My Dark Desire: Chapter 82

Change.

The word sat on the tip of my tongue like a weight, waiting to drop.

I could count every major life event of mine in one hand. Moving to Seoul. Dad’s death. Throwing the competition. Sending Vera and Andras to jail.

And falling in love with Zachary Sun.

When I thought of each moment, I realized I’d never done a single thing for myself. Not intentionally.

Maybe moving to Seoul could be considered an act of self-love, but I’d made the decision after years of begging from Vera, Reggie, and Tabby.

Which brought me to my new apartment.

A tiny studio in Gaithersburg. Safe and picturesque, with flowerpots overflowing with peonies, dahlias, and daisies. They spilled out onto the roof of the Italian bakery underneath.

The red-bricked building brought me a piece of calm in the chaos of my life. It was cozy. Nostalgic. And my first real gift to myself.

I missed Zach.

Every damn day.

Sometimes, I even hopped on YouTube to watch his old interviews, clinging to the huskiness of his voice. The way his square jaw set when he received a tough question. And the lopsided, contemptuous grin he offered when people expected actual smiles.

And yet, I felt happy in my new home.

In the same way I’d fallen in love with a man, I fell in love with the life I realized I could build for myself.

The only thing missing now is him, the devil on my shoulder reminded me.

“Well, girlie.” Dallas patted a cardboard box on the coffee table. A satisfied grin lit up her face. “This one’s the last of it.”

Oliver plopped down on the couch, frowning. “You act as if you carried anything.”

“I did.” She stroked her stomach. “My child.”

I’d moved most of my stuff into the studio a week ago, in between practices with Anna, while Dallas and the boys helped me with the rest today.

I’d refused her hand-me-downs, though I found them expensive and beautiful. I just wanted to make this place my own. An antique dining table for two. A secondhand curtain made in Paris. My first new mattress. Ever.

Naturally, the place looked like IKEA and Goodwill vomited on it.

I freaking loved it.

Electric excitement zipped up and down my spine. Now I understood why people wanted to have things completely of their own.

It was exhilarating.

From outside the front door, footsteps pounded up the narrow staircase. “You forgot one more thing.”

Romeo.

I picked up my phone while Dallas got up to let her husband in, answering a call from Ari with a frown. “Is everything okay? Isn’t it super late over there?”

“Tell me you’re headed home.”

“I’m already here.” I gnawed on my lip, fighting a fresh wave of panic. An emergency, perhaps? “Why? Did something happen?”

“Nothing bad.” In fact, she sounded excited. “But I need you to sign off on a delivery.”

“A delivery?” I groaned. “Dude, please, no more candles. Dallas and Frankie gave me enough scented candles for an Easter vigil.”

Ari’s laughter filled the other line—and my chest. “It’s not candles.”

“Well, what is⁠—”

Dallas swung the door open, cutting me off with the sight of Romeo lugging something behind him. He wore a massive frown, unsatisfied with being relegated to delivery man.

“You still there?” Ari whined. “I want you to open it before I go to sleep.”

Romeo set the giant box in the center of the studio. Tiny holes peppered most of the surface area. I inched toward it, tugging the ribbon off.

“I’m opening it,” I declared, just when my gift decided to introduce itself to me with a shrill woof.

Oh. My. God.

I tore the lid off, squealing while Ari laughed in the background. More barks jumped at me. I collected a crate from the box and flipped it open.

A pair of huge black eyes stared back at me, surrounded by a ball of tar-black curls. If it weren’t for the bright-pink tongue lolling out of its mouth, I would’ve thought she’d gifted me a giant hairball.

“That is…” I squinted, pulling the puppy out of the crate.

“A Cockapoo. Part cocker spaniel, part poodle. A shelter baby. Can you believe he hasn’t found a home in almost a month?”

“What?” I pressed his wet nose against mine and gave him an Eskimo kiss. “Silly people. He’s perfect.”

“I thought you’d say that.” I could hear the smile on Ari’s face. “Now that Vera isn’t there to bitch about the mess and shedding, your dream dog is yours.

”

“I can’t believe you remembered.”

“Of course, I remembered. You’re my best friend.”

Dallas leaned in, letting the pup nibble on her finger. “Welcome to the family.”

“Zach is gonna shit his pants. The dude loathes messes.” Oliver hopped off the couch. “You should name it Dogstoevsky. Soothe the burn when you run back into his arms.”

“She is not naming it Dogstoevsky.” She elbowed Ollie out of the way. “How about Mary Puppins?”

Genuinely, I feared for their future children.

I pressed a kiss to the top of the puppy’s head. “Allow me to introduce Vezzali. The greatest fencer of all time.”

As if on cue, he tucked his head under my chin, staring up at me with adoration, confirming we’d be each other’s ride or die for life.

I was not going to cry.

I wasn’t.

But then Vezzali started licking my face, wagging his tail in my arms so hard it swatted me like a baseball bat. His whole body swayed from side to side.

He was so light, so tiny, and so incredibly furry. The perfect bedmate.

“Nuh-uh. What’s that face?” Dallas stuck her lower lip out. “Like you’re about to cry. You’re not about to cry, are you? Because I’m too hormonal not to bawl my eyes out right along with you.”

“I’m not about to cry.” Tears hung for dear life on my lower lashes.

Dammit.

But these were good, cleansing tears. Of someone who finally had a home.

My eyes bounced from Dallas to Vezzali to Oliver and even to Romeo. After twenty-three years, I had finally learned that a home didn’t have to be a place. It could be a person.

“Oh, no.” Dallas cupped her mouth, tears leaking out of her eyes, too.

Unlike me, she started wailing and drowning her cheeks without even trying to stop the flood. She flung her arms over my shoulders, gathering me into a hug.

“Why are we crying?” She jumped up and down, bumping Vezzali with her belly. “Do I have to kill Zach? I hear prison food is so bad. But I love you too much not to.”

I detangled myself from her, wiping both of our eyes with my sleeves. “These are happy tears.”

Vezzali barked his agreement.

And I was happy.

So, so happy.

The only piece missing sat on Dark Prince Road, probably brooding as he always did, hopefully counting down the days until our reunion.

“Oh, Fae.” A fresh wave of tears rushed down Dallas’ cheeks .

I feared she’d go into early labor. Already, Romeo looked ready to hang me from the rooftop. He swept her into his arms, rubbing her back.

“Thank God you’re not sad-crying.” She disconnected from Romeo, clutched her purse from my kitchen island—just the thought made me want to break into a dance, my kitchen island—and grabbed an unopened pack of dish towels, patting her eyes dry. “The food truck downstairs closes in less than an hour. I thought I wouldn’t make it. Did you know they sell fresh fettuccine cooked in a wheel of Parmesan cheese? Is there anything else you need from us?”

I laughed, shaking my head, wondering whether she’d cried over my tears or the thought of missing food. “Enjoy the bowl of fettuccine, babe.”

“A bowl?” She rolled her eyes. “I plan on buying the entire wheel. I’ve been craving carbs so badly this trimester.”

Then, she and the boys took off in a flurry of air kisses, grumbles, and dirty jokes.

Dallas Costa, ladies and gentlemen.

The human answer to the sweetest summer day.

With a sigh, I locked the door, padded over to my new fridge, and cracked open a soda can, settling on my hideous yet adorable yellow-and-purple checkered couch. My favorite thrift find.

I scrolled through my old laptop, checking emails.

First—Reggie and Tabby begged me to accept a low-ball offer on the home. They’d moved from the motel to a distant aunt’s in West Virginia and wanted out ASAP.

Next—I accepted an easy job with an old client under Maid in Maryland. The two employees Vera hadn’t fired needed steady work, so I kept the company while I figured out what I wanted to do with it.

And finally—I opened an email from a stranger, Googling the sender name. An unranked fencer, who wanted to compete nationally.

He’d heard through the grapevine that Anna had topped her bracket in her last competition and figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask for help.

I grinned, flattered, typing out my reply.

A big, fat, bolded, italicized YES.

I was beginning a new life.

One I’d started on my own from scratch.

One I loved.

And yet, the shoe box stacked in the corner haunted me. Weeks ago, Romeo and Oliver had gathered my things from Zach’s, noting he’d kept them in my room. Which meant he hadn’t meant what I’d thought he’d meant when he said he’d left my stuff in the garage.

And still… I feared what secrets the key held.

Because I’d given Zach a key, too.

The one to my heart.