Chapter 13: Bad Girls Eavesdrop

Mac

As our large party trails the hall where the suites are housed, I fend Leed off with a stiff arm as he tries to hug me.

"Get away, traitor!" I yell at him.

"Don't be mad at me for the plane, Macaroni. You know I speak truth when truth is required."

In typical brother fashion, he completely ignores my outstretched hand, and forces me into a hug against his big stupid body. I kick him in the shin.

"Ow!" he cries. He pinches me in the side and I try to knee him in the balls. In his attempt to block, and my attempt to counter-attack, I get tangled in his giant Leed legs and we topple over.

He twists to take the fall but I land hard on top of him. He lets out a groan of pain.

Ha! Take that, loser!

My carry-on is smashed between us in a very uncomfortable place for Leed.

I'm laughing. Adam is not.

"Be careful with her, you fucking lunatic!" Adam yells at Leed as his strong hands are pulling me up. Actually, it's more like he's pulling me off Leed, because now I'm trying to stomp on Leed, and Leed is holding up my bag as a defense.

"Be careful with her? Demons are indestructible. Don't you know that? I on the other hand, have soft parts she just stomped." Leed moans and rolls on the floor.

"Get up, Lawson!" Dawes bitches. Bodie gives my melodramatic brother a hand up, and Leed lumbers down the hall to his room. "Payback is hell, MacKenna!" he yells. I flip him off, dismissing him.

Adam is picking up my carry-on while his eyes rove over me, stopping briefly in my lower abdomen area.

"Jesus, Adam, I'm fine." I rumble. Okay, it's kind of cute, how protective Adam is all the sudden, but I am not having his sap right now. I'm irritated with him.

Thankfully, his eyes snap to my mine without any comment about the maybe-baby being jostled by my dumb-ass brother. He takes my keycard from my hand and opens my door, pushing it open with one strong hand, gesturing me in ahead of him.

"Where do you think you are going?" I ask, blocking access by putting my hands on either side of the door frame. We are alone in the hall now, all the Soundcrush members having quickly entered their suites.

"To put our shit in our suite," he smirks.

"Think again, Preacher," I say sweetly. "Get the fuck on to your own room. I'm pissed at you. You expect to share my bed after you made me sound like a heartless bitch?"

Adam scratches his sexy beard. "Well, Shortcake, if the shoe fits," he grins. He raises a hand to block me slapping the side of his head. "You did say all those things..." he drops my carry-on to put up a more serious defense and I try to pull his hair with both hands. "...that our sex didn't mean anything..." he laughs as he grabs both of my hands and I try to head-butt him in the chest, "...that I was out of your system," he twists as I try to knee him in the crotch. "Those were  your words, just this morning."

"Yeah but I didn't mean them, and you know it," I hiss.

He pushes me against the open door, clasping both of my wrists above my head with one hand. "Then don't say mean shit you don't mean. And don't heap your misplaced sibling abuse on me." he admonishes me lightly. "Be sweet to me," he trails a finger down my cheek, beneath my chin, and lifts my gaze to meet his, "and I'll be so good to you, Sweetheart."

I want him to be good to me, right here against this open door, but just then Marcy walks by. She doesn't even look at us, she just stops in the hall, her eyes still on her phone. "So about Madam—I'm all for it. You guys might even have enough sizzle to bury Trailbait. Try to do something high profile this weekend, ok?" She glances at us. Adam still has me pinned against the door. I become aware, I'm sort of...panting. Goddammit. "But not this. Nobody wants to see this."

Adam laughs, Marcy leaves, and I shove him off me.

"Take five, Adam. I told you. I'm pissed you twisted my words. I guess you'll just have to be good to yourself tonight."

He nods and pulls a keycard from the sleeve of his room packet. The bastard tucks it in my cleavage. "For when you change your mind." He rubs his lips and blows me a kiss as he backs away. He hoists his bag and moves down the hall.  I admire the very nice view of Adam's backside.

"I know you're checking out my ass, MacKenna," he calls over his shoulder.

"I hate you," I spew.

"There you go again, saying shit you don't mean..." he trails off, and I pick up my bag slam the door.

It's the private hot tub in my suite that changes my mind. Adam and I have never made out in one. There's been many hot tubs over the years, but always some of the guys sharing it. This time, I'm not telling Leed or Bodie or Trace that my balcony has one. They'll be throwing a fucking party in here in a skinny minute.

Nope, this one is just for me and Adam.

Hmmm...the things I want to do in it, suddenly make me think of things other people might have done it. I call it up the front desk and the manager on duty assures me the hot tub was drained and filled prior to my arrival. Whew, that's a relief.

I want to get Adam here right now, but my pride won't let me do it too quickly. So instead, I take a long shower. When I get out, I press on my belly and examine myself in the mirror...but of course I look exactly like I did before. It's been a little less than 48 hours since the condom broke. I still have three days to decide whether or not I'm going to take the morning after pill. I continue to poke my belly and turn to examine from all angles.

That feeling I woke up with yesterday morning—it's still there but I have to pay attention to it now to isolate it. I guess I'm getting used to it. I wish I could figure out if the feeling was just a rightness between me and Adam this time, or if it's...

Okay, I'm not going to think about that right now. I'm going to think about how to get Adam in that hot tub without actually asking him to join me. I decide to put on a bikini and a robe and go down to his room like I'm planning to bitch at him a little more, then lure him back to hot tub with my body. I mean, I can't actually go down there and "be sweet" to him now, can I? After he practically demanded it?

I open the door to his suite as quietly as possible, in the hopes that I can sneak up on him in the shower and get to spend thirty seconds or so admiring his gorgeous strong body before he realizes I'm there.

He's not in the main area, or in the darkened bedroom, but the curtains are blowing inward from the bedroom balcony. I smile at the image of him with his feet propped on the railing, leaned back in the patio chair, calmly drinking a beer, waiting for me to break. I decide to sneak up on him and scare the bejesus out of him.

When I get to the curtain, he laughs. "Okay, okay, so I'll add Gwennie and Blake  to the list. That brings the total up to fourteen VIP packets?"

"I'm sure they will really appreciate that, baby. Although I'm not sure I agree with your sisters—that a rock concert is the place for my grandbabies."

I still. I recognize Joely's—Adam's mother's—Tennesse twang on the speaker phone. I hardly know Adam's family, but his parents and various sisters and brothers-in-law have been at a few shows here and there, over the years. The tour will eventually finish it's Southeastern Circuit with a big show in Nashville, and I know Adam is planning to have his family there. That's a few weeks away, though. How will things be, with me and Adam then? My stomach does a slow turn at the idea of meeting his family in a different light.

"Mom, kids have access to the Internet. Gwennie and Blake won't see anything at our show they don't already know about, I'm sure."

"Knowing that marijuana exists and experiencing a second-hand-high at age eleven are two different things, Adam," she laughs easily.

He snorts. "It's an open-air stadium, Mom."

"Well, you're right baby, it should be fine, I suppose..."

I put a hand over my mouth to stop my surprised giggle. I've never really thought much about Adam's family—I hardly had any interaction with them the few times I've met them—but when I did, I imagined them...stodgy, traditional, and maybe even...judgy? But Joely sounds...friendly, easy-going, even.

"So how's the tour going?"

"Good," Adam says. "Smooth sailing so far..." he hesitates. I have a moment's panic.

There has been one minor hiccup on the tour so far.

You know...the maybe-baby?

I hope to god Adam isn't going to tell his mother that he may have knocked up his bandmate.

"We had an amazing show at the Benz last night," he continues. "We debuted the new single. Mac and Leed—they killed it, but Mac stole the show. She's all the reviews are talking about. She was amazing. Actually, she was...perfect."

Really? I haven't even looked at the press synopsis Marcy sent today...

"Oh, honey. Not that again." There's a change in his mother's voice. She sounds...disappointed.

This is the point where I realize I am eavesdropping. This is the point where I should walk away. But you know me...why do the right thing when I could do the wrong thing ?

"Yes, Mom--that again. But don't start. I'm a grown man. You know that I love and respect you and Dad, but you guys don't really get to weigh in on who I..." he hesitates, filtering his words. "who I see, romantically. "

I smile bitterly. Adam had no problem telling a planeful of Soundcrush personnel he had sexed me up thoroughly, but he's so delicate in the way he speaks to his mother. I feel a little hurt--that he has a lot more respect for her than for me.

Then again--what can I expect. I've been screwing Adam like it doesn't mean a thing to me for years. I did have public sex with a violent asshole stranger just last year. I don't exactly scream treat me with modesty and respect, do I?

"And you don't even know Mac," Adam adds a little defensively.

"I know she's...had some troubling times, in the past. And I know she's hurt you, Adam. A mother can't help but want her son to protect his heart—especially against a woman who doesn't value it."

I take a step back, like I've been slapped.

"Mom, you don't know her," he repeats.

"Adam, I just don't want to see you disappointed again. Surely there are other women—lovely women—that you could actually have a relationship with? It's like this girl—MacKenna—it's like she holds your heart hostage. That's not healthy, Sweetheart. Love should be not be...armed combat."

Adam laughs. "Mom, not every couple has perfect harmony like you and Dad. Some people have to work at it."

"We have to work at it, Adam—but it looks like harmony because we both work at it. We value each other."

"Mom, I love you, but I think you've got the wrong idea about MacKenna. What you see in the press is not the whole picture of someone."

"Well, maybe you could give us the chance to get to know her and vice versa? Why don't you bring her to the farm? You could bring the whole band if you want. You are planning to spend a couple of days, right—after the Nashville show? She could meet the whole family, come to the barn party, and the church social...and—"

Adam bursts out laughing. "Mom, that's a really bad idea. Mac meeting the family? No. That's not how she is.She would be as spooked as a philly that steps in a rattlesnake den. Besides...Mac and I—we aren't there. It's not that...level."

What the hell does he mean, not that level? Does he think I'm good enough to fuck, but not good enough to meet his family? Did he not just ask me to marry him? Did he only do that because he thinks I'm pregnant?

Joely sighs. "Well, I guess I'm glad to hear that, baby—that you two aren't serious. Please, just promise me, you will think long and hard before you pursue MacKenna seriously. The person you go through life with is the most important decision you will make toward your happiness. You are young, you have plenty of time to find someone later...someone who shares your values..."

"Mom, you are overstepping, you need to change the topic now..."

"I just worry...you might be wasting your love on someone who can never love you like you deserve."

That's the last thing I hear because I creep away, back to my suite.

I lay in the darkness on my bed. There are no tears, not even any anger.

Joe Heartley is right. I'm not good enough for her son. She knows it, and I know it. Adam deserves a woman whom he can take home with pride. A woman who would embrace his family, and not be overwhelmed by them. A woman who shares his values. A woman he can settle down with, after this rock star ride is over for him.

I sit up suddenly. Oh my god, that's exactly what this is for him. A ride that ends. He's always been the reluctant rock star. This is just a youthful rebellion for him. One day, he will want to settle down on that farm in Tennessee. And he'll want a woman that wants that, too.

Soundcrush is the only family I've ever had and I can't ever imagine breaking away from what we've built, but to Adam it's just a circle of friends...a season of life that will fade into another.

One day, he's going home, to his real family. One day, he's going to leave us.

I roll on my side, and curl inward, around that feeling that is definitely settling like a heaviness in my womb.

I can't do this. Any of this. I can't be the woman he needs. I can't trap him into a life that he's not destined for. And I can't do this alone, either. I don't know how.

That's when the tears start.

Awwww, poor Mac. Her emotions and confidence are all over the place--she probably didn't need to hear Joely Heartley's opinion of her right now. What do you think...is Adam's mom's just looking out for her baby boy, or is she too judgy? It's unclear what Adam has told her about Mac in the past, and what she's just surmised from the media... I think we will meet the Heartley's later on...I wonder how that will go?

Please let me hear from ya! And please, vote, follow, list. all that cool stuff! Thanks!