Four

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Jack

JURY VERDICT!!

We are rushing into the Courtroom.

Judge reading the verdict out loud...

On all the life-sentence rape charges: NOT GUILTY!!

But he is convicted on a lesser charge.

Ceci

All right! That's pretty great, right?

Jack

Yeah! It was a no-offer case. Meaning the District Attorney gave us two choices: (1) Plead guilty to everything and go to prison for life, or (2) go to trial. We went to trial and the verdict beats the shit out of going to prison for life. Yeah, it's a win.

BUT, although he is now probation eligible, the Judge could still impose a life sentence to prison on the lesser conviction. He will be registered as a sex offender. Normal life is over.

Thursday, October 22, 2015

So, now I'm sitting in a greasy spoon restaurant. Tea. Eggs. Potatoes.

Recovery.

Ceci

Ok, yeah that sucks. How long are you on that sex offender list?

Jack

Sex offender registration is for life. 20 years after his sentence is complete, he can ask for permission to de-register.

Ceci

How was the girl in all this? I mean she wasn't blacked out when it happened.

Jack

She said she and her family are heavy drinkers and proud of it. Said she was conscious, but that she had no memory of sex with him, and no memory of the four others she was making out with that night.

Ceci

4 followed??

Jack

Yeah, an independent eye-witness testified the victim made out with 4 guys after our guy.

Ceci

What?

Jack

But that was not the danger. The danger was the close up photos of anal injuries.

Ceci

oh God.

Jack

Right.

So, they admitted photos of anal injuries on day 3.

And even though the DA's forensic expert, our forensic expert, and the police detective all testified that the injuries were consistent with both consensual and non-consensual anal sex, I could feel the jury slipping away.

"It's in the air, it's everywhere. Oooh baby I'm losing you" -The Temptations.

Do you know the tune? That feel?

Ceci

Of course.

Jack

Wanna hear a good thing?

Ceci

Of course!

Jack

For closing arguments, the DA goes first, then me, then the DA has the final word. There were two DA's, so one goes first and one goes last. Me in the middle.

Ceci

Ok, with you so far

Jack

So, the first DA, who is, say forty, thin, expensive clothes, huge finger rock, business-formal demeanor starts. It's a typical, flat, power point delivery, like a flight attendant demonstrating an oxygen mask.

Ceci

...right...

Jack

And after I speak, the senior DA closes. She's competent, experienced, straight forward, but physically a little distant from the jury, and just a little tiny bit jittery...

Why?

Ceci

Cause it's real, not a tv show? Sounds like there is constant judging going on in a courtroom.

Jack

Yes.

And because I had just gone up to the jury, within a few feet of their faces, no notes, no safety net, and let it rip, Baby! All heart and soul, risking everything. It's something that only comes out in a jury trial. Only in closing argument. Like an evangelist obsessed with the spirit. Nearly wild, instinctive, and on the move, not an unnatural note, whispering to shouting, and back, and back again, till I have them with me nodding and silently proclaiming our love, our passion, our last kiss, (it took them 2 days and 10 hours of deliberation...so close). And the good thing is that no matter how other lawyers try, no matter how many classes they take, no matter how many books, and lectures, it can't be learned. It's has to be in the blood, the gut, or the soul. I don't know where it's from, but I've got it bad.

Ceci

SHOW STOPPER BABY!!!

That's from all your formative years on stage, working the crowd!!! Playing to the room.

Jack

Ha! Maybe.

Ceci

I knew you were going to kick ass.

Jack

Thanks, but I need to get this judge thing going, or something else. It's like the inmate in The Green Mile. Each trial takes something out of me. Ages me. It takes away more each year. And then even more to look each client's mother in the eye and promise her that I will do everything I can to save her boy.

Monday, November 2, 2015

Ceci

Up to my neck in this documentary right now. Sweaty hands, mild to moderate panic.

Jack

I have a private guru named Ceci, and she would say "Breathe, man, breathe".

Ceci

Good one, I'm sitting here writing emails to clients holding my breath.

Jack

Good luck!

I'll leave you to that.

Bug you later.

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Jack

I've been thinking about log cabins. Maybe building one. A big one-room cabin with stairs to a loft, somewhere up on a mountain. It's a recurrent day-dream as we plow into another trial.

Ceci

I think you could do it, and it would be fun.

Sometimes I watch these videos of a guy that builds huts. He uses only the materials at hand. Mud, trees, rocks.

I think about building log rafts.

Jack

A raft. What would you be leaving and where would you be going?

Ceci

It's just a project I want to do with my boys at the family cottage. It's on a river. We've made small prototypes. It's fun, right?

Jack

Definitely. Like Huckleberry Finn. Floating downstream with a pole to guide it, onboard tent, fishing poles...

Ceci

Nice, on board tent. : )

Monday, November 23, 2015

Jack

Fuck! Our Enchanted client Bill was just arrested after an escape.

On the upside, we found one of his brothers.

Ceci

Really. But that's cool you found a brother.

Escape from jail?

Jack

From the halfway house.

Friday, December 11, 2015

Jack

The Post Office is hiring carriers. Sometimes I think, "To hell with it!, I'm just going to deliver the mail."

Walk around all day, mailman shorts in the summer.

Ceci

American Dream job.

Jack

Hell yeah! Ten legal holidays per year! PLUS, BONUS!: 10 personal days! Full Pension! And frickin disability insurance! Disability?! Who has disability?!

Plus, you're walking around all day. Rain, sleet, snow, sun.

And did I mention mailman shorts?

And those dudes live forever, further cementing my long term hook-up plan with you. It's win-win-win!

Ceci

And now you can walk around with a headset and talk to your friends while you walk.

It's not a bad idea.

Unions are awesome.

Jack

Absolutely! But I won't be a mailman because I'm mal-adjusted, and addicted to the pain of justice.

And the flexible hours.

I'm talking to the owner of some mountain property. It's making me think about how to build a cabin. Foundation. Water. Electrical.

Ceci

Those are good things to think about.

I'm doing kinda good lately. I catch myself and wonder, what's happening? What's this I'm feeling? And then it dawns on me.... OMG, I think I'm happy.

My documentary film preview went really well.

Jack

That's terrific!

Is there any identifiable cause?

Ceci

No

Jack

Then, I say it's Obama

Ceci

Lol.

I'm not getting too excited, because things can change fast.

Jack

You can't fake it, and you do look pretty good! Hot! And, you know, happy.

Ceci

Yeah, it's weird.

The stuff that you told me when that suicide messed me up really helped me.

Jack

Oh.

Sweet.

Then I take full, 100% credit!

Ceci

It was an inner conversation I had not allowed myself in a long time.

Jack

That makes my day.

Ceci

I'm playing drums in a quick set tonight with a girl I used to be in a band with.

A Christmas show.

I gotta take a disco nap.

Jack

Sweet dreams.

Ceci

K

Talk soon.

Friday, December 18, 2015

Jack

Hey Ceci!

Ceci

Hi Jack!

Jack

Seeing you all over in Christmas show pic's (Facebook)!

Sorry it took so long to answer.

I had a trial.

Then, on a pro-bono class-action, I spent two days in prison interviewing 13 inmates serving life. Very festive. Very Christmassy.

Now in Court. Appointed to a drug felony. My client's co-defendant is his girlfriend, Ashley. The most shocking fact in the case is that she spells her name A-S-H-L-E-Y. I think it must be a Christmas miracle. A correctly spelled Ashley is like a sacred white Buffalo or some other special farm animal.

Ceci

I partied last night like a big shot.

Suffering a bit today.

Still got up and did everything this morning.

3 drinks is two drinks too many.

Jack

Should I hold your hair back?

Do you want to hear the story about you and Violet's Fitbit?

[Note: Violet is one of Jack's Trial Assistants]

Ceci

I'm going in a store to pick up presents. But yeah.

Jack

It was a slow day. Violet and I are just dinking around the office.

She has a new Fitbit which is a watch that measures heart rate, body fat, body odor, etc. It's for health nuts.

I say to her, "I bet you I can be a zen master Jedi!"

She says, "Bullshit!"

I say, "No, serious, not only am I a Zen Buddha Master. I am a better Buddha Master than you."

"You're full of shit."

"Perhaps, but the human heart cannot be slowed voluntarily unless you are a stone cold Yogi, and I challenge you to a Heart Slowing DEATH MATCH!"

The Death Match part was just for drama.

She set her Fitbit to "Heart Rate" and recorded our normal rate. Hers was 70 beats per minute, mine 60.

Then she went first to attempt to lower her heart rate. She started the Fitbit and tried to relax. But I had a plan.

We have a psycho client. Actually, we have lots. But one is a crazy bastard. Narcissistic is just where it starts with this dude. He does little things that make you want to smack the shit out of him. Like the time he told us the reason he was two hours late for Court was that, "Some of us moisturize!"

Anyway, the client's name is Julian. Violet is wearing the Fitbit, sitting in a chair, trying to relax. Trying to lower her heart rate. The test begins.

I say, "Hey grasshopper, Julian is here, he wants to borrow your make-up for Court. Oh never mind, he says your kit was made by Ringling Brothers, and you've got a fat ass." I continue, "Julian saw your outfit and wondered if you got a job at Chuck E. Cheese."

On and on I go.

Violet's heart rate goes up to like 90.

Now it's my turn.

I have no idea how I'm going to lower my heart rate. I'm not a Yogi. I'm not even a vegetarian. Plus Violet wants revenge.

I put on the Fitbit and begin.

Now as you can imagine, I do not broadcast my long-term masterplan about you and our nursing home tryst. But Violet is a female, with all the female special powers of observation. Meaning, no matter what I say to her, or don't say, she knows the answer either way.

For example, if I come back from Detroit, and she asks, "Did you see Ceci?" If I say nothing, it doesn't matter. She knows. If she says, "You like Ceci, don't you?", it doesn't matter what I say. She knows because she is a female. In fact, she's never even asked that question. She's a female. She doesn't have to.

So anyway, I started the Fitbit and am trying to slow my heart. But Violet starts saying stuff, "Oh Mr. Finch, Ceci is on the phone. Will you be taking her call?".

"Oh what a surprise, Ceci is here in the lobby. Does she have an appointment?".

"Oh look, it's a package from Ceci, would you like me to open it?" On and on and on she goes till the end of the test. But do you know what the result was?

55! My heart rate went down to 55.

Violet is pissed. I'm the Jedi Yogi Master. She says it's a fluke and demands a "do-over". This time she's quiet, but I thought about you.

55 again!

Ceci

This is great, and confirms my Jedi powers.

Jack

Exactly. So, coming full circle, or as we Yogis say, doing the whole Ying Yang, Feng Shui, Dim Sum thing, last week you mentioned how me and Obama were 100% responsible for your happiness, but it turns out that you bring on an inner peace in me so profound that I am now a frickin Yogi Master.

[Dudes!!! ⭐Vote⭐ for moisturizer and inner peace. ❤️Ceci & Jack]

Photo 1: Cabin Pine by Free-Photos, 2016 (Pixabay #1082058).

Photo 2: Rustic Cabin by Free-Photos, 2015 (Pixabay #945421).

Photo 3: Log Home by Kirkandmimi, 2015 (Pixabay #2034633).