Three - Payal

When she first heard him say he was in a dilemma regarding this marriage, Payal was shocked by the sudden wrenching feeling in her chest. Was it possible to feel hurt by a person whom you just met? She had known Vivaan for all of one hour. How could she be hurt by one statement he made?

But that was where she was wrong. All of the past week, she had heard about him. She had heard about how he was an ideal son, a loving elder brother and a mature person despite his young age. When he spoke about his dilemma, he not only confirmed what she already knew, but also revealed that he cared about the people around him. He included everyone in all his decisions and was perceptive, especially when it came to a relationship like marriage.

Payal realized that she had started liking him. That is what had prompted her to take it so far. He was handsome, no doubt about that, but it was not just physical attraction. Payal felt like she connected with him emotionally as well. He was similar to her, yet different. He thought just like her, but acted differently, a parallel route. Even without seeing his photo, she had created an impression of him in the moments leading to their walk in the park.

Payal understood his dilemma, but not the resolution. Responsibilities always came in one form or the other. Learning to balance them with your personal life defined growing up. But treating a relationship, that too one as pious as a marriage, as a responsibility was wrong. Payal couldn't understand that perspective, neither could she explain her opinion on it to him. So, however much Vivaan said that she had nothing to do with the rejection, Payal didn't think that way. She felt somewhat responsible.

As they got into the elevator, Payal took a deep breath, gathering her courage. "When we reach home, I will tell my parents that I don't approve this alliance." She said.

"No." The vehemence in his tone surprised her. She looked at him to find him staring back at her. "Don't lie, not to them." He said.

"How is it a lie when that is what we agreed upon?" she asked him.

He fixed her with his intense stare again. "We didn't agree on it. I said I'm in a dilemma about this marriage. You didn't put forth any decision, just an opinion." He argued. "But even then, if someone had to reject, it should be me. I'm the one with messed up priorities. Not you."

The doors of the elevator opened just then. In a bid to escape his unwavering gaze, Payal stepped out, breaking the trance his eyes were putting her in.

"It is not a lie. I understand and respect your stance. But I don't agree with your perspective. So, I reject the alliance." Payal said, ringing the doorbell twice – code for family member in their home – and pushing the door open to gain attention.

The living room surprised her.

Their families had mingled completely. She could see the fathers and Vivaan's uncle standing by the windows, talking with plates in their hands. Vivaan's mother and aunt were helping Payal's mother and sister-in-law taking the dishes in and out of the kitchen. Beside the dining table, in a group of chairs, sat Aryan, Avika, Mansi and Aniket, quietly discussing something. The only exception to the mingling was Sarita Mehta, who sat in the same place where Payal had last seen her, stoic and sour of expression.

As soon as their presence was registered, everyone stood up excitedly.

"Vivaan" Prakash uncle said tentatively. "Did it go well?"

"Baba-sa, I..." Vivaan hesitated.

"Ma, Papa, I wanted to talk to both of you." Payal said, cutting off Vivaan's incomplete reply. "Alone, please."

Her parents nodded, gesturing for her to go toward her room.

Feeling Vivaan's stare boring into her head, Payal lead the way to her room.

***

"But why?" Payal's mother asked.

"I just don't." Payal said. "Does my choice have no say in this matter at all? I have rejected other matches before. Why didn't I face an inquisition from you both then?"

Her father put an arm around her. "No. We didn't question you then, because you always started by explaining the reason. But today, you don't have a reason. Or if you do, you aren't telling us. We have to be answerable to them, we cannot just tell them no." he said.

"Our views don't match, Papa." Payal said.

"Difference of opinion on something cannot be reason enough, Payal. Your father and I have them too." Her mother said.

"But you don't disagree on the most important things." Payal said. "The most important aspect of marriage, how we should treat one another, itself doesn't match, Ma."

Her parents blinked.

"You both tell me; how do I adjust in his family and live with them if my husband doesn't see eye-to-eye with me? There is an ocean of difference between our lifestyle and theirs. If Vivaan can't support me, I can't reduce those differences." Payal explained.

"What is it that you both argued on?" Her mother asked her.

"Rishtey." Payal said, suddenly exhausted. "Rishton ko bojh samajhte hai woh. How do I marry someone like this, Ma? You tell me." She stared at the floor, her eyes welling up with tears that she had reined in so far. (Relationships. He considers relationships a burden.)

"He told me he has responsibilities towards his family that he cannot complete until he completes his studies. I understand. But to think that he cannot marry because he has responsibilities means he cannot balance his relations! It goes so far for him, that he has started to consider every relationship a responsibility, a burden!" she said, her voice breaking.

"Agar maine unse shaadi kar bhi li, to bhi who mujhe kabhi samajh nahi paayenge! Anything I do, he will only see it as another sacrifice and feel obliged to uphold this marriage. And I don't want that! I don't want to be saddled as another responsibility on my husband!" she was crying freely now, tears streaming down her face. (Even if I go ahead with this marriage, he will never be able to understand me!)

Then she felt a supportive hand on her shoulder. Looking up, she saw her father looking at her kindly. "Payal, first, stop crying." He said, gently wiping under her eyes. "Stop crying." He repeated until her sobs subsided, and she calmed down.

"I agree with your viewpoint. And I will go and convey this to them. But first, answer just one question." He said.

"What has really hurt you?" he asked softly. "Is it the fact that he considers his relationships, his family, a burden? Or the fact that the burden hurts him?"

Payal looked up at him confused. "I don't understand." She said.

"You are upset that Vivaan considers his family and his potential life partner a burden. And yet, when you were crying just now, you said it goes so far, he has started to consider every relationship a responsibility, a burden. Anything I do, he will only see it as another sacrifice and feel obliged to uphold this marriage." He father quoted. "Are you upset that he won't ever consider you an equal in the marriage, or are you upset that circumstances are such, that if the marriage is gone ahead with, you will end up hurting him by being a burden?"

Payal tried to think through what her father had asked. Was she upset because by marrying him she would hurt him? Was that the real reason why she didn't want to say yes to the alliance?

"Payal." Her mother said, sitting beside her. "Beta, if the reason why you are rejecting the alliance is because you're thinking for his sake, then don't you think he has a say in it too?"

"He said so!" Payal said, remembering his words in the park. "He said he was in a dilemma about this marriage."

"But did he outright say no to the alliance?" her father asked.

"He..." Payal paused. "He asked for my opinion." She said, the understanding dawning on her then.

"And what does that tell you?" her mother asked.

"That it was just that. A dilemma. He didn't come to outright reject the alliance; he is still in doubt about the alliance." Payal said, the reply coming out without her having to think her words. "Which means... he might have wanted to say yes?"

Her mother smiled. "Maybe." She said. "But what it entails for sure is that he wanted to discuss this with you. He wants to consider marriage, not reject it. But being the verbal freight train that you are, you probably didn't give him a chance."

"Ma!" Payal said indignantly.

"She's right." Her father told Payal. "And you aren't even rejecting the alliance because you want that. You're doing it because you don't want to put him under an obligation. But barring that, you accepted the alliance, didn't you?" he asked gently.

Payal felt heat suffuse her cheeks at her father's question. She looked down at the floor again, trying to hide her embarrassment. "It still doesn't solve the problem." She hedged.

"Oh, it does." Her father laughed. He held his hand out. "Let's go back outside, shall we?"

Payal was still confused and embarrassed. But she nodded, hesitant at what her father was planning.

Outside, the Mehta family was still sitting/ standing around the room. Vivaan was now sitting beside his mother and looked up immediately when Payal and her parents entered the room.

"Is everything okay, Karsan bhai?" asked Vivaan's father.

Payal's father smiled. "Yes. My daughter merely wanted to discuss something with us. We resolved the issue...sort of." Payal looked up at his words, trying to understand what he meant.

"Then, shall we proceed with this alliance? Vivaan wouldn't say a word to me all this while. He kept saying we should talk after you come back." Said Mr. Mehta.

Payal looked at Vivaan then. He sat silent, but his posture radiated tension.

"Mr. Mehta, I think we should let our children meet a few more times." Said Payal's father. "From what I understood when I spoke to my daughter, some things are not clear until they are given time. I know that for Payal at least, this one meeting was not enough for her to reach a decision." He looked at Vivaan as he said this.

Payal understood then, what her father was trying to do. He was trying to give her what she wanted, without having to sacrifice anything, neither on her behalf, nor on Vivaan's.

"Vivaan, what do you have to say to this?" asked Prakash uncle.

"Whatever you agree to Baba-sa." He said. His tone was polite, but his expression was skeptical, as though he wasn't able to understand what was happening.

"But are you just as confused?" his father asked again. "Or have you made up your mind?"

Vivaan seemed to consider the question. "There are a few answers I want before I can make a decision." He said finally.

"Prakash, soch samajh ke jawab dena. Chora-chori is tarah bina shaadi ya sagai ke akele ghume-phirenge, to samaj me humaari izzat ka ke hoga?" said Vivaan's grandmother. (Prakash, think carefully before you answer. If a girl and a boy roam around without engagement or marriage, then what will the society think of us?)

"Ma-sa, samay badal raha hai. Aise me agar humne in dono ka Rishta bina inki marzi ke joda ya toda, to bhi samaj hum par hasega." Said Prakash uncle. "Rishte ki baat chal rahi hai, ye sabko pata hai. To hum kyun inhe milne se roke?" (Mother, the times have changed. If we don't agree to the children's wishes and get them to agree or disagree on our whims, then also the society will laugh at us. It is not hidden that an alliance is being considered, so why should we stop them from meeting?)

"Aur agar je dono ne Rishta manjoor nahi kiya, toh?" Sarita Mehta shot back. (And if they reject the alliance?)

The possibility wrenched at Payal's heart. She didn't care about the society, but if she dared to hope, if she let herself accept him, then would she be able to take it if he rejected the alliance?

"Vivaan, Payal?" Vivaan's father spoke up. "You both have to understand what we are agreeing to. If we let you meet each other, it counts as courtship, and we are agreeing to it only because we trust both of you-"

"Mujhe iss chori pe raddi bhar bharosa na hove" Dadiji interrupted. "Bharosa hove to sirf maare chore par, aur hamari parvarish par." (I don't trust this girl even one bit. I only trust my grandson, and our upbringing.)

"- which means you both should know your limits. Can I expect that from both of you?" finished Vivaan's father, after rolling his eyes at his mother's interruption.

Payal looked at Vivaan, but he still wouldn't look at her. She understood what his father asked of her, and it applied more to her than to him, as her father made the request first. So, she decided to step up.

"Uncle, of the two of us, my father made the request first, which means I requested for the courtship first." She said, keeping her head bowed. "My parents trust me just as completely as you do your son, and I understand what it takes to build such a relationship, as well as the value it has. I promise you, I will never break that relationship, neither between me and my parents, nor between you and Vivaan." She said, feeling her father's look of pride behind her head.

Then she felt him stand beside her, at a respectable distance.

"My parents know what to expect from me. I trust that they trust that I will never disappoint them." Vivaan said. "But I do have a promise to make to uncle and aunty." he said, referring to Payal's parents.

He faced them, then. "I have a sister too. I understand what it means to be the parents of a daughter, and to trust someone else with her." He said. "I promise you that I will never let anyone question her honor, or mine on her behalf. I also promise you, that I will never cross any line, even unintentionally, when it comes to your daughter. Her honor and her respect, remain my priority, irrespective of whether this alliance goes any further." He promised, making her heart beat faster at the conviction in his words.

Once her parents had nodded their agreement, he finally looked at her. His eyes were still the same, shimmering and unexpectedly deep, but now they also had a kinder shift to them. He was staring right back at her, straight into her eyes, and try as she might, she could not erect her barriers. So, she let him see whatever he could.

They looked at each other for what seemed to be an indeterminable amount of time, before he smiled. His entire face transformed, all his weariness fading behind the shine of his smile and his eyes. It was a full, genuine smile, not containing an iota of doubt or untruth. Payal could only smile in return.

Only later did she realize that it was the first time she fell for him.