Chapter 18

For a second, Evie stared, stunned at Connor. The prolonged silence only made the nerves jump more frantically in the warriors chest. He would've sworn at that point that even being in the middle of a battle was not as nerve-wracking as waiting for a reply from the redhead lass that had captured his attention and his heart from the very first moment he saw her.

"Lass?"

The thing was though, she had been so sure that she was about to wake up from a wonderful dream, Evie didn't dare move, or say a word. She wasn't even sure she heard correctly! So when the curious query came, she couldn't help but ask, "Would you mind repeating yourself, Connor?" Her tone was breathless, trying her best to twist in her seat so she could peer up at his facial emotions as he answered. Did she hear correctly? The way he had looked when Evie had reminded of everything that a relationship with her could entail was still etched deeply in her mind. His stricken, horrified look when she reminded that marriage to her would make him an English lord of the realm.

What would've changed his mind?

"Marry me, lass. Ye love the Highlands, my home, my lands. Ye are more alive here then I have ever seen ye back at home."

"What about my father? Cavalon Castle? You... You will need to take all of them, and the title of Lord if you do marry me. It is detailed in my dowry and the papers my father will need you to sign. You-"

Connor had blanched when she reminded him, but tightened his grip around her waist as Hammond rode up to them and extended a hand at Evie. "Come cousin, ride with me. Connor needs to get back as quick as possible, afore he bleeds to death."

"Wh-" she started asking, only to gasp when upon further scrutinizing, noticed the slow drip of blood from the back of his head onto his shoulders and neck. "Connor! Why are you here when you are injured! Hammond, how could you let him?"

"He's staying with us for too long, I think. He's got the MacKenzie's stubborn streak." her cousin muttered back in return. Evie struggled to be released, but Connor was unrelenting until Evie scowled at him. "Connor, we shall speak upon our return to the Keep, but we must have haste right now. I will not have you bleeding to death!"

"Promise, that we shall speak?"

"I promise, you stubborn mule. Now let me go."

Mollified by at least a possibility, he released her and Hammond easily lifted Evie from Connor's horse to his, making sure she was fitted into his saddle, instructing two of the MacKenzie warriors to stay close to his captain at all times, before a loud command from him had everyone picking up pace again as they galloped towards the crest of mountains that separated them from the Drummond holdings.

"What happened, Evie?" Hammond asked quietly, once they were a distance away from the rest of the men. The laird had noticed his cousin's rather pensive look, curious if his captain had anything to do with it.

"I... Did Connor come to you to Cavalon Castle willingly, at first?"

Hammond raised his brows at the curious question, but answered anyway. "Nae, he dinna. But he wouldna let me enter what he deemed as the devil lands myself. So he made himself come."

"He still doesn't trust the English, then? I don't blame him really." At his surprised look, she quickly explained. "Gillian told me the story, or as much as she can tell. I... He asked me to marry him, cousin."

"And your answer was?"

"I don't know. I was hurt when I reminded him what a relationship with me would mean at first, just before we got to MacKenzie Keep. But after Gillian's story... now, I don't know if I can ask that of him. To be one of the ones who had taken away his whole clan."

"Ah, then you need to know him better, my dear." her cousin responded with a mysterious smile. "When we were fifteen, Connor was infatuated by a neighboring clan's daughter, her name was Liselle Grant. She had the blondest of hairs and the bonniest of looks, with a sweet voice like a nightingales."

A pang hit Evie's heart at the story. Did he still like her? Did he marry her? Questions upon questions sprung in her head, and she found herself even wondering if she was as beautiful as this Liselle that Hammond described. Sensing her distress, a low chuckle rumbled in Hammond's chest as he continued his story. "Liselle was promised to a different man. But he didn't let that stop him. He escaped my father's lessons every evening, skipped our dinner almost every night. He ate like a starved man every morning to make up for it, but he learned poetry, picked flowers, did everything he could to get her."

"She didn't fancy him?" A part of Evie was horrified, as she imagined a fifteen-year old Connor trying his best to win a maiden's heart. How would anyone say no to that?"

"She dinna. For she had promised her heart to the butcher's son. Connor only conceded defeat when she eloped with him. That was the last we ever heard of Liselle, and the Grant's had  since moved to the Lowlands ever since the Union was signed." he paused, as the Keep loomed into view and their pace slowed down.

"You have to know that ever since Father found and more or less adopted Connor as his own, nothing had deterred him from  making my father proud of him, not until he met Liselle. Our father was the one man Connor held in the highest esteem, and he would risk his wrath for  the girl. My point is, Connor would stop at nothing if he truly wants something. He does everything whole heartedly, which is why he had been so loyal to our clan ever since the day father found him."

His passion was why Evie had been so attracted to him in the first place. Turning around to peer back over her shoulders, she bit her lip when she noticed the way Connor was paling. "We have to hurry back, Hammond. He doesn't look too good." The laird himself turned back, and a worried look inched its way into his face, nodding and increasing the pace.

"Give him a chance, Evie. He may surprise you."

----

Upon arrival at the Keep's entrance, while Connor would've been embarrassed when reminded of it on later days, he had to be hoisted up by two MacKenzie warriors to the chamber they had seen to him. Agatha had been summoned, but it was Evie who was quick to dish out instructions when the old healer took too long to respond.

"Where is she anyway?"

"She is old," the elder MacKenzie replied to his sister, watching Evie deftly arrange the requested herbs, warm water and bandages. "I suspect Agatha would no longer be with us for long, Gilly."

The old lady had been here ever since they had been children, but even then she was already old from what the two siblings remember. Her death would probably be a boon to her, but for now attention was all riveted on Evie, and how she tended to Connor who was slowly growing delirious. With a skin that was hot to the touch, the redhead fussed at the wound, frowning at the inflamed edges.

"It wasn't cleaned properly, split open when he exerted himself at the Drummond holdings earlier. Hammond, you should've never let him go."

"The next time he insists on something, I shall remember to get you to stop him. If you succeed, you can take over my place as laird." Hammond replied good-naturedly with a laugh despite his worry for his best friend, moving to stand next to his sister. "Where is Mister Rothesay anyway?" he asked. He had left the English lord at the castle, despite his request to come with them. While Hammond did not doubt the capabilities of him, Fabian was still considered young and a greenhorn by Highlander standards.

"Right her-Whoah, what happened  to the captain? Did you guys get mauled on the way back?"

Evie was in no mood for jokes though, scowling at her cousin and friend before returning to her task. Instructing the maids to continuously cool his body down with towels and cold water, she tried to dribble some fluids in his dry, parched mouth, scowling when he resisted it. "Connor, drink."

"N-nae. I... You promi-mised me we wo-would speak, E-Evie."

"We will, I promise. Just not now, when you need to get better.

"You-you wouldn-na l-leave?" It was a tender question, almost as if he was fearful that she wouldn't be around when he awoke. Her heart already pounding with fear for him, softened at the tender question. "I wouldna, I promised. Please, drink."

Apparently satisfied with her promise, his eyes fluttered close again, allowing the water to trickle in. Once she was sure he would take it, Evie passed the task on to someone else, and proceeded to pound and mix in the herbs which had been brought in. Focused on the task, she proceeded to make a salve out of the herbs, before pressing them on with a bandage on the large gash on his wound, wincing as Connor jerked.

Laying a finger on his shoulder, Gillian raised a brow when Evie leaned in to whisper softly in Connor's ears. While they couldn't hear what was being said, the two siblings were surprised when he immediately calmed down upon her touch, leading the sister to nudge her brother and gave him a raised brow in an unspoken question. In turn, he grinned and tugged at Gillian towards the door. "We may be having a reason to celebrate soon, but time will tell." He replied, holding back his laughter at Fabian's bewildered look.

---

It was like he was dipped in volcano lava the first, and then plunged into the icy waters of the Alaska the next. Alternating between violent shivering and breaks of sweat, Connor felt like he was trapped in a never ending cycle, no matter how much he ran. What was he searching for anyway? Trapped in what seemed like a black abyss, his head spun as he looked around the dark expanse of nothing.

His skin crawled, like a thousand of ants made their home there, but as much as he tried to scratch, he couldn't get to it. Where was he anyway, because no matter where he looked, it was just black.

"Connor?"

He knew that soft voice. It brought him comfort, warmed the part of his heart he had long forgotten and shoved in a corner. Her voice was as bright as her hair, as warm as the sun, touch that made his feelings crawl and demand to be heard. Evie. "Evie!" He tried to call, but no sound came out from his mouth, as her voice grew fainter. "Evie, I'm here, don't leave!" What would he do if he left? She introduced him that not everyone in that ill-forgotten country he had wished to forget was bad. He remembered what his mother used to tell him.

"Don't judge someone by their past mistakes, mo cridhe Connor. Always give people a chance."

It was his mother' s gentle nature that tamed his father's wild ways, how the wild and dangerous Donald Gilroy had ended up becoming a gentleman Scottish land owner. Years of being out of practice had rendered him failing to protect his family, and ultimately leading to Connor losing everything he had known since birth. He did not blame his father, yet at the same time he had also vowed to himself that he would never repeat the mistake his father made, leading him to become a fearsome warrior under the tutelage of Quinlan Mackenzie.

But how could he had forgotten his mother's teachings, of what she used to tell him as a young boy? "Revenge makes people hard, unforgiving, and will never help anyone. Tis a vicious circle, mo cridhe. Dinna ever keep revenge." Had harboring years of pented up hatred for the English make him forget to live life? What did it even mean to have fun any longer?

The darkness closed in, making the panic in his heart escalate. He had no time for this, he needed to find Evie, for somehow with her, he knew what it was to live again, to not be constantly consumed by this driving desire to right everything that was wrong in the world. Because with her, nothing could go wrong, so long as she was by his side.

---

"You need to get some rest, Evie. Your father would have my head if he saw you in this condition."

Her body was weary, her shoulders felt heavy, and she knew Fabian spoke the truth. She simply couldn't bring herself to leave his side however, as the fever rolled in relentless waves through Connor's body. Ever since they had returned the evening before, the heat had come and go, as the skin cured itself of its festering. Gillian, Hammond and Fabian had taken turns visiting her, but while she picked at the meals they brought her, the hours passed in a blur between her wiping him down to cool him, replacing and making new poultice for his wound, and ensuring he was well liquidated by dribbling water and dabbing his cracked lips.

"I can't leave, Fabian. Agatha is in no condition to come look after Connor the way he needs to be." Worry consumed her. She was so used to seeing the dark and handsome warrior astride his destrier, strong commanding presence, piercing gaze that seemed to always focus on her. How could she even think of leaving him? Her heart ached at the very thought. "I don't think I can ever leave, Fabian."

"What?" The blond lord started in surprise, blinking. Evie barely spared him a glance, brushing away Connor's damp lock of hair and replacing the cold towel on his forehead, furrowing her brows as he twitched, his lips moving but incoherent.

"I don't think I want to leave. I love the Highlands, but... I love this man even more. He... he is everything I've ever wanted, and he makes me feel things I never thought existed. All those stories I used to hear about a love that would sweep you off your feet? He makes me believe they exist."

The longer she spoke, the more her voice softened, her gaze never leaving the form of the unconscious and slumbering warrior. Looking over to Fabian as she brushed her fingers across his clammy cheek. "Can you do me a favor?"

"What is it?" His tone held a note of caution as he looked at his friend carefully.

"I need you to bring a letter for me, to Father. I will write to him, but I will not return to him. You would be able to travel faster on a horse and in a small group, right?"

"I should assume so."

"Please Fabian, because I don't think I can leave him now."