Chapter 50: Bad Girls Play Bad Cop

Mac

I come awake with a sharp intake of breath and raise my head. The car is stopped on the side of a Tennessee back road. Adam is pressing against my legs, grunting and reaching down into the floorboard at my feet. I hear the vibration of a phone.

"Fuck. Can't find your phone in your purse. Shorty...can you...?" Adam eases himself back behind the wheel and puts his head against the seat. I dig in my purse.

I can't find my phone either, but that's because I'm eyeing Adam, while I dig for it. He looks tired. I can't tell if he looks any sicker or not.

"Adam, if you aren't feeling any better, maybe you should go to an Urgent Care or something." He hardly ever gets sick...although once he got the flu in college.

He was a big baby about that. Complaining that I wouldn't come take care of him. Which was ridiculous, because I left chicken soup outside his dorm room and bitched at Trace everyday to check on him between classes and stuff, make sure he had gatorades and ibuprofen. It wasn't like I was actually going in there—I didn't want the damn flu!

He doesn't look quite as sick as he did then. "Feelin' better, actually. I'll be ready for that oral as soon as we get to the house," he says, winking at me. "Not that I won't reciprocate, of course. How about this...a quick hello to my parents, a little sexy, a lotta sleep, then maybe some dinner. At which point, we'll probably both be feelin' set—and ready to take on the whole family."

"I'm sure your mom will love your priorities," I tease.

He curls a hand against the side of my face, and rubs a thumb on my cheek. "You are my priority. I know you are nervous about meshing with my family, but I got your back, Sweetheart. I promise. You let me worry about their expectations, okay? You just be you—the real you. They'll love you. You'll see."

When he looks at me like that—with earnest eyes—I want to cry for all the times I've been bitchy and manipulative to him. I don't ever want to be that girl again—not with him. I love him.

Fuck. I love love him. I really do. I just want to be good to him.

And Babycakes, of course. But there's no way I won't be good to that baby. I know that now. I probably won't be a perfect parent, but I won't bail on my kid. Adam's right. I'm not fated to be a bad mother. I get to choose. So the one thing I've decided to choose already, is to never give up on being this kid's mom. Probably it will suck sometimes. But whatever being a parent is like, it won't suck as much as the look on Samantha's face when she looks at me—that sadness, that guilt, that hole she feels for not sticking.

Yeah, not doing that. Probably need to work on forgiving her for that, too—just for the karmic boost.

"Shorty?"

I pull Adam's hand to my lips and kiss the pad of his thumb. "Yeah. Okay. I'll be sweet. You got my back. You'll arrange the sex, sleep, dinner, family time. Sounds good. Oh, and I love you."

I see the little flare in his eyes, and I slap him gently on the arm. "You're still counting, aren't you?"

"That's seven," he confirms. "Two in the last week. I think you might make double digits by the end of my birthday weekend."

"High hopes, Preacher."

Adam's low chuckle is so sexy. Really sexy. Even as exhausted as I am, his rumble does things to me.

I look behind us down the road. Deserted. A car hasn't passed us since we pulled over. "I could say it again right now. With my mouth around your dick." I raise my eyebrows, trying to look inviting. Honestly I'm still so tired I can hardly see straight, but I want to be good to him.

Adam's eyes glaze and his lips part in lustful contemplation. "Mmmmmm."

My phone vibrates again. He sighs. "You better check it. It's been going off constantly for fifteen minutes."

Leed. I flash Adam the screen as I put him on speaker phone.

"Hi. Are you prepared for my wrath? For the bullshit you pulled last night?"

"I do deserve it," he agrees. "You wanna save it for the face-to-face? That way you can stomp on my foot and pull my hair, too. I'll even give you a free slap without chasing you down and tickling you senseless."

Adam and I exchange a smile. Leed sounds like Leed. Not like the broody asshole he's been for weeks.

"Deal," I say.

"Fucktastic!" he exclaims. "In that case I need you to come find me. The world's worst Uber driver picked me up from the airport, ran out of gas, there is zero traffic in this wasteland, and he's hoofin' back to a gas station. I have no fucking clue where I am. There's no 4G. I can't even get my browser to pull up. Miracle I can even get a call out. I thought Adam lived in Nashville, not in Deliverance."

Adam laughs. "Tennessee suburbs ain't like Atlanta suburbs, man."

"Adam!" Leed roars in delight, like he hasn't seen Adam in years. "You're there, too! Awesome. Come and save me man, before somebody makes me squeal like a pig."

Somehow Adam manages to interrogate Leed about landmarks and gets a general idea of where Leed is, and thankfully we are not far apart. Both on the east side of Nashville.

"Where'd you go last night, Leed?" I tease him.

"Had to see a man about a boat," he says casually. I try not to react to that statement...which is just a good ole boy's way of not telling his business. But it's kind of ironic...considering Adam's birthday present...

"Yeah, I'm sure there are a lot of boats in Florida," Adam laughs as he grinds gravel and pulls a U, headed toward Leed. "But only one out-of-bounds booty down there. You're scaring me, man. Your good mood is too good. I don't want to know what you did down there." Adam is only partly joking.

Adam has this weird bro-code belief that Ashlynn is out of bounds for Leed, because she's Trace's ex-wife. That's ridiculous. They weren't even really married. Adam says it still counts for the bro-code. I say extenuating circumstances trump the bro-code. We have discussed this frequently. The last discussion was a couple of weeks ago. It ended with me giving Adam a firm pillow-thumping, him pinning me down, and us agreeing to disagree. We sealed the peace with hot sex.

"I do," I chime in. "I want to know exactly what you did down there with Ashlynn."

"I never kiss and tell," Leed quips. I gasp. Adam groans.

"Leed, tell me, you didn't...you didn't...did you?" Adam says quietly.

"Hanging up now, because I hear banjos. I have to hide. Hurry!" Leed jokes, and ends the call.

Adam and I stare at each other.

"Oh fuck," I whisper with glee. "Well, you know what we have to do now..."

"Shorty—don't..."

He knows me too well. I stick out my tongue at him as I press Ash's contact.

"Hey, Mac!" she answers cheerfully. A little too cheerfully.

"Hey, Beauty," I purr. "Adam's here too."

"Hey, Girl," he chimes in casually.

"Hey. So. Uhhhmm. What's up?" Adam and I exchange a look. Her voice is overly bright and nervous.

"Oh...we're just on a mission to rescue my brother. Leed's had a little mishap on his way from the airport," I wink at Adam.

"What!?!?" Her voice goes frantic. "Not on the motorcycle? Is he okay!?!?!"

"He's fine. No motorcycle involved. Hey, hang on a second," I put her on mute and poke Adam in the arm. "Did you hear that?"

"Her tone of nervousness that turned overly concerned? Yeah I heard it," he says dryly. "I think we should ignore it."

"Oh, you are no fun," I flap a hand at him and return to Ashlynn.

"Ash, you there?"

"Yes. So Leed's okay?"

"Well, he's fine but he seems..." I grin evilly at Adam. "...a little giddy. Like way happier than he was eighteen hours ago. Would you have anything to do with that, Ashlynn?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm just asking. Is there anything you want to tell us?"

Silence.

"Ash? Come on, girl. We know he came to visit you."

"Yeah, he was here for about an hour this morning."

"Yeah, and what do you guys do?"

"You know..."

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking."

Ashlynn makes a perplexed sound. "He was sad. We talked. We joked. We drank tea. We..." trails off.

"Yeah?"

I poke Adam. You be bad cop, I mouth to him.

He shakes his head.

Okay you be good cop, I offer.

He grins, but he still shakes his head.

"Goddammit, Adam!" I hiss.

"What?" Ashlynn says.

"Nothing, Adam's just being...Adam." Leaving me to do all the dirty work.

I plunge ahead. "Ashlynn...don't fucking lie to us. You know I'll get it out of Leed eventually, anyway. He's a terrible liar. Can you account for the whereabouts of your clothes and Leed's dick during that hour he was with you this morning?"

"Mac!" Ashlynn. "Don't be ridiculous!"

"That's not an answer Mac is going to be willing to accept," Adam notes. "Ashlynn...this will all be so much less painful if you just tell Mac what happened in as few words as possible."

"I'm gonna give you a second to think about what's in your best interests, here, Ashlynn." I punch the mute button quickly. "Awww, thank you, baby," I murmur. "You're such a good cop."

"That's not me being good cop" he grumbles. "That's me not wanting to hear the dirty details."

"Oh Preacher, I do love you," I giggle.

"Eight," he smiles.

Ashlynn is huffing on the line. "I'm hanging up now!" I quickly un-mute her.

"Oh no, you're not. You haven't answered my questions."

"Fine. In place. In his pants."

"Huh?" Adam says.

"I'm accounting for whereabouts. My clothes remained completely in place. And Leed's...thing stayed safely in his pants."

I shriek at the way Ashlynn said Leed's thing. "Oh my god, Ash. Say dick."

"No."

"Say it."

"Are you twelve?"

"Come on. Adam wants to hear it."

"I really don't," he assures her.

"I am surrounded by Preachers and Pollyanna's!" I exclaim. "Damn. So nothing happened? Really?"

She doesn't answer right away. Adam and I exchange more raised eyebrows.

"Ashlynn..." I hiss. "Resistance is futile."

"We...we hugged."

"Bullshit."

"We did. We really did. Twice. It was nice. He's a good hugger."

"He is," I agree. "He's good at a lot of things, so I hear. Care to confirm?"

"Mac, I'm not talking about this. Nothing happened...really. You're acting crazy. I thought we were friends."

"Of course we are friends! How could you say that?" I exclaim.

"Well, friends are supportive and encouraging. Not...harassing. Friendship is a safe space, not a...an interrogation."

"Well those are the boring kind of friends, but if you want to play it like that, fine. I'll share first. I'm pregnant. It's Adam's, of course."

Adam's head snaps to my face in disbelief. Then he nearly swerves off the damn road. "Fuck!" he mumbles, and grips the wheel tightly, correcting, eyes on the road.

"Very funny, Mac." Ashlynn says.

"I didn't think so at first," I confide. "The condom broke—it was kind of an unfunny thing. But then we decided...what's meant to be will be, and now...we're having a baby! It's really cute, too. We saw it yesterday, on the twelve week ultrasound."

"Adam, is Mac messing with me?" Ashlynn whispers.

I watch Adam's face. He's looking straight ahead, but he has a soft smile on his face. "Nope. It's true. We're having a baby. You're one of the first people to know. My family, Leed—they don't even know yet. Won't go public until Marcy can't keep it private anymore, of course..."

"Got it," Ash says. Ash understands how all the press stuff works, we don't have to ask her to keep it quiet. "Oh, wow. Oh! Wow! Congratulations!" her voice is soft, but excited. "Oh...you and Leed both. Your babies will be so close. I'm so happy for you guys!"

"Happy enough to come to LA when you're ready to leave your wellness program and be my supportive and encouraging friend? I'm happy, but I'm scared too. I need you, Ash. God knows, Leed is going to need you."

A long pause. "I'll seriously think about it."

"Ashlynn, please."

"Mac, don't press her," Adam cautions. "Ashlynn needs to do what is good for her. She can't just think about how much we will all need support. Well, not so much us, I guess--you and I and Tam and Ben have each other but, Leed...he really will need some friends. But he'll have...Bodie. They'll probably do a two-men-and-a-baby thing to give Tamara and Ben and break."

"Oh god, now I'm scared for the Lion Cub," Ashlynn blurts, before she can help herself.

I give Adam a brilliant smile and a thumbs up. Great good cop, I mouth silently. He rolls his eyes.

"No, I didn't mean it like that," Adam says quickly. "I have complete confidence in Leed and Bodie, and whatever arsenal of baby professionals Leed hires. Ash, don't worry about Leed. Or the Lion Cub. Or Mac and Babycakes."

"Babycakes!?!?" Ashlynn breaths.

"Sweet, isn't it? Preacher came up with that one," I tell her, patting his arm. "But Adam is wrong. I need you. I'm excited, but I need...friends. Real friends. The kind that can see each other at their worst and still be friends." Okay, that's maybe a bit of a manipulation, but it's not untrue, either. I won't have a mother with me all the time. I don't have many girlfriends. I have the band. Tamara will have her own baby to care for, and Kat...Kat is sweet and surprisingly mature, but she's still much younger than me, in a lot of ways. She's still getting herself together. She'll be busy with school and being a WITCH. Somehow I don't see her down in the baby trenches with me. All I will have is Adam and Leed. And hopefully...Ashlynn.

Adam doesn't scold me for manipulating Ash's feelings. He just takes my hand in his, because he understands that on some level, I mean what I'm saying to her. I do need her.

"I get that," she says slowly. "Something can be...really exciting, maybe the best thing that's ever happened to you, but also...scary and overwhelming, at the same time."

Adam cuts his eyes to me. I take his meaning. Neither one of us thinks she's talking about me or the babies. She's talking about Leed.

"That's true," I say sorrowfully. "It's so overwhelming. All of us brand-new, overwhelmed parents are going to need lots of hugs. Especially Leed."

"Bitch," Ash sighs in exasperation.

"Your best bitch."

"Fine, I'll come to LA."

"Yay!" I squeal in glee. "You can live in Leed's guest house."

"Or Mac's condo," Adam suggests. I slap his arm and give him a murderous glare. That is not where I want Ashlynn. What? he mouths, pointing to himself Good cop, remember?

"Or I could get my own place, I am capable of that," she says dryly.

"Of course you are. You are sooooo capable," I purr. "Capable of lying through your teeth to me, because there's no way I believe you and Leed just hugged. Tell me the truth! Did he get you off?"

"Maaaac!" Ashlynn chokes, horrified. It's hard to believe how...shy sober Ash is. In my heart I ache for her, because I know the things she did when she was high must have scarred her beautiful, pure soul. I shouldn't have asked her that. I decide the best way to go forward is to pretend like I didn't hear her embarrassment and be my usual crass self.

"Come on, Ash, you can tell us. Did he at least feel you up? Leed is so damn handsy, I can't imagine he didn't plant his paws somewhere...tits or ass?" I suggest helpfully.

"Maaaac," Adam warns.

"Did you at least kiss?" I venture hopefully. "I bet it was sweet and hot and I bet you two looked amazing kissing, you are both so fucking gorgeous. Too bad I wasn't there to video that shit for you, so you can use it to get off later..."

"Jesus, Mac," Adam barks, laughter erupting right behind.

"Fine, you want the truth?" Ashlynn punches back aggressively.

"Yes!"

"The truth is...you are gonna get so round. So very, very round."

"Yeah, she is," Adam chimes in. "She'll be a sexy little pumpkin."

"She's so tiny, she's gonna waddle!" Ash squeals.

"Like a sexy penguin," Adam agrees.

"Ashlynn, you're a cunt. Adam, putting sexy in front of every horrible mocking thing you call me doesn't mean you get away with it. Hanging up now, Ash, because I hate you. And I have to kill Adam."

"Bye, Bumpy!" she yells. I slap my finger down and Ashlynn's peal of giggles is cut short.

I side-eye Adam.

"Gonna kill me now, or later?" he grins.

I sigh. "Later. Too tired right now."

"You weren't tired when you were torturing Ashlynn, Sexy Bad Cop," Adam notes.

"I used my last bit of strength for that," I admit. "I'm like, really done, Adam."

"Rest," Adam squeezes my knee. "It'll be twenty minutes before we get to Leed."

"It was more than a hug," I say smugly.

"For someone who wants to keep her own secret for several more days, you are awfully nosy," Adam teases. "Karma's a bitch, you know."

"Not as big a bitch as me," I murmur, closing my eyes.

I open them again only when the car rolls to a stop, and through bleary eyes I see my idiot brother standing on the side of the road, with a dorky grin and his thumb stuck out like a hitch-hiker.

I rub my eyes. "The funny part is that people think he's actually some hip rock star," I mutter. Adam rolls down my window. Leed leans in, with a giant grin.

"Well, you two look like you spent a rainy weekend at Coachella with a leaky tent and large sack of herb," he frowns. "What the hell happened to you guys? And Mac, what in fuck are you wearing?" His eyes are darting between us, taking in Adam's grey pallor and my frumpy fatigue.

"Just get in," Adam sighs. I close my eyes again.

Leed jumps in the back seat, and Adam pulls another U-turn.

"Ash said you're a great lay," I shoot toward the back seat, as I crack an eye. Leed is looking at his phone.

"She did not, because we did not," he says evenly. He eyes meet mine. "That was a half-ass attempt, Mac. You ok?"

"Fine, just tired." Actually, it's about that time of morning where my own nausea hits. I really wish I had one of those popsicles.

Maybe it's a good thing I'm completely exhausted when we arrive at the Heartley Farm, because I'm too tired to be nervous.

The Heartley Homestead is exactly what I knew it would be—a big immaculate plantation style home with a wide porch, manicured lawn and lots of life peering through the windows.

"Oh man," I whimper. "Are they all here?"

"Mmmmm, maybe. I didn't realize we were getting a full welcome wagon. SCIC is already here, too," Adam pulls the Mercedes behind the line of uniform rental SUV's in the circular drive.

Before we are even out of the car, two little guys—probably in the 6-7 age range, come beating around the side porch and down the steps. "Uncle Adam, let's go the lake! Let's go! Let's go!" they yell, jumping up and down.

"Hey guys," Adam fists bumps them and gives them hugs, introducing them to me and Leed as Baylor—Alex's third-born—and Mason—Janie's second born. I notice that he is very good with them. He expertly redirects them from their lake quest by asking them if "MJ" has been baking. I don't know who MJ is but apparently she baked a two tier strawberry cake with cream cheese icing—which I know is Adam's favorite—two kinds of cookies, and chocolate cupcakes, too.

"Mmmmm, Mac, too bad you can't have any of that," Leed teases me. Dawes has been a dick recently, using morning meetings to remind me of the unflattering pictures that the label bought to hide my "Madam pudge."

"You are the one that has to stay sexy, Front Man. I'm gonna eat a fuck-ton of baked goods." I snicker in Leed's ear.

"Eat a fuck-ton, weigh a fuck-ton," Leed whispers back. He's just giving me shit, it's what we do.

We are very quiet in our tauntings, but apparently Heartley mini-men have super-human hearing.

"What's a fuck ton?" Mason asks slowly, just as his mother Janie floats down the stairs in a starched sundress. "A very vulgar word." She tells them as she flips her long dark hair back in annoyance. "Adam, really? Like the second you get here?" she scolds, "Every time you come home, we go through this!"

"My bad, Janie," he says quickly, covering for me and Leed. Shit. I've fucked up already.

"Well...tell them..." she gestures emphatically. Adam gives a terse nod, easing down on one knee in front of Baylor and Mason. I guess in this family you have to own your mistakes. Duly noted.

"Listen guys, that wasn't nice at all, what we said. We probably should have said we wanted to eat a lot of those treats, not...an eff-ton."

"Don't say that either," Janie hisses and Adam works his mouth like he wants to tell her to eff-off, but he sighs and surrenders. "No, not that either. And the reason is because that word offends...pretty much everyone around here. So we aren't supposed to use in front of family, girls, at school, at church..."

"You shouldn't say it at all," Janie corrects.

"He didn't say it," Baylor says, pointing a finger at me. "She did."

"Him, too," Mason points at Leed and Leed laughs.

"I don't care who said it. We don't use that word in this house, ever. MJ will wash your mouth out with soap, and I am not kidding. It happened to Uncle Adam," she glares at him.

He nods solemnly. "You don't want that, guys. It's terrible. None of that stuff MJ baked will taste good."

She pats the boys on the shoulder and hands them a key. "Go on to the barn apartment and get more ice." They take off running. She continues to glare at Adam, like it's his fault I used the f-word.

"I'm sorry," I say quickly to Janie, who's still glaring at Adam, not at me. I guess she's still mad at him, for bringing a heathen girlfriend home. "Our language is a really bad habit," I agree. "If I had kids—especially here—I wouldn't want them to follow our example either. I'll really try to watch the language while we are here. We all will, right Leed?" He shrugs agreement.

"Here? I'm not sure what you mean by that?" Janie raises her eyebrows. "Here—where people have values?"

"Mac has values. Tolerance for one," Adam says quickly, with a quiet anger I've never heard him use. "Speaking of values" he continues in the same voice. "Grace is pretty high up on the list. Here. In this house."

Janie looks surprised. "Wow, I'd forgotten why we called you Preacher when you were a kid. You really are just like him. Beneath the...muscles and bracelets." She gives him a smile somewhere between rueful and affectionate.

"Mac apologized," he says with meaning. Janie nods and looks at me without expression. "Adam's right. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply you don't have values. That was rude of me. We all have bad habits," she shrugs. "Really, everyone is looking forward to having you here." She gives me a little sweeter smile than she gave Adam. "I'm going to help the boys. Welcome home, Preacher." She slides past us along the lawn.

Wow. I can see why Adam doesn't talk about Janie much.

"I'm sorry," he say, to me, kissing my lips lightly. "That's more about me than you. Janie and I don't always get along."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," I kiss him back, feeling guilty that he's already at odds with his family and I haven't even stepped in the house yet. I search for a way to restore his mood. "Did you really get your washed out with soap?"

"More than once," Adam grins.

"And who is MJ?" I ask.

"It's what the grandkids call my mom...Mama Joe. MJ "

I smile. "I like that. Who the heck would want to be called Grandma or Granny, anyway?"

"You know I just fundamentally disagree with Janie." Leed grumbles as we cross the porch. "Fuck is not vulgar. Fuck is like, the best word. It's so versatile. It can be a noun, verb, adverb, adjective..." Leed trails off as he pulls open the screen door, and we prepare to go inside.

"Don't forget it's usefulness as an exclamation," Adam adds helpfully.

"Fuck! You're right," Leed grins, his voice low.

"Will you two stop?" I mutter, but I'm too tired to put any heat into my scolding like Janie did with Adam.

Inside, the reception is totally different. A cheer literally goes up in the enormous kitchen when we enter.

There are at least twenty people in here—all of Adam's adult family except Janie and Brett, most of the kids, plus Trace—whom appears very comfortable here, I guess because he came home with Adam a few times at college—and Bodie—who is comfortable anywhere someone is willing to feed him, he's currently eating a cupcake—and Kat-who is comfortably fitting in, wearing a sundress just like all the other women, because apparently I missed the dress-code memo—and Ben, who is of course never uncomfortable anywhere, because that's part of his job—and Riley—also comfortable because well, British superiority—and Tamara—who was smiling and looking comfortable receiving baby-belly attention from Adam's mom until we walked in,but now she's side-eyeing Leed nervously.

The cheer subsides, and Adam is rushed by a mob of little people. I try to pay attention to the names and which sister's they belong too, but baby-brain and no-sleep and my rising nausea make it pretty much impossible, so I just focus on the feels. They are all adorable, especially the littlest ones, and Adam is so comfortable with them all. Adam picks up a reddish-headed girl about three years old. I notice the wince as he rises slowly, and I'm almost positive he was lying to me earlier when he said he felt better. But now is not the time to bitch at him, because he's introducing me to Billie, Brett's oldest, with a knowing smile.

Yeah, Preacher I get your point. You think Babycakes is a little red-headed girl like Billie. I smile and clap a high-five with the little cutie-pie.

Once the mass of little people have pawed their much missed Uncle Adam, his brothers-in-law herd them outside with the promise of lawn sports and lemonade. Adam eases me towards his parents, who are talking with Trace now.

Adam slides into to hug his mom easily. "Thanks for doing this, Mom. You didn't have to go to all this trouble," he gestures at the counters, lined with treats and beverage dispensers. I guess it's an open buffet of goodness all weekend.

"I know. I wanted to," she says with a wink. "I feed this whole crowd all the time, but I never get to spoil you with your favorites anymore." Her eyes roam over him, and her eyes lose their playfulness "What's wrong?" She puts her hand to his forehead. "Adam you look...gray. Are you sick?"

He shakes his head. "Just a stomach weirdness. Kept me up last night. Been a long twenty-four hours. Need to catch a nap is all."

"You didn't sleep at all last night?" Then her gaze settles on me. Her smile remains, but her assessing eyes are kind of...unnerving. They guys say I have a killer look. Christ, is that what I look like? I think Mama Joe is the wrong name. More like Mama Bear.

"He actually looks and acts a little better than he did earlier," I say. It's true. "Could just be a bug." I'm not a hundred percent sure about that, but I'm not going to railroad him in front of his Mama Bear of a mother. I'll talk to him about how he's feeling a little later, in private.

She looks at him again. "Do you need something? Something for nausea or an upset stomach?"

He shakes his head, "I'm fine. Mac has stuff if I need it." Yep, I got plenty of pregnant-lady-safe stuff for nausea. "I'm fine. Really."

She nods. Reverend Heartley pats her on the back, but she pays him no attention, she just continues to stare at Adam, like she can see inside him and figure out what the problem is. The Reverend takes a slice of banana bread from a tray and turns his attention to me. His eyes are the same deep blue as Adam's. "How did the interview go this morning, MacKenna?"

"What interview?" Trace interjects as he chews on a cookie. "You didn't have an interview looking like that." He winks at me. I grit my teeth, and clench my fists, because I will not flip Trace a bird right now, nor shoot back a bitch reply.

"I dressed down today. So what?"

"The interview got canceled again," Adam says casually. To me he says,"You look grunge. You look pretty, like the first time I saw you." Leed snorts, and Adam loses it. "Why does everybody think Mac has to walk around completely styled every single damn day now?" he hisses. "It's been a rough morning, alright?"

"Dude." Is Trace's only response, but it means like four things. Dude, are you ok? Dude, we are just fucking with Mac like always. Dude, don't flip out in front of your parents. Dude, chill out before I lay you out.

Adam opens his mouth to reply, but then a hushed voice is calling from behind. "There he is, little man. That's your Uncle Adam."

Adam twists at once, an eager look on his face. Adam's sister Brett is holding her youngest, Eli, who is pretty small...only a few months old, I think. She's holding him upright, her lips pressed against his temple, speaking to him. "You don't really know him yet—you only met him once, when you were just born, Eli. But I think you kind of look like him. Or at least his baby pictures. Uncle Adam is a pretty good guy," she smiles at her baby, then at her baby brother. "You want to say, hi?"

Adam holds out a finger and Eli grabs on. "Hi Eli," Adam says and Brett shifts Eli into Adam's arms. Adam swallows heavily, looking down at the little guy. I see the weight of knowledge come over him—that this is our near future. Adam talks softly and low to the baby, his eyes deep in the baby's. True blue, just like Adam's.

I can hardly see because my eyes are swimming with tears. I realize I'm swaying slightly.

"Mac," Leed says. "Hey. Mac?" He puts an arm around my back, looking down at me with concern. "Now you are the one that looks sick. You both have a bug?"

"I'm fine," I say.

"Brett," Adam says abruptly, with urgency. "I'm sorry, can you take him? Maybe I shouldn't be holding him, if I have a bug, and I... I need a minute." Brett swiftly retrieves the child and Adam bolts out of the room, heavy footfalls thudding up the stairs. Then I hear a door slam shut from above.

"I should go check on him," I say edging toward the kitchen stairs. "Maybe he doesn't feel well after all..."

"I'll go," Joely says at once.

"Maybe he'd..." I'm already moving onto the bottom step, hooking a finger upstairs.

Joely edges past me. "Prefer your help? No, let me check on him," she says and holds up a hand to indicate I should stay downstairs.

There's an awkward pause. Adam's oldest sister Alex gathers her shoulder length hair in one hand and puts a mouth over the other, almost like she's embarrassed. After a few seconds, she removes her hand. "She didn't mean that like she sounded. She's just...a mother."

I shake my head, and blink back the tears that were already there from watching Adam holding his nephew. I am so exhausted, and my emotions are becoming snarly and thick like brambles, piercing me as I bounce between them.

"It's fine," I say. I turn to the Reverend. "I'm sorry, I know this is incredibly rude, but I...I just need a few minutes to rest. Do you mind if I went to my room now?"

Peter Heartley's brow wrinkles in concern, "Do you think you and Adam have the same bug? Maybe we should put you two at the Barn Apartment instead of Ben and Tamara. Quarantine you two."

"No, I'm sure it's not that. I'm just really tired from last night's show and like Adam said...we were up all night. I haven't slept in 48 hours, except for a few minutes in the car."

"Of course," he says kindly. "Kat, do you mind?"

Kat smiles at him. "Not at all, I can show her." To me she says, "We're rooming together. Downstairs." Her back is to everyone else, so she rolls her eyes dramatically. "The guys are upstairs."

I nod, not really caring about that right now, I just need a place to lie down before I fall down. "Let me just get my purse." I grab it clumsily off the bar by just one strap. It tips open, half its contents spilling across the floor. Everyone reaches down at once to retrieve the items.

I'm muttering apologies and thanks when Leed holds out an item that is both familiar to me but strange, because it doesn't belong in my purse. Or at least I didn't put it there. It's a small rectangular tin with a hinged lid, like a mint tin. It's plain, except for the sticker on the bottom that says, "Compounded by Dr. Sidney Crane." She must have given Adam some herbal remedy for his nausea, and he must have stuck it in my purse in the car while I was sleeping.

"You went to Utopia? That's where you've been?" Leed asks me, handing me back the tin.

I nod. "I'll tell you later. I just...I can't right now." I really can't. I'm exhausted. So exhausted that I'm barely holding back illogical tears.

"Sure, Macaroni," he says softly. "I get it. Utopia...explains some things." Leed gestures at my frazzled, fatigued state.

I shoot a bleary, guilty look toward Reverend Heartley, who is looking at me with concern, but I can't help but wonder if he's thinking the same thing that Leed must be—that Adam and I have arrived in poor shape after maxing out our party in Utopia.

I follow Kat down the hall, wiping away a few tears of frustration. Adam's homecoming did not go like I wanted for him. It's all messed up and it's all my fault. I should never had insisted we go to Utopia first. It was too much to handle in too short a time frame. Now we've arrived exhausted and all out of sorts, and Adam's parent's—and probably even the guys—are assuming its for all the wrong reasons.

I could turn around and tell everyone the truth, but I won't. Not yet. I'm determined to make Adam's family like me for me, not feel obligated to like me the way Adam said—because I'm holding their newest family member hostage inside me.

Well, Mac covers alot of ground in this chapter. Thoughts about her conversation with Ashlynn and Adam? Did the homecoming go as you expected? What do you think will happen next? It's going to be a long few days at the Heartley Farm!!!

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