Part Two - Chapter Four

Dear Readers,

This includes personal disclosures that I would not have printed, but Ceci thought they were important to share.

❤️ Ceci & Jack

Thursday, July 19, 2018

Jack

Ceci, do not fear the end of the world, and armed Republican walkers hungry for the brains they were born without.

Take comfort in the fact that you have Colorado, surrounded by mountains, two military bases, and the Air Force Academy. I now also have plenty of extra room. And beer. Plus, if things go Full-Nazi, just like in The Sound of Music, we all hold hands and hike over the mountains to Canada.

The Canadians fucking love us!

Ceci

And I love Canada.

Clients are here as we work on 6 new video spots that they shot yesterday. It will be a tough couple of days. They are the bread and butter though.

Jack

Go ahead and butter that bread!

Ceci

What a long ass day, I just got home.

I'm back to being sad and pissed off. I'm going to sit in my camper and drink a glass of wine.

Jack

No. No you don't. I'm calling...

Friday, July 20, 2018

Jack

CECI, you Albanian poppy (I looked that shit up), IT'S FRIDAY!!!

Ceci

What???

Are you on beer?

Jack

Yes.

Absolutely!

A green bottle.

But I'm still correct. FRIDAY!!!

I'm also wearing a tie.

Because.

Our client, the father of twins boys, is trying to prove he is not nuts, so the County will return his babies.

We need the judge to decide that he is psychologically stable enough to have babies.

But he thinks he is Mary, the mother of Jesus H. Christ.

And that he can make you live forever by "communing with your spleen."

AND

Due to him throwing a book in the courtroom, jumping off a table, yelling shit at the Judge, and charging the bench, the Judge has called the cops on him twice in the last two court appearances.

Two for two.

We are not doing very well.

How was your day?

Ceci

Oh boy.

Okay, better than yesterday, and I don't have to go in on Monday. Really glad to just be home this weekend.

Jack

That sounds so good. How is your garden?

Ceci

I need more lavender

Jack

Pictures?

Ceci

No Pics

Jack

Don't be garden bashful. I believe in you, man. I believe in the greenness of your thumb and your eyeballs!

We just have wild flowers. Look what's showing up.

Ceci

The raspberries are just finishing here.

Orchestrating a big camping trip, kinda overwhelmed. Probably 40 people showing up.

Friday, July 28, 2018

Jack

Morning, you beautiful thing!

Up at 5, out by 6. There is a County Fair four hours west of here, high in the mountains, between Aspen and Glenwood Springs.

And they have a log splitting competition!

Ugh!! They only took the first 20 log splitters. I'm on the waitlist at #28. Crap.

Still room on the ladies list.

Hippy Fair in a hippy town.

Ceci

Police are cool.

Jack

Yup. We are in the land of Hunter S. Thompson. Vigilant mountain hippies. We will never be conquered!

Tuesday, August 7, 2018

Ceci

I just opened a very sweet card!

Thank you!

I was at camp for the last 8 days.

Jack

Oooooooooo I'm jealous. Do you smell like smoke?

Ceci

It's wonderful there. Big dunes, so much fresh air.

It was great.

Jack

You sound ready for the world.

I never pressed flowers. Shook a bunch of bugs out of them. Found out later, I was supposed to dry the flowers first, then mail. Did they mould?

Ceci

They did not mold. They look good!

I had a weird thing happen a couple weeks ago.

I'm better since I went and stayed a week at camp, but it was pretty weird. I started going "mental".

Jack

What? Are you ok?

Should I visit?

Ceci

Totally ok.

But it was weird.

Jack

Ok. Well. What happened.

Ceci

Due to a panic attack. Due to arguing with Trump supporters.

Jack

Ok. Tell me more about that.

Ceci

The weeks after our government put kids in cages were bad for me, as they were for a lot of people.

Jack

Yeah. Agreed.

Ceci

I think my mind started to go on the fritz.

Jack

Right. How was your sleep?

Ceci

Bad

Jack

I hate that. Makes everything harder. Closer to the edge.

What were the symptoms?

Ceci

I got into it with some smarmy high school acquaintance over a cartoon she posted.

It escalated.

That evening, I took Isaac to the park. We left to go home a little after sunset. I was driving a road I've been on many times, and it started to look unfamiliar to me.

Jack

Did you threaten to kill anybody...cause I swear sometimes "I'm close to the edge. I'm trying not to lose my head"

Ceci

No, not at all.

Although they kept telling me to stand down.

Jack

Right.

Go ahead. Give it to me. Whatever you think was the most unhinged part. We totally got this.

Ceci

Driving, I was starting to panic. Started wondering why things looked so odd. Thought I might be stroking out. Afraid but only a few blocks from home.

Jack

Yeah. Scary?

Ceci

So, I was trying to reason. Why do things look like this? And I remembered lucid dreaming.

Whenever I've had a lucid dream, it always starts with me recognizing that things are familiar but a little off.

So, I do some sort of test and then get to the point where I know it's a dream. So yeah, that's what I was thinking was happening. I couldn't tell if I was awake or asleep while I was driving.

Also was unsure that I hadn't just died.

Jack

Got it. Just to break for a moment of comfort and gratitude, I want you to know I made a chili that is so fine, it would make Jeff Sessions get down on his knees and beg for a third term for Obama. I'll save some for you.

Is that the bottom line, or is there more?

Ceci

Basically the bottom. Yeah.

Jack

Ok. How do you feel about that?

Ceci

I can't talk anymore right now.

Talk to you tomorrow. Isaac.

Jack

Ugh.

You are a good mom. Call or text when you can.

❤️

Tuesday, August 7, 2018

Jack

I'm driving to a faraway court. Call anytime.

Ceci

K. Getting ready for a meeting. I'll call on my drive.

[Note: Ceci and Jack talk.]

Jack

Definition of Dissociation:

"Dissociation: Disconnection and lack of continuity between thoughts, memories, surroundings, actions, and identity"

Sound familiar?

It's common with stress and anxiety.

You are not crazy.

You are fine.

Super fine!

: )

Jack

I couldn't re-find the website with treatment suggestions, but here's what I recall:

1. Drugs.

2. Therapy (I've done that. Totally cool. Always a good idea, never bad).

3. EMDR (Did it. Pretty Cool. Works!).

4. Physical Stuff (scientifically, often the best treatment).

a. Exercise, 20+ minutes, 5 times a week.

b. Yoga.

c. Meditation.

d. Rhythmic Exercise (I think this is sex. Fuzzy, but I seem to recall it was pretty great).

e. Regular Sleep (Yup. And it's way easier to get good sleep if you've done your 20 minutes of exercise in the morning, and your "Rhythmic Exercise" whenever you can get it).

f. Freely Expressing Yourself (This is actually one of my favorites. When I think of you spouting off, I don't know why, but that's just HOT!).

g. Drumming (that wasn't on the list. I just added it because it makes perfect sense and is also very hot).

Ceci

Like I said. Lake Michigan and my camping trip were right on time for me.

For the two weeks before I was caught in the malaise of that night. Everyday I asked myself. Are you sure you're alive? The answer the first week was No.

I had some good cries and freaked out over my mortality. It's always about Isaac. I imagined the scene over and over. That I had a stroke and crashed the car and that was it. I was gone. Someone came and helped Isaac out of the car (unharmed).

Week two got better with my answer more and more just unsure either way.

Ah, but the glorious healing of the lake and camp. Here is a magical tip from me. Bring your troubles to a big lake or ocean. Tell the water as much as you can. Let the tears flow and ask for it's help. Ask for those heartaches to be dispersed in the water.

The big lake can take it. Let it take it out from you.

Ceci

And the best hippy books will tell you as much.👻

I played drums the last two days!

💪💪💪💪

[Vote⭐ for the Great Lakes and Rhythmic Exercise!]

Photos 1-5: Taken and owned by the authors, 2018.