19

Chapter Nineteen - Anxiety

It's been a few weeks since the wedding fiasco and New York trip. As soon as we touched down in Massachusetts I could feel eyes on me and Noah pointed out some team members sent from Kane's dad to ensure my safety. He had been alerted that I was almost forced into marrying Ryan and to watch my back while Roman had also reached out to a security team that Marcella worked with and some of them were here too. A man called Navy is my main bodyguard and runs that team while they're here.

We're all gearing up for exams so this week has consisted of numerous late nights studying until my head hurts. I'm hoping I'll be rid of this court case and the charges against Evie before summer break but I already know I'm staying on campus for the holidays as I can't go back to Florida anymore no matter how much Abel insists. I feel like I'll suffocate there.

I've barely seen much of Noah or the rest of my friends because of this. My only focus has been to stay on top of studying and not get overwhelmed with the legal battles I'm going through. The other party, being Oliver Ohlsen and my father, are fighting back hard but it's futile. Despite this we're due to finally get a trial date soon and hopefully they'll be charged mercilessly.

Ryan is still on the run though.

"Here's your mocha." The cashier's voice shakes me out of my thoughts and I look up in time to see her slide a mug of heaven towards me with a sweet smile that I return.

"Thank you." I pick it up and turn only to perk up when I spot Lilah step inside the coffee shop.

Her eyes meet mine and she grins happily while I gesture to her that I'll grab us a table. At her nod I turn and spot one by the window, settling into the chair with a satisfied smile as I wait for her. I'm excited that I came across one of my friends at least but at this point it's draining me. Lately I've been feeling so isolated and unhappy because all my time is being taken up by the mess that is my life.

I shake my head to rid myself of my dampening mood and look up only to freeze when I see Ryan standing there. He stares at me with blue eyes void of emotion, standing perfectly still as students rush around him either to get into the café for a quick coffee fix or to get to class. Panic crawls up my spine and wedges itself like a block in my throat, my breaths coming out strangled as I think about what he'll do to me now that he's found me.

"Faye!" A hand waves in front of my eyes forcing my attention to them. Lilah.

I blink, look back to where Ryan is...or was because now he's gone.

"S-Sorry, I...I thought..." My heart pounds faster as beads of sweat line my brow.

The corners of my eyes start to darken and I can faintly hear myself hyperventilating but a loud bang makes me look up to find Lilah dropping her bag onto the table with a concerned look. She scoots her chair over until it's right beside mine and forces me to drink some water, holding me as I breathe shakily.

"You're okay. I'm here." She whispers with a sniffle, her eyes brimmed with tears that she blinks away rapidly once she pulls away. Lilah cups my face with an encouraging smile as she pulls me out of my anxious mind. "Match my breathing, come on. Breathe in...hold it. Good now breathe out. That's it...now, again."

"Thank you. I-I'm sorry...I thought I saw Ryan." I whisper once I've calmed down but she still holds me comfortingly. "Don't cry, you'll make me cry and I've had enough of that."

"You're doing so well Faye...you're strong. This will be over soon, please remember that." She reassures me and moves her chair back to its original place after assuring herself that I'm fine. "Try to relax. I know it's a ridiculous suggestion but you're going to end up hurt if you don't stop and breathe from time to time. I've barely seen you as it is and the one time I do in who knows how long you're close to an anxiety attack."

"Too much going on." I smile humorlessly with a shake of my head.

"That doesn't mean you can't rely on us babe." She squeezes my hand reassuringly. "You know we'd pick up even a call from you in a heartbeat."

"I know." I nod and take a sip of my coffee.

"Tell me what's going on, as much as you can. I'm all ears so rant away." She smirks which elicits a chuckle from me.

So, I do. And I feel a lot lighter after I'm done. Lilah is as supportive as ever and pushes me to keep going, promising me some girl time tomorrow which I happily agree to. I ask her about how she's been doing and although our catchup is short it was long overdue. She hugs me tightly in her signature bear hugs I love and I return it before we go our separate ways, promising to FaceTime later.

I make my way over to the library to start my shift, happy that I have more time to get some studying done. After greeting Julia, I get behind my desk and catchup on work before taking out my notes to go over again. In times like these I'm so glad that I have her as an easy-going boss who allows me to keep up with studying during my quiet times.

I look back at the computer screen to see another notification of a student enquiring about something which I type out the answer to quickly. Just as I'm about to return my gaze to my notes though I double take at the sight of Kane sauntering into the library, a little less confidently, with an expression of bewilderment and slight disgust. He spots me straight away and shoots me a toothy smile as he walks across.

"Am I dreaming or has Kane Carter finally graced MIT's library with his presence?" I joke as I stand to find a certain book I need.

"How do you people willingly come in here...and stay for hours?" He breathes out in genuine perplexity.

"I think it has something to do with how the material in these books helps us to understand better but who knows? That's just a rumor." I shrug with an amused smile. "What brings you here anyways?"

"I tried to seduce a girl in my class to do an assignment for me..." He trails off with a dejected pout. "Clearly it didn't work since I'm here."

"You amaze me."

"I'm happy to hear that my darling." He grabs my hand and brushes his lips against my knuckles with a smirk. "How's it going with the legal stuff? Have they found Rufus yet?"

I shake my head at him but a laugh escapes me regardless. "It's alright but time consuming and no, it's like he's disappeared."

"This whole thing is fucked." He breathes while following me back to my desk. "You know we've got your back though right? Anything you need we're here for you Faye."

"I know, thank you Kane." I smile softly as he hands me a note with book titles scrawled messily across it. I type them into the system to see if we have any of them left. "You're sweet."

"Then dump Noah and date me instead." He wiggles his brows suggestively and I almost choke on air.

"Go find your books you idiot." I shake my head with an amused smile as I return the note with aisle numbers jotted down.

"I know you love me Faye!" He whisper shouts as he leans across my desk. "When do you have break? Do you want to grab some coffee?"

"Sure, we can go in two hours if that's okay?"

"Sounds like a plan! I'm off to go torture my brain now so do check on me from time to time please." He replies dramatically before leaving with a wave.

I shake my head at him before catching up on work and some updates roll in from the security team that they're outside the library if I need them. Thankfully I become busy with helping stressed out students find books, fixing machine issues and replying to enquiries online. The two hours fly by and when Kane knocks on my desk I'm all too happy to go for a much-needed break.

I grab my bag when my phone pings with notifications and unlock it to see that both Noah and Louis have texted me asking if I'm free to meet them. Noah wants to meet up for dinner before he has practice and I wish I could say yes but Louis wants to discuss something urgent down at the station as soon as I'm free from work.

"What's wrong?" Kane asks only to grimace when I show him his dad's text.

"I have a bad feeling about this." I grumble and he drapes his arm across my shoulders as we walk downstairs to the coffee dock.

I text Noah back and explain why I can't make it. He understands but my heart hurts because it's been so long since I've properly spent time with him. I didn't realize that you could miss a person who hasn't left, who's still here.

I'll make us dinner after practice then and wait up for you. He texts back which makes me smile.

Knowing that he's probably tired from classes and training yet still willing to make time for us warms my heart. I've never felt this way before but with how much I feel for him I'm certain that I'm hopelessly in love with Noah Jackson.

So, with my head held high I push on for us knowing that after I'm done with the legal battles it's just him and I.

***

The time on my watch strikes seven and I know I must leave now to get to the station in time. With a heavy sigh I finish up my shift at the library and grab my things before telling Julia that I'm headed out. She blows me a kiss which makes me chuckle as I walk past, making my way downstairs and out the electronic gates.

I get down to the station and meet Louis who guides me to a room with two other members of his team. "Ryan was spotted in the city last night and very close to campus."

A shaky breath escapes me as Louis keeps talking but his voice becomes muffled as I become more and more aware of my racing heartbeat. I sit there staring at the wooden surface of the desk concerned over what's happening to me and thinking of how to fix it...fast. I feel like I might just faint until Louis' fingers snapping in front of my face bring me out of it.

"You okay kid?" He stares at me worriedly.

"I'm fine." I nod with a small smile before straightening my posture to appear confident. "What happens next? Are you tracking him?"

He stands and pours me some water from a cooler before fixing me with a stern look when I don't touch it. Sighing, I take small sips and it's only after I've finished it that he begins speaking. "We are but the reason I called you down here is that although we have a lot of eyes on you we thought it best to have a safehouse for you too in case of emergency."

"In case Ryan does something."

"He was heading straight for your dorm building last night Faye but ran when he saw the guards. We don't know if he had a weapon or not and he took off in a car with no plates." He sits back with a sigh as he scratches his beard. "We need to time this right because I know you have exams and don't want to pull you from your studies but I will if push comes to shove. When are you finished for the summer break?"

"Next Tuesday is my last exam."

"Right...if Ryan isn't caught by then we'll put our plan in motion on Tuesday. From a security perspective we'll have a safehouse ready for you to move into until this is all over. You won't be going back to Florida." He explains and I nod mutely. "In the meantime, we'll add guards inside your dorm building. I'll message the details in our group chat with the Jackson boys after the safehouse is finalized."

"Sounds good." I reply and make a move to stand but he gestures for me to remain seated.

"How are you?"

I shoot him a quizzical look before chuckling. "Fine. How are you?"

"Faye...I can tell you're anxious and it's all bottled up. Have you spoken to anyone about this lately?"

"Not really." I whisper as I avert my gaze. I haven't even spoken to Abel just so that he's not worried.

"You can talk to me about it." He suggests with a kind smile which crumbles my resolve. "I'm here for you kiddo. I understand what you must be feeling."

"Do you?"

"Yes but I think it's best if you let it out and verbalize. I promise that you'll feel better Faye."

"I'm scared that my father and the Ohlsens will get away with it. Even though I know they won't." After a moment's hesitation I start but keep my eyes glued to the table. "I'm scared that someone I care about is going to get hurt. Hell, I'm scared that I'll get hurt! I'm stressed about exams, anxious about a hundred different things, and I keep seeing Ryan everywhere and freaking out."

"I'm sorry you're experiencing this Faye." He reaches out to pat my hand comfortingly. "Do you need to study later?"

"No. Why?" I stare at him curiously.

"Go home and try to calm your mind Faye...please. You're probably ahead with study so just take the night off and relax. It's clear this is taking a huge toll on you and I'm very concerned." He instructs seriously and I bite my lip before nodding in agreement. "Hell, go somewhere for the weekend with Noah or your friends. Get a change of scenery, the guards assigned to you will watch over you so you have nothing to fear. We're on high alert to catch Ryan if he so much as steps near you."

"I will. Thanks Louis, I really needed that." I smile feeling a little lighter than earlier. "God, it's like all I've done lately is cry or stress! There must be something wrong with me."

"What's wrong with that?" He tilts his head in confusion.

"Well...everything no? I should try to see the positive in things and just...I don't know...push on?"

"Honey, from what I understand this semester has been a shit show for you. Excuse my language but where the hell are you supposed to find positives?" He blows out a breath before leaning forward against the table, linking his fingers. "I mean sure you can find 'em here and there but you're allowed to feel sad and stressed and cry. Nothing wrong about that at all. If I was feeling happy and smiled or laughed because of it would you tell me to stop?"

"No."

"Then when we're sad or overwhelmed why can't we cry?" He questions and I sit back as I process his words. "Bottling all of that up isn't good for your mind anyways so why do it?"

I find myself smiling, feeling a little better for expressing emotion every time I cried. "That makes sense."

"Sure, it does! And as I said, I'm always here for you" He stands and I follow before he pulls me into a hug. "Don't worry about a thing Faye, focus on keeping yourself calm and acing your exams. We'll get you out of this mess unharmed. That's a promise."

"I appreciate you." I hug him tightly as he pats my back. "I'll see you soon. Tell Kane I said hello please."

"Of course!" He grins as he walks me out of the station. "Good luck with the rest of your exams!"

We bid each other goodbye and I make my way home with an extra pep in my step. I ponder over Louis' suggestion to go away for the weekend and quickly search on my phone for a staycation nearby so that I can suggest it to Noah later.

It's eight thirty when I finally reach home and as soon as I enter my dorm I lock eyes with Noah. He stands in the kitchen and pushes a plate of food for me across the counter with a small smile that doesn't reach his eyes. Unable to help myself I kick the door shut, drop my bag and rush over to him for a hug. A content sigh escapes him as he wraps his arms around me and I cup his face to kiss him deeply, conveying with emotion what I can't with words.

"I miss you." I say that because even though we're together right now I miss how much we used to spend time with each other and how I'd see more of him throughout the day. I miss everything about him.

"I miss you too Faye." His voice is gruff yet full of emotion as he speaks, tightening his arms around me as if I'll disappear in the next second.

We stay in each other's arms for a while before having dinner together and when it's time for bed I get in beside him without question, knowing we both need closeness and comfort. Sadly, spending the night with him isn't enough because by eight o'clock the next morning he's gone and I feel my heart ache from having to push on another day.

Update schedule is: two or three times a week whenever I find time!

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