Closet Door? More Like Closet Window

My fingers are numb. Even though I keep rubbing them together, they're cold and clammy and unfeeling all at once. I take a deep breath before I turn back to Dad and give him a thumbs up. He nods before heading into his favourite coffee shop to wait for me.

Evren's just around the corner.

I know I've been dreading this conversation, avoiding this conversation, but Evren is my friend. She's my fellow competitor. She's the one most likely to be held responsible for the assault and I need to make sure she's on my side. I need to make sure she knows I'm on hers. And I need to find out from her what's been going on lately.

"Hey." Evren's breathless voice startles me out of my ruminating. Her eyes are large and she's panting. I'm not sure why, because she's probably more fit than I am. Running can't have done her in that easily.

It doesn't really feel like I'm here. Or that Evren's really in front of me. But I can't stay silent for much longer. "Hi, wh-"

"Are you ok?" She leans towards me but doesn't move closer.

"I, yeah, I'm ok." I am now... I think? "Are you?"

Evren blinks a couple of times before she answers. "Am I? You got jumped! I still can't believe those assholes would even think of attacking you, and on my behalf?! What kind of bullshit-"

"It's ok, Evren." I try to sound calm but I don't know if I'm succeeding because I can barely hear myself mumble.

"It's not!" Her voice booms in the small alley. She flinches a bit at her volume. "Sorry. But it's really not."

"Hadley was there. I've reported everything, too, and I wasn't hurt. I already told-"

"Physically maybe not!" Evren interrupts me again. I let her. "But what kind of thing is that to go through? You must have been so scared."

...I was.

"I'm so sorry."

I hear her voice clear as day, the weird warbling in my head suddenly disappearing as I think about everything that happened. I can only watch Evren's eyes.

"I didn't know my fans could be that... that horrible," she continues. "And I should've. I never really interacted with them more than when they've approached me. I know fans can do shitty stuff, even Lev warned me about it, but people around me always told me that keeping up with the drama will only keep fueling it and hurt me... and you almost got seriously hurt, all because of my own ignorance." Oh. Oh. She wipes at her eyes.

"Evren... No, don't cry." I step towards her but she shakes her head. I stand awkwardly in front of her, hand outstretched. My hearing's cleared, but now that's arguably more distressing. I'm all too aware of the silence.

"It's ok, thank you." She wipes at her face again, then smiles half-heartedly and keeps her distance. "Really. I'm... glad there were others around to help. So glad. But I'm sorry I wasn't there myself. I should have been. You trusted me and I'll never forgive myself for even letting you think that I had betrayed that trust." I feel like a hypocrite. "When you didn't answer me, I had thought the worst, honestly."

"Evren..." I don't quite know how to answer. Not out loud at least. "You can't fault yourself for something you didn't know. And honestly, you meeting me here shows your support." Her lips tug upward in a half-smile. "I'm sorry. It... It won't happen again." The pause feels like it's gone on too long. "It's just... It was the... I think I was too overwhelmed by having won my last match, so I was bothered by my injuries, and you were being a little weird around me recently honestly, but also I kept having the... the gnawing."

Evren furrows her brows. "The... gnawing?" Evren's voice wavers, almost trills with a little giggle, a taken-aback-type of giggle, and I feel the knotting in my gut.

"Ugh! That! That!" I point to my stomach. "I don't know when it started but, I'm sorry, I was just... afraid of you, I guess? Or just... anxious around you." I feel like I'm grasping at thin air. How do I explain something I don't understand myself?

"Oh." Evren's face is frozen, wide-eyed.

Crap, no. "No, no, not in a bad way. At least, I don't think so? I thought it was in a bad way but I think I was just afraid we were getting too close too fast. But, now that I think about it, you were doing the same thing? And, wow, I only just now noticed, I'm such an asshole, I'm so sorry."

"For... for what?"

"For thinking you could have sent those kids after me. Even for a second. I know you wouldn't do that. I was... I just wasn't thinking straight." Evren doesn't say anything else. And I can't seem to stop myself. "I... I think us getting close quickly was a good thing. I mean, you've been supportive and nice this whole time, and every time I've seen you lately I've had this feeling that only you seem to spark in me." I can tell Evren's staring intensely at me, but I can't seem to look at her directly. "Like, I'll always get really antsy when you're around, but you make me feel safe and comfortable, so it's really confusing." She's not saying anything. "And... and on top of that the NCC pressure and Nevaeh's pressure and your pressure on me to do well and my injuries just made my head spin worse than the supermarket lights, and... uh, Evren?" Her head is now in her hands. She peeks through her fingers.

"Aika, I... uh... Wow." I haven't seen her make an expression like this before. Her eyes are sparkling, the skin around them crinkling a bit, and I can see the corners of her mouth tugging upwards from behind her hands. "I didn't think you also felt that way."

Wait. "What?"

Evren brushes her hair – still her calm pastel blue – away from her face and smiles. She's hesitating. "Aika." She laughs nervously. "We came to talk about serious things and, man, I just cried at you for like five minutes, but now..." She laughs. "You're tellin' me you're crushing?"

Huh?

Evren laughs again, her hands still at her face. "God, you're so cute."

Wait, like a... crush crush? A romantic thing? Is that what this is?

"I just didn't expect you to be so blunt about it. You're really something else. Why do I like you?" I gape at her. "I-I just mean that... uh..." She trails off and I could've sworn that I cracked my head onto the pavement earlier with how much my mind is buzzing.

I finally find my voice. "I've never crushed on anybody."

"Oh, uh, I'm flattered to be the exception, if... if that's what you mean." I stay silent a moment.

"I... I guess you are?" It honestly makes so much sense now that I say it aloud. What the hell else would this feeling be? 'The inside of my chest keeps fluttering and I feel anxious and embarrassed around a particular person; what could this possibly mean?' Honestly, Aika, you're so useless with these things.

Hold on. I'm really crushing on my NCC rival? I'm really... crushing?

And... what does she mean by 'also?'

"Right, so, this is awkward." Evren shoves her hands into her jacket pockets and comes closer. "Listen, I'm, uh, flattered. Honestly, I am. But... I don't think we should talk about this right now."

Am I being rejected without even knowing I confessed?!

"I'm not... rejecting you or anything." Oh, ok. Good. ...Wait, 'good?' "'Cause like, you've also been really nice and fun and I want to get to know you." Did I put my thicker winter coat on by accident or something? "It would just be better if we don't do anything, like... date... until this is all over."

"I'm... Honestly, this is so wild right now." Oh no, my mouth is moving without me wanting it to. Evren's raised both brows this time. "Just... I'm pretty sure I'm aromantic. Uh, that means not feeling romantic attraction to other people, or at least in the same way you guys would. Though, some aros do? Like, only in specific ways or... uh, well, basically I'm a big supporter of all things rainbow and romance and stuff, don't get me wrong. I spend most of my time around a living version of a rainbow, you know." Evren laughs and my chest warms. "Just... I don't really know how to... cope with this. For myself."

"Oh... I see." Evren's voice is level, although she's still smiling sheepishly at me. I'm surprised she's not shaking; I feel like I'm about to spontaneously combust. "Sorry, I didn't mean to define your experiences for you. I'm just... a bit overexcited right now. Can't think straight." She giggles and combs at her hair. "You can take your time, you know? I don't pretend to know how, uhm, you work specifically, but I just... like being around you. We don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with. And!" She suddenly claps her hands together. "Again! Let's, uh, talk about this later. Right now we need to focus on the investigation."

Oh.

Right.

The investigation.

"Sorry to be the downer. I swear I'm usually not."

I chuckle. The air seems to have cleared. I'm breathing easier now. "I know."

"I'm going to be monitoring this whole situation. I'll call some of my NCC admin contacts later and let you know if there's anything unofficial on top of the official." Evren takes out her phone and begins finger-punching the screen rapidly. "And I'd like you to keep me updated, ok?" She keeps texting as she looks up at me.

My muscles relax. "Ok," I answer.

"Good." Evren smiles and, before I can say anything else, she hugs me. The embrace is over before I can fully process it. "Thanks for meeting with me. I'm glad we did this," she says.

"Me too." I let her hold onto my arm a little longer. It's a welcome warmth on this snowy day.

"I hope I can prove to you that you can trust me."

"You already have. Seriously, I'm sorry-"

"No. I need to do better, so you never doubt me again, even for a second. I should... also probably be more honest about my feelings. I didn't want to make you suspicious."

No. Enough of that. "No, Evren," I huff. She still hasn't let go of my arm. "I'll also work on not assuming the worst of things. Maybe... maybe also being more honest about my feelings."

Evren just smiles. Something feels like it's finally clicked into place. "Who's picking you up?" she asks.

"Dad. He's just at the Tym's nearby." The snowflakes are starting to come at me sideways.

Evren nods in approval. "Good. Text me when you get back."

I can't help my smile. This went way better than I thought it would. "Definitely."

Evren gives me an amused grin – what she's amused at exactly I'm not really sure – and she waves me off as she steps away. "Just... if you need anything, I'm here, all right?"

I keep her gaze for as long as I can. "Ditto."