the world at large, and i'm next to you

Oikawa came home from his last meeting, and right away, tore up his contract and danced around the kitchen. He tossed the shreds up into the air, just like confetti.

I'm free! I'm no longer tied to those snakes! Iwaizumi, should we run away now?

Don't get too excited, pal. You need to find a new job, or you'll go broke in no time.

Oh, let's not think about that right now... Just celebrate with me, alright?

~

In two months, new faces had replaced the billboards that once featured Oikawa's. I remembered the days when his face was completely, utterly unavoidable in Shibuya (God, kill me... it was the worst). Now, the memory felt like a hallucination. These days, the screens were lit up with the hopeful smiles of Japan's rookie players. Hinata Shouyou and Kageyama Tobio had become this season's intriguing duo. On the train, young fans would chatter their names and statistics. Instead of murmurs about Oikawa, I would hear things like: Kageyama Tobio is so dreamy and responses like Shut up, he's definitely dating Hinata Shouyou.

I was walking home from work when a bright force sprinted into my right shoulder. In a white and teal tracksuit (a bit tacky... interesting choices), he threw his lanky arms around me, almost tossing us both into the busy intersection.

"Goddammit, Oikawa. Watch out for the cars! Are you trying to kill us both?" I gave the fool a dirty glance.

"Sorry. Got excited." He tugged on my sleeves. "Could we go on a detour? There's a place you might remember. I've been wanting to take us there."

"Sure," I shrugged yet was unable to hide the grin, "if you say so."

As Oikawa and I wandered through Tokyo's busiest streets, I noticed a change in the way people looked at him... or I guess, in the way they did not look at him.

"Hm, does something feel off to you?" I examined the sea of pedestrians and commuters. "It's a bit strange that not a single person has approached you..."

"It's great isn't it? Freedom. I can go anywhere now."

"Wait... what?" His jolly smile left me feeling perplexed. When I first met Oikawa, his world was hinged on fame and fortune. This reaction was a bit... unexpected. Jarring, even.

"People have short attention spans. Why would they focus on me when they could," he pointed at the billboard above us, "focus on them. It's all good though. Less pressure on me."

I looked up at the five gigantic faces smiling back down at us: Hinata Shouyou and Kageyama Tobio on the left-hand panel, smirking against a black and orange background. Kiyoomi Sakusa, Rintarō Suna, and Miya Atsumu on the right, laughing and high-fiving each other against an ever-changing greenscreen background. Then, I turned around and it was a five-story image of Wakatoshi Ushijima and Korai Hoshiumi posed like models. God, I could barely keep track of these players. It felt as if they appeared out of thin air, and all of Tokyo was now fighting to see who could be volleyball's biggest fan. It was as if Oikawa had become old news, replaced by media tycoons and updated gossip. I guess he was right.

Oikawa gazed up and stared at the billboards. For a moment, I noticed a bittersweet sadness in his expression, but then, he smiled. He threw his hands up in the air and chuckled like a baffled, old man. I raised an eyebrow.

"Life is strange. I thought that I would be devastated looking up at these Shibuya signs and not seeing a single trace of myself... but for some reason, I've never been happier." He looked at me and took my hand. "C'mon. Let's get out of here."

He led us to Shinjuku Golden Gai's narrow passageways. We entered a miscellaneous lounge with red lamps and low chandeliers. Oikawa picked a seat at the bar.

Hm, why are we here? I wanted to ask, but instead, I examined the familiar room.

"Could we have two sake bombs, two plum tequilas, and two bitter oranges," Oikawa requested. I looked at him, confused and curious. He touched my shoulder in a way that told me to think deeper. "Oh, are you really telling me that you don't remember, Iwachan? I brought you all this way for you to not remember? I should've known. Though, you're cute when you're confused."

"All I'm thinking about is how I could easily make these drinks for us. You're unemployed, Dummykawa. We have the ingredients at home."

I continued teasing him for bringing us to this cheesy bar. Yet, I knew he had a reason. There was something quite peculiar about the 80s rock and 90s punk. Showa-era music, blasting from the jukebox. College kids with their angsty smirks, violet-haired artists, and that tiny pod of tourists, sitting at the corner table... It was—

"The night... the first night we ever visited Tokyo together."

He took my face in his hands. "Ah-ha! I was scared that you might've been suffering from memory loss. I was about to take you to the doctor. Either that, or I had hallucinated everything."

"You also remember."

"I remember everything. It's hard not to. You're a hard person to forget."

Just like that first night, we kanpai'd and downed our sake shots. In the tiny bar that we visited years before, we melted into our teenage selves, warm and oozing with the taste of freedom and melancholy nostalgia. Then, he pulled my waist into his arms, and we walked through Shibuya's neon-lit streets. Oikawa pointed at the faint stars and hidden bakeries. I caught falling cherry blossom petals, and tucked them into his hand. We watched people look out their windows and others running to catch their bus home.

Finally, we reached Oikawa's destination. The old sign. Just like how it was years ago, albeit a bit more rundown now... or maybe, it seemed nicer in the past due to the rose-tinted glasses we had on during our first visit to the city.

Jaybird Inn.

"This time, I want to make it right," his voice was shaking. It was the rare nervousness he hardly revealed to anyone.

"Why? It was right the first time too," I assured him.

"It was, but then, I fucked it all up. I want to do it again if you'd let me."

I nodded. We got a room for two.

~

I studied his smile, his arms, his hands, our bodies, how our bodies fit into the bed, how the bed felt smaller than how I remembered it to be... or was it because we grew up? Despite his sharp angles and chiseled outlines, Oikawa appeared soft and innocent. Dimpled and bright-eyed. Unlike the photoshopped images of him, I found his weather-beaten attributes to be quite handsome: the scar covered beneath his brown hair, the laugh lines around his mouth and nose, and those dark circles below his eyes. How they appear violet after sleepless nights.

We were warm beneath the covers and so close that our noses were almost touching. It was just like that night when we were young, but Oikawa had only grown to be more beautiful. He pulled me in closer to him.

"Would you still like me even if I failed at life?" he asked. "What if I end up as some washed-up bum?"

"You're asking this as if you aren't already a washed-up bum, so I don't know if—" He interrupted me by putting a hand over my mouth, but I managed to speak through his fingers, "aND oNE MORE THING, if you haven't noticed, I am a bit of a washed-up bum too, so we're in this together."

We fell into a wave of laughter.

"Hajime."

"Yeah?"

"You're the person I want to be in love with for a very long time."

I bursted out laughing.

He looked at me. "I'm serious. You were my first time... my first everything." He let out a nervous chuckle. "God, why am I revealing all of this to you. Not gonna lie, I'm pretty embarrassed right now, but I don't care, I'm just glad that you're with me right now."

"You want to know what I think?" I replied, head leaning into his. "I think that if the workings of this world were trying to keep us apart, it did a horrible job. We wouldn't be here with each other, at this very moment."

Oikawa stared at me like he'd never seen me before.

He blinked and appeared so fragile all of a sudden. "You're right. You're always right. It's annoying."

Then, his mouth is on mine. My heart is pounding a million beats a minute as I inch closer to him and press my lips against his. His rough stubble scratched against my chin, and it was a sensation that only I got to experience, a new version of Oikawa. Rough and a bit worn-down, but still the boy I loved and will love for a long, long time. His lips softened, and I could feel the rapid beat of his heart. Our bodies were intertwined. Graceful and awkward, all at the same time.

& it was just like that first night... but even better.

~

We woke up at the crack of dawn. Soft, buttery light soaked through the window and hit our eyes. He touched my face, and I couldn't hide my happiness. He looked so bright against the white bedsheets. Like something out of a dream.

"Haijime, I have an idea. It might sound a bit crazy, but I think it could work out."

I rested my head against his chest, feeling his breath and soft heartbeats.

"Whatever it is, yes. Let's do it. I want to do every crazy thing on this planet with you."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Yes, Dummykawa. C'mon, tell me what it is before I change my mind."