What You Are Looking For

Scene 1: The Bedell Wellness & Rehabilitation Center

Danny Cole

"I brought you tea." Mick hands me a small, lidded cup while keeping the bigger one for himself.

"I hate tea," I complained and he gave me the disappointed parent look. My eyes rolled. "I'll drink it." It smells like chamomile, my mom used to drink tons of this shit. Mick doesn't do caffeine, he calls it another addiction.

"You ready for this?" He asked.

"Being pathetic in public?"

"What did I tell you about that, huh?"

"Yeah," I hung my head low, "I heard you."

"Those your friends?" He asked, eyeing them in the distance.

"Leo and Matt," I confirmed.

"Good influences?"

"I'm the one in NA, so what's that tell you?"

"Nothing."

"They're alright. I don't get caught up in peer pressure."

"Otherwise, you'd be playing with the water cups in a five thousand dollars a month wellness center."

I turned to see what he was on about.

Leo is filling up cups and handing them to Matt who tries to chug them as fast as Leo passes them.

Jesus Christ.

I sucked my teeth disapprovingly as I approached.

"What are you idiots doing?"

"Hydrating," Matt answered, water dripping down his chin and onto his shirt. "I'm gonna have to piss before this starts."

"What is it...by the way?" Leo asked.

"It's one of those things where they make you bring someone to hear about your progress, and Mick is already here so-" I shrugged.

"It's working then?" Matt says on a high note.

"I guess."

"Good, I'm glad—I'm happy for you."

"If you make a big deal about it, I'll get you kicked out."

"Wha-" Matt shook his head in defeat and then wandered toward a trash can to toss the cups in.

"Are we the only ones you invited?" Leo questioned.

"Yeah, Amanda had to work and I don't think Zach should see rehab."

"This is a fucking spa," he chuckled as he glanced around the place.

"I know, these people have no shame. Heather said it should look like this so no one feels punished for getting help."

"She's got a point."

"Yeah," I agreed, half-heartedly. "She's not coming."

"I didn't ask."

"But you wanted to know." It had to be why he cared who was invited. "She can't stand Matt."

"Really?"

"I told her I was bringing him and you should've seen her try to be supportive."

Leo sighed and chuckled. "It's always one of you."

"She's got no issue with me. She's nice no matter what now." Leo rolled his eyes and started walking toward the chairs. "Are you still fucking jealous?" I asked, amusedly.

"Shut up," he replied.

"I'm about to do a lot of talking."

Everyone must've been watching the clock because the seats were full of patient drug abusers and their hopeful families at 11:30 on the dot.

"Welcome, everyone. I am Dr. Scott, I have worked here for six years, and this remains my favorite part of the program. Your loved ones will be open about their progress and relay to you how they feel about their journey to recovery. Please, save all comments and questions until the end. Also, remember this is a space free of criticism and shaming." She smiled and put her hands together, "okay, is there a volunteer to start us off?"

My hand raised. "I'll go." I don't want to go first but if I didn't, I wouldn't know where to jump in and I definitely don't want to be last. Besides, the whole time I sat here, I'd be worried about having to go after someone doing a whole lot better than me who fucking proposes with his sober tokens or something. "I'm Danny. I'm an addict. Most of you know I didn't like to call myself that, even if the shoe fit. Shrink says it's guilt about upsetting everyone," I wipe my face, "and myself. Sponsor says it too. I'm a people pleaser, and saying I'm an addict disappoints everyone who knows me. Makes them like me less. I get it, I didn't give a fuck about anyone who got hooked on shit. I thought it was weak and stupid and you deserved what was coming to you if you couldn't just stop. But look who's talking...Since I was a kid, I've been scared of turning out like my old man. He's a piece of shit. And he'd rather laugh in my face than quit drinking and go to AA, so—I'm not like him. I haven't used in almost 3 months. I've wanted to, but I haven't. I had the balls to come here, ask for help, sing campfire songs with you rich fucks. I'm smoking more cigarettes than I ever have before...and I'm always stuffing my face with junk...but I'm just trying to get to a year...everyone says it gets easier after a year. Maybe I'll start eating fucking salad then and going to church or something dumb like that, I don't know." I shrugged and sat back down.

"Thank you, Danny," Dr. Scott nodded, happily.

I hate fake applause and having to clap for people that don't matter to you. They all put their hands together for me because they had to.

But my friends cheered and shouted like I'd just won an Oscar.

"That's my boy," Mick added, clapping longer than anyone else.

I'm shaking my head at them...but it feels good seeing them cheer me on.

I was afraid of being treated differently but this all makes me think everything is as it's supposed to be. Hell, of course Danny Cole ends up in rehab, but I'd probably end up staying in here forever if I hadn't been pushed to tell the guys.

A brochure gets handed over my shoulder. "In case you want to talk to other kids in your situation," a nurse smiled.

They've been trying to get me into those children of alcoholics meetings since I got here. I already knew about them, I almost went when I was 15 but...I couldn't do it.

"I'm good." I shook my head and gave it back.

"It will help you find a support system," she continued to say.

"I've got people."

Scene 2: The Palace Hotel

Ethan Carey

"Mm, I have to go," Sarah sits up.

"That word..." I kiss her shoulder. "have. It's so controlling."

She teased, "And you only like when you're in control?"

"I don't mind switching every once in a while."

"Well, unless you plan to join me at this family lunch, I have to go."

"You make a compelling argument." I lay back against the pillows. "I'll come by later."

"Who said we're doing this again?"

"We did it again and again these past 12 hours so forgive me for being presumptuous."

"You're forgiven."

"And you'll see me later."

"Don't you have parental figures that question your whereabouts?"

"I have one but she doesn't have the authority to complain," I stated. "The others...just don't have the authority."

Sarah stared at me, puzzled. "You are a good-looking quandary."

"Oh, I'm good at more than just looking."

"I know."

"But I will stay away if that is what you wish," I threatened.

"It is."

"So be it. I've learned to take long showers to deal with the torturous, agonizing pain of loneliness." I run my hand over my body and watch her. "You want me to suffer."

"You're dying for it if you want to continue this right under Trevor's nose," she warned.

"I don't see him beating down the door of the hotel."

"Yet. Once I get bored, all bets are off."

I smirked. "Then I'll just keep you amused."

"Good luck with that."

"I'm full of surprises."

"And really cocky for a booty call I made after a few shots of tequila."

Scene 3: Visconti

Audrey Michaels

"Change of plans. Vivian apparently has an aversion to garlic now, so no Italian for us," Trevor complained through my cellular.

"Morning sickness this far in? Remind me not to get pregnant."

"Again?"

"Funny."

"It isn't as if Natalia has the right equipment for that job anyway."

"So I'll just have to stay away from you."

"Good luck with that. See you soon, gorgeous."

"Ta-ta." I end the call before sighing.

There is no point in wasting the trip here. I can put an order in for that limoncello cake both Trevor and Natalia seem to love.

I scrounge the restaurant for the nearest waiter, and

when I look to my left, I spotted Tony and Alison together at a table. In any other instance, I would be keen to avoid them and their dull happiness, but Alison appears to be upset.

I walk over slow and subtly to get a fragment of what they are saying before interrupting. When I hear the topic, I stop completely at another table.

"I feel bad. Heather got detention and Natalia was removed from Key Club."

"That isn't your fault. They're getting punished for what they did," Tony soothed her guilt.

"Yes, but no one acknowledged what they did wrong until I sought revenge."

"People get caught in crossfire all of the time. This is nothing. It was for a good cause."

"Okay, Bonnie and Clyde," I scoffed. "What a noble thing to do, Alison, create a gossip column because you can't take criticism."

"Audrey..." she said, fearfully.

"Do you know how many of us were dragged before the headmistress to answer for your crimes?"

"Do you know how many girls I helped by threatening their dates into being human instead of rabid animals?" She tried to defend.

"You can't convince me you're miss third-wave feminism, Alison. A man can walk by with his wife and kids and your clothes would still be on the floor if he smiled at you."

"You made your point, Audrey." Tony stood up as if he could intimidate me.

"Oh, sit down. It was sad enough when you were my puppy, but this is so much worse. I assume she's only with you because of how quick you are to take the blame for her when she does something beyond her usual realm of stupidity."

"No one is getting into trouble," Alison argued.

"We will see about that the next time I am even asked about it." My face twisted with disgust. "You are so selfish."

"Am I?" Her arms crossed as she glared at me."Say one word and I will tell Natalia how selfish you are."

"Excuse me?"

"You're not the only one who can be a bitch, Audrey."

My fingernails dug into my palm, and I chose to focus my anger on Tony."I'd advise you to find a way out of that collar before it's too late." He put his arm protectively around Alison, and I smirked. "As you please."

They are textbook losers without their friends making them socialites by association. Tony can easily be subdued but there's a lesson Alison never seems to learn.

The Milligans must die.

Suddenly I'm grateful I didn't lose your number when I should have...

"Hello?" She answered.

"Maisilyn?"

"You're talking to me again?"

"How easy would it be for you to torment someone else the way you have me?"

"Less passion but equal torment. Is there a reason why you're asking?"

"More torment," I emphasized. "Alison Sinclair is a mole that needs to be whacked, she's forgotten her role in this world and I am tired of being the one to remind her. You want me? It will take more than just escapades because as you know, I already have someone filling that position quite nicely."

Scene 4: Madison Street

Heather Blakely

"Hey," he said after opening the door.

"I'm a bit late, is that okay?"

"It's fine." Leo stepped off to the side to let me in.

"I know your birthday is this week, so I stopped to get you something," I explained, handing him the bag.

"You didn't have to get me anything."

"It's nothing."

"Your gifts are never nothing."

"Just say thank you and be quiet."

"Thank you." He smiled softly at me. "...I was afraid you weren't going to show up."

"Why? Don't I always?"

"Yeah, but that was before."

"We're friends, aren't we?"

Leo nodded. "Figuring out what that means, though."

As am I...

"So," I head into his room and sit at the end of

the bed, "what is the assignment?"

"Literary analysis." He opened the textbook, "I chose this one because it seemed the easiest."

"Oh, I've read Aurora Leigh."

"I figured."

"It's a decent story...for the first few books, at least. What have you written so far?"

He grabs loose paper off of his desk and hands it to me, "Just this."

His thesis is on whether love prevents you from getting everything else you want in life, considering Aurora Leigh avoided marriage so she could prioritize her career.

And from what he's written, it seems he does believe love is a setback and she was better off not looking for it anywhere...

"It looks like you know exactly what you're doing," I said.

"Yeah?"

"How many pages do you need to do?"

"Four."

"You're halfway there. Did you finish the story?"

"She ends up with him, right? Even though he was kind of a dick?"

"What exactly were you confused about? It seems like you understand everything perfectly."

"I don't know...I guess I wasn't sure of myself."

"Well, an outline would be helpful."

"Alright." He sat next to me with a notebook and a pencil.

"I end up jotting down anything even slightly relevant to the topics of my paragraphs," I told him.

"Like in bullet points?"

"Mhm, you change them to sentences as they come to you." He nodded and did as I said, his pencil pausing whenever he stopped to think. "I've always liked your handwriting."

We locked eyes. "Are you making fun of me?"

"No, it's nice."

"No, it isn't."

"It's very you."

"Now you're just being mean."

I shook my head and laughed. "Keep writing."

He chuckled but put the pencil down. "Thank you for getting Danny to tell us about that thing at the rehab."

"I've been asking him for ages to talk to his friends about everything."

"He's stubborn."

"So are you."

"Yeah, but you liked me anyway. What do you think about him?"

"I obviously don't hate him anymore."

"Obviously."

"He makes a good friend," I smiled in amusement since this is sounding like another premise to him inking his name onto my skin. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I'm still getting used to the idea of you two hanging out when I'm not around."

"Aren't you still getting used to the idea of us hanging out?"

He shook his head, sadly. "That was easier than it should've been...especially since I never really stopped after she asked me to."

My hand rubbed up and down his back. "You're not a bad guy."

"Depends on who you talk to...or when. A couple of months ago you would've wished I was dead."

"Never, considering that's what I was afraid of in the first place." He nodded, solemnly, leaving his head down. "Leo, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah."

"...did you give my necklace to her?"

"What do you think?" He replies, and since I don't know, I just looked away. "Of course not. It's in my drawer."

I don't know if he noticed my eyes light up...something about the way he said "of course not" was warming...as if it were a forbidden thought to put that necklace on anyone else.

I go over to the other side of his bed and open the first drawer of the nightstand.

The butterfly is laying on top of a folded newspaper...a folded poem.

And what did Aurora Leigh say about a friend...

Who keeps it in a drawer and looks at it

Long after he has ceased to love you, just

To hold together what he was and is.

I unclasp the necklace and put it on. The coldness of the pendant against my chest makes me remember how warm it was the first time after he nervously hid it in his grasp.

"It's not yours anymore."

"No?" I challenged. "Then take it from me "

We caught each other's gaze for a moment...me knowing it is mine and he won't take it, and him knowing the same but still wanting to prove his gruffness and newfound nerve.

Leo stood up...

He shrugged, coolly. "Okay."

And every time he took a step forward, I took a step back.

I am full of fluttering and short breaths...

We were face to face, and he made direct eye contact until I was against the wall.

"Okay," I replied, barely above a whisper.

He went for it, and I pushed his hand down, pouting at the fact that he would even dare. Leo chuckled to himself, but smirked at me. His hand lingered where I had moved it, I felt his fingertips brushing against my waist...and they stayed there, pressing just enough for me to know he was on me.

His eyes were hardly on the necklace for half of the time they spent looking back at mine. He tried to reach for it with his other hand but I lowered that one as well until I felt it tracing over my side.

We tend to do this...teeter on the boundaries of our...friendship. It's usually just with words and what could be called flirting...but it's been becoming more physical recently. We just keep touching.

God, we were never friends, were we?

He's so close it's hard to determine if his touches are intentional or if any of this is...I feel taunted by the mere inches of space between us. One more step and you would have been flush against me...

It's overwhelming and tempting and...I will have you...

I grabbed a fist full of his shirt and pulled him onto me. Instant satisfaction. His lips have always been exhilarating...and all-consuming, I want to be consumed, tasted, and entirely swallowed up by kisses. He let me kiss him—but the satisfaction was replaced by nerves as soon as I pulled away.

Leo looked at me.

Stunned.

And then hastily brought his mouth back to mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he grabbed my waist. Desperate breaths left my lips whenever his weren't there. His fingertips gripped me hard while he held my body to his. I whimpered at the taste of him and the smell of his clothes and how his body feels everywhere against me. There's pure fire running through me, it's too hot for sanity or control and—if Leo didn't pull back when he did, I might have fully lost my mind.

He stood a couple of feet away from me, his thumb running over his lips while he kept his eyes down.

After a few seconds of us breathing heavily and trying to decide what to do now that that happened, Leo went and laid in his bed, staring at the ceiling.

I'm half convinced my mind made this up...

It wouldn't be the first time I dreamt of kissing you again. It wouldn't even be the third.

I gathered up the nerve to break the silence. "...What are you thinking about?"

"All the reasons we should never kiss again."

My breath froze.

"Oh...I'm sorry..."

He didn't respond...and my insides started to twist together. I am such a fool...and now I've embarrassed myself beyond comprehension...

Leo turned his head toward me as I tried to hide my restlessness to leave. I shifted in my spot and held my shaky hands behind my back.

"Come here," he said—never tearing away his gaze.

My legs hesitated to move but I somehow ended up by his bed.

I laid next to him silently, staring at the same patterns on the ceiling that he was looking at before. I could feel him moving next to me, but I couldn't bring myself to look. Not until it was he who was above me...

His hair fell into my face. He is so heavenly...I almost didn't want to close my eyes.

He kisses me softer than before and puts a space between each kiss, slowly reacquainting himself with my lips and tongue and lust. It makes me desperate.

His weight on me satisfies something deep. It's like remembering a dream you thought you'd forgotten.

I remember everything you did to drive me crazy. Yet kissing me after a forever without your kisses is the most crazing thing. I feel insane, it's deranged that we're doing this again but right now I feel like I'd give anything to stay here for an eternity...to have more and more. Please, consume me.

"This is so bad, butterfly," he mumbled while leaving kisses along my jaw.

"No," I whined before bringing his lips back to mine. He chuckled and held my face in his palms.

"Think about what we'll do to each other now."