2.9 - Vulnerability

~~*~~

What finally broke everyone out of their shock was when a team of medical staff entered the transporter pad, intent on escorting the lot of them to medbay to get a check over. Although Cali had been excluded from this, since he hadn't been off the ship, he still went along, staying close to Spock the entire time. He knew that Jim was alright, a bit shaken with a few scrapes and bruises, but pretty alright. But Spock? Cali couldn't get the image of his pure uncontrolled grief out of his mind. He needed him more right now.

Everyone was split up as soon as they arrived at medbay, everyone injured getting their own bed as they were examined and treated. Although Spock was physically alright, just in need of bathing due to the dust that now covered him and his uniform, he still sat on one of the beds away from everyone else, needing to be alone.

Cali had checked on Jim briefly, but seeing Spock staring at the floor with a black expression by himself, he left his partner's side and approached. He didn't say anything, just stood nearby for a moment until Spock acknowledged him. It was small, a quick broken look that was secretly begging for help before he looked away, but Cali still saw Spock in his eyes. His heart broke and he quickly sat down on the bed next to him, much closer than professional but no one was watching them in that moment.

Cali kept his eyes on him still, as he gently placed a hand on his leg, hoping to try and comfort him. The small act caused Spock to look up again, meeting Cali's eyes for a moment. Though he said nothing, Cali could see everything in the Vulcan's eyes.

He was mourning. Grieving the fresh loss of his beloved mother.

He was angry. Furious at Nero for taking her from him. For taking his home, his planet and his people.

He was screaming for help. Begging for someone to take all these crippling feelings away from him; for any form of comfort.

Cali knew that he was close to tears as he looked into Spock's eyes, his hand tightening on Spock's thigh trying desperately to show the Vulcan that he was there. He would help him, in any way he could.

Spock could feel it, but he couldn't process Cali's love for him in that moment as he turned his eyes back to the floor, needing somehow to just not feel.

~~*~~

Jim sat on the bed in med bay as his hand was bandaged with a healing cream. His other injured would be dealt with soon. His eyes wandered to Spock and Cali. His boyfriend had stayed by the Vulcan's side since he had returned from the now destroyed planet. Though he couldn't read the Vulcan now, even he had seen his shock and grief at the loss of his mother. He didn't care that Cali wasn't at his side, he was needed at Spock's.

Though he went to turn away, Jim's eyes were drawn back over when Spock suddenly stood to leave, leaving Cali still sat where he was, his eyes watching regretfully as the Vulcan walked away. But it wasn't until the Vulcan was out of sight of the door that Cali stood and left, giving Jim a quick look to see if he wanted him to stay as he passed.

~~*~~

Although Cali left the med bay shortly after Spock, he didn't plan on following him. He could tell that the Vulcan wanted to be alone in that moment and respected that as he began wandering the ship. He wasn't needed on the bridge at the moment, his place still being manned by Uhura. He felt for a moment that he should have returned to Jim's side back in med bay, but in that moment, he didn't.

Although Cali could barely deal with his own most of the time, he always thought it was up to him to help others look after their emotions. To support them. Comfort them. But now, with Spock, he didn't know how. He'd still couldn't fathom the idea of losing someone you were so close to. He'd never had such a bond with someone that would even come close to what Spock had with his mother. How could he comfort the Vulcan when he didn't know what he was going through?

~~*~~

Cali ended up wandering for a while. Loosing track of time as he was lost in his thoughts.

Eventually, he decided it best to go back to the bridge. It was likely where Spock would go when he was cleaned up, so it was the best bet to find him.

However, as he arrived at the turbolift, he spotted the Vulcan getting into it. Jogging to catch up, Cali got in just as the doors closed.

While Spock had been looking down at the floor, obviously lost in thought again, he looked up as someone else entered his lift. He was shocked slightly to see Cali, stood in front of him, but didn't say anything, even as the silverette pressed the pause button to halt the lifts advance. Spock met Cali's eyes and could see in those usually bright electric blues his comfort, his love. Without even thinking, as if drawn to Cali's warmth, Spock took a small step forward.

The movement was tiny, but Cali quickly mirrored it, lifting his hand up to gently hold Spock's cheek. Spock closed his eyes, leaning into the touch, desperate for the comfort. Taking it as a good sign, Cali took another step forward, this one larger this time, so that he was practically chest to chest to Spock and wrapped his other arm around the man's neck, slipping both hands to they were gently holding the back of his black hair.

Embracing the contact, Spock wrapped his arms around Cali, both hands tightening around the man's uniform on his upper back and neck. Burying his head into Cali's shoulder so that the Polyvore's hair was tickling his cheek, Cali leant his head closer, giving Spock as much contact as he needed in that moment.

Cali knew no words would make Spock feel any better, so he just kept his arms circled around him, allowing the taller Vulcan to tightly cling to him in the silent turbolift until he felt ready to let go.

And that was how they stayed for a minute, until Spock realised that his eyes were burning and pulled back. Cali gently untangled himself and took a step or two back to give the Vulcan the space he needed as he watched him pull his crumbling walls back into place around his breaking humanity. After blinking away his forming tears, Spock looked over at Cali again. "Thank you."

"Of course, amatus meus, I'm right here for whatever you need."

"I need everyone to..." Spock paused what he was saying. While the sentence he was going to reply with was true. He knew what Cali meant. He meant what he needed. Not what the captain needed. Closing his eyes for a moment, he allowed himself to reply, allowed himself to keep his walls down, just for a moment, just with Cali. "Stay with me... Caliaire?"

Cali smiled up warmly, he could see the vulnerability in Spock's question. Knew how much it meant. How hard it was for the Vulcan to admit. So, he smiled genuinely. A small smile that still had much sadness in it but displayed all the warmth and comfort he could manage. "Always." He replied lovingly, meeting Spock's eyes in sincere solace. A promise. Because it was true. He would stay there at Spock's side always, as long as the Vulcan wanted him there.

~~*~~

Translation

Amatus meus means my darling/my beloved.

Sorry for the shorter chapter, but I thought that was a nice place to drop it off before the drama of the next one.

Also, little ranty here so feel free to skip, but what are people's opinions on Uhura and Spock's romance, especially in the first movie?

I'm just asking cause, while I had thought it was cute the first time I watched the movie, rewatching it now, especially the turbolift scene, I find myself not really liking it anymore.

I just don't think the two are right for each other. While I can completely see that Spock respects Uhura and obviously feels more open with her than others, I just can't see there being much love on his side. Especially not as much as Uhura.

I think there's also the culture difference that bothers me, a major reason why I made it so that Cali is aware of and always respects Vulcan culture instead of using Human or Polyvore around Spock.

It's just, in the turbolift scene, Spock seems uncomfortable when Uhura kisses him, which is seen in other scenes as well. He accepts the hug, but whenever she kisses him he just doesn't seem to like it. And then when he says his line that I changed about what he needs, it just seems like he's closing himself off, not completely comfortable with her. I understand he's mourning and angry, but I just don't see the connection between them. I can see the mutual respect, but personally, I think that's where it ends.

Also, I've done research into the alternate universe's cannon, and it says that when Spock and Uhura first got together, Spock didn't think they would last a week. That doesn't seem like a good foundation for a relationship.

And then again much later in the canon when the Enterprise is on its five year mission, Spock goes through Pon Farr and has to go back to his betrothed to literally save his life and Uhura acts really badly about it, getting extremely jealous despite the fact that Spock didn't have a choice. I just don't think their relationship is good.

Thanks for anyone who actually read the rant, and for those who share their personal opinions on the ship. I'm curious about everyone's responses.