Chapter 60: One

ELAINE

~“Elaine, wake up.”~

~“Please, open your eyes. Just once.”~

“Don’t bother,” I mumbled. “Leave me alone.”

~“At least you’re responding,”~ Connor said, his lips brushing my forehead. ~“Time to get up, Elaine.”~

I groaned, sitting up. My body was sore. I let out a yell.

“What!” I snapped. Connor raised an eyebrow, giving me that alpha-king look. “Don’t give me that look. You’re the one disturbing my sleep.”

~“True, but you’ve been sleeping for almost two weeks. It’s time to get moving.”~

“What are you talking about?” I ran my fingers through my hair, noticing we weren’t alone. “Can’t you see I’m worn out?”

“We see that, but we need an explanation,” Jyn demanded. I frowned, puzzled.

“Explain what?”

Connor and Jyn shared a look that only added to my confusion. They were looking at me like I’d said something dumb, but I had no idea what they were talking about.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Jyn asked.

I sighed, rubbing my face, and noticed my dress. I was wearing a white silk nightgown with bandages wrapped around me.

That made me frown.

~“Elaine?”~ Connor held my chin. ~“What do you remember?”~

I looked from Connor to Jyn, who was sitting in an armchair by the fireplace. They were both in their gear, which was strange.

“Did something happen?” I asked.

“She might not remember,” Jyn said, ignoring my question.

“Remember what?” I growled.

“You killed Darian and Enora and spilled their blood on their lands.

“Then two lycans came to us after you disappeared for two days. They explained what happened, and…” Jyn shrugged.

I paused.

“How did I get here?” I asked, looking around. I didn’t recognize the room, filled with luxurious vintage furniture that looked expensive.

I tried to remember how I ended up here, but I couldn’t recall anything. The last thing I remembered was leaving the woods. After that, nothing.

“The lycan general in charge said you passed out when you returned from the woods.

“They thought you were exhausted and injured from the fights, so they cleaned you up and let you sleep,” Jyn explained.

“Just like that?” I asked, incredulous.

“You’re their new queen,” he said.

“Queen?” I whispered.

~“Jyn, leave us,”~ Connor mind-linked. Jyn nodded, gave me a brotherly smile, and left, closing the door quietly.

I sighed and lay back down. My body was screaming for rest, but all this had me wide awake.

“What did I do now?” I asked, meeting his gaze. “Tell me I didn’t kill or hurt anyone else. I can’t remember anything.”

~“No, nothing like that,”~ he assured me.

“So?” I pressed. I rubbed my chest over my heart, feeling nauseous.

Without a word, I jumped up and ran to the bathroom just in time to throw up.

I gasped for air, then felt Connor behind me, holding a towel and a glass of water.

I took the water with shaking hands and drank, feeling the cool liquid soothe my throat.

“Are you going to tell me what’s happening now?” I asked, glancing at his neck. There was a small bandage wrapped around it.

It wasn’t bleeding, which was a relief.

~“Come with me, I want to show you something,”~ Connor mind-linked, helping me to my feet.

He led me out of the room and in the opposite direction of the stairs.

I looked at him, but his face was unreadable.

I glanced down and noticed new bracelets on our wrists. They were pure gold and didn’t have any magic in them.

They were identical, with an inscription I couldn’t read. I lifted my wrist, feeling a cool breeze that made me shiver.

I instinctively looked up and stopped. Connor held my hand as I took a step back and looked at him, then back at the scene in front of me.

“This…,” I whispered.

~“You saved them,”~ Connor whispered. ~“You did it.”~

I looked from the woods to Connor, who was smiling warmly. His eyes sparkled in a way I hadn’t seen in a while, which made me smile awkwardly.

Looking back at the trees with their new leaves and the grass, I felt tears well up before I could blink.

A choked sob escaped my lips, and something inside me warmed up. It was strange, but even Ashina felt at peace inside me.

And there was something else. Maybe it was a piece of Connor and his feelings for me, slowly changing me.

I smiled and leaned into his arms, and he welcomed me with all the love he could give me.

***

“Glad you’re finally awake. You had us worried,” Yuki said, hugging me. I hugged her back, which wasn’t something I usually did.

I wasn’t a hugger, but it felt good.

“Everyone keeps saying that, but I don’t remember. All I know is that I’m tired.”

“You’ll have plenty of time to sleep. Right now, we need to talk,” Jyn said, sitting across from me.

The mansion’s table was laden with meats, fruits, bread, and even salads. My brothers helped themselves to the spread as if they were right at home.

I hadn’t asked why we hadn’t left yet. If they hadn’t brought it up, they must have had their reasons.

I popped a grape into my mouth, smiling, when I felt Connor’s hand slide down my thigh.

I jumped, startled by the unexpected touch.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, but he’d already pulled his hand away. I reached for it, concerned, but he pulled further away. I must have hurt his feelings, but that wasn’t my intention.

“Elaine…” I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see Regulus with another man. “Could you please come with us for a moment?”

I studied the man, who offered me a warm smile. He was a lycan from the pack, a general. Was he the one they’d mentioned earlier?

I nodded and followed them into an adjoining room. Regulus closed the door behind us as I took in the man huddled near the fireplace, shadows dancing across his face.

A scar ran from above his chin down his neck. I watched him curiously. He seemed tense. Was it because I was staring?

“Stop it. He won’t hurt you,” Regulus reassured me, his hand on my shoulder. I forced a smile and let him guide me to the couch, where he sat next to me.

“I know this might seem sudden, Queen Elaine, but could you listen to what I have to say?” he asked, causing me to stare. He cleared his throat awkwardly. “My name—”

“Queen Elaine?” I interrupted.

He looked up, a smile spreading across his scarred face. He was handsome, even with his scars. But then, what else would I expect from a lycan?

“Yes, you became our queen the moment you set us all free.” His smile widened. “We are all indebted to you and grateful for bringing this peace and this change.”

“You mean the woods?” I asked, intrigued. He nodded and glanced at my brother, who nudged my shoulder.

“Stop scaring him and relax. You’ll want to hear this,” Regulus advised, patting my thigh. “It’s your dream.”

“My dream?” I raised an eyebrow. “You’re seriously saying that right now?”

He shrugged, chuckling.

“Didn’t you always want to be queen? You did it, Elaine.”

“I just killed Darian and Enora. I didn’t accomplish anything else,” I countered, knowing it wasn’t entirely true.

“You’re wrong, my queen. By killing them, you freed us all and became the new queen of the lycans.

“You earned it through the fight, as a warrior and as the lycan your mother would have been proud of,” the general added, making my heart flutter.

“You knew her?” I asked, my voice shaky.

“We all knew her.” He smiled sadly. “She was just like you: stubborn, strong, and born a queen.”

I smiled at that. It wasn’t that I didn’t want the title or that I wasn’t like my mother.

It was the realization that maybe, after everything, I could be someone these people needed, respected, or even looked up to.

With all the mistakes I’d made, the last thing I felt ready for was to rule a pack of one hundred lycans without screwing it up somehow.

I rubbed my face tiredly, feeling their gazes on me as I slumped against the pillows.

“What?” I asked, irritation creeping into my voice.

“It’s been over forty years since we all had this freedom, my queen. All this time, we’ve felt suffocated, suffered, and struggled to survive without going mad like many did.

“This cursed land, if we can even call it that, ruined our lives. But Enora ruined us more. She was once a good queen, before she became the monster she was.”

“We all have a monster inside us,” I whispered, locking eyes with him. “I am one.”

Regulus tensed beside me.

“I’m no saint, General. I’m not perfect…,” I growled, looking away. “What I did to everyone on Black Rose…is unforgivable. So tell me, what makes you think I won’t fail you all?”

“Because you are not alone,” he replied.

I felt a lump in my throat before I could respond. He didn’t know anything.

“He’s right, Elaine. You’re not alone. You have us, the pack, Connor.” Regulus held my shaking hand.

“And you’ve changed. You’re still stubborn, but you’ve changed. You’re learning from your mistakes and will continue to learn until you no longer need us to prop you up.”

“Regulus…,” I began, looking down. I shook my head and chuckled. “Are you sure you shouldn’t be the king here instead?”

His face turned red as the general laughed.

Mumbling under his breath, he pulled away and leaned back. I smiled at the general and nodded.

“~You~ say I am your queen, but what about the rest of the pack?” I asked him.

His eyes flashed silver as he stood and offered his hand.

“Come, I should show you, instead of speaking for everyone,” he suggested. I took his hand and let him lead me to a balcony window.

He pushed open the shutters, and I looked down to see rows of lycans, hands on their chests and necks bared in submission.

Stunned, I looked from Regulus to the general, who was beaming at us.

“We’ve been waiting for you, your highness. This is your pack, ~your home~.”

I slowly turned and looked at each person standing below me. Their smiles were all the confirmation I needed before the general waved a hand and howls filled the air.

“Smile, Elaine,” Regulus whispered in my ear. “You finally got what you always wanted.”

I laughed and looked down proudly. Ashina howled in my mind, her tail wagging in excitement.

***

I closed the door behind me as Connor emerged from the bathroom, soaked and with his hair tousled to the side, giving him an edge I hadn’t noticed before.

He stopped in his tracks, sensing my presence. I was about to speak when my gaze landed on his neck.

Without uttering a word, I reached out to touch it, but he caught my wrist, stopping me.

His touch made me recoil, and he noticed. His eyes, a blend of gold and black, swirled slowly, as if Khan himself was there, keeping me at bay.

For some time now, I’d been feeling a strange distance growing between Connor and me. I couldn’t pinpoint why, but the feeling was getting stronger.

It wasn’t just him. I too, found myself recoiling from his touch, as if it burned.

“Connor…” I whispered, my voice heavy with pain as he released my wrist and turned away.

His expression was a silent testament to a thousand unspoken words.

~“I’m leaving you,”~ he communicated through our mind-link, and I stumbled back, his words leaving me disoriented.

“What do you mean, leave?” I asked, fear creeping into my heart like a nightmare. I started to shake as I tried to close the distance between us, but he stepped back. “Connor!”

~“Our bond is broken,”~ he said, and I frowned. That was it. The strange feeling I’d been experiencing within me, ~us.~

The bond I’d completely forgotten about was gone. Nothing tied us together anymore.

“You’re leaving me? Didn’t you say you loved me?” The words tumbled out. “You said you didn’t care!”

~“I lied,”~ he whispered in my mind.

A sudden surge of pain in my chest had me snarling at him. My nails lengthened, and I had to fight the urge to grab him.

I took a step back, shaking my head and snarling.

~“Elaine…”~ he began, trying to close the distance, but I growled fiercely, shaking the entire room.

I felt something inside me click into place, like when I woke up, and when I killed Sorin. A bloodlust that wasn’t Ashina~.”~

I pushed the feeling away, back to where it came from. It fought me, but I pushed again until I was drained of all strength, slumping against the vanity table.

My heart pounded in my chest, and the blood rushing in my ears drowned out all other sounds.

I tried to blink away the terrible feeling creeping into my mind, but it took all my strength not to give in and let it take over.

Without another glance at him, I turned and left before I did something I’d regret.

***

I clenched and unclenched my fists, the scent of blood from my hands mingling with the smell of my shoes.

My mind was still foggy, but the sensation in my chest had subsided to the point where I felt hollow, like a walking corpse.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them again. My muscles relaxed, and I let my senses absorb my surroundings.

I should have been crying, but I felt nothing. There was nothing inside me urging me to let go, not anymore. Why?

My thoughts wandered until my feet started moving on their own.

I walked past the trees, the same trees that were bare a week ago and were now lush and green. The paths were covered in bushes and flowers.

I barely noticed all this as I walked deeper into the forest and found myself in front of a place I’d vowed never to return to. The temple~.”~

I sighed and made my way to the statue, staring at it curiously.

A sudden burst of light blinded me, and a shift in the air told me she was there.

“You really are testing my patience, Elaine,” she grumbled. I rolled my eyes and sat down, causing her eyes to widen. “What—”

“Tell me, did killing Enora really save the pack?” I asked, leaning back on my hands and ignoring her surprise.

She must have given up, because she simply sighed and nodded.

“So I really became the queen…,” I mused, more to myself than to her.

“It was only fair. You challenged her, and she lost to you,” she said, her white eyes fixed on me. “You got what you wanted.”

“Then why don’t I feel happy?” I asked, tilting my head to the side. “I don’t feel completely happy. This is my home. I can feel it in my bones. But happiness, it’s foreign to me right now.”

The Moon Goddess moved closer until I had to crane my neck to look at her.

One thing led to another, and soon she was sitting in front of me as if we were old friends. Her legs were crossed like mine, but her hands rested on her lap.

“Losing a bond isn’t that simple. What happened to Connor is something not even I can fix,” she said calmly, as if discussing the weather. “What Darian did, he experienced it.”

“He did?” I frowned. “But there were no scars on him.”

“You couldn’t see them. They healed long ago.”

I stiffened and sat up straight.

“Can Connor heal them? Can he get his voice back?” I asked, a spark of hope igniting within me.

“No,” she replied, extinguishing that tiny flame.

“But you just said—”

“And it will take years. Do you think things are simple? Have you ever considered the cost, the price, and what it will take from him?” Her words were laced with anger.

I looked away, knowing she was right. I was being selfish again.

“Nothing in this life is free, Elaine. Everything must have a balance, a price. To let life flow as it should.” She sighed. “I know you feel strange…”

“Strange?” I hissed, somewhere between a hiss and a snarl. “I feel hollow! Empty! I miss it. ~I~ ~miss him~!”

To that, the Goddess remained silent. Her face was as still as a porcelain statue, much like the one behind her.

Clutching my hair, I looked away and closed my eyes. I felt desperation clawing at my chest. It was strange. It felt like my emotions would only surface when needed.

“What do I have inside my body?” I blurted out before I could stop myself. “I have something that’s not Ashina living inside my body and mind. Controlling me!”

“The lycan spirit,” she said, placing a finger on my forehead.

A sharp pain shot through me, making me wince.

“Ouch!” I hollered.

She just laughed, not moving from her spot.

“The spirit lycan inside you is the legacy of all the past pack leaders. It was sleeping until Connor’s sacrifice woke it up.” She shrugged, grinning. “It was your mother’s.”

I clamped my mouth shut, taking in her words. The Goddess touched my forehead again, and everything went black.

I fought to keep my arms steady before I blacked out.

“Curse you…,” I mumbled, collapsing to the ground. My strength drained away, leaving me so relaxed I didn’t want to wake up again.

***

When I finally came to, the first thing I saw was silver hair and a ghostly pale face that startled me.

I scrambled back, staring at the Goddess, who just looked down at me with a blank expression.

A chill ran up my spine, making the hairs on my neck stand up. I growled at her as she stood up straight.

“What did you do to me?” I snarled. She started to circle me. Each step echoed like she was walking on shattered glass.

I winced every time she moved. I was so hypersensitive it was making me nauseous. Everything around me felt so intense, as if I’d merged with my surroundings.

“Thank you,” she said, causing me to frown.

“Thank you?” I echoed. “For what?”

I cringed as she stopped behind me. I could feel her watching me closely, as if she was enjoying what she’d done to me.

Was it the way she had me trembling with frustration and fear?

“All that darkness you felt inside has been fully unleashed. You are finally whole,” she explained. I had to kneel to look at her.

“Whole?” I gasped as my legs threatened to buckle. What the hell had she done to me?

“Yes, that mind control and overwhelming sensation inside you didn’t fully unlock. You needed the bond to complete it, but you don’t have one.”

She shrugged. “So I fixed it. Consider it an apology from me.”

My eyes widened as I stared at her in silence.

“Don’t. There’s nothing to say. Now, I want to give you some advice,” she said, leaning over me.

“Whatever Connor does, let him. He isn’t bound to you, and whatever decision he makes, he’s doing it for a reason. So don’t deny him that, and just give yourself a break.”

I opened my mouth, but no words came out. I felt like they wouldn’t make sense anyway.

I slumped back on my heels, lowering my head. My eyes started to sting as tears welled up.

“He’s leaving me…,” I sobbed. “I don’t know what to do. I’m desperate to get back what we lost, to find a way for him to heal, for ~us~ to heal, but I can’t find it.”

I looked at my hands as I let out a scream. The pain inside me was as raw as the day Connor’s throat was ripped out and our bond was severed.

I clutched my shirt, bent over, and cried without holding back.

I didn’t care that she was watching me. I didn’t care who heard me. All I wanted was to scream and let everything out until my emotions were spent.

“I don’t want to lose him. I can’t handle it if he leaves me just because we lost what bound us. We don’t need it, because I love him…”

A gentle touch made me look up. The Goddess was crouched in front of me, her hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me.

“I’m sorry I didn’t take care of you. I knew. I saw everything that happened to you, but I let it happen, knowing it was your destiny.

“But you surprise me every time we meet. And I can’t help but feel for you, even if you think I only hate you.

“I do. You don’t deserve anything I offer, but one thing I can do is tell you, child, let him go,” she said as I shook my head, still clutching my shirt.

“You have to listen to me, Elaine. Connor needs to leave, to find his own path.

“You both love each other more than any other pair ever has, so give him that. And if you love him, as they say, ~let him go~.”