CHAPTER 29: Since Forever

CHAPTER 29: Since Forever

************************************

Camron had told her he won't be able to go home for Thanksgiving break, she herself was busy trying to meet the deadline and she couldn't go either and she felt really bad for letting down her dad. After promises of visiting home for Christmas, she hung up the phone and then felt terrible for a whole day.

Ella worked on her fiction piece tirelessly and stayed holed up in her room for the entire weekend. She didn't even go out to get food because Nora, her amazing roommate, brought it to her desk, albeit a bit spicy, it was delicious and she couldn't be more grateful. Nora couldn't make a five day trip all the way across the globe to South Korea so she was at the campus too, while the college emptied out.

Ella was leaning back in her chair, stretching her back and arms when Nora knocked on her door and came in with an offer, "Do you want a cup of chamomile tea? I'm making some..."

Ella wanted a strong cup of coffee but decided to settle for tea instead, since she didn't have the energy, nor the mood to make anything, "Sure I'd like a cup."

And before she could return to her work Nora interrupted, "Ella, I have a question....I mean, I'll ask only if you can take a short break, otherwise, it can wait."

Ella rolled her neck and decided to give her fingers some rest, "You can ask."

"I mean- I can infer from your lack of excitement, but I thought I'd still ask, Neo wasn't him right?" She asked hesitantly and Ella sighed in exhaustion.

"No... it wasn't him. The date went well, but I was disappointed to know it wasn't Elliot. Neo is such a nice guy though...he understood and didn't ask for a second date or anything, but I felt really awkward."

"Welcome to dating...most of it is just awkward." Nora spread her arms and shrugged.

"How do people do this constantly? I couldn't even let two people down when they said they like me." Ella ran her hands down her face tiredly, "I feel awful, thank god I didn't deal with all this when I was an immature high schooler, god knows how well I would have handled it."

"Wait, two people? There's someone else?" Nora caught on and Ella looked positively like a deer caught in headlights.

"Uh- yeah, there was someone else, but that's another story... I'll tell you later." She was trying to figure it out herself and a part of her wanted to postpone all the teasing she was going to endure.

"But who was it?!" Nora pressed, wanting to know right that second.

"I'll tell you later...I promise." Ella slouched in her chair, fatigued, wanting to end the awkward conversation she pleaded with her eyes.

"Fine" Nora eased off seeing how disgruntled her friend looked. "But damn, it's like the universe is trying to make up for the lack of romance in your life." she joked walking towards the door again.

"I hope not," Ella muttered and got back to her work.

"I'll get you some tea," Nora said as she left and then a sweet-smelling mild tea was on her desk after ten minutes while Ella worked on, trying to forget her life has become somewhat complicated in the last few weeks.

Her fingers ran on the keyboard, occasionally she paused to read and take notes in her notebook that she kept handy. She was after a long while pleased with what she wrote, looked forward to knowing what others thought about it and couldn't wait to show it to her professor.

But before that, she needed her brother's opinion and so she forwarded him the unpolished first draft and then closed her exhausted eyes.

When Monday rolled around, Ella went to attend class diligently, it didn't even feel like the thanksgiving break had just ended...it was just a five days long break and it didn't feel that long at all, the weather was colder though, winter breeze blew gently as the sun lit up the day with mild warmth complimenting the gold and red hues around her. The daylight was welcoming and so she sat outside on the theatre hall steps and revelled in it.

Jay in his casual dark pants and loose navy blue shirt, under a thick jacket, walked down the street right in front of her, they were both clearly early, classes were yet to start. She didn't know how to act around him, but he made that decision for both of them when he noticed her.

"Hey, Ell!" He greeted enthusiastically and came over to join her. She smiled automatically in his exuberant presence and almost forgot about everything else.

"Hey! Why are you so early?" She asked, "Class doesn't start for another-" she checked her watch, "forty-five minutes."

"I should be asking you that." He fired back, "This is my usual time."

She shrugged, "Just- woke up before my alarm for once, thought I'd start early since it's a good day..."

"Is that why you're sitting here, instead of going to the department?" He asked in a teasing tone. He wasn't awkward or uncomfortable around her because of what happened, he seemed like his old self and that put her at ease.

"I'm people-watching, leave me alone." She grumbled and picked at the hem of her green blouse.

"People-watching or looking for someone specific?" She didn't expect him to ask that and blushed like the maple leaves that were turning red.

"I wasn't." She denied, "It's not like I'll find him if I keep looking." bitterness seeped into her tone.

"If you're doing it this way then you definitely won't..." He nodded, teasing her further.

"I have my suspicions okay... I just-" She cut herself short and trailed off.

"Just what?" He pushed.

"Just don't know if I want to find out." She admitted, her heart felt heavy as she said that and she sighed helplessly.

"This is needlessly complicated." He voiced his thoughts and she agreed.

"Tell me about it..."

"Who all do you suspect?" He asked and she froze at that question, again, not expecting it.

"You want me to list them?" She asked, blinking up at him with mild abashment.

"Sure..." He nodded eagerly, "I'm curious."

She went through everyone she suspected in her mind and then began listing, " There's this guy John who I overheard while he was talking to his friend about a lost diary."

Jay frowned, "Sounds promising."

"Then there's Jared from mass communication- he was playing 'sound of silence' on his guitar." She added.

"Seriously?" He couldn't hold back an amused grin, "That's your big suspicion?"

"It just, it caught my eye okay!" she said defensively, "Then there's Andrew, I met him under the tree where I found the diary and he kind of talks like a lot of those letters."

"What?" Jay exclaimed, "Really?"

"It could very well be him..." She admitted.

"Yeah, I mean what are the odds?" He mumbled, looking thoughtfully confused.

"I used to doubt Neo, but it's not him..." She told him.

His forehead pinched in confusion, "Is that why you went out with him?" he asked.

"Yes, and no.... I mean, I did like him, I just...didn't feel anything on the date." Ella admitted feeling embarrassed and avoiding his mindful gaze.

He nodded. "Who else?"

Ella hesitated, but decided to come out and say it, barely talking above a whisper "Patrick."

Jay however heard her perfectly, "Patrick?" There was no doubt about his shock, "You mean my roommate Patrick?"

She nodded slowly, "It's just- I've seen him sign his name once and his penmanship matches really closely with those letters."

Jay was suddenly rolling in laughter, Ella was afraid he would roll down the stairs and hit his head on an edge. "Oh my god, I can't-..."

"It's possible okay, and you shouldn't laugh at your friend, that's rude." she reprimanded to no avail; he continued to shake in mirth and she grabbed hold of the end of his shirt so that he wouldn't roll to his death.

"Oh damn, that was a good one Ell." Jay eventually sat up wiping his eyes, "I can't imagine Pat writing anything, let alone write you letters."

"You might not know him all that well..." She countered.

"Doubtful, but I'll ask him." He said and got startled when she yelped.

"No, don't!" she breathed and talked normally, "I haven't decided what I'm gonna do about it."

"Fine. Suit yourself." he shrugged and then smiled as he got up, grabbing her hand he pulled her up with him, "We should go, it's time for class."

"No it's not."

"It will be after we're well caffeinated..." he said and she followed him eagerly.

************************************************************************

Ella met Neo in her Communications lecture which was her third class but even though she expected things to be sporadically different, it wasn't all that bad.

After class ended he walked with her towards the cafeteria as he was going the same way.

"I'll take a look at the revisions in the slide show and let you know what I think of the changes," Ella told him, referring to their joint assignment that was now completed and was to be submitted soon.

"Okay, I have not changed anything major." he nodded, "you'll know when you see it."

Ella smiled politely and then the conversation faded into silence as she knocked on the inner walls of her brain, trying to think of something to say so that it doesn't get uncomfortable.

"You don't have to worry about it, you know... about what I said the other day." He spoke up and suddenly she was lost for words more than she was before.

She frowned, "I-I'm not worried." she forced out the words.

Neo smiled hesitantly, "You don't act like it." He mumbled. Stuffing his hand in the pockets of his hoodie he met her gaze evenly, "I kinda knew you didn't have any feelings for me, your actions were rooted in friendship and kindness more than anything else, it's what I like about you."

Ella coloured, in embarrassment, "Not exactly..." she uttered and stared at the floor.

"I'm just asking you not to walk on eggshells around me, I'm okay." He said with a small smile.

Ella tried to relax, "It's just, I don't want to say something ignorant again and hurt you unknowingly."

Neo smiled then, "You're doing just fine, at least for now... although if you start seeing someone it's a different matter, I might feel all that petty jealousy and sadness."

Ella stared at him blankly, unblinking and not knowing what to say.

"You can laugh, it was a joke." He clarified the light in his eyes brightened as she blushed, feeling even more embarrassed. "Or was that too soon?"

"Oh god, I can't read you at all." she hid her face in her hands and groaned her displeasure.

He chuckled, "Good to know... I take pride in that," he said as they approached the cafeteria doors and then parted ways to their respected friend circles.

Dan, Nora and Jay were waiting for her as Ella approached her table, they were settled with their trays of food and she joined them with her steaming creamy spaghetti.

"Hey!" she beamed as she took her seat.

"Someone sounds chirpy?" Jay noted as he smiled at her.

"I told my Prof. that I completed my story," Ella told them happily and everyone smiled.

"Really?" Nora exclaimed, "No wonder you were tucked away in your room for the past few days."

"Can we read it?" Dan asked eagerly and Jay nodded equally enthusiastically.

"After I edit it, once again... you can." She nodded to them.

"Great! I can't wait!" Nora said in a singsong voice right before stuffing her face with her sandwich.

"So, last week...I confessed to the girl I like and got rejected." Jay unexpectedly spoke up as Ella paused, rolling her spaghetti with her fork and just looked down at it with shock.

Nora was choking on her bread all of a sudden while Dan passed her water, looking confused with his priorities.

"Wait, you like someone?" Dan asked as he was quickest to recover.

Jay nodded while Ella still tried to avoid looking up at him, cursing him for catching her off guard, it wasn't that she expected him to keep it a secret, but she didn't think he would just announce it.

"And you had the courage to confess?" Nora had joined in and Jay looked offended.

"Now, wait a minute, you don't have to sound so condescending about it." He complained.

Dan backed Nora up with his matter of fact reasoning, "You refused to finish watching a penguin documentary and cried as you left the room after declaring you were never falling in love."

Ella couldn't hold back a smile as she looked up at him.

"The female died okay and the male penguin was sad, he was waiting for death, they only had each other, they mate for life..." He said, actually sounding sad all over again.

"You even teared up and left the shop when you went with Dan to get a tattoo and it wasn't even for you," Nora said, pointing at Dan's bicep where said tattoo resided and was peeking halfway out of his short sleeve.

"Dan just laid there with a needle in his arm like he was getting a sun tan, someone had to feel pain." Jay defended, talking over Dan's laughter as he was now reminded of the hilarious incident and shook with mirth, "Wha-what's the point of this?"

"You are a chicken!" Nora didn't sugarcoat, "There's no way you went up to the girl you like and confessed your feelings."

"It's true." he insisted and then pointing at Ella, he said, "Ask her!"

Dan frowned, "You were there?" but Nora had joined the dots and was now looking at her wide-eyed.

"You confessed to her?" She asked while Ella wanted to hide under a rock but she reluctantly nodded.

"Yes." she said, "And he didn't chicken out." Her words were promptly ignored.

"You like Ella, since when?" Dan's jaw was hanging wide as he looked from Jay to Ella and then back.

"Since forever." Jay answered simply, "But you guys don't have to worry about us being a love-struck couple." He explained hastily, "She rejected me and I'm firmly stuck in the friendzone."

"Okay. That's it... details!" Nora demanded looking at Ella, and Daniel was right with her.

She bounced it back to Jay, "Ask him, I'm just as clueless." Ella said and then pretended to be engrossed in her food while Jay elaborated the best he could, but didn't add anything more that she already knew.

Ella wanted to disappear. Could this day get any weirder?

************************************************************************

Something was terribly wrong with the world. Very very wrong.

Cameron just sent her a text message.

Ella was frozen to the floor, a ridge dug in her forehead from intense worrying as she gazed down at her phone screen in stupefaction. Her brother was being absurd, he's probably been taken hostage and held at gunpoint, or maybe it's the kidnapper who sent the text.

The message itself was suspicious too, It was an address of someplace with a short instruction of "meet me here tomorrow at 4pm." The address was weirdly close to her campus, only about twenty minutes away.

Maybe it was an abandoned underground warehouse where the kidnappers carried out their heinous crimes. Maybe they didn't like how one of his books ended and took it upon themselves to make him pay for the emotional distress.

She almost dropped her phone on the pavement when the device began ringing in her hand, flashing Cameron's name on her caller ID. "Are you okay?" That was the first thing she asked when she answered.

"Why wouldn't I be?" He sounded puzzled, she could just imagine his intelligent face twisting with bewilderment.

"Well, all of a sudden you learned to text, I don't want you to hurt yourself." She voiced her worries and a terse silence followed her words.

"Geez thanks for the concern," he mumbled sarcastically. "And after all the hours you lectured me about not texting back instantly, why didn't you reply, it could have saved us this phone call!"

"I was trying to figure out if you were being held at gunpoint for it...you couldn't have waited a minute?" She fired back and he sighed like he was suddenly feeling extremely tired.

"Just tell me if you can make it tomorrow to my book reading, I begged my team to arrange it close to your campus, we need to talk." He asked again. So that's what it was- Ella was just glad that it wasn't a shady warehouse.

"Another one?" She questioned.

"Apparently it's supposed to help promote the hell out of my next book..." He grumbled.

Ella gave it a thought "Do you want to talk about the story?" A wave of anticipation rose within her.

"Yes!" He seemed excited, which made her smile, she quickly thought about her schedule and realised she could spare some time.

"Alright, I'll be there." She couldn't hide how much she looked forward to it.

"Great! See you then." He said and they hung up after exchanging goodbyes, she was now looking forward to tomorrow a little too eagerly.

***************************************************************

As her college schedule ended Ella went to the library to retrieve the letter that she knew was waiting for her. It was her shift anyway, and she couldn't be late for work.

She went to the all too familiar shelf, pretending to arrange the books as she neared, but froze when she saw some guy standing there with the envelope in his hand.

She couldn't believe what she was seeing. Was it him? Did she accidentally catch him while he was placing the letter there? Was she dreaming?

Ella acted fast, grabbing hold of his arm she pushed him and had him pinned against the closest wall, in the back corner shielded by a bookshelf, he yelped in surprise at being pushed but she didn't care.

He was taller, broader and had more muscle, but she was determined as she stood before him, looking slightly up at him as she regarded him with a curious gaze.

"I got you." She mumbled. He was a foot taller, had cropped dark hair, a sharp jawline and scared wide brown eyes looked down at her, while the letter was still tightly clutched between his fingers.

"Am I being assaulted?" He asked.

Ella rolled her eyes, "Very funny." she said as she eased up her hold and took a step back.

"It's not funny, this has never happened to me... oh god." He said while she continued to stare up at him having a hard time placing him.

"I don't think I've met you." She spoke before she even realised what she was saying, "Sorry, I just- but you said we've met before, that we've talked in person."

"I can assure you I've never met you before today miss... but I don't think I'll ever forget you now." He said, still looking scared and unsure.

"What?" her mind was drawing a blank, "But you- the letter, you're not Elliot?"

The guy looked down at the envelope in his hands and back at her, "what letter? L-what? What are you talking about?"

Ella's mind was reeling, she couldn't fathom what was going on, "Are you being serious? Please don't joke about this." She requested, but the confusion in the stranger's eyes didn't diminish.

"Serious about what?" He asked bewildered, "Look miss, I was searching for a book and found this here..." he held up the envelope and her eyes streaked to it, "I don't know what it is, I was just about to inspect."

Ella reached out and plucked the envelope out of his hands, "It's mine." she said, now suddenly realising what she had done and looked down mortified.

The stranger frowned down at her.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-..." She apologised for the horror she induced as she blushed up to her scalp as she took a few steps back, wanting to vanish into a puff of smoke just to escape this painfully uncomfortable scenario. "I shouldn't have cornered you, I'm sorry."

She turned away in a haste and ran back to her desk at the librarian table before the guy could respond in any way shape or form. She sat there with her head down allowing her hair to fall around her face and shield her until the shift ended.

And while she was at it she decided to read the letter for which she went to all these foolish lengths to retrieve it.

25-Nov-2018

Looking at the date of his letter, Ella realised that he didn't go home for Thanksgiving and she felt bad for the unfair situation he was trapped in.

25-Nov-2018

Dear Ella,

Thank you for writing back...I thought I'd never see another letter from you and now that I did, the contents revealed something far more interesting than I was prepared for.

You are the only one who could apologize and threaten me in the same letter and make sense while doing so (you might not have meant it in that sense but that's how it seemed to me). I don't know if it negates the apology or mellows the threat; either way- it's clear to me you're not giving up. It's almost admirable but quite unsettling in this context. But I'm glad you're upfront about it.

I don't know if I resent you or adore you for that, maybe I resent to adore you.

I can't believe you found Rhea of all people. And here I was hoping my secret would stay hidden just a little longer.

The world is truly small but It's not that you can't find out about me through her, as far as I know you... I'm hoping you won't.

To tell you the truth, I'd probably be alarmed if I knew you any less.

I know you're truly sorry and because you're truly sorry.... you won't infringe on my privacy this way... Not again.

You're telling me to prepare for a heavy dose of scolding, you don't know that I'm preparing for much worse. If only I wasn't so uncertain and frankly terrified of the outcome.

I know that you're headstrong and stubborn Ella, and even without Rhea You're gonna try your best. And maybe you really will find me before I find you and tell you everything I'm trying not to.

I can't fault your mind for searching; being curious and doubtful (it's who you are) and I understand it's rather hard to control one's absent-minded thoughts and where they venture. The subconscious and those instincts are often accurate.

You say you don't have actions to match my words— but that's not true, they are there, you just haven't matched them.

And a part of me wants you to find me, pick me out of a crowd like you've always known. I can't keep track of my own contradicting wishes and I don't expect you to understand.

At the moment I'm a little too elated to be holding your letter in my hands. A letter I thought I won't ever see. My heart soars as I pen down these words, and it's you that inspires it.

You should really concentrate on your midterms Ella, I'd be really troubled to have affected you in any negative form. My fears and inhibitions are bigger than me still... it might take me a while to rise above them. I will come clean eventually...I promise.

Earnestly,

Elliot.

*****************************************************************

What are your thoughts on this chapter?

Tell me everything that you're thinking!

Please do vote and comment before proceeding further.