Chapter 17. Envy

🎶 Love Me Thoda Aur

Published on 09.06.2022

| AUTHOR'S POV |

Nervousness and excitement.

Two contrasting feelings yet they blend so beautifully as if they're made for each other. It makes you feel more aware, more alive. You feel it when you've to face an important ocassion, something that's really special to you, which means a lot to you. You want to do it correct, you want to make it memorable. The adrenaline rush, the pounding heart, the heightened pulse, you feel it all.

Inaaya felt all of these too right now as she anticipated the arrival of Ayansh at her house on Sunday evening pacing around the couch in the living room. They had to complete the presentation together and they thought instead of skipping classes or taking few hours off work, it would be better if they met on Sunday somewhere. Ayansh suggested his place to which Inaaya gave him a pointed look and he fumbled, realising that it was too direct. Then, she told him to meet at her place.

"Are you sure he's the nervous one, because right now, looking at you, I don't think I've ever seen someone as nervous as you in my entire lifetime."

Inaaya stalled and tilted her head, giving Kartik a certain look. "Now, that's exaggeration."

Kartik grinned. "True that but then I've always been a little over." He shrugs casually causing her sister to roll her eyes.

"Also, it's justified to be nervous for me. I mean someone's coming here other than Niki and Alish." She mumbles meekly, tapping her foot on the floor.

"So you should've met him at some other place." Kartik quirks a brow, challenging her.

"Like?"

Their mother who was sitting on the couch with her phone, looks up. "Like his house."

"No." Kartik says immediately, his voice stern. "It's better he's coming here."

"Thought so." Inaaya smirks but the doorbell rings and the smirk falls off. "I'll go and check." She starts to walk towards the door but suddenly spins around. "Bhai," she says, walking hurriedly towards him and holding his hand. "You open the door, I'll be behind you." He doesn't get the chance to respond because she's already dragging him with her.

"What's wrong with her?" He muttered under his breath.

Kartik opened the door to meet a fidgety Ayansh wearing a full sleeve grey t-shirt and faded jeans. Inaaya stood beside Kartik, with a formal smile, trying hard to mask away her nervousness.

Kartik assessed him and Ayansh tried not to break down under his scrutinizing gaze.

"He's Kartik, my brother." Inaaya said. "And he's Ayansh." She added, looking at Kartik and pointing at Ayansh.

"I know." Kartik said, his voice blunt.

Ayansh blinked. "You know?" He inquired, puzzled.

"Can you please come in?" Inaaya interrupted them and Kartik stepped aside, making way for Ayansh.

"Oh, yes." Ayansh gave a nervous laugh as he entered.

"Of course," Kartik started. "I've heard about you. Your family is famous in the business world." He says as a matter of fact.

"Uh.. makes sense." He mutters sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Oh hello," Inaaya's Mom greets him enthusiastically.

"She's my Mom." Inaaya informs him.

Not understanding how to greet back, Ayansh awkwardly joins his palm and does a namaste gesture. "Hello," he says back politely.

Inaaya's mother laughs, amusedly. "Indo western style?" She inquires playfully. "Doing namaste and saying hello? I like the fusion."

Kartik tries hard but a smile still manages to break on his face. Ayansh looks at Inaaya apologetically while she looks at him trying hard to maintain a neutral face.

"Sorry." He murmurs in embarassment.

"It's okay." Her mother comes near him. "I was just pulling you leg. Make yourself home and if you need something, just tell us." She says warmly and offers him a kind smile that instantly makes Ayansh feel relaxed.

"Thank you." He says gratefully.

"Okay then, I think we should start our work." Inaaya informs everyone, sensing they've already taken a lot of time in introductions. "Let's go upstairs." She tells Ayansh and moves ahead while he follows her.

Ayansh takes in the decor of her room when they enter. It was simple. Red and white combination. Bed in the centre, lamp on the side, study table in front of it, couch on one corner, cupboards, shelves on the wall, closet, some expensive paintings hanging and wall art and a balcony. Nothing extraordinary or unique yet beautiful and neat.

"You can keep your bag on the couch." She tells him and he follows. "You wanna use the washroom? It's there." She points out.

"I would appreciate it." He thanks her and moves to wash his hands and feet.

Meanwhile, Inaaya brings a chair for him near the study table where her laptop was already lying. She gathers her hair and ties them up. Ayansh comes out and she notices it. She's saying something to him while removing her book and pen but he seems distracted. Something about the way she looked with her hairs in a loose, messy bun seemed to make him transfixed, demanding his undivided attention. It was hard, almost impossible to move his eyes away. It felt as he was held in an invisible captive and weirdly he didn't even feel like being free from it.

Inaaya snaps her fingers, breaking his trance.

"Where are you lost?" She waggles her eyebrows.

Ayansh dumbly shakes his head.

"Then sit." She points towards his chair.

After a few minutes, Kartik comes with glasses of water for both of them.

"Aww, look at you serving us." Inaaya cooed at him as he kept the tray on the table.

Kartik kept his hand on the table and leaned on the side, gazing down at her with squinted eyes. "I'm not interested in this. I just wanted to keep an eye on you two." He gave Ayansh a suspicious look and he winced involuntarily.

"Bhai!" Inaaya warns him, slapping his hand. "You're scaring him unnecessarily." She grits.

Kartik shrugs as if it's none of his concern. "By the way, I'm free. I can help you two." He beams.

Inaaya regards him.

Ayansh thinks it would be rude to turn him down. "We don't have any problem- "

"We have." Inaaya cuts him off. "Teen tigada kaam bigada (A crowd of three, spoils the work)" She tells Kartik and stands up, holding his hand and dragging him to the door.

"The more, the merrier, Inu." Kartik tries desperately when she pushes him out of the door.

"Stop acting so protective. I told you he's a nice guy." Inaaya says in a hushed tone.

"So let me assess him personally and believe it." He whispers back.

She throws a frustrated look. "Why? I'm not getting married to him."

He makes a puppy face. "From dragging me to the door to throwing me out of the door for that guy, we came a long way." He says dramatically, feigning sadness.

"You deserve." She's about to shut the door on his face when he stops her.

"Okay, I'm sorry." He chuckles. "Tell me what you two want to eat."

Inaaya looks at him for a couple of seconds and then turns her gaze to look out of the window. It's cloudy, seems it will rain in sometime. She looks back at her brother. "Bhajiya and adrak vali chai." She says in an affectionate tone and smiles softly.

Kartik frowns. "Isn't it a little too oily?"

She ignores that. "Don't disturb us for the next two hours. Bye and thank you." She closes the door.

"Did I do something?" Ayansh asks cautiously when Inaaya sits besides him.

"No."

"Your brother doesn't seem to like me." He mumbles.

She shakes her head and chortles. "He's a little crackhead. Don't mind him."

Ayansh had already collected the statistics and that made their work easier. For the next one and half hour, they worked on the presentation diligently. They make a good team considering they both are quite focussed and invested when it's demanded. When they work, it's just work for them and hence, it never feels as if one of them isn't contributing as much as they should and the other one is doing most of the job.

There's a knock on the door and Inaaya gets up to open it. Kartik enters and is about to go towards the table in front of the couch when Inaaya tells and helps him to keep the cups of tea and plates of snacks on the study table itself.

"Are you two done?" Kartik inquires.

"Almost." Ayansh answers, looking up. "Just going through the whole thing for the last time."

Kartik nods. "Anyways if y'all need something more, lemme know." He offers like a polite host.

"Thank you. That's- that's really sweet of you." Ayansh expresses, feeling genuine gratitude because his brother wouldn't even do even the slightest of what Kartik did. He simply wouldn't bat an eyelash.

"I love you, Bhai." Inaaya smiles at Kartik.

"I love you too." He mouths back and leaves.

Ayansh looks at that exchange in awe.

"Chai and bhajiya." There's a little mischief laced in his tone as Inaaya gives him the cup of tea.

She shrugs. "Let's finish it." She focuses her attention on the screen yet deep somewhere Ayansh knows that she did try his suggestion and that makes him want to grin and tease her but he chooses to not make her feel awkward about it.

"I think we're done." Inaaya says, sitting straight on her chair.

"It's pretty good in my opinion."

"It is, isn't it?" She smiles at him in accomplishment.

He smiles back and after saving the presentation, closes the laptop.

"What are you plans?" She inquires as she takes a sip of her tea.

"About?"

"I mean you're working in your Dad's company right now. So, what's next? Like continuing to work there, get promoted or stuff or something else?" There was no contempt or judgement. She was simply intrigued and inquisitive.

Ayansh hesitated; not because he didn't want to share but because he felt too eager to tell her, to let her know his dreams and plans that's always just been buried within him with questions and doubts. It was eerie how he wanted to spill his guts out to her when he hasn't even done that with his friends.

"I- I have a plan." He finally says. There's nervousness but there's also this thrill he feels as he narrates to her. "I have a plan for a startup. It's a rough one, not anything concrete but I want to try. But- "

He stops midway and Inaaya's forehead creases in confusion. "But?" She urges him to continue.

He takes a deep breath and looks into his almost empty cup. "My parents and my brother want be to carry forward the family business. So..... " He trails off and his shoulders slump.

She doesn't understand. "So what?"

"So, I'll ofcourse listen to what my parents want." He says as if it's obvious.

She regards him for a moment looking for some kind of hint. "But you don't want it."

"How does that matter?" He questions back. "I'm not as bright as my brother. I've mostly disappointed them all my whole life. The least I could do is listen and follow them."

Inaaya snickers. "That's ridiculous honestly."

Ayansh feels mildly offended. "Wouldn't you've listen to your parents if they told you something like that? Or more if your brother told you so?" He's blunt and curious.

Inaaya tilts her head. She knows she has hit a nerve but she isn't sorry. She forwards him the plate of snacks and speaks. "They actually want me to do the same. My brother too. But I don't want to and so, I won't do it." She answers calmly and it befuddles him.

"And- and your brother is okay with it? Isn't he hurt or something because you refused?"

"He's just looking out for me. He wants things to be easier for me, he doesn't want me to struggle. But I want to pave my own path, do my own thing and he's okay with that too. He supports me. In both the cases, he just wants the best for me." She explains softly.

This makes Ayansh feels unsettled. Why aren't things this simple for him too? Why can't for once his family too trust him and let him do his own thing without making him feel bad for choosing himself? "If Kartik asked you to do something, would you do it? If you love someone then wouldn't you do anything that would make them happy?" His heart pounds in his chest as he asks that.

"I would." She doesn't even have to think before answering that. "I would jump off a cliff if he would tell me to." She chuckles. "But Ayansh, he wouldn't. When you love someone, you don't put them into a situation where they've to make a tough choice. You try to avoid it. You want them to be happy even if it causes you some trouble or it hurts you a little. So, I know my brother wouldn't want me to do something where I need to compromise and be unhappy just for him. Moreover, if I hurt, he would be hurting too and if I'm happy and content, he would be happier than me. If I fail, he would be there to pick me up and tell me fail better next time." She laughs. "It would be hard for him; not because he would be disappointed to see me fail but it would pain him to see my confidence break. I'm sure your parents are also just looking out for you. But if you want to do something on your own, then go for it. If you fail, it's fine. You can start over. You're young and you can work and do something even if it's not what you visioned. Take chances while you can."

Ayansh doesn't meet her eyes. She's right, her words make sense. It's also a kind of a reality check for him but she's wrong about the last part. His parents are disappointed, have always been. She has received the selfless, healthy kind of love while he has always craved for it. And the only way he thinks he can have it is by doing each and everything that makes them happy. He feels envious and he doesn't want to feel it. He silently gets up and walks to the balcony. It's raining outside. He holds the railing and leans forward, letting his head fall down as he closes his eyes and sighs. There's jealousy slowly, steadily pulling him in, dragging him and he wants the rain to wash it away. He feels disgusted with himself for being envious because it isn't her fault. Maybe he's just unfortunate and that's it. It doesn't give him the right to hold something against her.

Inaaya cannot comprehend his behaviour. She doesn't know what's in his head. She walks to the balcony and stands beside him. He feels her presence but he doesn't look up, trying to bring down the uproar of emotions he's feeling currently. She looks at the trickle of water in front of her. Carefully after a lot of thinking, she brings her right hand forward, stretching out her index finger and curling the rest of them. When Ayansh finally opens his eyes, her action catches his attention.

He watches her in confusion first and then in amusement. The rain falls on her hand and then glides downwards and she looks at them with a frown as if trying to decode a secret. She doesn't understand what is it about rain that fascinates so many people, especially Ayansh. It's just another phenomenon afterall. She touches her thumb to her index finger and finds out that rain water feels just like normal water. There's nothing special. There's a chuckle coming from someone near her but she's too engrossed to solve the mystery that it doesn't bother her a bit.

Inaaya freezes and her breath hitches when a familiar foreign feeling engulfs her. If not for the sound of rain, she would've definitely been able to hear her own heartbeats when she feels another hand holding her outstretched ones, uncurling her fingers.

She's distracted, utterly, completely distracted. She doesn't remember what she was supposed to be doing. The rain is not anymore her subject of fascination. She slowly turns her face to look at Ayansh. He isn't looking at her and she couldn't take her eyes away from him. His body isn't touching hers and yet she could feel the warmth shielding her from the cold of the rain. It's tantalizing and testing her restraint. The sane part of her is trying to hold her up but it isn't enough. The proximity, the uncanny feelings, him, everything seems to be messing with her system. Her knees seem to be giving up and she almost takes a step back to lean into him when there's a splash.

The sudden splatter of water on the side of her face throws her off guard and makes her squeeze her eyes shut. Ayansh laughs at her reaction.

"What the- "

She's cut off when he splashes water on her face again through her hand. She slowly regains a sense of her surroundings and realises how he has cupped her palm and is letting the water collect in them. He steps aside, laughing and leaves her hand and her heart sinks at the loss of warmth and touch. Her face scrunches up in disappointment and he thinks it's because of him annoying her with a little mischief but it's actually due to the fact he's not as near to her as she would like him to be, making her distracted and her heart race.

Inaaya glares at him.

"You need to feel the moment. You need to enjoy the rain. You were looking at it as if you're trying to find some sick logic." He mocks her playfully, the grin never leaving his face.

The next thing he knew was the water splashing across his face. He freezes for a second and then smiles, looking up into her eyes. He isn't fazed. He enjoys it and that irks her. She turns towards the rain whose pace has increased and cups both her palms together. She turns to throw water at him but as she does it, he does it too.

"Ayansh!" She gasps but he just laughs at her misery and then she gives up and laughs and giggles herself.

They're now just flapping their hands in the rain and directing it towards the other person childishly and laughing and smiling at their antics while their eyes twinkled and glistened with unbridled joy. It's like some competition between them, a competition with no winners and losers.

After a few minutes when they're done, Inaaya gives him a face towel and takes another one for herself. They clean and dry themselves up. There's a small stubborn smile that refuses to leave their faces. They're content and happy and it feels good to not feel awkward with each other. Instead, it's comforting and warm and calming how easily things off late have been flowing between them. It's just like the rain, falling easily, flowing smoothly.

It's almost seven in the evening when Ayansh gives her the cloth back, thanks her and tells her that he must leave.

"Do you've a raincoat?" She quirks a brow as he collects his bag from the couch.

"I drove my car." He gives her a goofy smile and she shakes her head.

"I'll walk you out."

***

When will it rain here though? 🥲 Hope y'all liked the chapter. Take care and lots of love :)

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