Chapter 10

Tess

~Tie me, tease me, let your pleasure please me. Hurt me, love me, but please don’t ever leave me…~

My employment began immediately.

Trapped in a world of drugs and insipid fog, White Man plucked me from my bed and threw me at Leather Jacket.

I cried out as I collided with his creaky leather and stench. I cringed as he smirked, holding me tight against him. “Hello again, ~puta~. Time for some fun.” He spun me around, trapping my wrists.

His dirty fingers wrapped around my skin, hoisting my arm back till my shoulder bellowed. Even the foggy stupor couldn’t save me from the pain of a dislocated limb.

“What the—” he muttered.

“Let her go, Ignacio. I need her to be able to use her arms.”

“But look at what the little bitch did. Stupid slave.” He ran a thumb over my modified barcode, no doubt seeing the sparrow and the number fifty-eight.

He chuckled and shook me, breathing hard against my ear. “You idiot bitch. You fell for the bastard who bought you.” His chuckle morphed into a laugh, shaking both our frames. “This is too good.

“I’ve heard of slaves becoming attached to their masters, but you went to a whole other level.”

He grabbed my chin, digging his fingers into the hollow of my cheeks. “You were like a fucking queen in that bathtub, thinking you’d landed on your pretty little feet.

“Well, live it up, princess, ’cause you’re in servitude now.”

His head cocked to the side, and he kissed my cheek with dry lips. “Then again, if you fell in love with one asshole, you can fall for another. Maybe you’ll want to fuck me before the week is out.

“Huh?”

I flinched as he stroked my hair, then sighed in relief as White Man pulled me from Leather Jacket’s embrace. “You’ll have plenty of time to mind-fuck the poor creature.

“But first I want to see just how strong she is.”

He held out his hand as if he’d asked me out on a date; blue eyes twinkled as I gawked at his palm. I couldn’t remember what I should do. I couldn’t remember anything.

The alchemy of chemicals in my bloodstream slowly stole everything I knew.

“Come along, little one. No time like the present to start your initiation.”

I tried to step back toward the pallet. I ordered my limbs to move, to run, but nothing obeyed. I just stood there swaying until White Man grabbed my elbow and guided me from the room.

His perfectly ironed clothing contrasted against the sinister grime as we made our way down a long musty corridor.

I wanted to scream and punch him in the eyes, but all I could do was coast along like a good belonging.

The fog imprisoned my mind—turning me into the worst sort of captive—the one who obeyed without duress, who didn’t even need shackles to keep her down.

They’d taken my will, and soon, they’d take my mind.

White Man spoke to Leather Jacket as we stopped outside a door and pushed me inside. “Don’t go too far, Ignacio. Remember... little is key. They become more pliant that way.”

I stumbled like a brain-dead zombie, screaming silently for my body to do ~anything~ but fumble. Everything was so heavy and soupy and unresponsive.

~Please. This is your last chance! Obey!~

I managed to twitch enough to inch backward, shuffling toward the exit.

But all it took was a hand between my shoulder blades and I was pushed forward.

I blinked, looking around. Concrete walls, concrete floor with dampness climbing the corners and puddles resting in cracks. Three chairs, white and sun-worn, faced each other in a circle.

White Man guided me by the shoulders to sit in one of the chairs. It creaked under my weight and my head flopped onto my chin. So tired. So confused.

~I’m hungry. I’m tired. I’m cold. I just want to go home. Where am I?~

He patted my cheek, saying, “Have fun, little girl. Happy initiation.”

I wanted to hurl myself out the door; my heart bled as he clapped his hands and looked behind me. “Great. The others are here. You’ll no longer be alone, little one. I’ll see you later.”

He slipped out the door and the lock clicked into place behind two girls who’d entered on a leash, tugged by Jagged Scar.

He gave me a snide smile before jerking the girls forward and pushing them into a chair.

I couldn’t comprehend what I saw.

Both girls were naked. Both trembled and shook as if an earthquake had replaced their hearts. Their eyes were full of horror and terror, but it was their hair that terrified me.

Blonde. Both of them. The same honey straw as my own.

Oh, God.

I wriggled in the chair to stand, but the chemicals blocked the signal from my brain and I sprawled to the floor instead.

My cheek pressed against slimy concrete and I groaned as a flash of pain spread through me.

Leather Jacket laughed, coming to my rescue. Grabbing a chunk of my hair, he hauled me upright and threw me onto the chair. “Clumsy bitch.”

My eyes smarted from the agony of his grip, but I swallowed back the heaviness of tears. I was foggy enough without adding grief to the mix.

The girls sniffed, trying hard to stay silent even as tears tracked their dirty faces. I refused to look at them. I hated seeing the shadows of bruises on their arms and ribs. Why were they here?

~They’re here for lunch. We’re going to have lunch, and then we’re going to have a nap and dream of whimsical things.~

I shook my head, snapping out of the druggie daydream.

Leather Jacket gave a sadistic smile, bending to lick me. Once again, he dragged his foul tongue up my cheek and into my hair. “Trying to figure it out, aren’t ya? You won’t be able to.

“Not with the mixture in your blood. You’re going to do as I say, when I say. Got it?”

A small flash of my normal self wrenched itself from the dirty puddle that was now my soul.

I forced past the weakness, whispering, “You’re a fucking cocksucker and I’ll chop off your balls before you die.”

He laughed and clicked his fingers. “Is that a fact?”

A guard I didn’t know appeared next to me. He looked like a sack of potatoes. Big gut, lumpy clothing, and a face only an ogre could love. He smiled, wriggling his fingers in my face. “Hello.”

~I must be pleasant. Be polite. How many times did my parents tell me they could only love a polite, quiet child?~

“Hello,” I repeated, wishing my head wasn’t so heavy so I could keep eye contact longer.

Leather Jacket moved forward, heading behind the two girls in front of me. He rested a hand on both their shoulders and they whimpered.

~Don’t. Don’t touch them. ~I shook my head. ~Why can’t he touch them again?~

“Ryan here is going to make sure you obey.” Baring his teeth, he jerked the girls' heads back with their hair. “He is the consequence of not listening. Understand, ~puta~?”

Should I nod? ~I don’t know. I don’t understand.~ The drugs pulled me further into their web the longer I sat there.

Leather Jacket shoved one of the girls to the floor, cocking an eyebrow in my direction. “Pick her up. Go on.”

The will to save another blazed through the fog and I fell off my chair to crawl to her. The girl moaned as I touched her wrist and our eyes connected in a brief moment of lucidity.

In her green gaze I saw all my dreams and hopes shrivel to dust. We would all die here. It was just a matter of how much we had to endure before we would be free.

Grunting, I tried to help her up. But I wasn’t strong enough.

Someone smacked me out of the way and I crashed into a chair. Ryan the ogre picked up the blonde as if she was a dirty sock and hurled her into the seat.

I climbed upright, using the chair as support. Drugs swirled. ~I’m hot. I’m cold~. A racking cough crippled me and it was a while before I could breathe again.

I couldn’t understand what just happened.

Leather Jacket said, “If you can’t do it right the first time, Ryan will do it better than you.” He came closer, leering into my face. “He’ll make sure to do it ten times better than you.

“Understand, ~puta~?”

I gained enough minor motor control to nod. Just to get him out of my personal bubble.

“All right then, let’s get this party started.” He nodded at Ryan. “Go ahead.”

Everything exploded.

The girls screamed as Ryan launched himself at them. Dragging them toward the concrete wall, he pinned one with his forearm while holding the other immobile for Leather Jacket to cuff.

For the first time, I noticed iron manacles dangling by chains from the wall. Rusty and ancient, they looked like they belonged in a medieval torture chamber.

Leather Jacket worked fast, and before I could move, the girl’s arms were spread wide, and her ankles trapped with more iron cuffs attached to the floor.

She looked at me, and my heart died for her. What the fuck was happening!

Once the first girl was secure, Leather Jacket proceeded to shackle the other. He slapped her when she tried to pull away. She squealed and thrashed, causing more abuse to rain upon her skin.

I found my voice in the fog and screamed, “Stop!”

But Leather Jacket just laughed. “We’re the ones doing the ordering. You just wait your turn.”

Once the girls were chained to the wall, bodies pressed against icy concrete, both men came toward me, sandwiching me between them.

The girls pleaded with me to help them. I wanted to. I would. But how? I could barely function, let alone save us.

One girl wailed, “Please. Don’t do this. Let us go. What did we do? We just want to go home!”

My own misfortune from the first time I’d been Leather Jacket’s captive came back to haunt me. I’d never begged. I’d fought, and it landed me in more pain.

Why did I fight again? ~Because it isn’t right. None of this is right!

I’m hungry. I’m tired. I’m cold. I just want to go home. Where am I?~

Leather Jacket roared at them in Spanish, and I trembled, unable to look, but I couldn’t look away either. I wanted to imprint them to memory. Their survival was on my shoulders. I would get them free.

Leather Jacket put an arm around my neck, sticking his gruesome tongue in my ear. “Ready for day one of training, bitch?”

I squirmed, but it was too late. A needle disappeared into my arm, and another hot wave of all-consuming mental oblivion sucked me deep.

Down and down I went, spiraling heavier and heavier until I existed on the bottom of a rubbish-filled ocean.

Sounds warbled. Smells twisted. My vision darted from place to place, never locking on anything, always moving, making me sick with vertigo. But it was my brain I worried most for.

My sharp intelligence and fierce awareness no longer existed. It’d been suffocated into tiny clouds, floating uselessly in my skull.

Leather Jacket pushed me forward, and I wobbled on uncoordinated legs. “Hit them.”

Hit them. ~Hit them.~ Of course, why didn’t I think of it? Hitting them makes total sense.

~No, wait.~

It doesn’t. What? Why would I hit anyone? I didn’t want to inflict pain.

~No!~

I swallowed thickly, licking my oversized lips. “Wh—why?”

He frowned, bouncing around in my crazy funhouse vision. “Did you just ask why, ~puta~?” He shook his head, looking at Ryan. “Rule number one. You ~never~ ask questions. Ryan.

“Please show this bitch what I expected from her.”

“Sure thing, boss.”

I watched in horrifying slow motion as Ryan sucker-punched a girl in the gut. She bent over, jerked to a halt by the manacles. She screamed, crying uncontrollably.

Why did he do that?

~Because she’s been naughty. A child needs discipline. Yes. A child needs discipline~. I should know. I suffered enough slaps while I grew up.

~No, this is different. Don’t forget. Never forget this is wrong. So wrong.~

Leather Jacket pulled me forward. “Let’s try this again. Hit them.”

“Hit them?” I repeated. My voice sounded far, far away as if I lived in a dark tunnel where no light existed.

“Hit them, or I will,” he ordered.

I shrugged. Did it matter to me? Why did it matter to me?

~Because he’ll kill them! At least if you do it, you’ll be as gentle as you can. Do it. Protect them by hitting them.~

The small nucleus of who I was wailed at the injustice. How could I stop this?

Leather Jacket said something in Spanish to Ryan the Ogre. I blinked and weaved on the spot.

“Be my pleasure.” Ryan moved at lightning speed, and the action didn’t register in my slow brain until the bone-crunching ~thwack~ of his fist connected with the other blonde.

She doubled over, puking instantly.

~Fuck! Get it together.~

Hit them. Hit them. Stop this!~

Some frantic part of me doggy-paddled against the riptide of drugs, dispersing it a little, enough so I could see glimpses of reality. Oh, God. I had to torture these women.

I had to abuse women who looked like me. I had to break and do as I was told in order to save them from a worse punishment.

Hands flew to my mouth, trying to contain the rising bile. I reeled backward. “You’re sick. Let them go!” My wide eyes flew to Leather Jacket in horror. “Please.

“Do what you want with me, but leave them alone!”

Leather Jacket shook his head. “Goddamn, you are strong. You should’ve buckled under the mix by now.” He ran hands through his greasy hair, thoughts racing in his eyes. “Ryan. Give me the stick.”

Ryan gave him a baton. The same type police used on bad guys and men like Leather Jacket. “Take this, ~puta~.” He held it out to me.

I growled like a feral cat, backing toward the door. I tried the knob, knowing full well it wouldn’t turn.

He didn’t try to stop me, just watched with a cocked head and twisted smile. “I won’t ask you again, bitch.

“Take this.” He waved the stick in my direction and I shook my head, succumbing to the drugs again.

Why didn’t I want to take the stick?

~No reason. Stop fighting. It’s such a waste of energy. You’re right. I’m hungry. I’m cold. I want to go home. Where am I?~

My mind turned traitorous, leaving me in the dark completely. Q had turned my body against me, but these bastards were doing it to my mind.

Leather Jacket nodded. “Have it your way.” He passed the baton to Ogre. He didn’t say a thing. The man accepted it and in one fierce strike broke a blonde girl’s leg.

Her screech echoed in my ears and I knew I would never forget it. Never erase the pain and horror of her voice. I would live the rest of my days listening to her scream. ~I could’ve prevented that.~

I could’ve stopped that!~

“Stop!” I sobbed, tears waterfalled down my cheeks. “Stop. I’ll do it. I’ll do it. I’ll do it…” I couldn’t stop repeating and repeating. The thought ran around and around in my head. “I’ll do it!”

Leather Jacket grinned, coming toward me to tuck me under his arm. “Good, bitch. Now that we’ve broken through. Let’s have some fun, shall we?”

The fog sucked me deeper, and this time I didn’t fight. I allowed the clouds to smother me.

I let the blankness and strange soothing softness ransack my mind and prevent myself from ever remembering what I was about to do.

Agonizing centimeter by centimeter, I let Leather Jacket guide me to stand in front of the two sobbing women. He patted my head, murmuring. “Good girl. Now, do what I say.”

I hung my head. A brutal headache formed and I welcomed the pain.

I deserved pain.

Pain was terrible.

Pain was awful.

I would always run from any form of pain from now on.

Oh, God. ~I’ll always run from pain.~ Gone was my future with Q. Gone was any hope of finding happiness with him.

The drugs sucked me deeper. ~You’ll never see him again, so there’s nothing to grieve. ~I would die here. And I would rot in hell for what they made me do.

“Hit the blonde on the right. No hesitation or else Ryan will have a go.”

I didn’t move; I just stared at the two women. We became trapped in our own little blonde cocoon. Their hair color was symbolic. By beating them, I beat myself.

I willingly helped Leather Jacket break me. And the realization did nothing but send me spiraling deeper into insanity.

~I’m cold. I’m hungry. I want to go home. Where am I?~

A huge barrel of coughs erupted from my throat as I stood shivering from head to toe. Leather Jacket prodded my back, and I stumbled into the blonde on the left. I fell against her; we flinched.

She had a belly button piercing of a star and hanging diamantes. Her eyes were green, her breasts soft against my body.

More tears fell from my eyes as I surrendered to everything. “I’m so sorry.” My words slurred and thick.

Leather Jacket murmured, “Hate to break up this lesbian party, but you have five seconds, ~puta~.”

Five seconds to hit this woman in order to save her more pain. Five seconds to grant her my destruction, to ruin both of us.

~Kill her and be done with it. If she represents you, kill yourself. It’s the only way to be free.~

I struck and slapped her. Her eyes glassed and tears spilled, but she bit her lip, and in a heartbreaking, mind-tripping, life-ending move, she nodded. Fucking nodded, accepting what would happen.

What I would do to her.

The other blonde sobbed quietly, her small breasts rising and falling with panicked breaths.

It didn’t matter how many drugs Leather Jacket forced into me, I would never do this willingly. I would never hit another or take a life.

He gave me no choice. If I was weaker, I might’ve given up and let Ryan take my place. Their blood would be on his hands, not mine. But I couldn’t do that. Their lives were mine to protect.

Leather Jacket pulled my shoulders, moving me to stand in front of the blonde with small breasts. She didn’t have a belly button piercing, but she had a small tattoo of a hummingbird on her hipbone.

A bird.

I was about to crush a bird that Q would do everything in his power to protect. I was about to become the exact opposite of the man I loved.

Leather Jacket whispered in my ear, “Punch her. I’m sure there’s more vomit in her gut.”

I stood for an eternity, trying to befuddle myself out of the drug-fog. ~There must be a way out of this. Think!~

~I’m cold… I’m hungry…~

Leather Jacket growled, “Five…four…three…two…”

The drugs roiled and I punched the girl in the stomach. Even though the drugs cushioned the horribleness of what I did, I shattered inside.

A whirlwind of sparrows filled my head and their tiny talons grabbed my last remaining sanity and flew me far, far away. Either to heaven, hell, or limbo—I didn’t care.

All I knew was I’d never be whole again. My mind had protected itself by flying free, soaring back to Q, leaving me to die.

My muscles shut down and it wasn’t the girl who threw up, it was me. I splashed Leather Jacket’s shoes with my roast chicken lunch and collapsed into the warm mess.

They’d finally done it. They’d found my weakness.

They could do what they wanted to me. Torture me. Rape me. And I would always have inner fire—the strength that drove me onward. But make me hurt and torture someone else?

That was a recipe for me losing my sanity.

The recipe that would well and truly break me forever.

I moaned, cringing at the crick in my back from lying on a hard pallet. I tried to move but every part of my body ached.

My knuckles were scratched and bruised. My teeth hurt from clenching. My head pounded with a never-ending headache and my side screamed from the kick Leather Jacket gave me for not obeying.

~You’re turning into one of them. You hurt others. You’re becoming a devil.~

I did it to protect them! I hurt them a lot less than Ogre would have done.

No excuse. You’re breaking. They’re winning.

You need to run. Run.~

I clutched my head, trying to stop the swirl of words from making me sick.

I couldn’t move, let alone run. That was an impossibility.

Hours ticked past and I couldn't sleep. My brain never granted me peace, echoing constantly with curses and blames, telling me to run even when my body could never obey.

The girl’s scream lived in my ears, always ringing.

Every time I closed my eyes, Q appeared.

~“How could you, Tess? You became one of them. I thought you were better than that. I thought you were pure.”~ He hung his head, eyes glittering with remorse. ~“There’s nothing left to love about you.”~

~“You’re a traitor. A monster. I’m going to have to kill you.”~

I ran to him, but something held me back. Some wall of air, or invisible imprisonment. ~“No! I’m not like that. I didn’t want to do it. I did it to save them!”~

He laughed, throwing a look of such hatred, I shrank to the floor in shame. ~“You’re weak, Tess. So weak. I underestimated you. I saw someone fierce. Now all I see is a ruined little girl.”~

~“Save me then! Please. I need your help. So much.”~ I couldn’t stop crying.

Q shook his head. His powerful body encased in a black suit looked fit to attend a funeral. My funeral. He was saying goodbye to me.

~“Q!”~

He refused to make eye contact. Turning his back, he walked slowly into the swirling mist. ~“Goodbye, Tess.”~

Q hated me. I hated me. I wanted to die.

More time passed.

My cell door opened and the same woman who’d tattooed me strolled in. She moved boldly, relaxed and happy. She smiled wide, holding an uncapped syringe. “Ready for another dose, ~cariño~?”

I shuffled upright, cursing my heavy head. “No…pl—please, no more.” My words slurred, tripping and sliding over each other.

She perched on the edge of the bed, reaching for my arm.

I flailed around, managing to avoid her grip. “No. I said no mo—more.”

Her smile slid from her face, replaced with black anger. “Mateo!”

The door opened and in walked Jagged Scar carrying a baseball bat. He kept coming until his knees touched the end of the pallet.

“Don’t make me use this.” He slapped the bat into his hand, threatening me. “Be a good employee and let Sofia give you your medicine, okay?”

His voice was so smooth compared to Leather Jacket. Always giving the impression of civility, all the while he was the worst of the lot. He was a true psychopath.

My throat closed and I twisted my unresponsive fingers in my lap. “Please. Money. Jewelry. I’ll give you…”

What was I talking about? ~I’m hungry. Ask for some food. I’m cold. Maybe if you take the medicine, they’ll give you a blanket.~

Oh, I loved that idea. A blanket. It felt like forever since I’d been warm.

I coughed hard, gasping as my lungs struggled for breath.

Someone pushed me back until I lay down and soft fingers took my arm, spreading it flat. A gentle tap in the crook of my arm sent my heart racing. “No! Wait!”

Too late.

The needle pierced my skin and the woman pressed the plunger. Instantly hot, cold, tingling, stinging liquid entered my body and began its journey to poison me.

Compounded onto whatever else they gave me, I didn’t stand a chance.

My eyes no longer worked and I floated into darkness. My head was the weight of a twenty-ton bowling ball.

I sighed, listening to the heavy~ glug-glug~ of my heartbeat. There was no other noise apart from my shallow breathing. The woman and Jagged Scar had gone.

How long ago? I didn’t know.

~Now is your time to run! Get up. Do it! Freedom!~

I didn’t know how I moved, but one moment I slouched on the pallet, the next I lay jumbled on the floor.

And that’s where I stayed for hours. I spent God knows how long living in a horrific circus of freakish hallucinations while I lay shivering on the freezing concrete floor.

My parents who never loved me made an appearance.

~“Look at the sight of you.”~ My mother with her blue-rinsed hair bent to my level, tutting under her talcum powdery scent. ~“We always knew there was something wrong with you. But now? We’re repulsed.

“Doing drugs, beating up women, and indulging in rough sex? Ugh. Look how far you’ve fallen, child. Only hell is good enough for you now.”~

I didn’t bother to retaliate or care.

My father in his tweed suit and leather cap looked down like I was shit on his shoe. ~“I disagree with your mother. Beat the shit out of those girls. You’re a killer. Embrace it. You’re not one of us.

“You’re one of them.”~

The iciness in my bones was replaced with sickly heat. The room transformed from grey concrete to bright red, flowing with blood.

Gallons of crimson—blood from my victims. Liters and liters of scorn stained my hands.

~No! I didn’t mean to do it. I didn’t want to do it. Forgive me. Please, forgive me.~

Time continued on without me while I died slowly on concrete and became a gelatinous, mind-fucked blob.

Leather Jacket came for me one day. I’d been on my own for so long, my mind craved human contact. Any human contact.

My heart actually jumped when he came for me.

“Time for your next training session, ~puta~.” He nudged me with his foot. “Get up.”

I no longer knew how to speak or move or pretend to be human. I was cold and hungry and I desperately wanted to go home.

I tried to conjure images of Q. Remember his house and Suzette’s warm embrace. But I came up empty. All those happy memories were blank.

Tears tried to form in my eyes, but it’d been so long since I’d had anything to drink only a single droplet formed.

Someone hoisted me to my feet. Cold concrete was replaced with frigid air as Leather Jacket scooped me up, holding me against his repulsive frame.

My body, so, so cold, huddled into him even though my drug-fogged brain fled in repulsion.

Leather Jacket chuckled. “Starting to like me? Huh, bitch?” He licked my cheek, walking us to the door. “You’ll like me even more after today.”

My heart tried to race, terror tried to kick-start adrenaline, but my fight was stolen. Gone. Disappeared.

One moment we were still in my room. The next we were halfway down the corridor.

Then we were in another room.

Then in another corridor.

Blocks of time disappeared, leaving me with a splattering of photographic images.

~How much longer before I completely lose my mind?~

One moment someone tossed me onto the floor of a shower and sprayed me with a hose. A second later, I was clothed in a red dress, short and slutty.

It was meant to cling to curves and accent sexiness, yet it didn’t do any of those things—only amplified how skinny and sickly I’d become. But at least the fabric was clean.

After decaying inside Q’s damp shirt for days, it was heaven. Loneliness wrapped around my heart as Leather Jacket yanked the material from my hands and threw away the only thing I had left of Q.

The last connection I would ever have to the man who owned me completely.

“Give it back.” I shuffled forward, trying to get to the rubbish bin behind Leather Jacket.

He pushed me to the floor, laughing. “You get nothing that you want. Unless you want my cock.”

I curled up on the wet tiles, trying so hard to keep my mind from skipping off into some other dimension.

A dimension where I no longer had to fear every time I woke up and suffer every time I went to sleep.

Time flickered and the bathroom no longer existed.

Something starchy was forced down my throat, followed by fresh, delicious water.

Then I was standing over a girl with a club in my hands.

Time flickered again. I blacked out.

Spray. Hot, wet, metallic spray. It splashed across my face, and I instantly gagged.

Oh, God.~ No!~

I dropped the club, clutching my stomach as my retching turned into racking coughs. The blood on my lips entered my mouth, and I scratched frantically at my tongue.

I couldn’t have her blood in my mouth. I couldn’t!

Someone grabbed me, hoisting me upright. I kept coughing and bucking, and I finally snapped completely. Words strung from my mouth, interrupted by huge barks. I made no sense.

I didn’t need to make sense. They understood. They knew that my breakdown marked the beginning of the end.

My mind wanted out. I reached the end, and the taste of a girl’s blood in my mouth was the last straw.

I hurt her. I didn’t know how. I didn’t remember. But I did something horrid, and she suffered at my hands.

~I can’t live with that! ~I tried harder to get loose, wriggling, biting, coughing, snarling.

“Fuck, someone give her something. The other dose isn’t doing jack.”

I twisted and bucked, only seeing compressing walls and being suffocated by the horrible cough hijacking my body.

Someone grabbed my legs, and I kicked out.

“Ouch, you bitch!” A cuff caught me around the head, but I was no longer in my body. I was in some other world where I wanted with every wish to die.

A needle punctured my flesh and administered the ghostly ice I’d grown to know so well. Spreading its white smog through my blood, stealing my body, killing my mind.

My coughing stopped, and I hung utterly spent in someone’s arms.

“That’s better. Let that kick in. She’ll be cutting them up like Picasso again in half an hour.”

The image of me slicing off body parts and arranging them in some terrible piece of art kept me occupied while I floated into demise.

When I came to, I lay flat on my back, wheezing like a ninety-year-old smoker. My ribs shrieked with agony, and my lungs felt as if someone had filled them with pond scum.

I tried to move, to make sure I no longer had blood on my face, but my arms once again weren’t mine.

“She’s alive. Bring her here.”

Time fractured, and suddenly I’d gone from lying on my back to standing, swaying with a baton in my hands.

Fast forward through time, and my ears started working again; I immediately wished they hadn’t. Whimpers and wails filled the small dungeon.

The tiny blonde with the hummingbird tattooed on her hip lay at my feet. Her face was black and blue, distorted from swelling. Her eyes held mine as I gasped in absolute horror.

I slammed to my knees when I saw the bloody tooth on the concrete.

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry. Sorry. Sorry!” I couldn’t handle it. The old passion in me rose, giving a reprieve against the drugs, only to hurl me into sickness.

Hugging the club, I rocked and rocked. “Stop. Make it stop. Please, God, make it stop. Q. Please. I’m sorry. I need you, Q!”

Something fissured deep inside. My soul folded inside me like a tattered piece of origami, taking everything good left in me, leaving me with nothing.

My memories, my happiness, my strength, and passion for Q all vanished. Just like that.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

~It’s happening. It’s happened. I’m done.~ I literally stared at the end of my life.

Time blacked out and I came to as Leather Jacket pushed me over, sprawling me on top of Blonde Hummingbird. She didn’t move, didn’t make a sound.

He laughed. “You were doing so well, bitch. Taking orders like a pro.” He squatted in front of me, grabbing my hair to look me in the eye. “You beat her until we told you to stop.

“You swung that bat like she was vermin you wanted to kill. Do you remember, ~puta~? Do you remember what you did? Huh?”

I retched and buckled over. The coughing started with vengeance. Maybe I could suffocate from coughing, drown from whatever buildup existed in my lungs.

Ryan the Ogre kicked me off Blonde Hummingbird and dragged me away.

I tried to stay awake and not let the drugs swoop me away, but time flickered and crackled. ~Why am I fighting it? The oblivion is better than reality.~

With a drawn-out sigh, I let the drugs consume me.

Corridor.

Room.

Another corridor.

Ryan threw me into a space different from the abominable dungeons and cells. A large grimy window let gorgeous sunlight stream in, highlighting the evil and dankness in the room.

A fist to my shoulder blades sent me straight to the ground.

A flare of red fire lit up my jaw and my eyes snapped open. I blinked when Leather Jacket appeared in my face. His greasy skin and stringy hair needed disinfecting; he stank like a dumpster.

“Know why you’re tied up, slut?”

~I’m tied up?~ I looked down, noticing the bindings around my wrists and my legs imprisoned tight against chair legs. Another blackout. Another fragment of my life stolen.

I didn’t answer. I no longer had the energy to care. The drugs, for once, were on my side—cushioning me from the outside world, turning me introvert until nothing else existed.

He whispered, “We’re going to do to you what you’ve done to the girls over the last few days. But we’re going to show you how hard we expect next time. No more timid little pussy hits.

“We expect a beating…so take notes.”

I couldn’t breathe.

~Days? I’ve been doing this for days?~

Ryan mumbled something in Spanish, hoisting the baton in his hand and slapping it against his palm. “Ready to see a pro at work?”

He gave me no preparation; he attacked.

I sucked in a breath as he hit me hard in the stomach.

I doubled over, almost falling off the plastic chair. The shackles around my wrists were the only thing keeping me upright.

Pain resonated like a marching band in my tummy, but I welcomed it. This might be the end. They might kill me.

~Please kill me.~

The next blow was to my thigh, cracking so loud I was sure my leg was broken. I welcomed the pain, adding it to all the rest.

Compounding it until my heart raced and pumped, hurtling me closer to blacking out.

Someone hit me around the ear.

Then punched my breast.

A kick landed on my ankle.

A fist connected with my cheekbone.

They hurt me beyond hurt—they catapulted me into agony, but they never went too far. They restrained from killing me.

Each punishment hurt more than the last and I sobbed freely in my bindings. Every part of me wept for freedom.

~I can’t do this anymore. I want out. I want to die.~

Finally, something sharp pricked my skin, and another dose of medicine sent me cartwheeling into nightmares.