Volume 1 - CH 10

“I want to quit my job !”

Shinobu san screamed as she collapsed on the sofa about 30 minutes after we had started drinking. She wasn’t a strong drinker to begin with, but he seemed to get drunk faster than when she was in college.

“But it’s a good big company, right? You even afford a drink that I can’t buy, and they pay you well.”

“I don’t care if it’s a big company or a small company ! The alcohol and other expenses are for entertainment, and my salary hasn’t changed much since I joined the company. I can’t even complain, and just because I’m a woman, I’m always assigned to fetch tea and provide support ! I can’t stand this kind of company !”

I guess the big companies have their own problems, but as an ordinary employee of a small to medium-sized company, I still envy her. It’s like the grass is always greener on the other side.

“Moreover, this is almost like a job that makes you away from your home ! I heard that if I use enough energy to exceed the time, it will cost a lot of money, so I won’t be able to go home for a while ! I’m single! I don’t have a boyfriend ! I’m going to turn 28 this year !　I’m already……uwaaaaa !”

Even if times progress and AI does the work for us or we can travel through time, the essence of society will remain the same. No matter how convenient the world becomes, we still need money to live. The only way to get money is to work. This kind of obligation will continue for the rest of our lives. When I was a child, I had hope for the future, but when I became an adult and saw reality, this is what it looks like.

“I’m glad that I got to meet you, Kouki kun……but we’re just using you like this……! Aaagh !”

After slumping on the sofa for a while, Shinobu san drank the sake in her glass in one gulp, then took out a cigarette from her skirt pocket and lit it up.

“…Did you smoke?”

“Oh-…… actually since I was a college student. I kept it a secret from everyone.”

The way she exhaled the smoke from her mouth while talking like that looked really desperate. I see…..so that’s how it is…….

“When we were students, you used to say things like ‘Eh, I don’t smoke.’ Why did you hide it from us?”

“…..I just wanted to be a cute little me to everyone. I wanted to be the same person I used to be.”

Then, Shinobu san once again casts her eyes down and said,

“If the past changes, the future will change. But even in the future I know, Kouki kun was cheated on.”

……Then that means.

“Does that mean my efforts were in vain after all?”

“At least for the past week. For the next 10 years. The result might be different if you keep protecting Saki san for a long time after you get married. But, is Saki san worth the effort? Can you spend the rest of your life with a woman who’s easily swayed by your brother?”

I couldn’t reply to those words. Because I was drunk, I was about to say words I shouldn’t have. Suddenly there was silence in the room, and all I could hear was the sound of Shinobu san exhaling smoke.

“…..No matter how hard we try, there are inevitably opponents whom we cannot win against. Kouki kun, you probably knew this for a long time, but it wasn’t until you became a college student that you realized it. That’s when you can’t relax anymore.”

Instead of words, I drank and listened to what she had to say. She told me something that I could only hear now that I am an adult.

“My parents are poor, so I worked part-time in my spare time. What do you think would happen? People who come from rich families and spend a lot of time in the lab look more dedicated. I thought I couldn’t win. It doesn’t matter how hard I try when they can’t even see me. After all, people are relatives. Just on the surface, you are used as someone’s comparison, and your evaluation just goes down in places you don’t even know. No matter how you try, you can never win.”

I heard the sound of ice breaking from Shinobu san’s glass. There are times when you have to drink to get by, but there are many times when you can’t help but drink.

“Kouki-kun is much more knowledgeable than me. That’s what you’ve been like all along. You’re really amazing, Kouki kun. I never said it, but I always respected you. But I also think, “If I didn’t compare myself with others, I would be happy. I envy you. I feel frustrated. That’s what makes it so hard. I understand how much you want to get back at your brother. But, you know, doing that won’t make you happy. That’s why, since you’ve gone back to the past. Why don’t you just live for your own happiness?”

“That’s idealistic, isn’t it?”

The voice came out surprisingly easily, even though I had been silent a while ago.

“As long as I’m alive, I can’t help but look at other people. Everyone is more special than me. I always gave up, saying I can never compete with them. But I still think, even if I have few chances. I don’t want to miss the chance to win just because it’s a slim chance. If I can win, I want to win. Even though I’m a small person, my desire doesn’t stop. Wanting to live itself is a desire. I can’t be like a monk who can be complete on his own.

“No matter how hard I try, Daiki will win in the end. It can not be helped. It’s the gap that we have had ever since we were born. Even so, if I can win even in the middle of it, I want to win. Is it wrong to think so? Will I be happy to run away if I can’t win and look for another way? I’m sure that such a path isn’t wrong. But the world is not made up of right and wrong. Even my unfair and miserable game is not wrong.”

“….I also think you’re amazing, Kouki kun. I definitely can’t compete with you.:

“……The grass is always greener on the other side.”

Thus the night goes on and on. In the midst of sorrow of the losers.