Chapter Twenty-six

MATTHEW'S POV

I swear, I was beginning to think the universe had it in for me. If it wasn’t embarrassing enough to be caught mid-twerk, I then had to be helped to strip and shower. Was it too much to have hoped that was enough mortification for one day? Apparently so.

After my shower, Remi helped me get changed into shorts and a t-shirt, and suddenly I was exhausted. Two painkillers later and I awoke after four hours of glorious sleep. I climbed out of bed, grabbed my crutches, and hobbled to the kitchen where the scent of sweet peppers was making my stomach grumble loudly.

The kitchen was bathed in sunlight, and I smiled at how happy this cottage always seemed. Did Remi even know how lucky he was to live here? This was my dream home, like a chocolate box cottage: picturesque and perfectly romantic. All that was missing were some homey touches that made the place feel less perfect and more real.

The hall door was wide open, and I heard voices outside. The breeze wafted through the house, carrying the scent of summer flowers and comfort. I never wanted to leave this place. Ever. I frowned, knowing I was on a ticking clock. Once I was better, I’d have no reason to stay. Unless Remi wanted me too. And I wasn’t sure anymore whether he did or not. Things had changed and we were... well, we weren’t where we had been.

I was halfway down the hall when two men appeared, hauling a huge piece of furniture through the cottage main door. It was only when they set it down that I recognized it as the large Victorian writing desk Remi had bought that day at the auction house. The one he had asked me to bid on.

He bounded down the stairs and grinned. “Thanks, Michael, Keith. Have you delivered that bureau to Mr. Wallis yet?”

“Yeah, we dropped it over yesterday evening. He said he was going to call you about something else.”

Remi nodded and then handed them a fifty euro note. “Get yourselves some lunch. Thanks, guys.”

“Cheers. Will do.”

The two men nodded at me and then closed the door on their way out, leaving me, Remi, and the beautiful writing desk alone in the hall.

“It looks amazing in here. Where are you going to put it?” I hobbled closer, inspecting the rich mahogany that glowed.

Remi turned around and nodded towards the space under the stairs. “I think it would be perfect there. I’ll straighten it up, and you tell me if it looks good.”

I hobbled back a few paces and leaned against the wall, watching as he expertly manoeuvred the desk into position.

“Well? What do you think?”

“I love it. Leave it there.” I smiled at him and noticed how happy and relaxed he looked, dressed in casual chinos and a light blue shirt. He was ridiculously handsome, and my heart skipped a beat. The shower had been a surprise -- the way he’d looked at me, the want in his eyes evident. I really liked him, loved him even, but I knew he was holding back.

Things had changed since the accident and I’d just have to resign myself to the fact that our sexy weekend had been a one-time thing. I was here now as a guest, recuperating, and then Remi would be expecting me to leave.

“Tea?” He interrupted my thoughts, and I nodded.

“Sure.”

We sat in the sunny window seat, drinking tea and chatting about the writing desk and other things he’d bought from all over the world. It was clear we were filling the silence, not really sure how to talk to each other, since we were technically still strangers.

And yet, not strangers at all. We’d been intimate and we had this connection that was undeniable. Even if Remi was now determined to deny it.

After a while, he sat up and turned to me. “Do you want to go outside for a bit? Get some fresh air?”

“Yeah, sounds good.”

Carefully, he guided me out into the garden and over to the overgrown rockeries. There seemed to be a million flowers, and white butterflies flitted from shrub to shrub. I’d miss this, already wondering where I was going to end up when I was better. Remi led me across the grass and gently eased me onto the seat. We sat together, the sun beaming down on us, and the silence shrouding us in peace. There was no sound, just the breeze and...

Wait.

That bastard!

I snapped my eyes open and saw my nemesis making a beeline for me.

“Remi, oh my god, I thought you’d locked them in!”

He turned to me, a confused expression on his face, and then he followed my terrified gaze to the dinosaur making its way toward me.

“It’s coming for me!” I screeched, scrambling to lift my legs off the ground, crutches sliding away.

I didn’t appreciate Remi's reaction. He broke into a loud, shaking laugh as he watched me.

“It’s a hen. What are you afraid of? It’s not going to do anything to you.”

I continued my futile attempt to crawl higher into the chair, my injured leg preventing me from escaping. “Don’t laugh. She has it in for me, I’m telling you. Look at her beady little eyes. She fucking hates me.”

The laughter rose, and the hen was inches from me when Remi leaned forward and gave a loud “Shoo!”

As if on cue, the chicken did a U-turn and bolted through the long grass, clucking angrily.

“That’s it, run away you maniac!” I called after it and then looked at Remi. “Stop laughing. That hen is crazy.”

I’ll be honest, I thought the guy might actually fall off his seat from laughing so hard.

“Oh, Matthew,” he murmured, and then he stood up, leaning down over me and kissing me gently on the lips.

God, I was confused. He seemed confused. I couldn’t keep doing this strange dance of push and pull. I needed answers.

“Can I ask you something?” I blurted and then bit my lip.

“Of course.”

“What are we doing? I mean, I’m a little unsure where this is going or if it’s going anywhere. I kind of don’t know how to be with you. And I don’t want things to be awkward, especially when you are looking after me and being so kind. But I also really fancy you and it’s... uh... hard to not want to kiss you and stuff.” My stomach twisted with nerves, and I watched Remi’s brown eyes as he blinked slowly and sat back down in his seat beside me.

“And stuff? Remind me to come back to that later. But to answer your question, I don’t have the faintest clue what we’re doing or where this is heading. I’m thinking we should take things slow, because we don’t really know each other still, and I don’t want either of us to regret rushing into things. But I like you, Matthew, and I want us to be more than friends. I’m just a little unsure about the age difference.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re too young for me.” He smiled, brown eyes warm and inviting.

“You keep saying that.”

“That’s because it’s true. I’m twice your age, an old man in comparison.”

“Nope. You’re not old; you’re distinguished.”

His eyebrows shot up, and he chuckled. “Is that so?”

“It is.” I nodded. “And I think you should take a chance on things. Stop overthinking and just do what feels good.” I was trying to be brave, but inside, I was vibrating with nerves.

“If I was to follow your advice and do what just feels good, I’d have dragged you down in the grass right here and...”

“What’s stopping you?” I interjected, searching Remi’s eyes for a flicker of hope. I wanted him so badly. He was stopping this from happening, and I needed to challenge him to just let go.

“Come on, I need to check on lunch, and then I want to go down to the village. You can come with me if you like. I’ll drive so you don’t have to walk anywhere.” He stood up and held his hand out for me to take.

That was it? That was how he was ending the conversation? Damn. Annoyed, I ignored his extended hand and bent over sideways to grab my crutches before hauling myself to my feet. If he was going to keep pushing me away because of the age difference, then I was going to have to accept that he didn’t really like me that much.

I couldn’t keep wanting him and putting my heart on the line for him to reject me because of a few years. Okay, so it was more than a few, over twenty, but still. His excuses were all bullshit. Either he liked me, or he didn’t. This age thing wasn’t even an issue. But Remi was clutching to it for all his might.

“I’m tired. I think I’ll lie down again,” I lied, wanting to disappear into my room and cry.

“Oh, alright. If you’re hungry, let me know.”

“I’m fine.” My voice was a little abrupt, and I knew he could probably tell I was annoyed. But damn it. I wasn’t going to be pushed away like this.

I wobbled and stumbled my way back to the study and shut the door behind me. The canvas I had started painting the night before stood upright under the window. That’s what I’d do. I’d pass the time by painting my feelings away. Trapping them on the canvas so I didn’t have to feel them so deeply. Because right now, I felt rejected, and I was so tired of feeling that way.