chapter 30

Xingchen looks at the snow at his courtyard. He looks up at the sky. First snowfall of the solar year. He closes his eyes.

The dull ache in his heart triggers again. Tears roll down his eyes. Five years ago he used to believe, first snowfall of the year grants one wish fo it's admirer.

But now, he knows it's all lie. Yet, he makes a same wish again.

The snowflakes touches his tear stained cheeks. He smiles in pain before walking into his bedchamber all alone.

He never used to like dimly lit chamber before but now he doesn't like the light. The brightness reminds him how hollow, how empty his room has become since Zemin left.

He sits in front of his desk to write the letter that he writes in every big days of life.

Dear husband ?

It's first snow again. Last year when I asked you whether you believe in the first snow wish or not, I was being stupid. I didn't realise you live in the southern region. It doesn't snow there. Does it ?

Anyways, I .. I am good. I hope you are good too. You know, Zhan is growing up to look exactly like you. Do you miss him ? Or do you have another little Zhan there ?

Have you married again ? I ask this question everyday to myself. Yet I can't get myself to answer this.

You must have, right ? Otherwise, you would've replied one of my letters. You haven't. Don't worry, I don't have any false hope in my heart. I don't have any immature jealousy either.

I am too old for this. I even found a grey hair yesterday. I was shocked.

So many time has passed. So many that even I don't believe in first snow either.

That's why, it will be my last letter to you. I wouldn't disturb you anymore.

I ... Just wanted to tell you I am sorry for everything I did to you. I was immature, I was shellfish, I was so into my life that I didn't count your feelings into accounts. Your feelings never mattered to me.

I was all about my responsibility, my kingdom, my king and my prince. I never cared about my husband. And now, I don't even know if you are still my husband or not.

Tanishy was right her love for you was greater than my love for you.

- yours ?

- Xingchen.

Xingchen stops writing with a sigh. He tries to ease the lumb on his throat before lying on the bed. Another night of sleeplessness.

The gently touches the empty side of his bed. He breaks down in tears... He shouldn't have agreed to talk with Tanishy that day. He shouldn't have.

!! FIVE YEARS AGO !!

"I have nothing to talk with you." Xingchen tries to walk past Tanishy in anger.

"But I have. Are you scared that I will say something that you wouldn't like ?"

Xingchen looks at the princess in frustration. "Aren't you the one who was pretending to be scared, timid and shy last night ? What happened now ? Mask fell off ?"

"I was just being polite. If you thought my politeness was my fear, then it's your fault. Also I don't need to be polite to a person who constantly harrassing the love of my life."

Xingchen stops his steps. "So, you are accepting that you are hear to break my marriage?"

Tanishy huffs "you call it a marriage. Whatever you have with Zemin isn't a marriage. It's just a game. Where you throw a bone at Zemin and train him to fetch it while holding his collar.

"HOW DARE YOU ?"

"How dare I ? I am the only one here who dare to care about Zemin. You don't. Had you cared, you wouldn't have assaulted him by bringing contestants to marry off your own husband."

"I am not answerable to you." Xingchen sneers.

"That's because you don't have answer." Tanishy retorts. "I wouldn't have even bothered if Zemin was happy and sure about his relationship with you..but now when he is not .."

"Who told you he is not happy ?"

"He, himself. He said you are complicated and he is not sure about his relationship with you." Tanishy shouts.

"You are lying." Xingchen frowns.

"Really ? You think Zemin is happy ?"

Xingchen frowns harder.

"You know that Zemin wants to leave this palace life and restart his porcelain business. Don't you ?" Tanishy asks."Yet what did you do ? You not only trapped him here, you also pulled him in the palace mess. Is this your love for him ?"

Xingchen clenches his fists.

Tanishy continues "you know what I did ? I saw him flirting with Zubina in front of my eyes. I saw him being intimate with her. I saw him leaving the countryside with a smile. You know why ? Because he looked happy.

When he said that he wants to visit the capital. I saw the happiness in his eyes. How could I have trapped him after seeing that happiness? I couldn't. I am not shellfish like you, Xingchen. For Zemin's happiness, I can do anything. My love for Zemin is greater than you."

"You think I forced him to stay here with me ? He doesn't want to stay?"

Tanishy chuckles "you know the answer in your heart Xingchen. You don't need to ask me. But do one thing  if you really love Zemin, why don't you let him go ? If he comes back to you, then I will admit I was wrong, you two have true love in between bht he doesn't come back, then ..."

"He just wants to go back for a change of environment. He will come back to me, always."

"Then I will be happy for you two. Afterall it's not a bet, it's just a way of finding out with whom Zemin will be happy in life."

****

!! PRESENT TIME !!

Xingchen wakes up with a strong headache as the morning sun hits his face. It has been his daily routine now. Everyday crying to sleep then waking up with headache.

He groans and walks towards the shower like a dead body.

By the time he entered the main palace, it was already time for the court. So he walks straight towards the court.

"Greetings your highness."

"We have a bad news, Xingchen."

Xingchen frowns but waits for Zixuan to continue.

"We need to arrange a funeral."

So Xingchen arranged. A grand funeral of empress dowager. Every big emperor, empress, businessman, knight was invited to the funeral.

He stood there with his highness to attend the guests personally with a faint hope that Zemin would come.

But till the last guest left the palace gate, Zemin didn't come.

Zixuan who was standing beside Xingchen read Xingchen's gaze of longing.

"If he doesn't come, why don't you go to him?"

"I can't see him happily married with someone else. I .. am not that strong really."

"He would've come, if he was happily married. If he is not here to face you, then he is not happy enough to overcome the pain you caused him."

Xingchen eyes turn blurry. Zixuan and Yuzu never hide their displeasure with Xingchen, when Zemin left the palace. Yet, whenever they say those words loud, it hurts Xingchen everytime.

Xingchen comes back to his dimly lit room again. His eyes falls on the folded letter placed under the paper weight. He picks it up. "I forgot to send it to you."

He looks at the paper with a sigh "Sorry, I didn't forget. It's just .. I am scared to send this last letter to you."

Xingchen looks outside his window. "If show up at your place, would you have me ? Or would you tell me to go to hell ?"

***

Zixuan looks at Xingchen in utter disbelief. "Are you sure ?"

"Huo lang is an honest minister, your highness. He can handle my position very well. Of course, his highness will make the finall dicision. Huo lang is just my recommendation."

Yuzu looks at Xingchen in silence "And what would you do ?"

"Leave the capital for sometimes. Travel..."

"What if Zemin is already married with Tanishy ?"

Xingchen lowers his head "Then ..I ...will travel to the eastern himalayas.. I wanted to visit that destination since childhood."

***

It was first time in five years, Xingchen didn't cry to sleep when he slept in the middle of no where in a cloth tent.

He just slept from exhaustion. He slept and dreamed of a cliff and a boy standing at the edge of the cliff. "Don't go there. Come back. Please for me ?"

He smiles in his sleep when the boy holds his hand and walks away from the cliff.

He wakes up and the child's face disappears in the back of mind. He continues his journey.

"Porcelain shop ? Zemin? I heard his name but I don't know the direction of his shop or house, sorry."

Xingchen sighs. This was the fourth commoner. How can nobody knows the house of a Zi prince. He calls another woman who was passing by...

"Ahh ahh I know him. He just lives two lanes away, just beside that kid's school."

Xingchen smiles in happiness "thank you ... Thank you so much. I needed to meet him....,

"He wouldn't be at shop this time. He must be sitting at the Xuahua cliff right now." One of woman'd friend joins the conversation.

"Xuahua cliff ?" Xingchen looks at the other woman..

"Yes there. That man has changed over the years. He was a jolly bolly person before. Now, he spends most of his time at Xuahua cliff."

"I am telling you .. one day he will jump."

Xingchen feels a shiver Rushing down his blood. "Xuahua cliff ? How to go there ?"

Xingchen almost runs towards the Xuahua cliff ignoring all the ladies call from behind.

How could Zemin not be happy ? If he isn't happy then why didn't he write him back ? Xingchen wrote so many letter to Zemin over the years. Why never reply ? .

In between his confused running and rushed breathing the little boy of his dream transforms into Zemin, the love of his life.

He stops three feet away from the figure sitting at the edge of the cliff.

"Zemin.." he whispers.

"Not again... Why do I only hear your voice when I come here." Comes a faint reply.

"Come back. I am here."

"You aren't. Just a dream."

"Turn around. Please for me." Xingchen whispers with a broken voice.

"You asked me to leave you, why would you be here ?"

"Look at me na ... I am here."

Zemin smiles "you will vanish, if I look at you."

"I promise. I will be here. Look at me."

Zemin shakes his head.

"Pleases for me."

Zemin smiles faintly before turning around.

Xingchen's blue eyes meets with Zemin's dark eyes after almost an eternity. He smiles with a tired face. "I am here."

Zemin's facial expression changes from sadness to confused, from confusion to shock, then from shock to disbelief. He stands up slowly.

Xingchen opens his right hand towards Zemin "come back."

Zemin looks at the open plam. He raises his finger to touch it. Still in shock, fearing it will disappear again. But it didn't...

He felt the warm touch of the palm. the warmness of a real person. Real Xingchen.

He slowly walks towards Xingchen with a question on his face. 'you are real ?'

Xingchen pulls Zemin as soon as he came withij the safe distance from the cliff. "What were you doing here ? Do you know it was so ... "

Before Xingchen could finish scolding Zemin hugs him tightly in his embrace.

Xingchen hugs back slowly. "Stupid ! I thought you married someone else and forgot about me."

Zemin does't reply anything, he just keeps on hugging. He feared if he let go, Xingchen would disappear.

***

Xingchen enters Zemin's porcelain shop behind Zemin. "This place is big."

Zemin was still holding Xingchen's hand tightly "yeah .. it is."

Xingchen stops his steps suddenly. He notices the awkwardness in Zemin's tone. But he also feels the loneliness in Zemin's behaviour. One question is still bothering him. 'Has Zemin married again ?'

Zemin almost turns around in panic as Xingchen stops "Are you .... Ok ?"

Xingchen looks at Zemin "Have you ... married again? I mean .. you and princess Tanishy ?"

Zemin blinks. His face shows an unreasonable expression "Have you?"

"Huh ?"

"Have you married ...someone else ?" Zemin repeats his question.

Xingchen frowns "why would I ? I haven't. You know that."

Zemin gulps the lump in his throat "owh, How would I know..."

Xingchen ignores Zemin's reply. "Tell me about yourself ? Have you ..."

"Tanishy is like my sister, Xingchen. I told you that five years ago. Why would I marry her or anyone else.."

Xingchen's body suddenly trembles "Then... Then why didn't you come back ?? Why didn't you reply to my letters ? I ... I asked you so many times

.. I asked you in my every letters .."

Zemin looks at Xingchen in confusion "W... What letters ?"

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(A/n : I was pushing myself to finish this story today but I need one more chapter. Anyways, I didn't add any cliffhanger this time.

Gonna publish last chapter within 24 hours 💗💗)