Chapter 16: When hope falters, like my trembling legs

--SABLE--

Summer was coming to its end as the autumn colors rolled through the landscape, although the late morning sun was still rather warm upon my wings, yet the air currents rushing over my gliding body cooled me enough to endure the long journey. The farmlands of Chaar were well beyond the lake nestled between the large mountains, located on the other side of Mt. Hira, a place where I had never visited for it was, well, inhabited by Tamarines.

I had the location imprinted on my mind after Moritz had directed me, but my eyes noticed the weaving dirt path in which most Tamarines would use for transportation from the farming lands to the city within the forest. I thought how inefficient the path seemed, for it wound around the area, and realized why it took the Tamarines so long to get anywhere, feeling grateful for my ability to fly.

Although I would have preferred if Lillie had joined me on my journey, I was relieved to see her excitement return after discussing plans to write about the Teragane people and future ideas of traveling with Historia. I was afraid of bringing up the subject of Lord Orvin in the midst of her hopeful joy, and wondered if I had been spending too much time with others, rather than her, and that perhaps reading lessons would bring us closer together.

Perhaps I could have best of both worlds.

The sight of small wooden houses creating a village came to view, and I could see large open spaces of cultivated land stretch beyond the rolling hills of the north. A group of people sitting around a wooden table noticed me, and some pointed their fingers as I landed near their group that appeared quite different than those of the city—as Moritz had explained.

Beaming smiles, eyes of wonder, and skin relatively vibrant with dark stormy hues, and even their clothes were decorative with detailing embroidery in vibrant colors.

“Greetings!” I shouted while waving as the people rose from their seats, dropping the bread and cheese that they were sharing. “I am looking for Keeli Vambrok, I have a message for him from Lord Orvin.” A murmur broke out as they whispered to each other, and then a woman approached me from the group.

“He is in the fields, but I can give him the message,” the Tamarine farmer said rather pleasantly. “I did not know the master has a new messenger, and one with wings! Please, tell me, is Sir Moritz alright? He was not given the boot was he?”

“The boot? I do not know if he was given a boot, but Moritz is well,” I said, and pulled out the message from my leather bag. “I have just been assigned to the further distances, and Mortiz stays in the city.”

“How did that come about? I thought the Teragane people keep to themselves,” she said while taking the letter. Her gray hair and wrinkled skin shimmered under the warm, summer sun, evidential of the laborious life Jamie had mentioned, but her beaming expression spoke of the opposite demeanor of those in the low-levels of the city.

“Mostly, yes. But, I have recently stepped away from such traditions, finding a better life within the valleys and forests—with the Tamarines.”

“Well, aren’t you a curious one—are ya hungry? Want a bite?” My stomach growled, and the others sitting at the table smiled as they waved at me, and I obliged to sit with the farmers and eat their food of cheese, bread—soon others joined us, and I even met Keeli after he had returned from the fields.

They were all kind, and curious people, offering me food and answering my questions about the farms and methods of life by tilling the ground. Apparently, there were many farms scattered across the lands, each owned by the farmers, but the village leaders would coordinate with masters from Cedrus City for trade—they were the backbone of the province of Ciimera, supplying sustenance for those residing within the mountainous terrain. Their life consisted of extensive labor during the growing season, but relaxed during the cold months, so they explained, and I began to wonder if this method of work would be more suitable for someone like me.

Although I didn’t mind working for Lord Orvin, it was a constant strain of tension between Lillie and I, and physical labor with rewarding benefits seemed much more exciting than simply waiting around for someone to tell me what to do. Even their little houses were more aligned with my own future concepts of a house in the meadow, and I left the farmers before the sun would completely set, and flew towards the lake to rinse off after an exciting day.

As always, the water felt refreshing, although I instinctually began searching for fish, only to pause mid swim at the thought of how I rarely I needed to gather any—a concept that was habitually a daily event just the year before.

After I dried off from my swim, a sensation of being watched overwhelmed me, and I glanced around, looking for the dreaded owl face, or the wings of another Teragane spying on me. I didn’t like fearing their gaze, nor running into another member of my old colony. Yet, as I dried off my naked body, I wondered if I just needed to stay strong with my life choices, and forget the haunting threats of the Sage as I was progressing with my life.

I took off into the sky, and returned to the cedar forest from above, entering the small hole I had created just above Lord Orvin’s estate, and entered the place that I could call my second home. Like a well known resident, I moved freely down the halls, up the stairs, and to my room where clothes were already laid out for me upon the bed. I put on the black, sleeveless tunic that was open in the back and barely secured by a single clasp upon my neck and a chain across my waist in the back. Then, I looked down at the woolen item I thought would be a pair of trousers, but, in turn, was a skirt—something unfamiliar, but I shrugged and slipped it on. I gazed into the reflection glass, and began combing through my hair, as the wind had made it rather unkept after flying all day, and I thought about asking Lillie to braid it again, for that was something I hadn’t done in quite some time.

I imagined her fingers drifting through my hair, and closed my eyes at the thought of her hands moving across my chest, my skin, my body—if only she were here right now—if only she were touching me in the way I wanted her to do so.

A rising sensation in my lower parts caused me to groan as heat flushed my skin—something I was noticing each morning, especially as I pressed my body against Lillie first thing upon waking—a sudden wetness I woke to during the night whenever I dreamed of tasting her skin.

Ah—I miss her.

Desiring to appease Lord Orvin with my calming presence during dinner so that I could return to Lillie and listen to her excitement from earlier this morning, I hurried out of my room towards the dining hall, nearly running into Mortiz.

“Oh, you’re already dressed!” Moritz exclaimed. “Lord Orvin asked me to show you to the bath.”

“I don’t need one, thanks,” I said as Moritz raised a brow.

“Probably better that way,” he said, then motioned for me to follow him to the dining hall. “Although, you do smell strange.”

“It’s called nature,” I said as I trailed behind him towards the dining hall. I sniffed the air, recognizing a mix of scents drifted through the halls, but a musky, cedar scent permeated from Moritz—something I only had recognized from someone else. “Is Jamie still here?”

“No—he left after—well, long ago. Lord Orvin has requested only your presence tonight,” Mortiz said, then grunted loudly as he cleared his throat. “He has had a very long, tiresome day. Please, do not ask him stupid questions, and just be your quiet self. Seems like you’re the only one he cares about these days.”

“How long must I stay?”

“For as long as he desires—of course.”

Upon entering the dining hall, Lord Orvin called for me as he rose from his seat at the head of the table, beckoning me with a slow hand. I sat next to him on the backless seat designated for me, and the dining servants began serving me roasted beef and filled a glass with a sweet scented beverage.

“My, you seem less ravenous as usual,” Lord Orvin said as he observed my slow eating. “At least you look ravishing.”

“The farmers gave me a lot to eat,” I said, but then took a large bite, not wanting to waste anything set before me.

“Oh, I’m sure they did, what a curious group of people, don’t you think?”

“They also said the same about me.”

“Oh, naturally my dearest. Say, try the mead. It’s new—imported from a stand-off village in the east. You must try it.” I grabbed the glass and pulled it to my lips, and began to drink, suddenly feeling rather intrigued by the flavors, but the instant effect of alcohol seemed much stronger than the normal pint of mead. “Tell me, do you like it? I believe it rather strong, but I do enjoy the intoxication.”

“It’s nice.”

“Oh—such a man of many words, yes. My, your skin has become so much deeper—I daresay, flying all day has only radiated your elegance.” Lord Orvin lifted a glass and clinked it against mine, then slowly sipped his drink. While I ate and drank to my heart’s content, Lord Orvin spoke about the mundaneness of his day, the ongoing affairs of importing taxes, exportation laws, and the rigorous battle he seemingly was in within some far off lands ruled by a notorious king. After each sip of the strong beverage, my mind grew fuzzier, and I began to tune out Lord Orvin’s complex political affairs as the thoughts of being with Lillie returned to the forefront of my mind.

“Join me somewhere more relaxing?” he asked and I looked over with drooping eyes as exhaustion and alcoholic intoxication began to weigh heavy upon my eyelids, his as well—perhaps.

“Of course.” Abandoning the table to be cleared by the table, Lord Orvin called for another bottle to be brought to the private smoking room where we retired into, and I lounged upon the backless sofa where I usually sat while the man smoked and spoke about political affairs.

“Tell me about your tattoos,” Lord Orvin said rather demanding as he poured a single glass, and hovered it under my nose. I took it, but the stifling room caused a waft of nausea to overwhelm me, and I lowered it as I leaned forward. My wings twitched and my vision began to grow fuzzy, but I felt Lord Orvin’s close presence as the sofa slightly bounced.

“What does it mean?” he asked, then his finger gently stroked my left arm.

“It’s just an aging ritual—it represents my age—I think.” I lifted the glass and took a sip, but the intoxication was becoming even more uncomfortable, and I placed the glass upon the table nearby.

“You are very young—too young to understand much about life—do you understand what these symbols are?” he asked smoothly, and I shook my head. His hand stroking my arm reminded me of my desire to be with Lillie, and I rose to my feet and slightly staggered away.

“I would like to go home now—I’ve been away from Lillie—and I—I really want to be with her.”

“But—does she want to even be with you? She doesn’t even visit you here—daresay, you spend a whole lot of time in the estate, you might as well call it your home now. Nor does she come to any events—unlike your other loyal, devoted friend. Your life is advancing with me, but where is Lillie? She would rather keep you locked up in that library, sleeping on the floor. Here, I provide you a bed, plenty of food, anything you need—what does Lillie even offer you?”

No—that’s not true.

“Happiness.”

“Mmm—oh, my dearest. You really are clueless about everything, aren’t you? So clueless to a woman’s denial to a man’s needs.”

“Please—I would like to go. I have already served you.” Lord Orvin snickered as I winced, then held my hand to my stomach as a desire to vomit overwhelmed my mind, wondering how I could even make it to the library in such a state. Was it only the strong alcohol, or the heightened emotions, or the man’s snake-like voice that was sounding too familiar to a Sage?

“Oh, my dearest, are you feeling alright?” Lord Orvin’s voice rang, and his hand drifted along my back as he approached my side. “You’re hardly fit to walk or fly on your own. Let me help you to bed, otherwise you may pass out in a dangerous place if you were to attempt to get home.”

“I’m sorry—my lord.” I blinked rapidly as Lord Orvin guided me through the halls towards my bedroom, and I breathed through the discomfort, trying to regain my ability to control whatever was inflicting me, but the fuzziness of the environment was causing me to feel as if fighting against a lava monster would have been easier.

Upon my exposed back and limping wings, I felt the cold, but soft linen of a bed as Lord Orvin lay me upon the mattress, and I thought what sweet relief I would soon feel as sleep would soon overcome my weak demeanor as I had given up hope of returning to Lillie’s side that night.

Yet, as warm lips were pressed against mine, my eyes jolted open, for a moment wondering if Lillie had in fact arrived to surprise me.

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But such wishing soon vanished as the scent of Lord Orvin was upon me, his hands groping, his mouth widening.

“Stop!” I groaned as I turned my face away, and he moved his head back but held the back of my head tightly with his fingers entangled through my hair.

“Oh, Sable—are you feeling alright? You must be dreaming, aren’t you?” Lord Orvin said as foul breath cast against my face as I grabbed his shoulder and tried pushing him off. My strength felt weak, his sizable body heavy, but his grip in my hair sent a surge of pain. “You seem agitated and stressed—do you know what can help to relieve that?”

“Get off,” I growled, and I glared into his yellow eyes that appeared different in the darkness—something more animalistic—like a rabid wolf attempting to kill without heed. With strength from my wings underneath, I swung over, causing both Lord Orvin and I to roll off the bed, but it allowed me to escape his weight, and I attempted to crawl away while my heart raced and my skin flushed with heat and sweat.

“Let’s get you back into bed—you’re obviously not well and are acting impulsively,” Lord Orvin said, and I felt him grab the chain along my back and he pulled, snapping it. I took another swing at him with my wing as I spun onto my rear, but he dodged it and lunged onto me again, grabbing my neck tightly. “It is only natural to feel so many emotions—especially one being exposed to so many new wonders of bodily functions. Let me teach you what your body desires.”

He thrust his lips onto mine again, choking my neck, and I grabbed his wrist, trying to pull away, but my stomach lurched as his other hand punched my stomach, then ripped the tunic off.

“Please—stop!” I cried, feeling tears well in my eyes as the onset of understanding of the man’s betrayal slowly surpassed the fuzzy state of the debilitating alcohol effects. But, like a crazed wolf with only the desire to wreck havoc, the man pulled at my hair as he gasped while forcing his hand under my skirt. As his hand groped my lower parts, an indescribably horror surged through my body, and he moaned loudly as he pressed his mouth close to my ear, thrusting his tongue against my skin.

“Just let me make you feel good,” his snake-like voice whispered, and I gasped as he tightened his grip and released his hand from my hair. I focused all my energy on using my legs and wings to throw the man across the room, and I dared not hesitate as I bolted out of the spinning room, and went crashing down the hall. I tripped, knocked over vases, and both glass and flowers shattered along the pink carpet, and I heard his voice trailing closely behind, and I ran even faster as I targeted the door leading to my escape.

I flew out from the ground, flying high above into the overhead opening I had earlier entered that evening.

I flew far away.

I cared not where I went, only that I escape that area as fast as possible, afraid the man would be lingering behind me, envisioning his ability to suddenly sprout wings in attempt to hunt me down and further enact his desires against my will.

My mind was swirling, my head pounding, and I felt like vomiting, and I came crashing down upon the long grass of the meadow and finally began puking. Tears ran down my cheeks as I held myself in a pathetic form while my stomach released every form of solids within, and I felt my body tremble while the cold breeze rushed against my exposed body.

I stood up and wiped my face with my arm, feeling stupid, utterly ashamed as I stumbled through the long grass, allowing myself to falter onto the ground as I cried myself into a fetal position, unaware of how much pain my body was truly in as my heart and soul ached in a way only one being utterly betrayed could fully understand.

I hated myself at that moment, ashamed for feeling so distraught.

I hated Lord Orvin for touching me in a way I thought unexplainably detestable. How dare he—how dare he touch my body, telling me that he could make me feel something that I wanted only with Lillie—something we had yet to even explore.

How dare I let him—

Oh, how I hated myself for ignoring Lillie’s warnings. I hated that Lillie knew all along that he was manipulating me for his own selfish reasons and I had refused to listen to her, allowing my ego and pride to blind me into an ensnaring trap set up by a master I knew from the beginning could be my downfall.

Why? Why did he want me like this?

He wanted to accomplish greater things in life! He wanted to help me, help others—or—was that all a ploy? Was it only to get me close enough to allow him to do these things?

Was that why Lillie didn’t trust him? After all this time, she knew that it would come to something like this?

How could I be so stupid?

“Sable?” A voice resounded within my head.

A familiar sound of one whom I loved, yet recently resented their presence due to their disdain, and within my shame and guilt, I wanted nothing to do with.

Just let me make you feel good—Lord Orvin had whispered.

Stop!—I cried in desperation.

The nightmares of Lord Orvin overcoming me, his greedy lips embracing mine, and his grip upon my lower parts, woke me in a sweaty, and disgustingly wet disruption. I lay upon the grass in the meadow, the night sky still above, and I frantically looked around afraid that he had found me and would pin me again.

I gripped my hair, covering my face as the grass plastered against my skin caused agitation, and I tried to cry, but there were no tears left.

His voice, and for some reason Lillie’s voice filled my thoughts as I tried to drift away into the darkness overwhelming my mind, but the aching agony caused my body to tremble and my mind to swirl with nightmares.

Why? Why didn’t I listen? Why couldn’t I have been stronger? Why did I let him—why?

“Sable?” I once again heard Lillie’s voice. “What are you doing out here?”

My eyes opened after countless times, this moment with natural light shining upon my face, and I rose from my laying position, dripping in sweat as the late summer grass itched my skin, nearly overpassing the dreadful events of the night. I blinked heavily as I rubbed my forehead, and I felt the coldness of the wind blow against my exposed body as I only wore the skirt.

My eyes shifted as I looked over at the fuzzy image of someone resembling Lillie—her white hair as vibrant as snow—as clear as Lord Orvin’s as well.

“Lillie?” I muttered, and pressed my hand against my forehead as I moved my fingers through my hair, and a choking sensation overwhelmed my throat as the night of turmoil erupted into my mind.

“Hey—I was out foraging for berries nearby and came to the meadow—I—I didn’t expect to find you out here. I thought you were staying overnight due to work. Where—where are your clothes? Did something happen?”

“Lillie,” I mumbled. “I’m so sorry. You—you were right.” I choked up as tears began streaming down my face again, and I knew that I had no other excuse other than the pride fueling my ego that I thought I could make a change by my influence with someone as powerful as Lord Orvin.

Yet, in the end, Lillie was right—he had no reason to seek the same changes—he had no reason to tell me what I wanted to hear except to win me over to succumb to his corruption.

“What’s wrong, baby?” she cooed, and placed her hand upon my shoulder, and immediately my body wavered, faltering onto her lap, and she wrapped her arms around me as the trembling began again.

How could I be so stupid?

As my mind slandered my existence, Lillie’s voice rose, her powerful music reminding me that she were one to hold onto.

Frightful warrior, oh, brave strong one

You conquer mountains, you fight demons.

Oh, brave strong one

Your conquest is mighty, but your heart ever so

Brave strong one, oh, brave strong one

We sing your song, so you over come ever more

My heart began slowing its pace, and the tears stopped pouring from my burning eyes as Lillie continued humming while stroking my hair. Her touch was nothing like Lord Orvin’s, but I feared the sensation, the physical closeness to someone I loved now that I felt tainted by someone I thought I could trust.

“I feel horrible,” I quietly said while adjusting myself on Lillie’s lap, turning my face as I glanced up at her.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked while looking down at my as she drifted her hand upon my cheek, her thumb caressing my chin. I lifted my head, suddenly adjusting my body up as I sat on my knees.

“Yes,” I said, trying to get past the dryness in my throat. My head pounded, and my heart skipped a beat while I thought about the events of the previous night. “It’s—it was, well.”

My voice broke again. I sighed heavily, slowly bending my neck and allowing my head to hang backwards. The wind blew through my hair, and I closed my eyes as the morning sun kissed my skin, yet the cold breeze caused my exposed skin to shiver.

“What happened?” Lillie asked, her voice soft and patient. “Did—Lord Orvin do something?”

“Yes,” I mumbled, still closing my eyes while holding my head backwards.

“To you?”

“Yes.” Silence fell, and I opened my eyes. The sky was clear; not a single cloud was above, and the sun nearly blinded me as I kept my eyes fixed above. “He—he got me drunk, and he—he kissed me.”

“What?” Her voice rang through the open air, and I waited for further shouting, further demands of explanation, but she waited while gripping her skirt while obviously controlling her anger—for now.

“He came onto me. He forced a kiss. I threw him off—but—the room spun, I felt like puking, and he—he came onto me and—he touched me. He touched me under my clothes. I threw him again and I ran out of the room. I flew out, then escaped to the meadow. I didn’t know what else to do. I—I, Lillie, I should have listened to you.” I adjusted my head forward, feeling the burning sensation upon my agitated cheeks increase as I avoided looking at Lillie. “I should have never allowed him to do that to me.”

“It’s not your fault!” she yelled, causing me to flinch as I looked up at her. “That—that disgusting pervert is to blame! Don’t blame yourself, you hear me? Never—never ever blame yourself for what sick-game that man played!” Lillie’s voice rang through the air, her intensity and pure anger triggered the agony and my lips trembled, but she placed a hand upon my cheek and eyed me intently as she lowered her voice.

“Don’t you dare blame yourself,” she continued. “You did nothing wrong. Okay?” She reached her other arm over my shoulder, and then pulled me closer as she wrapped her arms around me as my body continued to tremble, by I welcomed her embrace, her comfort—her security—wishing I could stop shaking, but grateful that she was with me.

“Listen—I.” She growled as he fingers dug deeper onto my back, but she sighed heavily as she attempted to compose her temper. “Listen. He had no right—absolutely no right to do that to you, okay? That was wrong—like I said, anything that is uncomfortable and obviously stated as a not-okay situation is wrong. He—he is a disgusting man who doesn’t care about anyone but himself. And you have no shame to feel the way you do right now.”

“But, what about my job?” I asked while slightly moving my head to look up at her, but held my hand upon her waist. “Lillie—how could I ever—“

“Don’t you dare think about going back there, you hear me? You’re worth so much more than what money that pervert gives you. No, you never have to see that bastard ever again. Okay? Never—ever, ever ever ever—“

“Okay.”

“Damn it! Don’t ever think about having to return to him. You hear me?”

“Yeah. But, what about us? How will we—“

“Don’t worry about that right now.” She leaned back and kissed the top of my head, and asked if I wanted to return to the library. I asked to stay a little longer in the meadow, and she lay next to me as I cuddled with her on my side. The warmth of her body was enough to ignore the cold breeze upon my bare skin, and she drifted her fingers softly through my hair and I watched the grass sway while she breathed deeply.

“I think I understand why the Teragane would isolate themselves from the rest of society, choosing to live in smaller colonies rather than subject themselves to the cruelty of the world,” Lillie profoundly said.

“That is what the Sage told me,” I replied. “They said the rituals of the Teragane are to protect us from the cruelty of the world beyond the mountain. That, and of greedy men and violence of swords.”

“Hmmm,” Lillie mumbled. “Makes sense. I think the Teragane are quite wise in their understanding of how cruel the world can be. Perhaps, at some point, long ago they decided isolation was better than enduring the pain of combined society.”

“Yes, perhaps…”

“Yeah.”

“But,” I said, then shifted to a sitting position, and intently gazed upon Lillie as she lay on her back, resting her head over her stretched out arm. “No matter the pain of the world’s cruelty—nothing compares to the pain of isolating oneself from the world completely. For, even if I was to avoid all cruel things of this world, in such isolation, I miss out on experiencing the beauty this world has to offer; the joys, and the immense happiness of love and companionship.”

“I guess there’s a trade-off for everything.” Lillie smiled and her rosy cheeks rounded. I leaned my head against her forehead, and nuzzled her nose, allowing a sigh to escape my mouth as she kissed my cheek.

At least I still feel wonderful being with Lillie.

“Are you okay going back to the library now?” she asked. “I know Lord Orvin has that stupid spy-glass and could easily spy on you from there. Or, we can find a new place…well I don’t really know. We could try staying with Jamie and Lara.”

“It’s okay,” I said, and moved my face away, and then lifted myself to a standing position. “I don’t want to be afraid of a pitiful man like Lord Orvin. If he wants to spy on me, well, he can join the others. It’s not like I don’t already feel the prying eyes of the Sage whenever I fly out of the forest, or the judgmental glares from the people in Cedrus City. To be honest, I feel as if there is nowhere I belong anymore. It seems that no matter what I do, where I go, I always mess up.”

“That’s not true,” Lillie said, and quickly pounced to her feet. “You don’t mess up. You are new, also from a different culture, and still getting used to how things work out here. And—I know what he did was horrible, but unfortunately it isn’t uncommon for perverts to force themselves onto—well, others when they feel like dominating another. It’s disgusting, but never punished, like the Keepers attacking you—that’s why I’ve been so worried about you. There aren’t a lot of people who would defend you, especially against someone as powerful as Lord Orvin.”

I lowered my head, feeling aching all over again, but Lillie grabbed my hand.

“But, there is so much more than just this part of Ciimera. If we travel with Historia, we can discover new places, meet new people, and both learn more about ourselves. You know? In spring, we can travel away from this dreadful place, we can meet other people. But, most of all, you have me. You have Historia, Jamie, and Lara. We all care about you and will protect you.”

“I know, but even if we left Cedrus City, I will still experience the same things with others. No matter where I go…but I have no one to blame but myself. I chose this path, and now I must accept the consequences of being the first Teragane to leave the mountain.”

“Hey,” Lillie said with a stern, but kind voice while placing her hands upon my arms. “Anyone who chooses a different path for themselves than the status quo will always experience something different than the average norm. I myself have strayed far from the path I was born into. And, yes, I feel so lost at times. But, I would never want to return to that old life. And, I am so thankful that we both get to be together through the process. I don’t regret anything, only that I had wished I could have been more clear with my warnings about Lord Orvin or could have saved you from his—his horrible behavior.”

“No,” I said through the choking sensation within my throat as I gazed upon Lillie’s confident face. The wind blew her long, white hair around her face, and I gently moved a small strand that bounced around her nose. “I should have trusted you from the start.”

“Oh, jeesh, there is no use blaming ourselves,” she said, and rolled her eyes as she grinned. “We both are just trying our best, but now we know for sure he is a scoundrel. I—I’m so sorry that you got hurt because of him.”

“I know. But, next time you have a weird feeling about someone without an explanation, I know to immediately trust you. I will never doubt you—my love.”

“And I will try to be better at not judging you or pushing you away with resentment.”

“Sounds nice.” I leaned down and hovered my lips near hers as she closed her eyes, anticipating my embrace, and a sense of nausea overwhelmed my stomach and I turned my face away, and instead I held her close while hugging her tightly.

She held me as well, and I waited for the dreaded sensation to pass over, and I feared that I would forever be tainted by a man who I thought I could trust—a man who I thought wanted to bring change and better resources to those who were different.

Yet, after all I had learned in the two seasons of living amongst the Tamarines—one could hardly be trusted by first impressions.

Only evidential actions and words could establish something as deep as trust—something I knew that I had at least with Lillie and I needed to have faith that she and her friends were ones who would help me navigate the complexities of the society I had found myself plunging into—even if I didn’t quite understand all that was surrounding me as the lone Teragne attempting to bring a new era of history.