Talk To Him

I'm sorry to all of you who aren't comfortable with the changes in the main character, Grace. I wanted to make this book as realistic as possible and change was a part of making that happen. Change shows how much the characters have grown and I want them to grow. Growing shows the difference between girl and woman, boy and man.

As I said before I wanted this book to be realistic. Cliche's kind of boring and I don't want Grace or Arthur to be stuck in the same state throughout my book. I want them to grow. I'm showing maturity. Otherwise from that I think you guys will be fine.

Don't worry. He's the same old Arthur and she's the same old Grace, they're just more mature and not on the same path at the moment.

Again. Thanks for the support. 😘

**~**

So I did say these updates would be slow...

And I'm simply just tired guys. Life's a bitch as we all know, so I'm trying to get back to how it used to be but I also have to acknowledge that I might never be that person again (and I'm not sad about that at all lol). I've just been going through shit.

I'm flattered you guys love this book so much and I won't stop writing or updating but it'll just take time. Mentally, I'm not well and that affects my ability to even look at words. I won't even get into the whole pandemic thing because that made it thousand times worse.

And I think y'all should know, peer pressure does nothing to me so you can't force me to update, especially if I'm not in the headspace for it. I'll get back to where I want to be at some point, I just can't tell you when. Hopefully, we'll see progress soon.

So please be patient and if you can't that's more than ok. I'm not forcing anyone to wait on updates. That's why I always encourage you to find other stuff to read. Do not sit there and wait for my mess, a beg. It's not that great but I appreciate the love and support.

In the meantime, I hope you enjoy some subtle changes in this.

**~**

Once we enter the bathroom there are squeals and all sorts of sounds I can't decipher from us and the familiar faces we meet. We greet each other, talking about summer and parties and trips and all that good stuff. I listen to them in the background as I reapply my gloss and check myself out in the mirror.

I like to think I changed in my own ways: more confident for one. It's what I strived for in the past year. To figure out who I am and what I want for myself. I feel refreshed and ready to start the new school year with exactly that mindset. No grudges or living in the past.

I smile at myself in the mirror and take a deep breath, but almost cough up a lung a second later.

"Could you guys keep it down with the chemicals?" I walk over to Maya. "Do you want to wait outside?" I already know she does. She's not a huge fan of crowds and she's currently inching toward the door.

She nods. "Yeah," she says, not hiding her eagerness in the way her head bobs and she perks up.

I loop my arm through hers and lead us outside.

"Where y'all going?" Kim asks when we're halfway through the door.

"In the hall," I call over my shoulder.

"Kay!"

I take another deep breath once we're outside, filling my lungs. I say on my exhale, "Sweet, clean oxygen." Maya giggles next to me.

My phone vibrates in my back pocket and I reach for it. It's been doing that all morning and weekend, really. I keep getting a bunch of notifications on my socials from one particular event recently.

I wince, trying not to giggle at the video of Carry getting her head slammed into a wall. I know I shouldn't find it amusing, and it's really not, but she was going around the party that night hitting on every guy that had a girlfriend. I think it was on purpose and she simply messed with the wrong one.

"Psst." Maya nudges me in the side.

"Hmm?" I look up, my eyes instantly connecting with a familiar dark brown pair. I planned to give Maya my attention but then I got lost in them.

I hadn't seen Arthur at all over the summer. I saw him a whole lot last year in school cause duh, but it was really during our break that I decided to start going out more. Still, he kind of disappeared for a while. He was usually at social things like parties and the beach and stuff throughout the school year (that's kind of why I stayed away from them in the first place) but in the summer... nope. He just dropped off the planet. Or my side of the planet anyway.

I figured he went on a nice trip himself since I didn't even see him at home. With our windows as close as they were, we saw a lot of each other that we didn't need to. But his window was shut and his curtains drawn for three months straight.

So for the first time in that long, I'm seeing him again--leaning against the wall across from me. Our hallways are wide enough but right now it feels like we're three inches apart, particularly because he's staring at me.

Despite being surrounded by a flock of dudes, he isn't paying attention to any of them. All his attention is solely on me and it makes my skin crawl with tingles. He shamelessly lets his eyes rake over me; checking me out.

And I'm no saint, I'm doing the exact same to him. It's ridiculous how he makes the most basic outfit look like something off a runway: dark jeans, loose black t-shirt and red converse. What really catches my eye though is the visible changes in him. He has tattoos now--not an overwhelming number but enough black ink with a splash of color running and twisting along his left arm until they disappear beneath the sleeve of his shirt. It's enough for me to look twice. He also seems... bigger, broader somehow and it's not like I was spending all my days checking him out last semester, it's just an observation.

We meet each other's eyes at the end of our inspection and my neck feels like it's on fire. I want to say something witty like "why are you wearing red converse?" but I let my eyes do that, putting as much sass in them as I can. I try not to let his smile get to me--the way it reaches his eyes and how soft he looks even with his new muscle body. I lose though. I crack like a thousand old worn-out glasses in a room with an opera singer.

My lips pull up at the sides and I roll my eyes (at myself as much as at him) and look away. Look anywhere but at him even though he's right there. I tell my heart to slow and my face to cool. I lose on those counts as well. I drop my head and press my lips together against a grin. I despise him.

I bite my lip, trying to stop myself and even with our history, all that flashes through my head are memories of the good things. Those few weeks that meant everything to me at the time, for a while. They still do.

Suddenly there's squealing. It's loud enough to make me jerk a little before reaching up to cover my face, letting my hair block as much of my embarrassment as it can.

"Oh God," I mutter under my breath, my face getting hotter. I know everyone behind me saw that exchange.

Maya, ever the giggler, giggles and pulls me away by our looped arms. I'm more than happy to oblige. A thousand sounds are coming at me at once. The girls are gushing quietly and I faintly hear a bunch of baritone cheers behind us. I try to block it out, to get back my cool and collected.

Thankfully the girls don't dwell on it too much, probably because Kim goes, "Can we stop at the vending machine? I need chips." I see them give her some looks but knowing Kim, she probably just wanted to end my suffering. Only for a second to get myself together.

I, on the other hand, don't want to stop because he's right down the hall and I feel him still watching me but I push that away. I'm being paranoid.

So we stop at the vending machines without anyone complaining. I don't even try to hide behind my friends because I'm taller than all of them. I end up depending on the crowd of school-goers to do that for me.

"Alright speak up or you won't get none." Kimberly thinks it's her job, whenever she goes to the vending machines, to get us something. We've tried telling her multiple times that she doesn't have to but she doesn't let up.

"Oh! I want ruffles!" I push past them and point to the package behind the glass. "That one!"

"Grace I think I know what ruffles are, so stop acting childish," she says.

"Then stop acting mom-ish," I retort. It's not a word but she can be a mother goose most of the time.

"Backtalk me, you ain't getting shit." See. Maya shakes her head and Amelia stares at the ceiling for a second.

She gets us chips and drinks and extra for Sarah, John's girlfriend, who'll be there when we get back. Kim mostly, if not always, spends on us girls. Apparently, men should fend for themselves.

John's the first to whine this time when we get back. "Why do you never get us anything?" He pouts, arms around Sarah who's standing between his legs.

Sarah's wearing a cute flower-patterned bodysuit and flats with her blonde hair in soft waves. She and John have been dating since March. They had a little bump in the beginning when she found out--from him--that he and I used to date.

She didn't like me very much in the beginning, which was understandable, but after I sat her down and went over it many times that I was over him, she gave him a chance and started to get to know me a little. I know she still gets insecure about it but I always reassure her that there's nothing to worry about. John is water under the bridge and he'll stay there.

"Cause you're men," Kim says, handing Sarah a bag of Lays and a Sprite.

"That's so sexist." John eyes her disapprovingly.

Kimberly turns to him with narrowed eyes. "Don't talk dirty with me."

I almost choke on my water and others do. She knows what it means but she's master of saying ridiculous things with a straight face and moving on from it like nothing happened.

We find places to perch on the side of the fountain, munching on our munchies. Not long after, Sarah and Amelia, being the sappy fart faces they are, go on to feeding their lovers.

I look up just in time to see AJ approaching us. Kim's boyfriend. Tall, dark, handsome and plays some part on the football team like John. Kim and AJ have to be the most chill, goofy couple I've ever seen. After my parents, of course. They always throw shade at each other, sometimes it's their hands, which isn't so funny.

The first thing AJ does when he's close enough is pick Kimberly up, place her feet firmly on the ground and sit in her spot.

"Bitch," she says under her breath, appalled.

"What'd you just say to me?" This is where it starts.

She widens her eyes in defiance before repeating. "I said bitch, nigga. Biatch! B.I.T.C-"

She doesn't get a chance to finish because seconds later she's upside down with her legs wrapped around his head.

"Put me down! Put me the fuck down!"

As a sane face, I smile at the students walking by, easily catching the freshmen from everyone else who've seen this almost every morning.

"You sure?"

"No! No, baby! Don't let me fall!"

That's all he needs to carefully maneuver her until she's right-side-up again, arms crushing her against him. Her legs dangle to the floor as he leans down to kiss her. Richard audibly gags and I grin while others snicker.

"How's the first day going so far?" AJ says, setting Kim down to greet each of us individually. Personal handshake for the guys and hugs for us girls. He then goes back to sitting in Kim's spot and a second later she tries to sit on him. Like, she really tries.

"Get off me." He laughs, pushing her away, but she keeps jumping back on him.

Eventually, she gives up with a huff and a pout. "Fine. I'll sit on Grace." And she does. I move my arms around her waist so that I can eat my Ruffles.

"Babe, gimme some." AJ tries to shove his hand in Kimberly's chips.

She moves the bag out of his reach. "Nope."

"Y'all gotta be the most annoying muhfuckas, I swear," Richard mumbles next to me. I giggle while Kim smacks his arm.

AJ sighs, knowing he'd have to fight her for it. He turns to me. "Grace?"

"Why is it always me?" I mutter to myself, chewing slowly.

"Cause you're nice."

I turn to him, beaming. "Aww, here you go buddy." I give him the half bag of chips. For some reason, a few of them find that funny but I don't care.

"So guess what happened at the bathroom," Amelia says. My temporary happiness withers away immediately.

"You guys-"

She ignores my protest. "Grace and Arthur were having an eye-fucking contest."

Richard gasps very dramatically. "Lies."

"Facts."

"I knew I should've went," Sarah whines with a pout.

Kimberly then twists on my lap to look me in the eyes. "Why don't you talk to him?"

It's no secret everyone knows Arthur and I had a thing last year. It's one of those events that happened and stayed in the walls of the school, only showing up when it's convenient. I honestly don't know why it's so important. The guy does have a reputation for being a womanizer so what's so special about me? We weren't even together. We just hung out and enjoyed each other's company before...

"No." There isn't enough money in the world that'll get me to do that. And the more we talk about it, the more it's putting me in a bad mood.

"But you guys are my OTP."

I raise an eyebrow at her, not seeing how that has anything to do with me.

"I did not make those videos last year for you two to break up-"

"We weren't dating-"

"Like a bunch of pussies because of that pussy." She points at John without looking at him.

"C'mon now," he sighs, tired of this discussion, "we've been over this."

I shake my head at him. "Don't listen to her."

"No! Everyone listen to me!" she exclaims, drawing attention around the fountain. "See?" She gestures to them. "Please, Gracie!" She gives me puppy dog eyes which never work because I know better.

"No."

"Oh, come on, why not?" She sounds more controlled and curious this time. "You obviously still have a thing goin on..." She nudges me jokingly to try and lighten the air.

"I don't want to." I don't feel like getting into details, especially not on the first day of school in a hallway full of ears that I'm more than sure are still tuned in.

"Babe, leave Grace alone," AJ says.

Normally, Kim doesn't drop something as fast as she does now and I'm a little surprised but don't question it. "I want more chips." She hops off me without another word.

"Get me water?" he shouts after her.

"Fuck off!"

"But seriously," Sarah says seconds later to break the silence, "are you ever going to talk to him though?"

I think about it this time. Probably because I don't feel as put on the spot. The girls know what happened. We've had sleepovers and the topic's come up a few times in between. I've said things which is why they're being a bit pushy, but that doesn't mean anything.

Of course, I've fantasized about talking to him again. It's not even that we went the whole year acting like the other didn't exist. Truth is, this isn't the first time we've made eye contact or acknowledged each other in some way--it's kind of hard not to--there's just something different about this time.

This time, I feel like we've both grown up a little, but it's not enough for me to walk up to him and start a conversation. I wasn't ready for that. So I guess...

"I don't know."