Chapter 41
You Saved Me Once Book 1
Life after I fucked up everything, again. Iâm back to living more lies, back to memories from the past that make me sick to my stomach. Back to smiling, behind the tears. Back to, the red room to develop my secrets. Back to, avoiding food.
All because, of Hayes.
He wasnât to blame, I choose to feel this way. Because I canât hate him, I blame Hayes, for loving him too much.
Hayes knows I love him, or he should. I know kissing him was wrong, for more than one reason. I knew he was with Rochelle and did it anyways. It was the secret that I was keeping, that made what I did, even worse. It would make Hayesâs reaction small. It would make me, sick.
Our lips have met before, but that was a different time.
I feel gross again.
That night when Hayes went to Shiloh Ridge, I wanted to fol-low him. I wanted to drive around that town, in his car and find him. Make sure he was okay, even though I knew he wasnât. I wanted to hold him, I wanted him to hold me like when we were younger. I wanted him to rub my back and make me feel better.
Heâll never do that again. I most-likely, wonât see him ever again.
Itâs been weeks, and his car that I parked out front for him, hasnât moved. Hayes hasnât come back to Versa yet, he might never come back. It took him 3 years for me to see him again, to hear him again, to hold him again. If he ever comes back, Iâll be long gone.
These thoughts are what keep me up at night. These thoughts are what feed the butterflies in my stomach. I feared the worst, with a guilty conscious.
~~~~~
A teacher comes from out of nowhere and wakes me up.
âAlex. Alex, honey.â She says.
I was sleeping in the red room at school. I was waiting for my pho-tos to develop.
âHoney, itâs time to go home.â The teacher says.
âWhat time is it?â I ask.
âNine-o-clock at night, sweetie.â Her voice was soft.
I didnât like her calm voice, it was too similar, to my mothers.
I leave school, and drive home.
~~~~~
A lot has changed in such short time. After I kissed Hayes, I talked to Rochelle.
I wasnât going to tell her about the kiss, of course. I keep too many secrets, to even let one out. Even if itâs Rochelle.
So, after a week or so, I stopped going to her parties. I stopped talk-ing to her in school, and out of school. I lied and told her I had to work on college stuff, when really, I felt too guilty to be around her.
There was Jeff. When he recovered, he texted me, but I never responded.
I feel so isolated, again.
It feels like Christmas again, but without the music, without the lights, just the muted laughs, and the freezing cold. Iâm so cold, without Hayes.
Iâm too blue. More sad memories come to me.
~~~~~
A week after she passed. It was green, red and gold all over. It felt blue, grey, and cold though. All of the siblings were together, but we were too sad to celebrate the holiday.
We tried drowning the mood with Christmas music, we tried open-ing presents. Nothing was working.
It was just cold, and minimal warmth from the fireplace.
Mostly cold casseroles by our older neighbors next door fill, our fridge. Even though our fridge was filled with food from others, from the funeral. Jack orders two pizzas for us.
We sit in the living room and eat in silence. I love pizza now, because Hayes loves pizza. He came to her funeral, and I saw him. I havenât seen him in, 3 years.
Hearing his voice on the phone when he called me on Christ-mas, gave me warmth. He said heâd move back to Versa next month for me.
When the New Year rolled around, there was no Hayes.
You Saved Me Once Book 1 ï¤Chapter 40: 24I Kissed You In Your Sleep worlds apart ï¤Chapter 76: Episode 75 The Witches ï¤Chapter 23: Meeting With Moxie All there was, was our neighborsâ cold casserole again.
He wasnât coming back to Versa. Even when I needed him the most.
~~~~~
It felt like Christmas again. I needed to hear Hayesâs voice to keep me warm now. I needed to tell him the truth. I needed to tell him why I liked pizza so much back then.
But Hayes wasnât coming back. This time I think, for good.
You Saved Me Once Book 1 worlds apart The Witches