"Then why did you get pregnant?"

"Well, your dad had his own room, didn't he?" Anna smiled...sadly, somehow.

"Right, Donovan was it?"

"The jackass."

"Where is he?"

"Staten Island, last I heard."

"Okay," I accepted and moved toward my luxury vehicle.

"Have you eaten anything?" She asked, quickly. "I was gonna make lunch. You can stay. We can talk, I'd love to hear all about you."

"You have a kid to take care of."

"Yeah, her name's Mara. She loves meeting new people."

I suppose it isn't her fault. She was born into this.

"Fine." I nodded, reluctantly and let her lead my skeptical feet back to the worn-down building I was almost destined to inhabit.

The girl is on the floor playing with dolls, and there's a little castle in the corner of the room. She looks up at me and waves. I wave back...

"I can't believe it's really you," Anna said, lightly touching my cheek until I turn away.

"I've only lived an hour away my entire life."

"When the social worker told me that giving you up meant that I could never look for you or have contact, I almost said that I wouldn't agree to it, but that family seemed so nice. They were perfect, you know? You'd never go to bed hungry or not have winter clothes or worry about college money. And me, I was going to baby appointments at the free clinic."

"I can't fathom having to live like this."

They have cereal boxes on top of their refrigerator—off-brand stuff like honey-o's and fruit rings. I wasn't allowed to eat sugary stuff for breakfast. And my parents wouldn't have something as unsophisticated as alphabet magnets and hand turkeys as decorations.

"I couldn't see you doing it, either," she took account of my appearance, "but Mara and I, we're just fine."

Anna takes out a load of processed white bread.

I'm not eating that.

"Where's her dad?"

"Staten Island," she replied with a heavy breath. "They say you learn from your mistakes. I'm not a good student, never was."

The child and I have the exact same blood. She's doomed to be a head-case.

"I was told he didn't even have anything to do with the adoption. Why would you speak to him again? Let alone-" I gesture toward the estranged sister.

"We got back together a few months after I had you. I was still recovering from giving birth, and giving you up. He was the only one who could make me feel better...and understand what I was going through. I was in love and what else could I do?"

"You stayed together for that long?"

"No, he...could never love anyone the right way. If it felt too real he would run off...sometimes with someone else. Last time he showed up at my doorstep, he showed me pictures he kept of us as far back as high school. He said he never let me go. And I'm...sentimental, I let him back in and we were inseparable for 1 year and 7 months right until I told him about Mara."

"Did he say he loved you?"

"He didn't like those words, but I know he loved me in his way...he liked being depended on but not being loved. Think he was raised like that." She shrugged.

God, it's genetic.

I checked the watch on my wrist. "I have a prior engagement to see to."

"Oh. Alright, then."

"Um...thank you for lunch," I motioned toward the bologna and hard cheese she was putting together. Prison food.

"Will you visit again?"

My eyes bore into hers, searching for sincerity and not knowing if I found it.

"I'm not giving you money."

"I'm not asking."

Scene 3: Lucky's Market & Heroes

Matt Jensen

"Hey, Jensens," Amanda said after the bell over the door chimed.

"Mandy." I smiled and leaned over the counter to hug her.

"I'm bored," she scanned through the aisles grabbing things in her hands, "and hungry," she held a bag of chips, two candy bars, and a slim Jim before putting them on the counter, "and I need a lighter."

"You can have mine for free." I take one out of my front pocket and pass it to her.

"Come outside with me?"

"Okay," I agreed and waited around as she paid.

"It's cold out there, dummies," Tommy complained while we headed out.

"You have smoke alarms," I replied and let the back door shut.

She takes a cigarette out of the box. "Want one?"

"I'm not big on cigs."

"Do you have something else?" She smirked, knowing I do.

I chuckled and took a joint out of my box— an old tin that used to have mints in it.

I put it between my lips and she brings the lighter to it until the end is burning. My drags are long, so the only thing in my body is weed smoke and my lungs burn before I start to blow it out.

Mandy takes the joint from me, but she gets in my face like she wants the contact high rather than her own.

The smoke blows onto her, and she breathed it in, getting closer and closer until there's no more and she's close enough to kiss me—so she does.

I've kissed her before—during a game, I think. She stuck her tongue in my mouth that time and climbed into my lap, and everyone laughed at how on fire I looked after. But this time she just kissed me.

I pressed my lips into a smile for her when she pulled away, and she shook her head and smiled back. "You don't like me."

"I do."

"No."

"I've just got a lot going on right now."

"And your eye on someone else."

"It's not like that."

"I'm not offended."

"You would go out with me?" I said in surprise.

"Yeah. Why not?"

"You're pretty."

She winked at me. "You're a catch, too."

"Sure."

"I told you that before."

"And I believed you for a second until I realized you were just blowing smoke up my ass."

"Unless you're crushing on fucking Tyra Banks or Miss October, you're being dramatic."

"Sometimes it just sucks, you know? Wanting someone who doesn't want you is hell on earth because you can't make yourself stop. They could hate you and you still won't stop."

She rolled her eyes. "Love."

"That's not what they should call that. There's not a word for it yet, nothing fits the way that feels—when you've got to congratulate yourself for not thinking about them all day."

"Does she know?"

"I can't tell her." I shook my head. "She's in love with the guy she's with. And if they broke up, I still wouldn't be her type. I don't look like him or act like him, it'd be a lost cause asking her out."

"What happened to your confidence?"

"This," I chuckled.

"Really?"

"No..." I shrugged. "I don't know. I've been on a losing streak this whole year. Just getting beat up everywhere I go."

"Physically and emotionally."

"I'd rather take a beating over what I've got with this girl."

"Saying there's other fish doesn't really work., huh?"

No...but Elle would be a betta fish. Pretty and impressive and will probably kill me.

Amanda grabbed the bag of ruffles she bought and opened them up. She crushes the chips inside so she can pour them into her mouth instead of using her hands.

"I can make you a hoagie," I offered. "It's on me."

She stopped and gave me a heartfelt smile. "Does she know that you have weed and free sandwiches?"

"She doesn't care. That's kinda the worst part."

"What?"

"Knowing they're not thinking about you."

Scene 4: The Helmsley Hotel

Heather Blakely

"Hello," I spoke as Danny walked into my room.

"I don't have a meeting today," he sighed.

"I know, they said that you're doing well and you don't have to go as much anymore."

"I'm scared that if I stop doing the full thing— I'll screw up again."

"I don't think you will."

"Shut up," he scoffed and moved to sit on an ottoman.

"You can always attend meetings...whenever you want, it doesn't have to be a mandatory event."

"I don't want to hear all those people complain about their lives."

"How about one person?"

"That's why I'm here, isn't it?"

"I don't mind, but you do know I'm not qualified to be a sponsor?"

"So?"

"Why won't you call that man who offered?"

"I ripped up his number."

"And put it in your pocket," I added. "Things can be taped up."

"Yeah, I've heard."

"For what it's worth, I think you're doing great, and you should be proud of yourself. I'm proud of you."

He glanced at me and then put his head down. "Not worth much."

"Of course, not."

"But thanks," Danny mumbled. I smiled and reached over to give him a high-five. "No." He put my hand down. "So, you and Leo made up?"

"He told you?"

"Not everything."

"He hadn't read the letter, and it was the only explanation I could give him for why I hurt his feelings."

"I should've kept my mouth shut about her taking that thing." He rolled his eyes.

"No, I'm grateful you told me...and him for that matter."

"Is anyone gonna tell me what it fucking says now or what?"

"...okay." I go over to my dresser. It's been sitting there since I got home that day.

I couldn't bring myself to throw it away again.

Danny judged the state of the paper but read it without saying anything. I'm sure he knows why it's in shambles.

He shook his head when he was done and simply folded it back up.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Say it."

"You two make me sick," he huffed.

"I haven't done anything sickening."

"You're back to doing this shit again," he waved the fragile paper, "meanwhile he just got done trying to convince Elle that he doesn't fantasize about you when he's with her." My eyebrows raised. "Yeah, he does."

"We have had no interaction since then," I defended. "And define fantasize."

"Heather, I bought your dress," my mother walked in with a garment bag. She saw Danny and sighed. "Dear God, not another one."

"Could you knock next time, please?" I said, speaking to the back of her head as she walked out of the room...leaving the door open.

Danny snickered to himself. "Your mom is hot."

Scene 5: Lucky's Market and Heroes

Leo Rylin

"Matt's here?" I asked, not stepping in before I get a response.

"Who wants to know?" Tommy said.

"Are you kidding me?"

"He's out back with a girl."

"Thanks," I replied, annoyedly, as I cut through the store to get to Matt. When Tommy said "a girl" I expected some poor customer he thought he could flirt with. My eyes move from Amanda to Matt. "You dodging me?"

"Hey, Leo," Mandy said.

"What's up?"

"Just hanging." She put her arm over his shoulders.

"I didn't tell Elle, she overheard me," he stated, his eyes glued to the concrete.

"What did you not understand about keeping everything we said inside the room?"

"I fucked up. I'm sorry. But I took the blame and told her I was lying. She just thinks I'm a dick now."

"Yeah, I think you're a dick too."

Amanda sighed. "Hear him out."

"Why?" I scowled.

She glowered back at me and then petted Matt like he was a sad puppy. "I'll check on you later, okay?"

Amanda looked disappointedly at me when she walked by. I guess he finally told her he likes her and now she's protective all of a sudden.

"You two a thing now? Giving each other spousal privilege and shit?"

He shook his head. "She just wants to be friends."

"That's not what she said to me." He shrugged like he was unsure. "It was never Mandy, was it?"

"Guess not."

"Then why did you say-"

"I didn't. You brought her up because I wouldn't give you a name."

I pause and take in his guilty demeanor. "Do you-" my eyes narrow and I almost laugh at this bullshit, "do you like Elle?" Matt glances at me for a second but can't hold eye contact. "Are you serious?"

"Look, man," he sighed, "it's not what you think."

"You don't want my girlfriend?"

"I'm not trying to take her from you."

"Nah, to do that you'd have to get her to dump me. Maybe by telling her I think of other girls when I fuck her or something."

"I screwed up, that's my bad. I wouldn't do it on purpose. You know that." I don't know what I know anymore. "If you need me to do anything to fix it, I will."

I scoffed. "Whatever. It's over."

"You're breaking up?"

"No, she just didn't believe you in the first place," I spat. "I feel like I can't trust you with shit anymore,"

"That's not true."

"What am I supposed to think? You didn't tell me you liked her and then you go behind my back doing weasel shit until I find out you're into Heather."

"...Elle."

Damn.

"You know what I mean," I argued.

"Yeah...I know."

"We talked recently, so my mind...mixed them up or something. Don't try to make something out of it."

"Okay."

"It's nothing you need to know anyway since you can't keep your mouth shut."

"How about I never talk to her again? Will you get over it then?"

"You have the same job as her," I replied. Wait... "Fuck you." My eyes glared.

"I didn't get it because of her."

"You expect me to believe that?"

"Yes! I've liked her since you got with her. I messed up this one time and you're acting like I made a move or something."

"You don't think trying to fuck up my relationship is just as bad?"

"I wasn't-" he stopped and huffed. "You don't even care about her."

"You're a piece of shit."

"That's how she found out. I was talking to Stu about how much you suck as a boyfriend and she heard me."

"Fuck off and talk to someone else. Stay away from my girlfriend."

"What's her name again?" He challenged.

"Out of your fucking league."