Chapter Thirty-Two

I know that you're wrong for me

Gonna wish we never met on the day I leave

I brought you down to your knees

'Cause they say that misery loves company

It's not your fault I ruin everything

And it's not your fault I can't be what you need

Baby, angels like you can't fly down here with me

Chapter 32 - A True Killer

Lucifer's POV

Her body was limp on the mattress. Limbs bruised and covered in purple, blue and green marks as if she had fought in a war and barely made it out alive. Her body was battered, as if she had almost died.

Her knee was above the winter cotton covers of our bed, having be savagely dislocated by Lilith during training. Although the injury may not be as noticeable to a Goddess, it was bound to be painful as Nephele had lived as a human for years and was still subject to human pain due to the curse placed upon her by her mother regardless of her once godly powers.

I had yet to explain that to her; I had yet to tell her about the curse, but I would as soon as she woke up.

She had been running a fever for the past week. She woke up multiple times in delirium, looked at me with lifeless eyes before either throwing up into the bucket I had prepared for her or screaming and crying in my arms until she fell asleep again.

I knew what was happening the second I found her seizing on the floor of the foyer in our Quarters. When I was made aware of her migraines, I understood that they weren't migraines after some research. Consulting with the eldest doctor known to myself, it was apparent that was she was experiencing every few months and experiencing in mass right now was the overwhelming breakthrough of trauma and memories. As they had been repressed for such a long time, she was now being shown memories of her previous lives.

When I had told her that she will never be able to connect the past lives to the one she was in now, I was partially lying. I knew that it could be done but I didn't want her to do it. The process is painful and can last weeks. Being exposed to that can wreak havoc on the mind and I didn't want her to go through that.

I didn't want to break our bond once more.

So, whilst I realise where I was wrong now and I know that I can't do anything to help her, I wish I was able to be in her position to save her from the pain.

I held her delicate and broken-skinned hand in my own as I sat on the edge of the bed. I took the cool face washer from the glass bowl of iced water and dabbed her forehead gently. I didn't mind caring for her, and actually found comfort in looking after her.

I didn't like her hurt, and caring for her made me happy.

"My Lord." The name changed every time they spoke to me. Sometimes it was 'My Lord', sometimes it was 'Master', sometimes it was 'My King'. I didn't care, I just liked the power that was enabled by the name. It was something that gave me superiority; and like the true Fallen Angel I was, I loved that. I didn't turn to Thanatos' voice, and chose to ignore the child who stood in the entrance of the door only having walked through the warded quarter doors seconds prior.

"Is she okay?" The door to our room had apparently opened by itself with the presence of the dumb bat behind me. I guess I should've included harsher wards against dumb bats.

Thanatos and I haven't spoken since I was alerted of her state by an elderly maid of mine. She ran into the meeting room I was preoccupied in, disputing with the guards who tried to stop her as she ran through the heavy doors. It wasn't long after that I found Nephele in our quarters, practically passed out as her lives flashed before her eyes.

The pain she was feeling was radiating through our bond, although the bond didn't feel the pain and more so felt the pressure of the pain. It was enormous. The wave of pressure that built up and eventually crashed down the string that connected us. It reappeared over and over again, never ceasing to exist as she relived her nightmares.

"What the fuck do you think." I grumble under my breath, tightening my grip on the white towel as I continued to dab the sweat from her forehead with care. It wasn't a question and more of a statement. I didn't care to indulge in such liberating conversation whilst Nephele was asleep. I can hear him inhale sharply but I don't care at the verbal attack.

"I am sorry, I didn-"

"Didn't know? You didn't know that she was being pushed to fair when you worked with her for over nine hours a day? You didn't know that she was being pushed to fair by her dislocated knee or by the bruises on her limbs? Are you fucking blind, Thanatos? Do you need to see the doctor too because I am sorry but the doctor is fucking unavailable as she is too busy dealing with this fuck up of yours?" I didn't yell but I didn't not raise my voice at him. I sneer at him under my breath and bare my teeth, feeling the inner, untamed beast stir. The anger that was bubbling under the surface was becoming hotter and heavier; leading to an outburst prominent.

Exploding on Thanatos would do nothing now, and nor would the seeming kettle of anger bubbling like lava under my skin. Erupting in rage would only cause more harm to this room and I would rather save the things that smelt of her.

I was partially at fault for not looking after her myself. I should have tried to get out of those meetings a little earlier and should've got into them a little later so I could see her for dinner and for breakfast, instead of only seeing her under the cover of sheets and darkness. She was mad at me, but she allowed me to sleep on the couch, saying that it'll stop me from being an 'angsty little teenage boy', myself having no clue what that meant.

I was dealing with the intrusion of her mother at our North and East Borders during the days, and had kept her mother out as far as we are aware. Not that that is an excuse to me being such a horrible person.

I would tell her about everything when she awoke, although she knew everything already except for the impending war being much sooner than she thinks it to be.

It would be weeks, months at best.

We didn't have much time, making her recovery of upmost importance. I would have to teach her to fight myself, or I would hide her somewhere away from the battle – although she wouldn't agree to that. I knew that already.

Although Nephele was a good fighter for her skill level, she wouldn't be ready for War at this stage. I would have to train her myself since Lilith and Thanatos don't seem to understand how training works. This is why they weren't apart of the training camps located at various locations around the realm.

"Lucifer, bruises are typical after sparring, and especially since we were properly fighting. We didn't know about the- "I growl at him, turning around and facing him with glowing red eyes in the darkened room.

"You told me she was unharmed during your sessions! Those were not sessions; they were brutality sessions. You were training her like you spar with me! She is not accommodated to that level of training yet and we both know that. What the fuck were you thinking?" I am beyond angry, and the only thing preventing me from choking him right now was her calm scent and aura that surrounded me.

"You left her with me! She was under my care and she seemed perfectly fine doing training sessions. We went nine hours a day because she should be able to handle that shit if she is a real Goddess. Just because she is your mate doesn't mean she gets the easy way out. Don't be a pathetic bitch and attack me because she is too weak to handle proper training." I rage at his words, dropping the damp towel as I spin my front around fully.

I had to remain calm enough not to shift or burn the fuck out of him until he was a mere ash pile on the floor, but that didn't mean I couldn't hurt him a little.

I charge at him, taking him by surprise but with the murderous glint in his eyes I assume he assumed I would attack. I felt my eyes flash read and my fingers wrapped around his throat with satisfying precision.

The back of his head meeting the dark wood of the door, I feel satisfaction as the door slammed against the wall with the force of my push. I reposition myself and let my forearm move against his throat, letting it harden against his trachea as I apply more pressure to make him choke for air. I push, applying pressure so that he will soon see stars as his oxygen is cut off from him. He won't die, but it'll be a pain in the ass.

"Say that again, I fucking dare you." Pursing my lips, I look him in the eyes. I was taller than him in this form, and it made me feel fucking powerful. I loved it; I loved the brief flash of fear in his eyes. I loved that what he was going to say could be declared treason because I didn't have anyone to say 'no' to my words anymore. I was in control and it was fucking great.

"If sh-" He was cut off – her whimper probably saving his life.

Hearing the little movement of sheets, the rustle allowing myself to be pulled from the blinding red rage I was wanting to be in, I push him back, still having an arm on him to hold him tightly in place, as I turn to my beloved. She was cradled in my sheets, the quiet yelp of her voice leaving her lips as she wakes up from a dream cycle with wild eyes. I throw his shoulder out and force him out the door, hearing him grunt as I dislocate his shoulder from the blade with a brief smile on my face and rush to my mate.

"Get the fuck out of my Quarters and don't return you culus." (Asshole) I grit my teeth at him, snarling as he walks away with a lingering look in his eye. I make sure the doors to my quarters close behind him and lock the wards, disallowing anyone from entering without my permission. I make sure he left the wing of the castle that occupied my mate before I turned to her once more, taking in her shivering form.

With a frown I rush over to the left side of the bed once more and take away the wet towel. I drop it in the glass bowl, the ice water splashing onto the floor, and I move up along the bed to her side so I can touch her forehead. With a hand to her head, I noted that she was still burning up in a fever. Pursing my lips, I note that she opens her eyes rapidly, or orbs widened with fear as she looks at me with disbelief and dismay. I stare at her back, unknowing of whether she is dreaming or she has awakened.

Her eyes opened slightly, cracking before widening and slowly shutting again in a distinct process.

Her face was a bit more flushed than it had been a few days ago, meaning she was recovering, but she still didn't look well.

"Amar-" I didn't get to finish my sentence before she flung herself at me, the sheets crumbling at her chest and knee awkwardly bending due to the bandaging. I fell back against the bed, her head against my chest and her arms wrapping around my torso. I liked her hugging me, but I didn't like the circumstances surrounding this hugging. I didn't say anything but I could admit I was surprised. She may be my beloved and I did love her, but she was mad at me and was ignoring me a week and a half ago.

What made her decide to change her mood towards me?

Despite myself asking the question, I already knew the answer. This had been a cycle. Never-ending as memories recalled and resurfaced again and again and again. Her own head was torturing her and there was nothing I could do despite provide her comfort when she wasn't throwing up or shaking away from me.

She didn't recall the present as well as she did the past in these moments. In the past I had been her Knight in Shining Armor. Now I was just her captor.

I knew that she dreamt about me. I saw it in her eyes; she recognised me as Erebrus and was recalling the numerous times – both good and bad – we had been a part of. Like the battlefield just before her final disappearance all those years ago.

I hear her sniffle and all relevant thoughts fly out the window as I sit up with her against me and wrap my own arms around her shaking body. I place one hand against her hair, stroking gently as she cries small hiccups into my chest once more. Resting the other on the small of her back as I lean her back down with me by her side, making sure that she is comfortable as she drifts into a delirium again.

She stays still and doesn't move from my hold – indicating that she must be unwell because for her to willingly embrace me and hold onto me, she must be in a delirium. I knew she had to be; fairly obvious, but normally she would've run away from my touch.

I didn't want to take advantage of her, so I was careful regardless of the comfort I was trying to provide.

So, I stay where I am, gently rocking her shivering form and holding her tight as her mind takes her back to the darkness that I wanted to take her away from.

Except deep down, I knew I could never get her out. She was the darkness of her own mind. She was the night, the deepest of blacks. She was the abyss, the darkness that everyone had once hid within. The darkness was herself and I couldn't get her away from that.

"Hey amare," I hush gently, noticing that the grip she has one me ceases to be as tight as it was. She had fallen back into the world of nightmares. I stay where I am and don't move from the position. She was warm yet cold at the same time, her body eliciting a soft burn along my own in the places of contact. "I won't leave you amare. I will stay right here, and I won't move unless you tell me to go. But I won't go far. I will only move a little bit away, but you will see me. I won't leave you." I whisper and finish my sentence.

I whisper the truth.

Hours had passed. Possibly days had passed. I hadn't taken noticed to the time lapse, nor did I care. I was busy. I was huddled into our bedroom, with battle fields and possible attack formation plans spread out on the wall opposite the bed so I could form a coherent plan whilst being close to my beloved. There were files all around the room too. I had spent a majority of my time here, sitting and planning and counting and thinking. Everything was calculated and ready.

We had scouts within her camps which sat in the abyss – her realm which borders our own. The connection between the realms was minute and practically negligible. The only thing keeping our realms apart and locked apart was my warding, as without them she would have easy access through the door and into my domain.

She was making no moves and had stopped knocking on the warded doors into my domain. I knew she was planning now. She knew what was to come, and I knew that if there was a way out without her coming in, it had to be through her and her forces. Chaos had trapped me into my own domain and I found that awfully inconsiderate considering I wanted to take her daughter travelling.

Nephele had slipped into another nightmarish landscape. It was fairly obvious with her rapid eye movement and small yelps that escaped through her pretty pink lips every few minutes. I was worried for her but knew that she was hopefully close to awaking and taking her place back in the real world.

Every time she would sputter or wake up briefly, I would comfort her. I wouldn't leave her side and would only stand up when she had entered into the deep sleep – but even that was for a brief moment. Some part of me was unsettled at leaving her side at all. Some part – some primitive and dominating part of me – disputed the fact of her being a metre away from me. That part of me was ugly, and I didn't let it control me. I distracted myself with other things; trying not to give into the primal urge to touch the soft skin of her cheek or the silken strands of her hair.

She needed space and I was trying to respect that. I would respect that.

In the time that she was sleeping and dreaming, I had been extensively planning.

Everything was prepared and planned for the largely unknown yet inevitable war to come. Not many saw it coming, but I knew it was coming.

The final battle; a battle ground built on a millennium of blood and pain.

A war coming to cease of the woman of darkness.

I would fight for her with all I had; all my forces and all the powers I had would be diminished before she was to leave me once more. I would end Chaos' efforts before they begun and I would ensure the safety of both Nephele, my people and the realms in dire need of it. Chaos had done more than just wreak havoc upon Nephele's lives. She had ruined many more. She had ripped realms apart – town by town, city by city, nation by nation, realm by realm. She had taken children from their parents in efforts to grow armies. She had stolen the men from their women, the wives from their husbands in order to expand her forces in a final effort to form an army large enough to take on the Realms themselves.

Her true plan was only to include Nephele – have Nephele working with her by her side.

If Nephele - her all-powerful daughter who had powers off the scales so that even the strongest of Gods were terrified to betray or cross her from a young age - she would be able to take over the Realms as she wished to. With Nephele by her side, she automatically won the war. Nephele was a card in her mother's game. She was a mere object to her mother; a means to an end.

We had managed to intervene in her mothers medelling control every, single, lifetime. I have had to watch Nephele so many times - over and over again. I have had to kill Nephele more times than I can count on one hand just to make sure Nephele wasn't subject to a worse torture than death. I had died more times than I can count on one hand. I had to kill the one person who I wasn't supposed to kill, so she could live once more, and maybe this time make it back to me before her mother's forces got to her and the neverending cycle repeated. She had to die to make it out alive. Over and over again.

Die to my hands - die by my actions - over and over again.

To think that that is what Nephele is looking over now; to think that what she is see is me killing her over and over and over again – it makes me sick to my stomach.

It was the only way in those dire moments. The split-second decision where it was either her life or her abilities to be used against the workings of the Universe. It was either her blood spilling on my soil or the realms bleeding down crimson rain.

Those decisions broke me.

Those decisions had taken me to Hell and back more times than I could count on one hand. Those decisions killed me, mutilated my body and chewed it up again and again and again, more times than I could count on one finger. What I did for the survival of the Universe – the decisions I made for the realms to continue to prosper and thrive – were ones which I would give to no one.

Those decisions broke me.

It was either the universe at Chaos' mercy, or my beloved stone cold and bleeding in my arms.

I wasn't going to make that decision once more.

This was the final battle. This was the end.

I wouldn't make that decision again – I refused to.

Our story would end here; whether Chaos liked it or not. She would end with a spiteful death as once she was dead; she was dead. As a titan she was entitled to a first-class trip to Tartarus (the place) where she would spend the rest of eternity roaming under the Furies decisions. She was to be given a punishment deemed acceptable by the Furies and Tartarus himself.

That was the place I would find her in the next few months.

That was where this story ended. I would make sure of it this time.

I wouldn't let Nephele die once more.

Word Count for this Chapter is ... 3876

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Rose