Chapter 35. Heartbreak

🎶 https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5XXT0wGdEVLzAVXC4uIu5D?si=qi7ffR-eSb20t_teiBaVIw&utm_source=copy-link

(Spotify playlist link in the comment section as well)

Note - You can copy paste the link and open in web and then click on the link again in the comment section, so you can be directed to Spotify. I don't know how the playlist thing works so if anyone has some easier way, then please suggest.

Published on 17.09.2022

| AUTHOR'S POV |

"Are you sure she'll like it?"

"She'll love it, I'm damn sure." Neha assures Ayansh on the phone. "It's gorgeous."

"I hope so." He chuckles nervously. "I just- I don't- god!" He breathes out exasperatedly. "She won't take it in the wrong way, right? I'm not rushing anything, am I? I- "

"Ayansh!" Neha laughed. "Stop freaking out. The flower rings are super pretty and perfectly goes with her personality. And I'm happy that you're so sure about her and want to officially propose her. You're not asking her to marry you right away," she giggles.

"I'm not asking her to marry me!" Ayansh argues, his face heating up and Neha laughs harder at his defiance. "I'm just committing myself to her? Letting her know that she has me, today, tomorrow, forever." His voice softens. "I just want to give back everything she has given to me, say what she wants to hear, what she deserves and I don't want to be scared anymore."

Neha smiles. "Okay okay loverboy, go celebrate your Valentine's Day and tell all this to your girlfriend when you meet her." She says lightheartedly.

"On my way right away!" He walks out of the airport with his luggage. "She had her phone switched off yesterday and before boarding the flight, I got the message that she wants to meet me as soon as I return so that's the first thing I'm going to do." He sees the driver who was waiting for him and waves at him.

Neha frowns. "Did you try to call her again?"

"Yeah, just before I called you. She didn't pick up." He gets settled in the backseat. "Is something- do you think there's something wrong?" He voices out his concern after trying hard to dismiss the thought.

Neha hears the worry in his tone and is quick to reassure him. "Naah. I just think she's missing you and hence, wants to see you."

"I missed her too." He sighs with a fond smile. "She told me to meet at our place, where I used to teach her how to ride the bike." He chirps. "By the way, thank you for helping me out with the rings."

"Nevermind. I just encouraged you to go forward with your choice. Do let me know about her reaction when you make her wear them."

"I will." He nods. "Bye. See you later."

"See you."

Inaaya was already waiting at their place in a plain off-white tshirt and black jeans, her hair knotted in an unkempt bun. She leaned against the side door of her car with her arms crossed, eyes closed and her face towards the sun. It was around 9 in the morning. She heard a car pull nearby and as if something traversed between them, she knew he has here. In one immediate movement, she turned around and goes to the other side of the car, her face pale and yet her eyes hopeful when they fall on him as he comes out of the car. His face splits into a grin when he sees her after days, what feels like ages.

Ayansh rushes towards her after asking his driver to leave while she stays rooted at her place, basking the eagerness, letting her nerves settle down. He doesn't waste a moment as he pulls her away from her car and into his arms and she obliges without any resistance, her hands falling loosely around his hips and her head resting on his chest.

"I missed you." He murmurs into her hair and pulls her closer as if she was a blanket and he wanted to snuggle in.

"Me too." She whispers in a small voice.

"I missed your voice too."

"Me- too." Her voice breaks as the vulnerability comes crashing back because she craved for his voice so much. To hear them whispering sweet nothings, to let them make her forget every bad thing in the world, to let them caress her without any touch.

Ayansh pulls back and she blinks away the tears and smiles brightly. His face morphs into concern. His hands reach out to cup her cheeks and she leans into his touch. "Are you okay?"

She stares at him, contemplating and then shakes her head. "I really missed you." She mumbles.

"I'm here now." He smiles faintly, his thumb darting over her cheekbone. "And I've something for you." His hands leave her face and his left hand go for the box in his trousers pocket.

"I've to ask something."

The urgency in her voice makes him halt.

"I met your brother day before yesterday. He wanted to meet me." She gazes at him as all emotions from his face fades away, leaving him with nothing.

"You- you didn't tell me." He forces the words out of his mouth.

Inaaya ignores the mild accusation and continues. "I know he's your brother and you do respect and love him but I've never seen a more miserable man like him." Her nose scrunches up in disgust and an expression of pain masks her face. "He's so despicable. I don't know what issue he has with me and you and us but he's horrible Ayansh." She runs a hand over her eyes and sniffs. "He- he told so many disgusting things about you that I felt sick to my stomach. And worse part," she looks up at Ayansh who seemed to be frozen in time, "he didn't have any remorse. I wished you were there." A sob escapes her lips and her shoulders slump.

It was over. Ayansh knew it. There wasn't just something wrong as he feared but everything wrong. He couldn't even bring himself to comfort her at the moment because he knew he had lost the right before she even knew it. Guilt, regret, pain consumes him when he realises why her phone was switched off the other day. "Is that why your phone was switched off?" He questions lowly, his heartbeats fluttering.

"I just needed you." She answers helplessly. "And you weren't there. I needed you with me, beside me and you weren't there so I just- I just tuned myself out from the world."

"Inaaya," he takes a step forward and she holds his wrists before he could hold hers.

"Ayansh," she calls out desperately. "Just- just tell me he was lying. I know it was all bullshit, I don't trust him at all. I trust you but- but I just want to hear it from you that whatever he said was nothing but a lie."

His chest squeezed painfully. His heart ached. His gut churned. His head throbbed. She trusted him and nothing hurt him more than that. He stared at her feebly, eyes moist, dreams dispersing, moments spent together dwindling. He could see them breaking apart, collapsing, diminishing and hoped she didn't see them like a fool.

"He- he said you lied when you told you liked me, fell for me at first sight." She chuckled and he didn't know if it was of disdain or of pain. "He's the one who's lying, right?" She drags her hands clumsily up his arms and settles them around his neck frailly.

Gently, he wraps his fingers around her wrist. "Inaaya, I can explain." He says in a barely audible voice.

Inaaya shakes her head and cuts him off. "I don't need any explanation. I don't care about it. He said that he asked you to come to my college for helping us. Just tell me that he was lying. Tell me yes, it's a lie and I won't ask you anything. I'll be fine, we'll be fine. I know whatever he said was all lies but I just want you to say it so I can put the tiniest of doubt I've in my mind to rest." She says incessantly, desperately.

"Inaaya," his voice wavers and he looks at her like she's a fragile thing and he's afraid of breaking her. What she was asking was for another lie and he couldn't give her more. He couldn't betray her more. He had done her wrong when she never deserved any of it in the first place. "Listen to me." He begs, holding her shoulders.

"Ayansh," she pleads. "Just tell me your brother was lying about everything he said about you. I don't want to hear anything else. I don't care about anything else."

He inhales a shaky breath and holds her face, tilting it slightly towards him up. "Please, listen to me once. I- "

"God, Ayansh!" She swats his hands away frustratedly and pushes him back. Angry tears spilling from her eyes. "Why are you being so difficult?" She yells. "I don't need any explanation. I don't want to know why your brother said what he said. I just want you to tell me he was lying. Just say a 'yes' and we'll move on. A yes is all I want- "

"No."

Silence.

She thought she misheard him maybe.

"What?" She looks at him with furrowed brows and confusion and he stares at the ground below, not meeting her gaze.

Ayansh grits his teeth and swallows, a lone tear falling on the concrete road underneath. "I'm sorry."

Inaaya stumbles back, her spine hitting on the door handle, a sharp pain shooting up but it wasn't comparable to the emotional pain she felt at that very instance. "It was love at first sight you said." She muttered, being delusional as if the reality wasn't lying bare in front of her.

There was a brief moment of silence before he slowly shook his head. "It wasn't."

She tried to think of something, anything that could justify his response. It couldn't be the truth, could it? She couldn't believe it or maybe she didn't want to. "Are- are you trying to save your brother?" She asked in desperation. "Covering up for him or something? I know you- "

She stopped when he raised his head and looked at her with a blank gaze, tearing apart the last shred of hope she was holding onto. She hated him at that moment, the pity look in his eyes, the helpless, desolate look on his face as if he was the one who was suffering watching her suffer.

The tears trailed from the corner of her eyes heedlessly. "You came to my college because your brother asked you to?"

He nodded slowly and looked away, clenching his fists tightly but she continued to stare at him.

"That- that accident of the girl was staged?"

"I- "

"You intentionally came to pick me up that day so you could go to my- my dad's room for that file?"

"Yes." He says as an agonizing gasp leaves her.

Inaaya leans her head back and stares at the sky, the weather suddenly sombering up as the sun hid behind the clouds. Strange because it was still morning and yet so fitting with her story. "Rahul asked you to make me fall in love with you and you agreed?" She asks into oblivion.

"Inaaya," he calls out in anguish, reaching out to hold her hand and she turns away. "I'm so sorry."

She nods faintly, her fingers fumbling with the handle of the car door as she opens it.

"Inaaya," he shouts and pushes the door close, startling her, making her look at him. She gazed at him as if she was scared, as if she didn't know him anymore, as if she was looking at him for the first time. "Say something." His hands long to hold her but stop when she visibly flinches.

"I don't- don't know what- what to say." She says in such a small voice as if even speaking was a lot of struggle for her. "I was a fool, wasn't I?"

He shakes his head frantically as tears blur his vision before sliding down his cheeks helplessly. "Just let me explain once. Please Inaaya, just hear me out."

"I want to leave." She says timidly and it frustrated him.

"Don't do this to me." He begs, joining his hands and dropping his head over them as he weeps. "Say something. Say anything. I'll listen to everything. Scold me, tell me I'm an idiot, slap me, do anything but don't leave like this."

She stares weakly, as if every ounce of strength has been drained off her, leaving her empty. He looked miserable but she felt so detached from herself, from him, from reality. "Please, let me go." She repeats, her voice steady, empty, defeated.

He looks at her in disbelief and affliction. He rubs his eyes fiercely before speaking. "Remember you said if I ever dared to break your trust or heart, you'll scream till my eardrums rupture and break my bones. Do exactly that." He says hopefully. "I'll take it. Scream at me but- but don't leave me. Don't act like this. It hurts." A fresh trail of tears cascade down his cheeks but she seemed unaffected.

Her lips part to speak but then closes again as she clutches the fabric over her stomach and gulps. "It's over." She says and watches as his worst fear becomes the inevitable reality, for a moment doubting if his emotions were true or was he a damn brilliant actor. "Don't ever come to me. Leave me alone."

His restraint breaks as his hands hold her face, firmly yet tenderly, vulnerably yet hopefully. "No- don't say that. Lemme explain, I beg, please Inaaya." He drops his forehead over hers, his thumb idly wiping her tears. She plants her palms over his chest in a feeble attempt to push him away.

"You lied." Her voice crumbles as she shuts her eyes tight and chews on her bottom lip to contain the sob.

"I'm sorry." He apologizes and grips her wrist to stop her from struggling.

"Don't touch me." She cries out. It hurt, everything hurt. His presence, his words, his touch, his amrs, his memories, everything. Everything that once felt like home made her feel like an abandoned child left to fend for herself. "Just go!" She screams, feeling repulsed and pushes him away with all her might.

Ayansh staggers, looking at her with hurt and betrayal. "Inaaya?"

"It's over." She says again in a low voice with a tone of finality.

"You're leaving me?"

She chuckles bitterly. "I already have too many regrets to last for a lifetime. Can't have more."

"Please don't do this. I can explain." He tilts his face, begging for one chance.

Inaaya takes a deep breath, joins her hands and brings them in front of her. "Do me a favour and leave me alone. Just- just leave me alone. I'm not asking you for anything else. Just let me be on my own. I- I can't take more."

He blinks and his eyes drift towards her hands before going back to her eyes which looked at him with indifference. No hate, no disgust, no hurt just indifference. "You promised you'll never leave me!" He accuses.

Inaaya stays silent, her hands falling to her side.

"You said I'll never lose you." He sobs, hating everything.

She sighs tiredly, the broken pieces of her heart pricking at her, hurting her, yelling at her for putting them in this position. "Guess we both lied then." She smiles sadly before covering her mouth with the back of her palm when tears increase their speed and turns around, getting into the driver's seat and pulling away, leaving him stranded.

After what feels like eternity, Ayansh drags his legs towards the nearby bench and sits down. There was no one around and he didn't know if it was a good or a bad thing. He bends down and rests his forehead over his knees, his hands interlaced above his head in despair.

It was really over.

Maybe they really were doomed since the start.

After everything he did to protect them, after everything he did to blind her from the truth, after everything he did to manipulate the reality, he still failed. Nothing was enough. Nothing ever would be.

He deserved this, didn't he? He was trying to build a castle over lies and betrayals and hoping it wouldn't crumble.

But did she deserve this?

The heartbreak, the misplaced trust, the pain, the hurt, the betrayal, the defeat, the scars, the lies? Did she deserve to be played like that? To be a pawn in some sick revenge? Ayansh gasped as he slid on the ground, his head against the edge of the bench as his hands covered his mouth as he sobbed soundlessly.

He heard his phone rang and his hand stretched into his pocket to pull it out. It wasn't Inaaya and he chuckled in despair to actually for a second think it could be her. He throws his phone at his side before picking it up after a few seconds and dialing her number. As expected, she doesn't pick up. He leaves few messages, a voice in his mind whispering that she's never gonna see them. He dials her number again for a few times and the result is the same. He puts his phone aside before letting his hands run through his hair, tugging at them and letting out a helpless, agonizing scream.

She didn't scream, did she?

She didn't yell at him, beat him up for his actions, for his lies. He had thought about this incident a few times in the past. He had thought how would it be if this day came. It always managed to cause a shudder pass through him at the mere thought. And at all times, he imagined her to be screaming at him, yelling profanities, berating him, maybe even slapping him but this, what she actually did? It was unbearable and suffocating. He could live with her screams and words and hate but how was he supposed to live with her silence?

Time passed, everything seemed to be moving except him. He was frozen, paused, his thoughts muddled, his vision bleary, his heart beating in an unfamiliar rhythm and he couldn't see a way to go from here. He was thirsty, he needed water but he couldn't bring himself to move from the place. Where should he go from here now? His house where he never felt belonged? His friends who would despise him after knowing the truth? And the only person who truly loved him, accepted him the way he was, encouraged him, made his days brighter was the one he chose to wreck?

Ayansh removed the box from his pocket and opened it. The rings shone with a pale radiance as if longing to be on the fingers of the one to whom they belonged.

How did everything went so wrong when he wanted this day to be perfect? How did he went from wanting to make her the happiest to making her the saddest person on this day?

He put the rings back in the box and shoved it in his pocket and went back to sitting idly with knees up and eyes staring ahead at nothing.

The setting of the sun made him look around. There were a couple of people who looked at him strangely before going about their lives. He assumed he might have received more similar glances since he had been so blissfully unaware for the most part of time. He didn't care. There was nothing to care about when the worst thing that could've happened to him had already happened. He pulled his phone and clicked his tongue to find no response from Inaaya. There were missed calls from his brother and parents and even friends. He didn't care. Maybe it was insensitive of him but at that moment, he didn't even care about himself. He wanted to talk to her. Maybe it was wrong of him after hurting her so much but he had no control over himself.

Ayansh dialled her brother's number and after a few rings, the call was answered.

"Hello."

Ayansh took a breath and spoke. "Can I- can I talk to Inaaya?" Even after trying hard, his voice quivered.

There was a moment of silence before Kartik answered. "She isn't home yet. I thought she's with you since morning."

His heart hammered in his chest. "She isn't with me. I- We met for just an hour. I- I'm so sorry." He hiccupped. "Please, please call her. Please, please make sure she's okay. I'm- I'm so sorry." Another trail of tears leave his eyes.

"What's wrong? What did you do?" Kartik's voice pitched higher in concern and dread.

"I'm so sorry." Ayansh gasped.

"Fucking hell!" Kartik cursed harshly and cut the call.

Kartik immediately dialled Inaaya's number and thankfully, she picked his call. "Where the hell are you?" He barked into the phone before she could even respond.

"Girgaon Chowpatty." She answered calmly, unfazed.

Kartik frowned. "What are you doing there? Is there someone with you?"

Inaaya chuckled. "Alone. All alone. Didn't know where to go and somehow ended up here."

After a few seconds, he questioned. "What did Ayansh do?"

There was a long moment when Inaaya didn't speak. Kartik feared if he had lost connection but her voice echoed from the other side. "It's Valentine's Day apparently." She began, adding to his confusion. "There are a lot of couples here. Hand in hand, embracing each other, chatting and laughing, having bhel and kulfi and what not. I even saw few of them kissing each other." She laughs before it turns into a strangled sob.

"Inu?" Kartik calls out in apprehension. "Come back home. Let's talk. Just come back."

"Bhai? It hurts." She says with a lump in her throat. "It hurts so much." She adds in an inaudible voice. "Every cell in my body seems to be physically hurting and I- I don't know how to stop it. I want it to stop. Make it stop someone, please." She sniffs and Kartik eyes well up to hear his baby sister in so much pain.

"Inu bacha," he calls out gingerly. "Come back home. We'll talk. It will be fine. I'm here for you, always."

There's a moment of silence before she responds. "Bhai?"

"Yes?"

"Can- can you pick me up? I mean- ofcourse I can come by myself. I've my car but I don't- I don't- I just don't- I'm pathetic, ain't I? I can't even come by my own. But still, please can you- can you just come and get me. I feel so alone and everything- everything hurts so much and I'm tired. Please- "

"Inaaya," his voice wavers when he calls her name and he hears another sob from her which tugs at his heartstrings. "You don't have to beg to me ever." He reprimands her softly. "I'll be there in half an hour. Be alright, okay?"

Inaaya nods even though he couldn't see her. "I'll send you my location."

"I'll find you."

And for the first time in the day after that revelation, a genuine smile, small yet genuine smile curves up her lips.

Inaaya takes the sand in her hands and let's it slip between her fingers mindlessly. She had forgotten the count of the number of times she had repeated the action since the time she had been on the beach. She watches as the waves come and go and it's scary how many times the thought of being wanted to be carried away by the waves had crossed her mind. And then, she chuckled to herself as if that would make any difference. She was already drowning even if it wasn't the water that surrounded her.

It was truly amazingly disgusting how much a human being can actually take. You think this is the worse than can ever happen to you and one day, something surpasses that and you can't do anything except stare helplessly and let yourself be tormented. You can't even escape the pain, maybe numb it for a while but not escape it because someday, somewhere, sometime it hits you with so much ferocity and engulfs you in it before you could even as much as struggle.

Her gaze shifts from one person to other and she hated how miserable she felt by looking at their happy faces. She should've been happy because atleast someone out there unlike her was in love which didn't hurt and yet here she was wondering how incredible it would be if she could exchange places. The tears continued their trail and she didn't stop them, giving up long back because she was tired of fighting them, of fighting her emotions, keeping them restrained.

Kartik arrived and it was merciful that atleast someone kept their word. He silently walked towards her and slid in the space beside her.

He doesn't ask and she doesn't say. They sit in silence as darkness cocoons them, the number of people increasing further, the chatter and laughter getting louder and the hurt getting even more intensified.

And then she narrates everything yet nothing to him, spinning the truth, deviating it, breaking its connection with Ayansh's brother. She tells him it was a bet with someone to make her fall for Ayansh, she doesn't talk about the revenge and he doesn't ask about the person with whom Ayansh had a bet. She can't bring herself to talk about the day which is still haunting her and ruining her present. She couldn't mention it for she isn't ready to deal with the questions that would come with it. She couldn't take more pain that she already was in.

"I'm not going to spare him." Kartik mutters, his voice low yet the hatred evident in it.

"Don't." Inaaya shakes her head and whispers tiredly. "Don't say anything to him. I don't want to have anything to do with him anymore."

Kartik chuckles scornfully. "Are you trying to save him now?"

Inaaya turns her gaze at her brother and looks at him in disbelief. "Will it change anything? Everything is done and dusted. You saying or doing something won't make any difference." She sniffles and looks in front of her, concentrating on her breathing, the salty smell of the sea hitting her nostrils, reminding her of the time when they were together at Tarkarli. An insane urge to cry and scream tugs at her heart but all she could do was weep inaudibly.

"Don't ever fall in love with me."

The words echo in her mind, mocking her. The words he had said to her, which she took as a joke were the same words who were laughing looking at her pitiful state. She chuckles, attracting a confused stare from her brother.

"What did I do to deserve this, Bhai? I- I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. I'm a fool, biggest fool who fell right into the trap laid in front of her." She pulled her knees closer and wrapped her arms around them. "I- I want to escape, go somewhere maybe where everything won't remind me of him- "

"Go to Cambridge." He says, stunning her. "I'm sorry if it sounds insensitive but I never liked how one day, you came up with this stupid decision and an even stupid reasoning behind it. It's best if you turn your focus back on your goals."

She turns her head towards him, eyeing him with an unreadable gaze and it's the first time when he notices how awful she looked. Her hair was tangled and out of her bun, sticking to her face due to sweat or maybe tears. Her eyes were swollen and her cheeks were puffy. Her lower lip had a split near the corner, probably because she chewed them too hard. But what hurt him the most was how lifeless she looked as if breathing itself was taking too much effort. The twinkle in her eyes that he had grown so used to seeing in the last few months was lost. He failed sorry for her and disappointed in himself for not being able to protect her.

Kartik's fingers gently push back the strands of hair behind her ear and smoothen the crown of her head and another sob leaves her throat for being taken cared of.

"Go to Cambridge." He repeats, wiping away her tears.

Inaaya shakes her head. "I can't." She says brokenly. "The registration for the second form, 12th was the last date."

Kartik sighs and pulls her to his side, rubbing her arms in silent comfort.

"Don't I deserve good things?" She asks in a small, feeble voice. "Am I not good enough to be loved? Why- why did he do that? Was it so easy for him to lie, to play me, break my trust? Am I- am I that unloving that everyone finds it too easy to walk all over me? Or am I too gullible? Did- did I do something wrong?" She pulls back and looks at him, doubtfully. "Was I not enough, didn't he feel guilty for what he was doing for once? Or did my efforts never reach him? Maybe if I tried more, did something more, things would've been different. Maybe he would've told me the truth or actually loved me. Was- was I too rude initially that he felt justified in his actions? Tell something, please. Where did I go wrong?" Her red eyes look up at him in desperation, seeking answers, searching for hope.

Kartik stares, baffled, puzzled and sympathetically. "When did you become like this?"

Inaaya blinks.

"When did you start questioning your worth because someone couldn't treat you right? When did you start measuring your worth from someone else's eyes?"

Her heart sinks as the words pierce through her like a knife and make her gut twist, her blood revolt. She coughs, her throat dry and Kartik starts rubbing her back.

"Water." She manages to say and he's quick to scramble on his feet and fetch a bottle of water from a nearby vendor.

She takes a few gulps before splashing the rest of it on her face. She silently stood up and walked towards his car as he followed behind. Throughout the ride, her thoughts were a clutter of silent screams and loudest whispers. The tears had stopped but the ache still throbbed within her like a beating heart.

When she reached and got out of the car, her eyes caught sight of a shadow. She knew to whom it belonged but she was too weak to face him for the second time in a day. She heard him call out her name, saw him approaching and then being pushed to the ground by her brother and she winced at the sound of the impact but didn't stop.

It was over. It truly was. She didn't stop till his voice faded into a murmur and then, blurred away just like the rest of her surroundings.

***

Had exams so couldn't update and I hate it because the late I write, tge more I feel disconnected with the flow of the chapters. Yet hoping like a "fool" that the chapter isn't that bad. Do vote if you liked the chapter and maybe comment as well :))

Piya Aaye Na is such a perfect song atm 😩

• Thank you for reading •