Chapter 27. Bullying

🎶 Hum Tum - Ali Zafar

Published on 25.07.2022

| AUTHOR'S POV |

The knock on the door startles Ayansh and he walks towards it to open it. A cheerful Sarya with a tray holding two mugs of coffee greets him.

"May I enter?" She raises the tray.

"You don't need to ask." Ayansh chuckles and steps aside to let her in.

Inaaya pulls at the sleeves of his hoodie that she has been wearing and gives Sarya an uneasy smile which she returns with an extra friendly one. She mouths a 'thank you' when Sarya hands her the mug and then goes over to Ayansh.

"I'm really sorry Inaaya because I know this pretty face wouldn't have asked you anything." Sarya says, slapping the back of Ayansh's head playfully and he grimaces at the realisation.

"It's alright. We actually had snacks, didn't we?" Inaaya looks at Ayansh and arches a brow at him.

"Yeah?" He turns his face at Sarya and nods. "Yeah. We— we had nachos. Really crispy." He fake grins, his emotions still scattered all over the place.

Sarya's gaze switches between them sceptically. "Okay then. I'll leave you two. Ayansh," she addresses him, "we'll leave for the party in half an hour." She shoots a last smile at Inaaya and strolls away.

Inaaya sits on the couch with the mug in her hand. "Don't want to be anywhere near you. What if I end up spilling the coffee again?" She says playfully, eyes wide and looking at him adorably before a smile breaks on her face.

Ayansh's lips curved the slightest but he didn't say anything. He simply stared at her because if his thoughts right now were the raging waves then she was the shore they were trying to reach. He watched her blowing softly over the beverage, both her hands holding the mug, her eyes narrowed into slits, her legs crossed and she looked so tiny in that oversized hoodie engulfing her. He knew she felt her stare when her hands flexed and she stilled for a miniscule moment but she didn't rebuke or say anything to him. She continued her movement and he continued his staring.

"If there's something, anything that you want to say, you can." She tells him when the silence in the room starts bothering her yet her voice was somehow comforting amidst the tangible tension.

"And you'll listen to me?" He asks, his voice coming out as somewhat condescending which confuses Inaaya.

Inaaya looks up and instead, smiles. "I would love to listen to you. But it's fine if you don't want to say. And it's fine if you want."

She goes back to her coffee, leaving him in a dilemma. What did he even want to say? He didn't know. He didn't know how should he word out the thoughts that made his heart pound in his chest, the feelings that frightened him, threatened him. He didn't understand them. But she was here to listen to him, to anything he said. It was strangely inviting, tempting. Because he never had anyone who would simply be there to listen to him, ask him if there's something he needs to talk about and moreover someone who gives him the choice, the freedom where he can actually think about himself, put himself above anyone else. She would be there if he wanted to say something, she would be there if he didn't. The bottom point was she would be there and he didn't know how much he needed that until he got exactly that.

A brief memory flashes in his brain, making him remember the innumerable lonesome moments when he had no one. An elder brother who he couldn't count on, parents who always found him at fault and friends, well, he never had any friends to begin with until he met Neha, Kabir and Dhruv.

He turns in his study chair towards the table, finally looking away from her. "I was in school till my seventh standard and then I was in hostel. I used to get bullied." He says with a humorless chuckle and he doesn't know what her reaction is but he assumes she must be looking at him inquisitively with a lot of questions. "I was this quiet, shy kid always staying in a corner, finding it impossible to mingle with others. I was this guy about whom others assumed stuffs, thought I was weird. So, I guess it gave them the opportunity to poke me, question me and when I didn't answer anything because I didn't have anything to say, they made fun of me. I was an easy target." He turns to meet her gaze, expecting a response or a question or something but she just keenly watches him and thus, he continues.

"It wasn't anything extreme though. I'd tried to tell my brother but he said it was normal and instead of whining, I should maybe learn to be confident like him."

Inaaya has a look of disbelief etched on her face. Something inside her had snapped at his confession and she found it incredibly difficult to keep her mouth shut from saying something about Rahul which Ayansh wouldn't appreciate.

"He wasn't wrong by the way." Ayansh immediately says, feeling the urge to be defensive. "Even teachers used to praise him, see him and they always used to be shocked to know that I was his brother." He laughs and Inaaya's chest squeezes for she feels how awfully sad that sound is, how he's trying hard to undermine what he went through, the loneliness, the terrible feeling of abandonment, the self loathing because you believe you aren't enough. "When I was in hostel, the pattern followed. I used to be quiet and that provoked people to talk about me and then trouble me in the name of fun. Some even made me do their homework many times. Maybe, that's the reason I found my escape in books." He chuckles.

"Why didn't you never tell any of this to your parents?" She interrupts, her voice sharp.

Ayansh shakes his head. "I— ," he takes a deep breath, "I thought they would anyways blame me. Already, they were disappointed that I wasn't as smart as Bhai. I didn't want to give them more reasons to— to hate me." He mumbles, averting his gaze to the filled mug of coffee. "Anyways," be quickly goes back to the main topic, "slowly, steadily it aggravated. They would ask me weird questions, put me in a tight spot and then laugh at me. It was humiliating. They even tried to make me do certain other things for their entertainment but I refused. And one day, as I was walking in the mess, someone stretched their leg in front of me and I stumbled, falling flat on the floor. Everyone was laughing." He meets Inaaya's eyes to find her gritting her teeth and he heaves a breath. "Let me wind it up soon," he laughs. "That was the limit. I was hurt in the knee. Mustering up courage, I complained to the teacher. There's only so much a person can take I guess before he breaks. That incident was my breaking point. The teacher scolded and warned the students. Nothing happened after that. The bullying came to a stop except two of them coming and saying to me that I was a coward to complain, I was weak because I couldn't handle a little bit of fun and I wasn't a sport."

A sardonic chuckle escapes Inaaya making Ayansh halt. "Funny of them." She comments, subtly rolling her eyes.

Ayansh presses his lips in a thin line. "I'm not sharing all this with you because I want some sympathy. I'm over everything, atleast for the major part. Truly. But the coward thing stayed with me. It's the reason why whenever you so selflessly and bravely take a stand for someone, I couldn't help but stare at you in wonder. I respect you a lot for that, genuinely." He gives her a little smile, his voice laced with warmth and honesty. "It just comes so easily to you, to help someone, be there for them, be their voice when they can't find their own. I can never be that. It's— "

"You aren't a coward." She cuts him off. "You weren't a coward and you should stop thinking that." She pins him with a pointed stare.

"I was. It's fine to accept that." He says, calmly.

"Ridiculous." She scoffs. "Imagine you had a younger sibling and they asked you for some help? Would you call them a coward? Maybe you would want them to fight their own battle but till when? There has to be a point where you would want to hold their hand instead of letting them suffer alone. Would you call them weak for needing that? It's funny when people are so ashamed to take responsibility of their own mistakes, they blame it on others to make themselves feel better. And I'm not saying this to make you feel better. It's the truth. It's okay to ask for help, that doesn't make you weak." Her voice softens and he gazes at her with a look she couldn't decipher. "And the courage you're speaking of doesn't come easily. It comes from a place of fear, the same fear which compelled you to make a decision to tell your teacher about the bullying. Because you fear anything more than that and you'll shatter, you fear that there's no more you can take and if you don't do something, you'll lose the remaining part of yourself that you've been holding on as well. And when you've reached that point, you wouldn't want anyone to reach there because it's so fucking painful."

Her eyes stay fixed on his and he stares back at her. There's a silent understand that passes between them. She doesn't expect a response, she isn't looking to convince him about something. And she sure as hell doesn't want him to question anything. Ayansh sharing a part of his life which he hadn't ever said to anyone, making her a part of his life gave her enough space to open up about her feelings. He understands that. She might not go into details but he realises that there's something, something more broken than him, more scarred than him that she keeps hidden and buried and so far away from the world. He wants to know, he wants to know every tiny detail about her but he isn't going to force her. All he's going to do is wait, wait until she's comfortable enough to show him the deepest parts of her. And till that time, he would be her strength, her biggest cheerleader and keep reminding her of what an incredible woman she is.

Ayansh smiles at her and it's everything she needed at that point. Comfort and assurance wrapped in one, a soothing caress of love and gentleness all at once. "I really, really respect you a lot. Even proud of you."

She chuckles at his kindness. He doesn't even know anything yet he said he's proud of her and it wasn't just for the sake of saying, he truly meant it. Inaaya gets up with her empty mug and walks up to him. "If there's something that life has taught me very vividly then it is that you need to take a stand for yourself because nobody else will. At the end, it's just you. You'll be all that you'll have. So, be your best friend." She picks his mug and brings it near his lips, making him push himself back in his chair.

"I'm not drinking it." He says with a grimace.

"You are." She says sternly. "Sarya took the effort to make you coffee and I'm not going to let you just throw it away."

Ayansh gets up from his chair without responding and takes out the hair dryer from his drawer.

"Use it." He says, forwarding the dryer.

"Drink the coffee." She pulls the dryer from him.

He watches her remove the towel wrapped around her head, shake her hair and then plug the dryer.

"I'll drink the coffee on one condition."

Inaaya turns her head and raises her brows in question.

"Come with me for scuba diving at Tarkarli." He says, surprising her.

She stills, her throat going dry, her mind going in a frenzy and her heart thundering. "Excuse me?"

"My brother had booked two tickets for him and Sarya but due to some reason, Sarya isn't available. I thought of giving the tickets to Neha and Kabir but I wonder if it's the right thing considering the situation with her Mom. So, I'm asking you now." He says smoothly, the lie rolling off his tongue as if it's a daily routine. There were no tickets. He made that up to sound convincing. Honestly, he doesn't know what prompted him to ask but ever since that day, he has this  drive to want to make her happy, to fulfill her wishes and taking her for scuba diving was an incredulous thought that was bothering him since last few days.

"Why?" She asks in a small voice, her thoughts tangled with questions and she starts to dry her hair to soothe her nerves.

Ayansh swallows and after a moment, he answers. "You helped me today, came here to help me bake a cake. So.... ," he trails off.

Inaaya's heart sink at that confession. A lump forming in her throat and it baffles her how one sentence from him is enough to evoke such am emotion. She should be scared but she's too engrossed in the moment to think of the bigger picture. "So that's it? You want to return the favour?"

The sharpness in her tone stings and he winces. He's facing the back of her head yet by her tense posture, he can tell that that reasoning visibly upset her. But how can he answer her question when he himself is confused and the only thing he's doing is swimming with the flow, following his instincts and being evidently reckless. "Will you go if I say I want to simply travel with you?" He carefully asks the question in a small voice.

Her stupid heart manages to flutter as if not few seconds back it was hurt by words from the same person. "Do you like travelling?"

Ayansh pauses when the question hits him. As if he hadn't had enough realisations for the day that one more manages to hit him. There's a strong urge to cackle at himself because what's wrong with him? When did he go so out of character? From wanting to stay in his bubble, surrounded by books, chatting with stars, looking at rain and having a cup of tea with silence, when did he go to wanting to be surrounded by her voice, stare at her as she does the mundane of activities, let her presence consume him and have infinite cups of coffee with her?

"I asked you something."

Inaaya's voice breaks his trance and it takes him another moment to remember her question. "No," he answers, his voice heavy, every passing second making him question his suggestion to her more and more.

"Then?" Inaaya picks up the comb from the table.

"I don't know." He chuckles. "I really don't know. These days I hardly know anything."

Inaaya contains her laughter as he exhales, somewhere between frustration and amusement. The cold air from the air conditioner hits her face and she parts her lips in a soft sigh. Something is definitely wrong with her because how does one go from feeling as if someone just pushed you off a cliff to feeling as if someone just held your hand in mid-air and now, you don't fear of falling anymore. But there's a strong voice that says she isn't the alone in this myriad of feelings which were enjoying watching her make a fool of herself repeatedly. When her friends had asked her if she liked Ayansh, she didn't deny nor accepted it. She just needed time to be sure of her feelings and she thinks she's now. At this moment, sitting in his room, making her hair, wearing his hoodie, she knows she's sure. Because only an intense feeling such as liking someone in a way you've never liked anyone before can feel so infuriating and beautiful at the same time, can make your heart sink to the bottom and then make it beat with a newfound meaning within a snap.

Because only this feeling can make her want to stay when all she has ever done these years is run.

"By the way, you look extra pretty when your hair is tied up in a bun." He admits coyly, thankful that she can't see his face and he can't see hers. It's an honest confession, something which he wanted to let her know since the first time he had seen her in that messy hairstyle which compelled him to pause and stare.

And for the first time, Inaaya doesn't berate herself for the blush that climbs on the back of her neck and is quick to make its way to her cheeks, colouring them in a shade of pink.

"By the way, you didn't tell me when we're leaving for scuba diving." She retorts instead.

"Next weekend." He replies and takes a sip of the hot coffee turned cold.

***

Unedited. This chapter is me scribbling something I've no fucking clue of. Do let me know if the chapter even makes sense or not and don't forget to hit the star button. The pace of the story is slow but trust it will be worth the patience :)

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