Chapter 21

Q

~You’re my obsession, I’m your possession, you own the deepest part of me…~

I didn’t know where I went after I left Tess. I spent the rest of the night staring at some hideous vase, feeling nothing.

The alcohol left my system hours ago, and Frederick—the traitorous bastard—let himself out a little while after I left Tess.

He spoke to her. I knew he did, and if I was honest, it fucking pissed me off and made me want to kill him. But Tess had chosen. She used the safe-word, for fuck’s sake.

She couldn’t hurt me any more than she already had.

I was done.

The sun slowly rose on a new day—a day where I would have to pretend that nothing had happened. I would go back to work and bury myself under paperwork.

Someone had to deal with the rumors going around about me. Dubois—the chief of police—had been true to his word and banned all bad press about ~Moineau~ Holdings, but that wouldn’t last forever.

Franco had already prevented one attack on my home from disgruntled traffickers. The strange thing was my shares in other companies—the untainted by slaves or sinful underworld investments—had grown.

Turned out people liked to invest with a company that had morals and a CEO who had a savior complex.

Tess did me a favor—she reminded me I wasn’t good enough. I couldn’t expect to have what others took for granted.

I’d never earn the love of a woman or be stupidly happy like the rest of the human race. But I had other things to live for.

I would save more slaves than ever before; I would make sure others could have a happy ending instead.

That would be my legacy.

~Merde~, maybe I should close the business and go on a never-ending hunting spree. Then, I might be happy.

Suzette appeared in the reading nook in the lounge where I’d hidden for the past few hours. “She just left, master.” She looked out the window, no doubt seeing Tess heading down the driveway.

“I did what you told me and just let her go, but Franco isn’t happy. He’s got the car ready to go if you want to go after her.”

A sharp dagger twisted my heart, but I gritted my teeth, forcing myself to stay seated.

I wouldn’t chase after her. I wouldn’t. Not after the safe-word.

When I didn’t move, Suzette left me to my mourning and another hour went past. Every time I wondered where Tess was I shot the thought right between its eyes. I refused to think about her.

I denied the ache in my cock, the pining beast inside.

I repeated over and over that I didn’t need her. I didn’t need someone who didn’t need me.

~I don’t fucking need her.~

A car screeched to a halt outside, kicking gravel against the windowpane. I sat up from my slouch to see Frederick charging from his Lexus and bolting for the front door.

He exploded through the foyer and into the lounge. His eyes fell on me. Tearing around the furniture, he raced forward and planted his motherfucking fist in my jaw.

“You’re a dumb son of a bitch. In fact, you’re as stupid as she is,” Frederick hit me again, but this time I was ready for him. I ducked and swung, connecting with his ribcage.

He sucked in a breath, yelling, “I told you if you wanted to keep her you’d have to do something drastic.” He hit me again; it landed on my right shoulder.

Heat flashed through my veins and I snarled. “I ~did~ do something drastic.

“I hit her and demanded she come back to me—all while you fucking watched—and then she used the safe-word!” I grabbed the hideous vase I’d been staring at all night and hurled it across the room.

It connected with another glass full of flowers, and they thundered to the floor in a chaos of breaking china. “What more can I do? I swore I’d stop if she ever used it.”

Frederick poked my chest with a finger. “You can pull your head out of your ass for once.” He roundhoused me, the fucker, and his foot connected with my ear.

I went down, landing on one knee on the carpet.

I glared, shooting upright to deliver a thick set of knuckles to his jaw.

I forgot why we fought and laid into him. It wasn’t the first time we’d beaten each other to shit, and it wouldn’t be the last. Being evenly matched meant Frederick delivered as good as he got.

I landed a few fists to his upper body, while he managed to cuff me around the head, making me see stars. We huffed and groaned, circling each other like two testosterone-fueled idiots.

Each punch he delivered gave me something I missed. It gave me a reason to get up and kick his fucking lights out. But I didn’t.

Even though I lived to be violent, I kept myself tamed. I didn’t let myself go killer. I would never kill someone I cared about.

And even though Frederick drove me crazy, I cared enough to keep him alive.

We were both breathing hard by the time Frederick did another one of his annoying karate moves and landed me on my ass. He stood over me, offering his hand.

The peace offering broke the tension and I clasped his grip, allowing him to drag me to my feet.

I licked the interior of my lip, pleasantly surprised to find I had a cut. “You’re getting vicious in your old age, Roux,” I mumbled, running a finger along the slice.

He huffed, dragging his hands through his out-of-place hair. “You deserved it. That was for Tess. For slapping her and being an asshole. You won’t get her back by forcing her further into herself.”

“But that’s what she always reacts to! She craves pain. She craves what I crave. She’s the mirror image of me, Roux, and I miss her so fucking much.” ~Shit, where the hell did that come from?~

I glowered, wishing I’d kept my mouth shut.

Frederick nodded, a light slowly building in his eyes. “You said she craves what you crave.” He cocked his head, pacing a few steps before spinning to face me. “Have you ever let her hit you?

“Whip you?”

I grabbed a drinking glass from the sideboard and threw it at his head.

What a fucking blasphemous thing to say. Let her hit me! No fucking way. Not a chance.

Frederick ducked the projectile; it smashed against the wall, adding to the pile of broken china and wilting flowers.

He held up a hand in surrender, thoughts whizzing in his gay-ass blue eyes. “Wait! Hear me out. What if you let her do the things to you that you do to her?”

My jaw locked as panic spread thick and fast. Nothing terrified me more. I gulped at the thought of Tess hurting me, tying me up, degrading me—making me beg.

Having complete and utter dominance over me.

~“Il n’y a pas moyen putain. Je ne peux pas faire ça.”~No fucking way. I can’t do it. I shook my head hard. “No chance.”

Frederick didn’t let it go. He strode forward, talking fast. I didn’t want to listen. I’d be willing to do anything to bring Tess back, but to let her rob me of everything that made me ~me~?

I didn’t want to think about it, it hurt too much. It wasn’t possible. Exactly why I hadn’t dreamed up the idea myself.

It would kill me.

“Tess said last night she’d been forced to hurt others. You said yourself—she’s strong enough to handle anything people do to her. But what if she wasn’t strong enough to handle hurting others?

“What if this shutdown is to stop herself from feeling pain when she made another cry, or worse?”

I backed away, trying so hard to ignore his logic.

He cornered me by the couch, delivering his final blow. “If it were me and I loved her as much as you say you do, I would do anything.”

“I~ would~ do anything but not that.”

“What wouldn’t you do? Think about it, Q. Admit it.”

The temper from the fight escalated again. “You’re saying I need to make her hurt me. That I need to take her back to that place and break down every fucking wall she’s built.

“You’re saying I need to sacrifice my own skin, my own pain to bring her back.” I sighed, wanting to wash my mouth out. “You’re telling me to do the impossible, Roux.”

I clutched my skull as a roaring headache appeared out of nowhere. The monster inside tore at my brain. ~No one can have that sort of power over me.~

I wasn’t strong enough. I couldn’t do it.

But I knew.

Even though I couldn’t admit it.

Frederick was fucking right.

Images of hitting her, stringing her up, and fucking her hard, catapulted into my mind. She’d given me her trust, utterly and completely. I’d owned every part of her in that moment.

Her eyes had been filled with ultimate trust, giving me the sweetest gift of thinking for her—of allowing me to own her.

~She needs to own me to find her way back.~

Holy fuck.

Frederick patted me on the back. “I’ll let myself out. I’ll check in on you in a few days. Fix this, Mercer.

“She’s your other half, and you need to realize that before you fuck this up and end up alone. I like the man you’re becoming because of her.”

I blinked as Frederick gave me one last smile, and true to his word, let himself out the front door.

Thoughts ran crazy in my mind. I stood there like a fucking idiot, trying to make sense of what just happened. Where the hell had he come from?

Fucking bibbity bobbity booing around like a fairy godmother. Goddammit, I hated him, even though I liked that he cared enough to beat some sense into me.

The grandfather clock in the foyer struck minutes in the silence, counting down the moments I had left before Tess was too far away to find. Before I made an offer I might not survive.

Before I gave Tess the biggest gift I could give anyone.

I wanted to forget about Frederick’s epiphany. Surely, there was some other way to bring Tess back. I may be an asshole, but the thought of what I had to do turned me into a scared, ~spineless~ asshole.

~You can’t walk away~. Not now. Not when I owed Tess everything. Not when I couldn’t live without her.

“Goddammit.”

The beast inside disowned me, leaving me to my ruin.

Hating myself, I raced from the house.