Chapter 1: The Case of the Missing Mannequin and the Overly Enthusiastic Fire Hydrant

Bumblebrook was, to put it mildly, bewildered. The rifts, those shimmering tears in the predictable Texan tapestry, were becoming more frequent and significantly less… squirrel-focused. Now, along with the occasional confused badger wearing a tiny crown and the swarms of butterflies that tasted vaguely of static electricity, larger, more unsettling things were starting to pop through.

Sera found herself on Main Street, a place usually bustling with the gentle murmur of gossip and the rhythmic squeak of the hardware store’s door, now resembling a low-budget fantasy convention gone horribly wrong. A three-legged creature with the head of a parrot and an alarming number of teeth was attempting to climb the flagpole. A patch of the road had inexplicably turned into a bubbling swamp. And Mrs. Abernathy, bless her cotton socks, was trying to barter a plate of her infamous mystery casserole with a small, furry creature that kept phasing in and out of existence.

“Honestly, Bartholomew,” Sera said, hefting a rather ornate (and surprisingly heavy) street sign that had spontaneously detached itself from its post, “this is getting ridiculous. Where are the National Guard? Shouldn’t someone be… I don’t know… managing this?”

Bartholomew, currently perched on Sera’s shoulder and meticulously grooming his floppy horn with a clawed paw, sighed dramatically. “Humans and their insistence on order. It’s so… quaint. Besides, darling Sera, who do you think would believe them? ‘Excuse me, officer, but I just saw a sentient artichoke playing the banjo while riding a miniature griffin.’”

Sera had to concede his point. The sheer absurdity of the situation made it almost unbelievable, even as she was living it.

Suddenly, a new notification blinked into existence before her eyes:

[New Quest Alert! The Case of the Missing Mannequin! A local establishment, 'Brenda's Boutique of Bargains,' reports the mysterious disappearance of their prized display mannequin, 'Dolores.' Reward: 50 Exp, +1 to Observation (Questionable).]

Sera stared at the notification. “A missing mannequin? Seriously, System? While there’s a potential interdimensional swamp forming on Elm Street, your priority is a missing mannequin?”

“Perhaps Dolores held sentimental value,” Bartholomew offered, his voice laced with amusement. “Or perhaps… she was the key to it all!” He punctuated this dramatic pronouncement with a theatrical flick of his tail, nearly knocking Sera’s sunglasses off.

Sera sighed again, a sound that was becoming her default reaction to the unfolding apocalypse. “Fine. Dolores it is. Maybe finding her will at least be less… slimy than dealing with that swamp.”

Brenda, the owner of Brenda’s Boutique of Bargains, was a woman whose floral print dress seemed to clash violently with the current state of reality. She wrung her hands dramatically as Sera entered the shop, which now featured a rather unsettling draft and the faint scent of ozone.

“Oh, thank goodness, you’re here!” Brenda wailed, her voice trembling. “Dolores… she’s gone! Vanished! Into thin air, I tell you!”

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

Sera surveyed the boutique. Racks of questionable fashion choices stood haphazardly, interspersed with patches of what looked suspiciously like glowing moss. A small, furry creature with too many eyes was attempting to try on a sequined hat.

“When did you last see Dolores?” Sera asked, trying to maintain a semblance of professional (despite the circumstances) inquiry.

“Just this morning!” Brenda sniffled, dabbing at her eyes with a lace handkerchief. “She was right there, in the window display, showcasing our new line of… well, it doesn’t matter now, does it? She’s gone!”

As Brenda continued her lament, another notification popped up:

[Observation (Questionable) increased to Level 2! New Skill Acquired: Notice Slightly Out-of-Place Things!]

Sera blinked. Slightly out-of-place things? In this reality? That skill was going to be working overtime.

She began to examine the window display where Dolores had last been seen. There was a faint shimmering residue on the glass, similar to what she’d seen above the exploded squirrel.

“Did you see anything… unusual this morning, Brenda?” Sera asked, pointing to the residue. “Any strange lights, smells, maybe a sudden craving for burnt popcorn?”

Brenda looked bewildered. “Well, Agnes from the bakery did mention her sourdough starter started singing opera this morning…”

Bartholomew snorted with laughter on Sera’s shoulder. “Opera-singing sourdough. The end times are truly upon us.”

Sera ignored him. “Anything else, Brenda?”

“Oh!” Brenda exclaimed suddenly. “There was that… that fire hydrant! It was acting all peculiar!”

“A peculiar fire hydrant?” Sera raised an eyebrow.

“Yes! It was… it was vibrating! And it kept making these little… squeaky noises! Like it was trying to talk!” Brenda insisted, her voice rising in pitch.

A vibrating, squeaky fire hydrant. It sounded about as likely as a polite rift monster. But in Bumblebrook these days, anything was possible.

“Where is this… talkative fire hydrant located?” Sera asked, a strange sense of foreboding mixed with morbid curiosity settling in.

“Just down the street, in front of Miller’s Hardware!” Brenda replied, pointing a trembling finger. “Please, you have to find Dolores! She was the heart and soul… well, the plastic heart and soul… of my boutique!”

Sera nodded. “I’ll check it out, Brenda. Try not to barter away too much casserole in the meantime.”

Leaving Brenda to her grief and the multi-eyed hat enthusiast, Sera headed down Main Street towards Miller’s Hardware. The parrot-headed creature had finally reached the top of the flagpole and was now attempting to engage in a philosophical debate with the American flag. The swamp on Elm Street was bubbling ominously. And the air crackled with a strange, unpredictable energy.

As she approached Miller’s Hardware, she spotted it. The fire hydrant. And Brenda wasn’t kidding. It was vibrating. Not violently, but with a subtle, almost rhythmic tremor. And yes, there was a faint, high-pitched squeaking sound emanating from within its metallic depths.

Sera cautiously approached the hydrant. “Hello?” she said, feeling utterly ridiculous. “Are you… making noises?”

The squeaking intensified. Suddenly, a small, metallic tentacle emerged from one of the hydrant’s nozzles, waving erratically. At the end of the tentacle was… a familiar, vacant stare.

Attached to the tentacle was the head of Dolores, Brenda’s missing mannequin.

[Quest Update! The Case of the Missing Mannequin! Dolores' head has been located! Current Objective: Figure out why a fire hydrant has a mannequin head and is making squeaky noises!]

Sera stared at the quest update, then at the vibrating fire hydrant with the mannequin head tentacle. Bartholomew, perched securely on her shoulder, was now openly laughing, a series of dry, crackling sounds that somehow managed to convey utter disbelief and amusement.

“Well, Sera,” he said, wiping a nonexistent tear from his glowing eye, “it seems Bumblebrook’s mysteries are only getting… weirder.”

Sera couldn’t help but agree. Reality had definitely broken. And her stats, overpowered as they might be (probably), were clearly not going to be enough to make sense of this.