Chapter 44

It was night again, when I wake up. Ever since Hayes left, the first thing I do when wake up, is go to my window. His car is always there though, in the exact same spot. It’s in the same spot now.

Seeing it, affects my day. Thankfully the day, was coming to an end.

I roam the house, and watch T.V downstairs. Emma and Jake are in his room.

I kept my phone close, for Jeff. I waited for a text, or call, but nothing.

I was obsessed with the mystery of Jeff. I wanted to know him more, to feel him more.

For the first time ever, I want to share my secrets. I want Jeff, to know my secrets, while he kisses me. I want to comb through his hair and watch him get better. Watch the green line grow shorter, and shorter every time our lips meet. I want to get better, with him.

My phone buzzes under my leg. I put down my bowl of ice cream, to answer it.

“Hello?” There’s static for a while. I’m on mute.

“Alex?” It’s Adam. I can hear music in the background.

He walks someplace else, and the music quiets. I eat a spoonful of ice cream.

“How are things?” He asks me. He sounds buzzed.

“They are good. What are you doing?” I ask. I scrunch my hair.

Adam rarely calls, but he calls more than you’d think. More than Jack.

We’ve all been through a lot, so when a sibling calls, we always an-swer. No matter what.

Adam sounds sad. I can hear him sigh through the phone.

“How’s Jake, where is he?” He asks.

I pick at my splinter, because I’m about to lie.

“He’s good. I think he went out.” I say.

I didn’t want to get stuck on Jake for too long. I had another secret about him, it was fresh. Talking about him, made me feel guilty.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

I hear him sigh through the phone again, this makes me nerv-ous.

“I’m worried about you Alex.” He says. He’s being weird. I laugh to cover my fear.

I bite down on my lips, when my eyes start to water.

“Adam, I’m fine. I promise.” I lie.

“What did you eat today?” He asks.

“I’m eating now.” I say.

“What did you eat today, Alex?” He asks me.

“I just had a salad.” I lie.

There’s silence through the phone again, I can’t breathe.

“Come on, you don’t believe me.” I laugh, because I’m scared.

I don’t like to talk about my habit. I don’t like when people start to notice my habit.

There’s static again, it’s calming. Adam is still muted. I bite down on my spoon, when I go for another scoop.

“Alex.” He’s whispers.

“Do you miss her too?” He asks.

“Every day, Adam.” I say.

There’s silence. He mutes me again.

“Adam, what’s wrong?” I ask.

He clears his throat again.

“I just feel like shit right now.” He laughs. I smile.

“Are you at a party?” I ask.

I can hear Adam cover his mouth.

“No. I haven’t been drinking either.” I hear him laugh through the tears.

I ache “Alex, I don’t want to be here.” He says.

The music is loud again. The static was louder. Chills coat my skin.

“Adam, don’t talk like that.” I say to him.

“Can you pick me up? I don’t want to be here. I just want to see you guys.” He cries.

Each time he gasps for air, chills coat me. I can feel his cold tears, through the static. I cover my mouth to hide my heavy breaths. To cov-er my, cry.

“Sure Adam, I’ll leave right now.” I say.

I stand up, to get more air.

“These fucking frat boys are fucking dicks, Alex.” He laughs, then cries.

The static takes over the phone, again. It’s static for a while, be-fore the call ends.

I put on my jacket, and text Rochelle for the first time in a while.

Want to go to a college party?

-Alex F*ck Yes!

-Rochelle ~~~~~

The floor is glossy, the walls are blue. Everything smells of anti-septic and rubbing alcohol. It’s familiar.

My stomach is turning. I feel sick again.

I take deep breaths as I hold Jake’s hands, and Ms. Kristen’s holding mine. Adam is behind us.

We only had a few more steps, but I can’t take another step. I let go of their hands.

I’m standing there, and everyone’s staring at me. The pit was coming back.

Adam holds my hand, when he sees tears.

“It’s okay, Alex.” He says.

“I’m scared, Adam.” I mumble.

“Of what?” He laughs.

“Will she like me?” I ask. He smiles.

“Let’s find out.” He says.

I hold my breath. I only step, in the squares on the tile floor. This calms me, the tiles make me feel better.

I breathe again once we enter the room.

There they were; Our oldest brother Jack, his girlfriend Rosa, and their newborn baby.

“Guys, meet Emily.” He cries.

His tears are happy. I’ve never seen Jack so happy, before.

Now everyone was happy, everyone was smiling, but me. I felt guilty again, because of a pulsing secret.

It’s been two months since my mother passed. At her funeral, something happened.

Seeing Emily was too much.

“Alex, you’re crying!” Jake laughs.

“Now I know. Babies are your weakness.” He laughs.

“Aren’t they everyone’s?” Asked Adam. His smile makes me smile.

“Alex’s been, a cry baby, lately.” Jake laughs.

“Hey, crying’s good for you!” Jack laughs.

I nudge Jake. Ms. Kristen rubs my back and hugs me from behind.

This wasn’t enough. I stay quiet.

“Alex, would you like to hold her?” Asks Rosa.

Everyone’s staring at me, and the room feels like it’s getting smaller.

I go to the bathroom before I start to cry.

Once I’m in the bathroom, tears don’t fall. I vomit in the toilet, in-stead.

I wanted to wait in the bathroom until we were ready to leave. I couldn’t bare the secret that sat in my stomach.

Jack comes in the bathroom, he closes the door behind him.

I sat in the corner of the room, hugging myself.

“Hospitals aren’t the cleanest.” He jokes.

I wipe my wet face, I cried too much for any more to come out.

“What’s going on Alex, is it mom?” He asks.

I lie at first, but he doesn’t believe me.

“I have a secret.” I blurt aloud.

He looks at me, almost scared.

The room goes silent. The loud fan in the ceiling hums, I get up, and my shoes squeak when I walk towards him.

“I did something Jack, but you can’t tell anyone.” I say.

I tell him my recent secret. The secret that made me cry when I looked Emily in the eyes. The secret that formed a pit in my stomach, made me ache.

I didn’t tell him my other secret though, I couldn’t.

He hugged me after though, didn’t ask any questions. He warmed me with his comfort, I needed this.

I could hear everyone in the next room, laughing, they are happy.

“I just want us to be together again.” I say.

“Alex. We’re moving to California next week." He says.

“Me, Rosa, and Emily.” He mumbles.

His hug was cold now. It felt better to tell someone else the truth, though. Yet, another person is leaving me now.

I ache again.

I wanted him to stay, I needed him. I didn’t want to bare another person in my life, leaving me. I didn’t try to convince or beg him to stay. I should’ve.

My throat was too raw and burning, for me to say anything at that moment.

Tears fall down my face now, he wipes them.

“Emily is beautiful. Mom, would’ve loved her.” I say. He smiles at me.

I step in the squares again as we leave the bathroom. Jake, Adam, and Ms. Kristen were standing outside of the room.

I was now face to face with Emily, she gets more beautiful, every second. My smile is wide now.

“Hi Emily.” I say.

Rosa lets me hold her. As soon as she lands into my hands, I get chills. Everything about her is pure, and light. I watch her, every movement brings me joy. Her cries scare me at first. Then I realize as I’m holding her, I’m warming her.

I cry again “More tears.” Rosa asks.

“Happy ones. Happy tears.” I say.

“Alex, loves you.” I cry.

END OF BOOK 1 Two.Part.Story.

Dear Hayes, “SECRETS”

Dear Hayes, “SECRETS” Book 2, (First 6 chap-ters)

Contents Con-tents ..............................................................................................................................

Dear Alex..............................................................................................................................................................

I read your let-ter ..................................................................................................................

It made me smile and laugh.......................................................................................................................

I wasn’t in the right head-space .................................................................................................................

The second time I left Ver-sa.......................................................................................................................

I apologize for that .......................................................................................................................................

This is a work of fiction. Similarities to real people, places, or events are entirely coincidental.

YOU SAVED ME ONCE First edition. January 9th 2020.

Copyright © 2019 Amelia E. S.

You Saved Me Once Book 1 Chapter 43: 27I Think Its Because worlds apart Chapter 76: Episode 75 The Witches Chapter 23: Meeting With Moxie ISBN: 6610000240203 Written by Amelia Stovall The YSMO series contains graphic content that to some degree could be trigger warnings for some individuals. There are min-imal implicated sexual assault parts in the book. There's also eating disorders, and heavy drug and substance abuse through-out as well.

You Saved Me Once Book 1 worlds apart The Witches