Ch.20 Chapter 18 (Sadie) - The Trouble with Kis...

I woke up with a fat smile on my face and a strange feeling of lightness in my step. As if I was actually flying and my feet were no longer touching the floor. Gravity had no pull on me today.

Finally, after so many years of choking the words down, I'd finally been able to say some of them to him last night. Okay, so he didn't know it was me saying them, but still, to have gotten to say any of that to Connor last night, it felt like the biggest weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Maybe that's why my feet were no longer touching the ground. I felt so good to have freed some of those words after so many years.

But in the back of my mind I knew that this thing was probably going to come back to bite me. It would probably backfire and explode into a million fiery hot pieces. But I felt so good that I was fully prepared to ignore the possible consequences of what I'd just started. My ever-growing lie didn't seem to matter in the face of that tingly, glowy, amazingly giddy feeling that I was experiencing right now as I skipped across my bedroom floor like a ballerina.

All I cared about was continuing to tell Connor how much I wanted to kiss him and the best part, was having him say it back to me. So yes, right now, I was just going to blindly ignore the niggling thoughts in the back of my mind that told me this thing was all going to blow up like Hiroshima. The niggling thoughts telling me that this was bound to end badly and probably in one way... me getting hurt. But I didn't care right now. Because it felt amazing. .

Not even McKenzie was able to wipe the smile off my face, even though she was being particularly "McKenzie-like" to me that morning. I was used to her giving me crap, but that morning, when I walked downstairs wearing my 'Welcome down under' shirt with the big Koala bear on it, she looked up from her ultra-low-fat muffin and scowled.

"God, it would be vaguely acceptable if you were wearing that shirt ironically, but you're not, so it's not acceptable."

I ignored her. Nothing could put a damper on my mood, not even my mother joining on.

"Your sister's right, Sadie. Look how faded it is, do you want people at school thinking we can't afford to buy you new clothes?"

I scoffed loudly. "Trust me, no one at school could ever doubt your ability to buy clothes."

"Can't you at least wear something that doesn't look so old?" my mom pleased. Outward appearances were everything to her.

"Don't judge me just because I don't want to dress like I'm entering a beauty pageant."

In unison, my sister and mother rolled their eyes and tutted loudly. It was a blatant display of aesthetic disapproval. Then, as she picked up her herbal tea, a demonic look flashed in my evil twin's eyes. "Plus you don't want the guys to get the wrong idea about you," she paused, "Welcome down under."

"MacKenzie!" My mother screeched in shock as she cottoned onto the not so subtle innuendo. "You can't talk like that! And certainly not at the breakfast nook."

I wondered what made a breakfast nook a particularly inappropriate place to say that. Would the TV room be better, Mom?

Still, all that didn't bother me a bit. I was far too excited and focused on seeing Connor. After last night, I wanted to see his face and get a sense of how he was feeling.

And I knew the answer the second I saw him. He had a dopey looking smile painted from ear- to- ear, and he was checking his phone constantly. I walked up to him and stood in front of him, beaming.

"Okay, I know why I'm so happy today. Why are you so happy?" he asked.

I quickly wiped the smile off my face. I knew that I had to play this cleverly. I had to appear 100 percent normal. Every day Sadie, even if nothing felt normal anymore.

"No...nothing. What's got you smiling like an idiot?"

"She got hold of me last night!" he said, looking like a three-year-old about to plunge face first into a hot fudge sundae.

I played dumb. "Who?"

"What do you mean, Who? The only person in the world right now that matters."

Jeez. Okay. Hammer to the stomach. Suddenly the magical morning wasn't so magical anymore, and I didn't really want him to see my reaction. I picked up the pace and walked ahead of him. He must have known that he'd offended me because he grabbed my arm to stop me.

"Other than you, obviously" he said, turning me toward him. "You're still my number one girl."

"Thanks. But it's pretty obvious you'll cast me aside when you find her."

"When have I ever cast you aside for a girl?"

"Never. But this one seems different," I said before checking the time. "I need to get to class. See you at lunch."

***

"Is this seat taken?" Connor said before he slid in next to me.

"Nope," I replied, playing along. Like I always do, except this morning it felt forced somehow.

He sat down and looked like he was seriously considering something, I turned to face him, a growing feeling of unease in my belly. "What?" I asked.

"You were right about something, she is different. Something about this feels totally different." His words struck a kind of cold terror into me. "But it promise, it won't change anything between us. I promise." He nudged me after he said it and the cold terror turned icy and froze the blood in my veins. The mere fact that he was say this to me, made me feel like everything had already changed between us. I opened my mouth suddenly, I felt a new set of words bubbling up and I didn't think I would be able to stop them...

"Connor, there's something I need to tell youÂÂâ"

"Dude, do you think she could be watching me right now?" he said, cutting me off and I was forced to finish the sentence in my head; I'm the one who kissed you. I'm the one you're are emailing. It's me. I'm sorry I lied to you.

I cleared my throat and shook my head. "Did she say that she went to this school?"

He chook his head. "She didn't need to, because I can feel her."

"Feel her? Please... stop. You sound like my mother's Mills and Boon novels and I think I'm going to throw up my organic lunch."

Suddenly, Connor took me by the hand and gazed into my eyes, "His heart ached for her like it had never ached. His soul felt like it had been torn apart without her, and his bodyâ"

"Okay, shut-up." I pushed him away. "Now I'm just worried. If I didn't know better I would guess you had a stash of those things under your bed."

"Maybe I do. Maybe I'm a secret romantic."

"Doubtful."

Brett walked up to the table and slapped his food down and I made an instant move for his fries.

"Hey, so what are you two lovebirds up to?" he asked, almost making me choke.

I cleared my throat. "Nothing, perv," I deflected quickly.

"I was just telling Sadie that I'm a secret romantic."

"You?!?! You wouldn't know it if romance slapped you across the face. In fact, you wouldn't know if romance was sitting right next to you. Like, right now." Brett locked eyes with me and tilted his head. I almost died. I grabbed more fries and put my forehead in my hand as I chewed.

He knows, he knows. Wait. What does he know exactly? Shit, did he know about the kiss?

To Connor and Brett's surprise, I shot out of my seat. "I'm going to the library," I said, fumbling to grab my stuff while trying to hide my red face. "I ... I... have to check a book out...uhh...for History." I rushed off without looking back, but just as I walked into the library, my phone lit up.

To: [email protected]

Subject: Romance

Message: My friends think I'm not romantic, so I decided to prove them wrong by writing you a poem. Roses are red, Violets are blue, You can't hide from me, Because I'll find you.

I burst out laughing and suddenly another email lit up my phone.

To: [email protected]

Subject: Crap...

Message: I just realised how stalker that sounded. Not meant like that. Forgive me?

I dropped my fingers to the phone and started typing a response.

From: [email protected]

Subject: Romance Rules

Message: Roses are red, Violets are blue, if you stop trying to make cheesyÂ poems, I might reveal myself to you

I pressed send and my heart-rate skyrocketed. Within seconds, my phone lit up again.

To: [email protected]

Subject: No roses, no violents

Message: So....when do I get to kiss you again?