38. The Way I Loved You

I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain

It's 2 a.m. and I'm cursing your name

I'm so in love that I acted insane

And that's the way I loved you

Jenna

music fills my ears as the basketball grazes my finger tips quickly before my touch begs for more as i shoot the ball. miss.

next ball. miss.

sprint.

next ball. miss.

sprint.

next ball. miss.

I groan as I reset myself whipping the sweat from my forehead, before setting myself up at the three point line.

First ball. miss.

sprit.

second ball. miss.

sprit.

third ball. miss.

I felt my bottom lip tuck under my front teeth as tears rim my eyes.

No Jenna.

Next ball. made.

Sprint.

Next ball. made.

Sprint.

Next all. Miss.

"FUCK!" I scream tossing the ball into the other side of the court only for it to be stopped by a set of hands. I roll my eyes and shake my head.

"You know that's no way to treat a basketball Midow" The blonds voice fills the empty gym as i take off my headphones.

"No— Paige this is embarrassing— get out." I turn back to shoot another ball. miss.

I felt her presence close the distance between us, making my heart rate rise.

"Funny, who was the one who invited me here in the first place?"

Shoot. Miss.

Shoot. Miss.

"Jesus CHRIST!" I scream pausing the rebound machine as i run my hands over my already messy pony tail as i sit down at the three point line looking up at the hoop.

"Who are you?" Paige chuckles bumping my shoulder with hers softly before taking a seat next to me.

"I don't even know anymore..." I shake my head, "it's like my shot got fucked the minute my knee did"

"Now that's no way to talk about yourself like that JJ, your having a shit day— so be it! Your not even suppose to be shooting today anyway, hence the meaning of off day..."

I chuckled softly as i look over at her.

"What? You don't think i have off days?"

"It's hard for you not too—"

"Your a much better shooter then i will ever be from the corners, cmon."

"Don't even start with me — you have the best shot in the game right now besides Caitlin... if i shoot like this on saturday the headlines will go fucking crazy on my name — our teams name..."

"And say what? how your suppose to be on the bench?"

"Bingo..."

"The last person that should be on the bench is your Jenna. Anyways— when did you ever pay attention to that headline shit anyways."

"You have to say that—"

Paige laughs shaking her head, "if i thought you were a shit basketball player i wouldn't have pushed Geno so hard to grab you from the portal.."

"I heard.."

She nods looking around the gym as a comforting silence grows between us before i get up and turn the rebound machine back on.

"You're gonna drain yourself and get hurt again." she snaps.

"I'm fine P." I sigh dribbling a ball at my side.

"You're tired."

"and suddenly you're a distraction." I smirk before she gets up and takes the ball from my hands making my head snap to face her.

"who me? i just came here to shoot with someone but-" Paige looks around the gym, "she doesn't look like she's here.."

"Paige.."

"Jenna i'm not going to let you do this to yourself, getting back into the swing of things — it isn't easy, trust me i kn-"

"You know? do you Paige because last time i checked you aren't out of breath after sprints, you don't need to wear your brace, you don't get checked on 24/ fucking 7. It's exhausting, i feel like i look like a helpless case!"

"Jenna... your frustrated, your tired, that will only fuck your shit up even more.."

I groan throwing my hands up in fustration as i knew she was right.

"Paige can i ask you something?"

"Anything..." She nods taking a cautious step towards me.

"w-what is this." I shake my head, "one day you want to kiss me the next you just wanna be just friends— the next you hate my guts for something some guy you hate did— you never —" I swallow hard hoping I don't regret the words i'm about to say "tell me you didn't feel something during that kiss. Tell me you don't wanna do it again! o-or j-just fucking walk away! I-i don't know—" I rambled as I really wasn't sure what came out of my mouth next, I wasn't sure if it was the stress, talking, or the fact that I was tired of pretending.

"Jenna.."

"You never tried P... You never s-showed you cared after that night — atleast not to my knowledge, when my mom died, all i got was a "i'm sorry for your loss.." but what hurt was after I tore my ACL just WEEKS after you did, you never called, no text, nothing.. I asked you to come to Iowa the day of my surgery— the day i needed you the fucking most... and nothing.. but you know who texted you the day Azzi told me you got your surgery?"

"Jenna I'm—"

"then suddenly i come to uconn and your pulling strings for me, acting like nothing happened? i-i can't do these mind games anymore trying to pretend your my fucking friend when —"

"when what..." She takes another step forward closing distance between us as my eyes begin to tear.

"y-you can't tell me it was nothing..." I whisper letting out a shaky breath before turning towards the hoop, "Maybe you should focus on your own basketball— rather then making sure i'm okay or not" I sigh before setting myself up for another shot. I freeze as a pair of hands grab my hips turning them ever so slightly.

"Your chest needs to face the net— connect, don't just shoot. You need to love your craft Jenna, not just do it.." Her taller stature leans down to reach my ear. My breath catches in my throat as my palms shake slightly. "now shoot"

I felt the world slow as i watch the ball smoothly connect with the net. I let out a shaky breath staring at the net as the ball dribbles slowly away from me.

I turn to look up at the blonde as she is already looking down at me as her hand comes up to my cheek whipping some glossiness from it.

"You have no idea how much i care about you Jenna.. i-i can't make excuses for what I did.. a-and why, and you wouldn't never believe me if i told you that you terrify me more then anyone i've ever met.."

"W-why.." I whisper.

"Because your fucking YOU!"

"Paige.."

"No— it's my turn to talk," She groans, "You scare the ever living shit out of me — you did when we were 15 after we kissed and you still do when your all grown up.. I—" She clears her throat, "You drive me fucking crazy — insane almost, you push my buttons, you push me to an edge where i don't even want to begin with because Id let you push me to that edge til i fall because it's YOU, it's been you this whole fucking time, i don't think a day goes by where i don't think or want to fucking see you— o-or that i don't wnat you to be my doubles partner because that's who we are, we are Jenna and Paige, This week has been hell watching you stress and struggle and just not be you— i lo—"

The sound of the door opening makes us break apart as two familiar figure walks through the door as her bags drop of the ground making the sound echo through the quiet gym.

"God have i fucking missed you." Caitlin's voice echos through the gym.

"Well hello gorgeous.."

Fuck.

Kate Martin.

Authors note

so close...

but so far...

xxx