Chapter 34. Fool

🎶  The Devil Within

tw:// mention of pedophilia

Published on 02.09.2022

| AUTHOR'S POV |

Jane Austen said, "if I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more."

If Inaaya had to give a similar simplified and amateur version of this quote, it would be, "if I understood it more, I might be able to explain about it a little"; which didn't make enough sense just like everything else.

It had been a day since Ayansh had left for LA. They had talked for a few minutes after he landed and he informed her about how he wouldn't be able to talk to her at all the next days since he would be occupied and she said that it's alright, it wasn't as if they weren't familiar with it. They had gone days without talking and just sending a text here and there to each other when they were in the same city if one or both of them had commitments to fulfill, tasks to complete, meetings to attend, studies to be done.

But the eerie, incomprehensible feeling was persistent. It never subsided. It kept nagging at her like a gray cloud looming over while you tiptoe carefully so that you don't get caught up in its rain. She didn't understand it. Honestly, didn't even want to. She just wanted to get rid of it like an annoying piece of chewing gum sticking to the sole of your shoe.

And when she got a call from Rahul wanting to meet her for something important, the feeling intensified. She wanted to ask Ayansh if he knew what it was but realised his phone would've been switched off the entire day. She let Rahul know she'll meet him in the evening at the address mentioned by him. She had got study leave so didn't have college the week before exams.

Rahul and Inaaya had exchanged numbers when they coincidentally ended up in the same restaurant around the same time. He was warm and friendly towards her and when she talked about Ayansh, he gave a lucid reaction that kinda made her previous opinions and indifference she felt for him as an elder brother dissipate. He even offered to help her whenever she needed and she felt maybe she judged him too early. They talked for a brief amount of time but he felt genuine to her and that made her happy for Ayansh.

Perhaps she was too naive or too deep in love to notice the layer of shrewdness tucked safely beneath the mask of nobility.

Inaaya stood outside the restaurant that apparently was owned by the Mehra's. Taking a deep breath, she walked in when the door opened. She gave a polite nod to the doorman when one of the waiters made their way towards her. Recognition flickered in his eyes as he smiled at her kindly and asked her to follow him. She looked around her as she walked through rooms, the crowd and music fading behind. She pulled her hair that was secured with the help of a clutch over her right shoulder and tugged at her sleeves, an old habit that she often did when she wore a full sleeved top.

The waiter led her to an empty hall, knocking the door and then opening it where at a distance Rahul sat in an olive green shirt and faded jeans, looking up from his phone at her. Rahul gave the waiter a curt nod and dismissed him with a movement of his two fingers. The waiter bowed and gave a last smile to Inaaya as a gesture of hospitality and left the hall, closing the door behind him. An ominous feeling settled in the pit of her stomach as she took a step forward.

Rahul stood up. "Finally, you're here." He smiled brightly but it felt more mocking than inviting to her or maybe she was just being paranoid at this point she felt.

Inaaya forced a small smile on her face. "Thanks." She muttered when he pulled the chair for her and asked her to settle in. He took the chair opposite her, across the table.

"How are you?" Rahul asked, pushing a glass of water towards her.

She didn't really feel thirsty so she just let her fingers enclose around the glass. "I'm good. Why- why did you call me?" She questioned, not wanting to do small talks or beat around the bush.

His eyebrow shot up in surprise and gazed at her amusedly. "Chill. Relax. Settle in first."

She didn't know if the softness in his voice was genuine or a facade. Everything felt so staged that it unnerved her. She took a deep breath. "I'm fine. Can we just get over with whatever it is?" She urged.

"Okay." He said quietly after a moment of silence, the amiable look on his face contorting into a serious one. "I thought Ayansh," he paused and then, sighed heavily before continuing. "I thought Ayansh would've told you about it." He ducked his head down, staring at his interlaced hands on the table and his shoulders slumped.

Her eyebrows pinched together in confusion. "I'm not understanding anything."

"There's so much to tell that I don't know where to start." He feigned helplessness.

Inaaya clenched her jaw, her patience running thin and her grip tightening on the glass instinctively before she let it go completely. "If you want to talk in riddles then I'm really not interested." She stated, glaring at him.

The corner of his lip twitched ever so slightly and Inaaya already felt like getting miles away from his presence.

"Ayansh lied to you." Rahul said casually, his form relaxing as he sat straight and leaned on his chair.

Inaaya stared at him with confusion, trying to mask away all the other nervous, conflicting emotions.

"He lied to you about...... ," he pretended to be deep in thought and then looked at her blankly. "Everything."

Inaaya pulled at the sleeves of her burgundy top, letting it engulf her hands. "I- I don't- What- what do you mean?" She fumbled, the words feeling heavy on her tongue.

"Let's start with the beginning." The ease in his tone contrasted with everything that pressed on her with each passing second. "Remember he said he liked you? He lied."

The expression on her face remained intact. The words taking their own sweet time to sink into her and when they did, she blinked. Her head shook slowly in denial on their accord, confusion increasing even more.

"He came to your college to help y'all for the competition?" Rahul raised his eyebrows, watching her intently. "It wasn't the Dean who asked him out. It was me who told him to let Ayansh guide y'all." He smiled and she felt repulsed, a strong sense of aversion towards the brother of the man she loved washing over her.

Inaaya stays quiet.

"When you met him on a road and he helped a girl?" Rahul nods when he sees she remembers the moment.

"It was a coincidence that we met there." She says, a little desperation lacing her tone.

He shakes his head. "She wasn't injured. It was all planned."

A silly laugh bubbles out of Inaaya, taking both of them by surprise. "You're lying." She says to him or maybe more to herself. "Ayansh doesn't have any reason to lie or do any of these. It doesn't just add up. Why will- "

"Ofcourse he has a reason," Rahul cuts her off, looking at her sympathetically. "He wanted to make you fall in love with him and what better than the classic heroic stuffs like being a saviour, helping someone, slowly, steadily, getting closer to you, making a good impression, spending time, making you smile and laugh." He says, pursing his lips, giving the truth his own version by suggesting that even the genuine moments were a lie.

Her face morphs into a disturbed, perplexed look, her gaze evaluative. She thought she was in a nightmare, a twisted game of her mind being played and she would wake up soon. She had to because this can't be true. Her brain had either shut every rational thought or had stopped grasping the words because it couldn't wrap itself around the new information. Her fists clenched around the strap of her sling bag.

Rahul leaned forward, his hands folded on the table, peering at her with a profound interest and stated in a low, menacing voice. "Maybe coincidences are nothing but planned accidents."

"You're lying." Inaaya pushed her chair back and stood up. "I don't know why you're doing so or are you simply messing around me but I'm not liking it at all. It's not funny." Her heart stuttered at the unfazed look she received in return, she felt suffocated. She turned around to leave but his next words made her halt.

"Come-on, you can't be this dumb." He laughed and she felt her stomach twisting in discomfort. She didn't dare to look but heard the movement of the chair and then his footsteps. "I don't think you know but he was even in your dad's room, looking for a file which unfortunately he didn't find." Rahul conveniently omitted the part that the file never existed in the first place and Ayansh didn't know about it.

Inaaya whipped her head around. "He wanted to talk to my Dad." She argued, brows furrowed and voice agitated. "I saw him in the room."

Amusement and surprise flashed in his eyes at the knowledge. He assessed her before speaking again. "And your Dad was there?"

"Ofcourse not." She said immediately. "He was at work."

"So," he began slowly, crossing his arms across his chest. "Tell me why was he in the room and not outside?"

Her gaze drifts to a corner as her mind replays the memory. She remembers him saying that he heard voices and hence, went inside but thinking back on it, it didn't make much sense or felt enough convincing. "No." Her voice comes out shaky. "You're lying. Why would he do that?" At this point, she doesn't even try to hide the desperation and vulnerability. Everything seemed to be disintegrating and she badly wanted to stop it somehow. "I don't know what's your issue is with me but stop." Her voice wavers and her hand shivers when she points at him. "Ayansh won't do this. There's no reason."

"He loves me." He says as a matter of fact but his eyes are hard and Inaaya stares at him with frustration and confusion, not understanding what he exactly intends to. "He did what he did because I said him to."

Inaaya tries to decipher the meaning behind his words, her head throbbed and she felt she would collapse if she didn't get out of the room. She looked at him with disgust and fear, hating how weak and stupid he made her feel just by his gaze. She didn't want to hear anymore, she didn't want to stay anymore. The need to be out of this place overpowered every other thought. She didn't care if what he said was true or not. She took a step back. "I need to go." She muttered, her voice strained.

"Let's recollect a story." He said, ignoring her last sentence and picked up his glass of water, taking a sip casually. "Do you remember me? Three years back? Conference room? Your dad's company?" He slid into the chair, folding one of his leg over his other knee, getting comfortable.

Inaaya blinked back the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes. She looked at him warily and a small smile tugged at his lips in sadistic contentment. She did remember him. She didn't remember much people from that day since she was distracted the whole time but she did remember him, after all he was the one who with his presentation had seemed to blown everyone sitting in the room.

"Do you remember me?" He repeated, his voice deadly calm.

She nodded hesitantly, slowly.

"It was my first time." He smiled fondly, gazing down at nothing in particular. "I got the opportunity to represent our company and I'd worked so fucking hard for it. Did so many preparations with my team, sacrificed so many nights, came up with so many innovative ideas. It was a huge and important deal and I badly wanted it. I even got it Inaaya." He looked up as she winced, her knuckles white due to clutching the strap so tightly, her vision blurred due to unshed tears.

"Let me go." She whispered and clenched her teeth to contain the sob.

"And then, some time later, as I waited to sign the deal, I get to know I haven't." He sounded lost, pained. "The deal went to your Dad." He said in a small voice but loud enough for her to hear her. "I didn't know what to do. I feel robbed, cheated. I was inarguably the better one out there and yet I lost. Me?" He pointed at himself, looking at her shocked, scared self with anger. "Who has always succeeded in everything he did. I had always got everything I needed, achieved everything that I ever set my mind too and that day, I failed." He chuckled bitterly. "For the first time, I failed and till date, I don't know the reason. Till date, I bear the burnt of it. Till date, I get to hear the disappointment from Dad about how he regrets losing that multi-billion deal and how we would've been on top due to that. That contract went to your Dad." He laughs and shakes his head. "I don't know what and how he did. At that time, his company wasn't even in its best condition."

Inaaya staggers, her body hitting a chair behind, her hand instinctively reaching out to hold it to balance herself. Her legs felt wobbly, memories she never wanted to remember flooded her mind, her lips parted to push oxygen within her body because she couldn't breathe. She wanted to be in her bed, curled up in her blanket or maybe with Ayansh, wrapped up in his arms, listening to his heartbeats, inhaling his scent. Oh god, she missed him. She missed him so much.

"I don't have any issue with you Inaaya." Rahul's words make her look at him as a tear escape her eyelid. "But you were there." He stares at her with pity. "I remember how you sat beside Mr. Patel." The mention of that name elicits an inaudible gasp from her mouth as her throat goes dry and her other hand too grasps the top rail of the chair. "Your Dad loves you a lot." He says bitterly and suddenly, she has this insane urge to laugh. Why was everyone so blind and oblivious? She looks at him tiredly as he continues. "He brought you there in the meeting, his daughter who had just given her 12th boards. And Mr. Patel," he spats the name with repulsion, "he seemed to be really fond of you and why would he not be. Fucking pedophile!" He snorts.

Inaaya slowly turns around, her body deflating over the chair, her breaths coming out in pants and she swallows to hang on the tiny thread of composure. She covered her mouth with one of her hand, not trusting herself to not breakdown into a mess of sobs and hiccups.

"Good he died a year back in a car accident. He should've died earlier though." He says without an ounce of regret. "Anyways, long story short. He gave the deal to your Dad. I don't care what your Dad did to get it, I can't change it. But I did want revenge. And when I saw you in the college during the seminar, it just felt as if the destiny was calling me because then why would I come across you after years?"

The tears were flowing from her eyes without restraint but no voice came out. She wanted to scream but she felt silenced just liked that day. Her lungs felt constricted in her chest and every second, it felt harder to breathe. How does that one day haunt her for years? How does it keeps coming back like a shadow who refuses to leave you? How does it continue to haunt her, beat her, punish her as if it was her fault when she was the biggest victim that day?

"I want to hurt your Dad. You're just a pawn. Monetary damages can be recovered, physical injuries get healed but emotional hurt lives on. And what could hurt him more than seeing his beloved daughter heartbroken and betrayed?" He chuckled, the sound ugly and it felt like somebody had poured scalding water on her, burning her. He didn't seem human at that moment to her because how could humans who had a heart be so cruel? And then a voice within her mocked her as if she hadn't been on the receiving hand of the worst end of humanity in the past.

She felt stupid, so detached from the reality which had always been unkind and which will always be unkind for she saw the world in shades of rainbows and in glows of sunlight because she had been so insanely in love, forgetting that rainbow was nothing but a splitting of the colour white, a brief moment and not a forever and the world had always consisted of black and white and shades of grey.

She didn't know to say or if her voice would even come out if she tried to speak. The emotions were so intricately tangled with each other that she didn't know what hit her the most. She felt pain, enormous pain and yet a faint voice in the back of her head whispered and she murmured, "Ayansh loves me."

"He doesn't." Rahul says with a tone of finality and she finds herself shaking her head.

"He does." A whimper leaves her lips.

"Did he tell that to you?" The question was more like a taunt and she felt her throat closing up, bile rising, making her feel nauseous. "He lied then." He says it so easily as if they weren't the most hurtful words she has ever heard.

Inaaya squeezes her eyes shut and dips her head low, her hair falling over her face and focuses on her breathing. There has to be something, some hope. Rahul had to be lying. Ayansh wouldn't do that to her. He was considerate and thoughtful. He wouldn't play with her feelings, toy with her trust when he knew how much it meant for her to lower her walls, let him in and allow him to safeguard her heart.

A cough splutters from her mouth and Rahul reaches around quickly with a glass of water. Inaaya pushes him away, making the glass fall on the floor, shattering into pieces. Her hand darts to her chest, rubbing it. "I- I don't trust you." She manages to speak and sniffs.

Rahul peers at her unflinchingly and unmovingly. He takes a step towards her and she takes a step back and he stops and holds his hands up in surrender. "You don't have to be scared of me. And if you don't want to trust me, it's fine." He shrugs. "Ayansh even made you change your decision to go to Cambridge." He tilts his face, enjoying the sight of Inaaya looking disoriented and baffled and betrayed and hurt, all at once. "I'm impressed." He smirks and then the playfulness is gone, replaced by something fierce and powerful as his voice sterns itself. "Ask him if he didn't lie when he said he liked you. Ask him if him coming to your college wasn't planned. Ask him if he didn't agree to make you fall for him when I told him to. Ask him if he didn't choose to break your heart so I could be unburdened from the weight that I've been carrying through the years. Ask him- "

"Stop!" She screams, her chest heaving as her breath comes out laboured, her whole frame quivering. "You're fucking mean!" She cries out, looking at him with hatred, her eyes red and tears streaming upon her cheeks. "Ayansh wouldn't do that to me. Okay. He wouldn't. He- he- wouldn't." She breathes out. "You've always been a bad brother to him and you're proving it yet again." She wipes her face through the back of her palm as his gaze hardens. "You just- you just can't see him happy." Her voice breaks but she goes on. "And now you're lying so I misunderstand him or something. He cares for me, he's honest, I know. You're trying to play mind games. You- "

"Inaaya," Rahul calls out softly in mock concern. She stops, her heart hammering, her hands curling into fists on the sides to stop the shaking of her body, her eyes glazing with fresh tears. He calmly takes a step towards her, looking at her with a calculative gaze before letting his head lean to her level and then whispers in a voice that makes her skin crawl in dread. "They say only fools rush in. Did you too?"

Inaaya stays rooted at her place. It felt her heart stopped pumping blood, her lungs stopped pushing air through them. The empty room with just the two of them seemed to be murmuring her harshest of fears. The air seemed to be pitying her and the man in front of her smirked wickedly making the last thread of her composure snap and without anymore word, she strode towards the door, opening it violently and stepping out.

She kept her head down as she made her way through the area, bumping into a couple of people on their way, apologising to them in an unsteady voice. The music that reached her ears seemed to be laughing at her and she felt sick to her stomach.

When she reached her car and slid into the driver's seat, she let her head fall back on the headrest and a sob escaped her, painful and wretched. She pressed the heels of her palms on her closed eyes and then dragged her hands through her face. She reached for her bottle of water of water and drank large gulps of the liquid and inhaled deeply. And yet she broke down when a whimper left her throat and tears started streaming on her face uncontrollably.

She trusted Ayansh.

But the new information was making it too hard for her to believe on that trust. She wished he was here for she felt so devastatingly alone and helpless. She didn't want to doubt him. She didn't want to think he would intentionally hurt her for his man-child of a brother. But everything she came to know today was making it difficult for her. It was dark outside and she was alone and had nobody to lean on or guide her or comfort her and it felt awful to miss a particular person so much.

Futilely, she tried to call Ayansh and another sob wracked her body when it went directly to voicemail.

"I miss you." She murmured brokenly.

When she reached home, she felt ill. Her skin felt mildly warm and her head felt light. She hoped she didn't look like a mess to her family. She had gathered her hair in a bun and had washed her face. Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she entered. Her steps felt shaky, like she would fall if she didn't be careful. Her eyes sting as a wave of emotions again coursed through her. She bit her lip hard, feeling frustrated how she felt she wouldn't be able to handle herself on her own. She felt so defenseless and exposed. She was too immersed in her own depreciating thoughts that she didn't notice where her feet took her and she knocked her knee on the edge of the table, making the mug of coffee spill on the files beside. Pain shot through her body, breaking her trance.

"Inaaya!" The gasp of her Dad made her look around, another wave of panic brewing within her.

The yell of her name made her mother and Kartik to gather.

Inaaya looked lost, like a scared child.

"What's wrong with you?" Her father's harsh voice made her look at him. "Those files and papers," somehow she didn't notice when the files and papers were in his hand as he frantically tried to get undo what happened. "These are important. What did you do?"

She flinched, her eyes welling up again. "Sorry." She muttered, voice barely audible. She felt someone holding her and turned her head to her side. "I'm sorry." She whispered to her brother as he looked at her worriedly.

"Your sorry won't change anything. What should I do now?" Her Dad cried too, unable to notice the pain of his daughter which was so visible.

"Calm down." Anita said to him, her eyes pleading as she looked between her husband and her daughter.

"Calm down?" He yelled, an incredulous look etched on his face. "Can't your daughter watch where she's going? Or is it her life mission tp make my life hell?"

"Dad!" Kartik screeched. "It will be fine. We'll figure something out."

"I'm sorry." The broken murmur made Kartik look at his sister who stared into oblivion.

"Inu?" He called out rubbing her arms. "What's wrong? Where had you been?"

She blinked and then slowly shook her head. She couldn't tell her brother. She couldn't tell anyone. She moved away from him quietly and glanced around. Her father looking at her with exasperation, her mother staring at her in question and her brother in concern. She again shook her head and stepped away.

"I'm sorry." She murmured she waltzed to her room upstairs.

She pulls the letter that Ayansh had given her once, wanting to find solace in his words if not his voice at the moment.

So I guess it took me time to identify the kindness you bestowed upon me everytime you made an effort to make me feel better, make me feel comfortable.

She reads those words again. They couldn't have been a lie, could they? She hated how a part of her was getting sceptical about everything and how a part of her wanted her fight through all her doubts stubbornly.

May you dream of kindness.

A sad smile gets curved on her lips, a deep sense of melancholy engulfing her, making her miss him more. She knew whatever was there between them it was honest and beautiful. This was just a phase and it will pass. The cloud of doubts and fears and insecurities will get cleared. She wanted to just hear from him that whatever his brother said was bullshit and nothing more. She wanted to be near him, with him, ask him and let him assure her with his embrace.

The first thing she would do when he returns is ask him and tell him about the lies his brother told her. She couldn't ask him on a mere call for she wanted his arms to hold her when relief washes over her at his answer.

But for now, she'll wait for the time to pass and although it's hard, she'll manage without him.

***

Damn! Such a long chapter. I hope it came out well. And can y'all be a little kind and drop some good number of votes and comments because it really takes a lot of effort to write!?

• Thank you for reading •