t-1

Hell is sitting beside your crush-rival, who you will also be fighting apparently, in a mandatory pre-Battle Royale safety training seminar while nearly everybody around steers at least several metres away from you. I still don't think I've quite processed that whole 'will fight Aika in the finals' part yet. I also don't think I've quite processed that the people in here are probably afraid of me, or at least afraid of being seen too close to me.

I can't even hear anything Ms. Emad's saying. It's probably fine because I've heard the spiel God knows how many times over the years I've been in the NCC. But I still wish Maeva was here to force me to pay attention to something other than Aika's determined and focused stare. I'm pulling a Faith right now and I'm feeling kinda guilty about it.

"No tiebreaker."

Aika and I are both advancing to the finals. I mean, I probably should have expected something like this to happen because she's been near-unstoppable this whole championship. And I know my own track record's pretty solid. But I wasn't sure what would happen. The battle of a century, I'm sure. Space V Time. "A Battle of Unusuals," as Joe called it.

It's a lot to think about. All on top of the fact that apparently Aika likes me back? Or, maybe she likes me back, but not romantically? There's a lot of diversity in queer spaces, and I have no idea where Aika falls on the whole spectrum. From what she said on that snowy day, she might not know either.

Ms. Emad's phone goes off and the noise nearly shoots me out of my chair. Pretty sure I just bit my tongue.

"Oh! Sorry about that," she says as she checks the device. "Ah, it's important. I'll need to step out for a minute. Let's take a break then, maybe five minutes, and reconvene in a moment. Talk amongst yourselves and think on what we just discussed." She scurries out of the room. Now everyone's chatting and there's a soothing hum of voices.

What was I thinking about?

"This is really interesting." Huh? Oh, Aika's talking to me. Aika's speaking, Evren! Pay attention!

"Oh! Yeah, Ms. Emad is good at giving these seminars," I reply. "She's been in charge as long as I've been here."

Aika nods. "I wonder when Hadley will be coming in."

...Huh?

Aika makes a face at me. "Hadley? Ms. Emad said he was going to come in to talk to us about his experience. Apparently he hasn't done this in other years..."

Oh. Right. "Yeah, this is the first year he's coming. I've never met him. Well, apart from that time I already told you about..." Aika raises a brow. "I'm not sure when he'll be here, though," I say, a little guiltily. And truthfully, because I haven't been paying attention.

Now both of Aika's brows are raised and I know that that means she's onto me. Damn. Why are you smart, too? "Is something up, Evren?"

No! Nope. Nothing at all. I'm not wondering about you and all your intricacies or anything at all– "Can you explain your being aromantic to me?" My voice cracks a little and I barely contain the whisper. God damn it. Why'd I blurt that out? Now Aika's staring at me, mouth partially agape. She probably doesn't know what to say. Oh no, what if she thinks I haven't even done any research since we talked? "Uh, I mean, what are your experiences like specifically?" I edit, keeping my voice low. I can only hope she can hear me over the rest of the chatter. "I asked Maeva about it, but she didn't have much to add on top of what I already knew, and that's that there's a whole spectrum of experiences and I'm not sure where you fall. Not that it matters! Er, I mean it does matter because it's your identity but I mean like, uh..."

"For you, you mean." Aika's eyes twinkle with something I could swear to be endearment. "Sorry," she chuckles. "I wasn't very coherent when I talked about it. It was right after I basically, uhm..." She pauses. I'd be worried that she's hesitating but her posture's calm. Her gaze is searching. So I'm calm. She finally shakes her head. "For me, being aromantic means I've never had a crush on anyone. Well, maybe once in elementary school. And, I guess, on you?"

"Like, never ever?"

Aika nods. "Yeah. It's really hard for me to get crushes. I thought that maybe it wasn't possible at all since it was just that one time and I was a kid and all, but the more I got to know you, the more I think Inner Me felt drawn to you. I think my experience might be more like... it just rarely happens... or maybe you just really are the exception. Though, I still don't really know if this is a 'crush,' as they call it..." She trails off and smiles, warmly as she always does, a little crookedly so it looks more like a smirk. "Sorry, you said we shouldn't talk about that."

I did. "I'm a hypocrite by nature. That's just humanity." I shrug. "Also, you can talk about your identity without, well, telling me what you'd like to do about the attraction, you know?"

Aika stutters. I find myself giggling.

"What, you don't like 'attraction?' That is what it is."

"Yeah, but! Ugh, you're so blunt." She hides her face in her hands.

I laugh quietly and I can feel my whole head burning. "I'm a ray of sunshine." I throw in a head tilt for good measure. Aika's still laughing, so that's a win for me. She comes out from behind her hands and gives me another dazzling smile.

"I'll let you know the details once I figure this out. And, you know, get through this lecture." She points to Ms. Emad, who's passing back through the door. I guess that's also my cue to pay attention.

I can wait for you, Aika.

"All right. Break's over. Everyone settle down," Ms. Emad says as she places her phone back onto her podium. I glance at the slide she has projected onto the screen. Looks like we're nearly at the case study.

That's probably when Hadley's scheduled to arrive.

"So, as I was saying, it's important that you not only monitor your own actions but also the NCC's. We do our best to make sure the equipment and stages are safe for you, but there is always a possibility that we have overlooked something in the design or for some unforeseen circumstances to come to pass." The slide changes to show a new section, titled 'When Things Go Wrong on the NCC Side.' "That is why I'd like to conclude today's session with an introduction to a case study about exactly such an incident. I've brought someone in that some of you are very familiar with, from past years of safety training. This year he has agreed to work with the NCC, and with all of you, to give a first-hand account of and advice about coping with an NCC accident."

Ms. Emad walks to the door and opens it, revealing Hadley and his dog. Everyone stares as he shuffles in. He's gripping his dog's leash but otherwise looks like he's keeping his composure well. Very different from the haunted person I saw leaning against a tree all that time ago.

"Thank you for coming, Hadley. You and Major arrived right on time," Ms. Emad says as she guides our guest and his shiba to the podium.

"No problem at all." Hadley's voice is soft. I can only hear it because we're relatively close to the door. "Thanks for having me." He then turns to us, catching my eye and smiling uncertainly. I make sure I meet him with gentleness.

Ms. Emad steps to the side and gestures toward Hadley, addressing the few of us scattered around the tables. "Everyone, this is Hadley Theoharis. He'll be speaking to you a bit about his experience at the NCC and how to mitigate risks in the arena."

I nod and look at the other competitors, who I've failed to really examine properly until now. These are the best of the best. The people who have come out on top in the points fights. Division Champions. All being pitted against each other in a grand battle royale.

This could very well get bloody. Especially with Aika in the mix, injuries and all.

"Right." Hadley steps up to the podium and nudges his dog, who lies down next to it. He speaks louder now. "So, hi again, everyone. I'm Hadley. I'm sure you know me from all the press that went down all those years back when the incident happened." He pauses and takes the time to look each of the sixteen competitors in the room in the eyes. "Ms. Emad said she'd be covering my case in more detail with you all herself, but I can give you a quick summary if you aren't aware.

"Essentially, the NCC prepared a particularly tall stage for my fight with Andrew Finnigan." He squeezes his hands together. "This was when they still did outdoor fights. We were both heights figure users so it seemed relatively safe. But, uh..." He pauses, shifting his gaze to the wall. "It wasn't." The room is so quiet I could hear a pin drop. I don't need Maeva to help me focus when it seems like the air itself in this room is live with electricity. "Andrew didn't make it, even with the emergency medical staff responding quickly." Several seconds go by as everyone lets the weight of what Hadley said sink in. "The NCC has better stage guidelines now," he continues, "but it's still always good to speak up if you don't feel right about what they reveal. It only takes one word to save someone's life, so don't be afraid to call a Time Out."

Hadley breathes out and I know that means he's done. It was short but the crowd is still entranced and we all stay quiet a while. Ms. Emad tells us the same thing every year, but there's something different about having someone who watched his opponent's grip slip, who tried to catch him, and who failed and watched someone die tell us to be careful.

Ms. Emad nods in approval and steps forward to take over the podium again. "Thank you, Hadley." Her voice is gentler than usual and it's just occurred to me that asking Hadley to essentially relive his trauma in front of all of us is no small thing.

I should check on him afterwards.

"As Hadley said, it's important to keep communications open and honest between you, the staff, and the other competitors," Ms. Emad says. "That is how we can create an enjoyable event for everyone involved. Now." She clicks her slide deck forward, showing a 'Thank You' slide. "That's all for today. Tomorrow we'll talk more about the case studies and protocols for reporting misconduct, both on the NCC staff's part and on fellow competitors'. That will be particularly relevant to a couple of you, I think," she adds.

She stares directly at me and Aika as she says this. So does everyone else.

I hope I'm not sweating visibly.

Ms. Emad waves us off with a smile after a few seconds too long of the intense staring. "Let me know if you have any questions or want more information on this case or on others. Hadley says he is also available after this session if you have questions," she says. Most people pack up. I see some familiar faces in the final lineup this year – a couple of people I've put in the hospital (by accident!), including Justin, and a few who've nearly put me in the hospital (hopefully also by accident?). Surprisingly, no one comes over to me to chat.

Or maybe it's not so surprising, given the current tension and press. They probably don't want to get caught in the photographer's shots of this evening. Hadley coming in was a big enough deal to have an official cameraman here, I guess. But he's packing up too.

I glance at Aika, who's already looking at me with a sympathetic expression. I sigh. It's really going to be like this for a while, huh?

Though, us dating would certainly clear up whatever weird assumptions everyone's making are.

Just sayin'.

"Hey, maybe Hadley'll talk to us?" Aika suddenly says as a couple more people brush past our spot at our lonely table.

I look up at the person in question. He'd probably look pretty intimidating, especially with his height and build, if he wasn't slightly hunched over. Not sure he's always been like that or if his posture is a result of what happened to him. "Yeah, sure," I say. I want to check on him anyway. "Let's wave him over."

Aika manages to catch his eye and gently raises a beckoning hand. Hadley raises both brows but approaches us, service animal in tow. "What's up?" he asks when he nears us.

I blank. Again. Seeing the person up close is a whole different thing than seeing him on broadcasts, on the internet, or even from far away. My mind is fixated on the faraway look he had when we bumped into each other at Biscayne Point. It's weird to see him functioning with such clarity. With even a smile.

Aika, on the other hand, answers immediately. "We just wanted to say hi," she says, with a level-headedness that I envy. I feel her reach for my hand, though, underneath the desks. I instantly reboot.

I was the one spouting the whole 'we shouldn't judge people based on their misrepresentation and give them a chance' spiel and here I am completely freezing.

"I've never been to one of these seminars," Aika continues. "I didn't know all this history behind the NCC's policies."

"Yeah," Hadley replies. "This is the first one I've attended personally."

"Oh. You never made it to the Battle Royale?" Aika asks.

"No, the uhh..." Hadley's grip on his dog's leash tightens again.

"Ah, the Incident, right Aika?" I try to steer the conversation away and look pointedly at my dark-haired rival. We don't need another PTSD episode here. He's probably trying his best to not have that happen in front of everyone.

"Oh. Oh." Aika finally seems to clue in. "Oh, yeah, of course. No problem. Uh, I guess you would know better then, Evren."

Hadley manages to smile a little our way. Phew. Crisis averted. I return the smile and direct my attention to Aika. "Yeah, we have this seminar every year. Tomorrow we'll probably talk more about the nitty gritty stuff. The rules and protocols for the Battle Royale and all that."

"What's the Battle Royale like?" Hadley asks, cautiously taking a seat across from us at the table. "I've seen it on TV, but not as much after I retired."

"Well, I don't want to spoil too much," I throw a wink at Aika, who narrows her eyes at me, "but it's pretty similar to the points fights. You win if you're the last person standing. That means via K.O. or submission. Only difference is that they don't call draws. At least not that I've seen."

"And... you fight... everyone at once," Aika adds.

Oh yeah. "And that."

"Geez," Hadley says. "Got any tips for the newcomer then? It's a bit unfair you've had all this experience and Aika hasn't. I can't root for her if she has no chance, you know."

Aika scoffs. "I can handle it!" Hadley looks pointedly at her wrist. "I can!"

Ah, looks like I'm laughing again. I swear, I'll gain a solid eight-pack if I stay around Aika any longer.

"Though..." Aika turns to me sheepishly. "Tips would certainly improve my chance. Which is non-zero." She directs the last bit at Hadley specifically, whose eyes crinkle in a fond smile. It's a nice smile. Makes him look a little less tired. Less... harrowed.

I lean back in my chair and sigh. I'm giving battle tips to my greatest rival in the competition while sitting across from the literal deadliest competitor.

There is suddenly a shadow at our table. A guy I vaguely recognize from one of the older age divisions has sauntered over with a haughty grin. There's silence as I, Aika, and Hadley all look his way. He smiles, the expression not quite reaching his eyes, and takes a seat at our table. "So, the table of unusual figure-users," he says.

I look between Aika and Hadley. Neither of them responds so I guess I'll have to initiate. "You're always welcome to say hi to us," I say. "I promise that 'unusual' doesn't mean we bite." I throw in a bit of a laugh for good measure. Hopefully he's just a little awkward and the tone doesn't mean trouble.

The man makes a noise of deliberation before looking pointedly at all three of us in turn. "Nah, maybe not bite, but I'd say this one here throws quite the mean punch." He points to Aika. "You're pretty infamous at this point, too, Miss Commander of Space," he directs at me. "And you, well, what even is your figure now?" He leans closer to Hadley, who immediately looks uncomfortable.

I admit that I don't know either.

All we've learned about Hadley is that his figure is no longer heights. He lost it after the trauma. I'd imagine that whatever fears came out of that trumped his previous one or messed him up so badly that his body just negated whatever figuration happened in the past. But, as curious as I am, even I know that it is in no way appropriate to be asking him what figure he could have gained from witnessing death. Not here or now, and not anywhere else at any time.

"I don't have one," Hadley says. The silence afterwards is disconcerting.

"Then you at least have to have a new fear," the 30 plus-year-old competitor says. Completely tactlessly.

I'm about ready to rip this guy a new one, as is Aika from what I can feel from her tightening grip, but Hadley's whole demeanor changes. He narrows his eyes at the newcomer to our table and speaks with conviction. "I know people like you. Who speculate that my fear is killing people, and who think that my figure post-figuration is going to be instantaneous murder." Oh. "I know that you think that by putting me down you're doing the world a service. That you're preventing me from overcoming my trauma in order to save everyone from a dangerous monster."

The man in front of us sputters, likely because he didn't expect Hadley to come to his own defense. I don't intervene.

"But I'll let you know, I've dealt with years of this," Hadley continues. "You can't touch me. I won't let you. I am not obligated to interact with you." He extends his hand and gestures toward the door. "If you have nothing respectful to share and no other questions to ask, kindly leave this table."

The man stares at Hadley for a few seconds, completely dumbfounded, before he glances at the photographer, mutters to himself, and leaves the room. Hadley stares after him for a while, then drops his hand and lets out a shaky breath. He turns to us and opens his mouth but I already see his unnecessary apology before it comes out.

"Don't," I say. "You had every right to do that and if you hadn't we would have." Aika nods in agreement. Hadley closes his mouth and offers a genuinely relaxed smile. It's the first one I've seen him make, and it almost crushes me despite how soft it is.

"Thank you," he says. We sit in quiet for another moment before Hadley exhales again and changes topics. "So, those pro tips?"

I smile. I'll indulge him.