Chapter 81: Rock Stars Lose It

This chapter is not what some of you want...but it's exactly in character with Trace. He takes care of everybody...even if it isn't a satisfying outcome...in the end..he takes care of himself..

I think "Say It Ain't So" is a very appropriate song  for Trace. I think Trace will never be whole until he makes peace with Ross, and the bridge in this song speaks to the complicated relationship of father-stepfather-son..this is a plot we will see furthered in TANTRIC ...sounds weird, but you will understand when we get there..

Trace

I have Kat over my shoulder hauling her through the mansion. The cleaning crew is already here getting started, but we won't leave for a few more hours. I have lots more time to play with my KitKat.

She giggles as I pat her bottom, and demands I put her down.

"I'm sorry, baby. I just can't do that. I need to have a serious conversation with you."

"That's exactly what I was trying to do! Trace!" she beats on my back. "Seriously! Let's go for a walk and talk!"

"We are, baby. We are walking all the way up to a little place I like to call O-town."

"O-town?" Kat laughs. "That's what we are calling sex now?"

"O-town," I confirm, taking the steps two at a time, just to show off for my baby. "But not for the reason you think. Not just for the orgasm. It's for all the sweet, slow moments on the way. All the Oh god's! Ooooooh, Trace's! And the Oh, Oh, Oooooh That Feels So Good's!" I tickle her. She squeals and squirms, kicking her legs up, and then she screams for real as I tip backwards.

Fuck no!

For a second I'm out of balance, but all my instincts to protect Kat kick in hard.

I grab the back of her legs and throw us both forward to regain our balance. I sit her down hard on the step. I see the residual terror in her eyes, and I chuckle.

"I got you, baby. I will never hurt you. I got you, always."

The terror fades, but now both our hearts our pounding and she's staring at my mouth. I drop down right on the steps of this mansion and press my body over hers, taking her mouth, taking her last little bit of fear, taking the tightness of her muscles as she relaxes into my embrace. I never want her to feel scared. Only loved.

Sweet Jesus, I am so in love with this girl. I didn't think it was possible to be this deep in somebody, but something changed, two days ago, when I pre-preposed to her. It's fucking scary and fucking incredible and fucking tense, how I keep shifting from wanting exactly what we have right now, to thinking about the life we are going to have when I get back to LA in a few months. I don't think I will want her an hour away from me, at the WitchCampus or the UCLA campus, while I'm chillin' way the fuck out in Calabasas.

Christ, I might start hanging out at Matt's place all the time. He's right the fuck there in the middle of LA in one of those old school silver screen Hollywood mansions. Ten minutes from WITCH campus and about the same from UCLA. Yeah, maybe Kat and I will just fold in there with the del Marco gang.

Or maybe I'll ask her to move in with me.

I break the kiss and look down at her, panting.

Fuck, maybe I'll just ask her right now.

She's looking up at me with her sex face—that wild, gorgeous, lusty, grown-up version of the face she always used to make when we were about to perpetrate a petty neighborhood crime. Like she was a little scared to get caught, but way more ready for the adrenaline rush of being bad.

Yeah, maybe I'll just ask her to move in with me. I think she wants me to.

"Listen, Kat, I was thinking—"

A freight train named Bodie comes barreling down the stairs from above. I roll Kat over and under me again, until we are against the wall. This staircase is massive, so Bodie has plenty of room to get by.

He doesn't barrel through.

He drops down on the step beside us, hands on knees. "Whatcha guys doin'?"

"Going to O-town," Kat says automatically, pressing her lips against my neck as she kisses me. I laugh, slightly embarrassed. To cover, I smush her face to the side, towards Bodie.

"Bodes. Do you see my beautiful girl?"

"Yeah," he grins.

"I mean, like how breathingtakingly perfect and wildly uplifting her smile is?"

"Yeah," he says again, looking surprisingly earnest for Bodie.

"So do you honestly think I want to be looking at your ugly fucking mug when I only have four hours left to touch my inspiration?" I brush her smile with my fingertips.

"I suppose not, but listen, man...I need to talk to you. Just take a minute."

I sigh. That's the trouble with being friends with a bunch of overly confident rock stars. None of them ever take no for an answer.

Kat pats my chest and winks at me, and I sigh and roll off her, propping up on my elbow against the wall. She leans up on her elbows and we both look at Bodie expectantly.

He hesitates.

"What?" I say. "Something you can't say in front of Kat?"

He sighs and rubs his chin. "I guess it doesn't matter. Mac already knows, so that probably means Adam knows...just a matter of time before everyone knows."

"Bodie," The glint of gossip catches fire in Kat's eyes. "What did you do? Did you cheat on Arabella?"

He cocks his head at Kat. "Cheat? Naw. I mean, how could I cheat on a fake girlfriend?"

"But you guys aren't fake," Kat persists. "You guys are sleeping together, right?"

Bodie laughs and gives her the Big White Charm Smile. "Well yeah, but that doesn't mean we're dating, baby. She's just...a fangirl that I'm seeing a lot of at the moment, you know?"

Kat's eyes whip to me with a glare, like she thinks Bodie's bullshit is contagious and might infect me or something.

"Don't look at me, I'm not spouting that sketch rock star manifesto," I tell her. "Never had a longterm fangirl like Arabella, or a bedbuddy like Tam. Don't want none of that. You and me, we are one hundred percent dating, KitKat. Committed. Exclusive."

She smiles and winks. "Okay, just checking. So Bodie, your questionable relationship standards aside, what did you do?"

He lays back on the steps and puts his hands behind his head. Like he's on a fucking shrink's couch or something. Jesus, how long is this going to take?

"I may have made an error in judgment. With Marley."

I sit up. "Marley? Marley Watkins?"

"Yeah." His voice is grim.

"Do not tell me you fucked my counselor, Bodie. That's just..." He better not have messed with Marley. She's like, the coolest counselor ever, and I've tried several. She's the only one that doesn't make me tense. I can just...talk to her. And she gives me things to think about that make me feel better, not worse.

"I did not fuck your counselor, Trace."

My heart is pounding, and his words make it want to return to normal but the grimness in his tone tell me there's more to the story. I reach across to grab him by the collar and demand he talk faster, but Kat automatically puts a hand on my arm and pulls my face to look at hers. "It's okay," she says. "It will be okay. Let Bodie talk. He's trying to tell you what happened..." She smiles at him sympathetically. "Something happen you didn't plan, Bodie?"

"You could say that." He sits up and looks me in the eye. "Look man, I'm worried about Marley, okay? Have you talked to her? Yesterday? Today?"

"No. Why are you worried about her?"

He bites his lip and and cracks his knuckles. "How much do you know about Marley, really? She ever mentioned her...background?"

"No? What are you getting at? Are you saying she's in some kind of trouble?"

He shakes his head quickly, "No, I'm not saying that at all. I think maybe she was in trouble at some point, but sometimes you get out of the trouble you were in for good. Like me."

"Bodie, what the hell? You are talking in circles."

He sighs heavily and looks up at the massive ceiling. "Look, Marley and I...we had a few drinks the other night. Started feeling each other. We got mostly naked, it was about to go down, and then...something about Marley surprised me."

I blink. Kat gasps and covers her mouth. "Oh my god! Are you saying she...was Marley...has she...transitioned?"

Bodie looks at her blankly. "What?"

"Was...Marley...a guy before she was a girl?" Kat clarifies.

Bodie laughs at her. "Are you fucking serious, Kat? Have you seen that girl?" He looks at me, confused. "Is she fucking with me or what?"

"Baby, Marley is definitely all natural, all woman," I assure her.

"How do you know?" she glares at me and I laugh.

"Jesus, Kat, I'm completely in love with you, but I can't help being an admirer of the feminine physique in general. Only God makes T&A like you or Marley. Yours being the far finer example," I assure her.

"Marley's pretty fucking fine," Bodie objects.

"Just get to the goddamn point," I growl at him. He's gonna fuck up my trip to O-town if we keep going in this direction. "By the way, the point better be...Fuck, Trace, I'm so sorry I broke the Bro-Code and messed around with someone Soundcrush has business with."

"Naw..." Bodie says, shaking a finger at me. "I saw Marley first. Before you, before Adam. Before you and Adam decided to avail yourselves of her counseling services. You two broke the Bro-code— by giving her an ethical conflict in her clear attraction to me."

"Wait—what?!?!?" He can't be serious. As far as I know Bodie met Marley at the same time Adam did. And  then there's the other thing..."Did you just use the word avail?" I ask.

"Goddammit, Trace, I went to college too, you know! I actually graduated, if you will fucking recall. Magna Cum Laude. I was thinking about law school before we got signed!"

"You do sound like a lawyer," Kat concedes. I just stare at her. Then him.

"Okay, okay, you're super smart. I  forget, because you always do dumb shit. Like give Adam cocaine when he has appendicitis," I remind him.

"I am never gonna live that down, am I?" Bodie yells. "He is my brother, and he was fucking begging me for a little pain relief! Begging me to get him through until Mac went to bed. Described in detail how bad her PTSD episodes are, said hospitals were a trigger for her. Promised me he'd let me take him to the ER as soon as she was out for the night. And do you know what I had to go through to get that blow!?!?! It's not like we were in the A! I ain't got no connections in Nashville!!!! Thought I was gonna get shot, or worse—buy from a goddamn narc!!!!"

"Fine, fine," I growl. "Sorry. Didn't think about the woes of an Atlanta brother out of his normal hood. Will you please get back to the goddamn point?"

He gives me a look of disgust. "Just...just forget it, man."

He bounds down the stairs, and I feel terrible.

We all give Bodie a hard time.

We never give him the credit he deserves. It has nothing do to with the fact that his skin is a few shades sexier than the rest of us, and everything to do with the fact that he's a clown ninety eight percent of the time.

But sometimes I feel like a racist fucker when he gets mad at the lack of respect, on the rare occasion he's trying to be serious.

I stand up, call after him.

"Bodes! Bodie! Don't be like that man! Come back! Dude! I'm sorry, I'm a total asshole."

He doesn't even turn around. His dreads shake in the negative. "Just call Marley. Make sure she's okay. She won't take my calls."

I pull out my phone. "Fine! I'm sorry about the stupid shit I said! I'll call her right now!"

Bodie throws up two fingers just before he stalks out the front door and slams it.

I pull Kat to her feet and escort her up the stairs as Marley picks up.

As soon as she answers, I put her on speakerphone, because I am not stupid like Adam.

"Hi Trace," she says calmly.

"Hi Marley. I'm here with Kat. You're on speakerphone."

They exchange hello's and Kat smiles at me.

Really, Adam, is it so fucking hard to manage your girlfriend (or wife) and your girl friend?

I think not.

"So what's up?" Marley asks.

"Uhhhm, I had a conversation with a friend that kinda bothered me and I wanted to talk to someone about it. Got a second?" I ask.

"Sure. I'm waiting to board my flight home. I probably have...fifteen minutes maybe? Not time for a session, but I'm happy to hear what's on your mind, and call you back when I land."

"Marley," I sigh, "Have you thought that maybe your interactions with Soundcrush don't have to be so...formal? I mean, I get you have professional standards with your typical clients, but we're anything but typical. We're rock stars. We break rules. You don't have to stand on ceremony with us. Nobody's calling any boards of ethics or anything like that, no matter what goes down, okay?"

"Oh god..." she says. "Are you talking about what happened with Mac or Bodie?"

"Wait, what happened with Mac?"

Silence.

"You know what, Marley, nevermind. I can imagine what happened with Mac. She probably went six kinds of crazy on you, right?"

"No. Not all six. Just batshit."

Kat and I both laugh silently. Marley is funny. The best kind, because she doesn't even know it. "I'm sorry. Mac is used to holding her own with four assholes, you know. She's fiercer than she even means to be."

"It's okay, I get her position. Actually...can I be honest with you?"

"Please do," Kat says, with a wink at me.

"She had a right to be...suspicious. I...well...Adam's a nice guy and a good friend. He made me feel good, being concerned about me when I went through my break-up. Maybe for a very brief period of time I had a tiny crush on him, but I very quickly I realized that my crush was not even real. It was more like... a way to avoid dealing with my break-up. Besides, Adam's not really my type. Either one of them," she laughs bitterly.

"Oh, you have two types?" Kat asks. "I've never heard of that..."

"Well, I had a type, when I was younger. And it was a very bad type for me. Then I went the complete opposite way--the buttoned up white boy type-- but it turns out, I have no instinct whatsoever in that new direction. So now, I've given up on both my types."

"What's the opposite of the buttoned up white boy?" Kat probes, raising her eyebrows at me. I wag my eyebrows at her. I'm guessing it's the super-confident, easy-going, fun-lovin' player-Bodie-type.

"It doesn't matter," Marley says quickly. "We were talking about Trace's upsetting conversation with his friend..."

"Yeah, about that. Bodie just came to me with a problem, and I didn't take him seriously, and now I feel guilty," I say with a smile.

"Oh god," Marley blurts, but then takes a deep breath. "Okay, why do you feel guilty, Trace?"

"Well, I think I may have offended him."

"Offended him how?" She's trying really hard to stay professional.

"Well, Marley...have you noticed that Bodie is...biracial?" I tease her.

"I've noticed," she says dryly.

"He's really sexy, don't you think, Marley?" Kat adds helpfully.

"Okay, I see what you guys are doing, here," Marley snaps. "This really isn't funny."

Kat and I have traveled the hall and reached our room now. She crawls across the massive bed on her hands and knees, and I have a hard time keeping focus on the conversation.

"It kind of is, but I'm serious. I think I really offended him, and I didn't mean to. I forget that Bodie's not my actual brother. We all give each other shit all the time, and this time, I think I crossed a line. I know he'll get over being mad...I just don't know if I should address it or not."

I lay down beside Kat. We lay on our backs and I hold the phone up between us, waiting for Marley to respond.

"I think if you and Bodie are true friends, that yes, you can talk about anything, including racial offensiveness. He's a pretty smart guy, you know..."

"I'm aware," I laugh. "I just wasn't aware that you knew that."

"Trace—"

"Marley," I cut her off. "Call Bodie, okay? I don't know what happened between you two, but I've never seen him like this."

"Like what?"

"Worried. About anything. He's worried about you."

"I'm okay," she says dully.

"I'm very glad to hear that. Will you please tell him?" I say, with all my rock star charm. "Wouldn't that be the mature, healthy thing to do? Talk about whatever went down between you two? I mean...we want you around, Marley. Me and Kat and Adam. And I think you would like Mac too, when she's not pregnant and batshit crazy. You can't be Soundcrush Inner Circle and dodge Bodie, you know."

"I'm not sure that I'm SCIC material, Trace, but you're right. I...I should talk to Bodie. And probably Mac."

"Cool. You mean that?"

"Yes."

"So Wednesday at 10 for my regular session?"

"Yes, it's on the books."

Kat and Marley say goodbye, and I toss my phone lightly and pounce on Kat. She screeches as I devour her neck with kisses. We tear each other's shirts off and I can't get her bra off fast enough. These tats are already starting to fade and I want to trace them with my tongue and memorize them forever. They are so sexy. While I'm lavishing her gorgeously painted breast with attention, she manages to get us free of the rest of our clothes.

"God, I love sex," she says breathlessly, underneath me.

I let go of her nipple with an offended pop. "You love sex? Funny, I thought you loved me."

She grins. "I've loved you forever, TG. Sex is new."

I consider. "Mmmm. Fair point." I dive towards her other breast which is unpainted but still as beautiful, and she moans in ecstasy.

My phone vibrates. I ignore it. Kat paws for it.

"It's Adam."

"Ignore it." I keep working her nipple.

"Ooooooohhh..."

My mouth curls in satisfaction. O-town.

"Trace...no...the baby..." she whimpers, her voice lazy with lust.

I still. In a fraction of a second I have a freaky future vision of lying in bed with Kat and hearing a baby crying in the night...Kat's lazy but sleep-filled voice saying, the baby, just like now.

But meaning our baby.

There's something terrifying and gut-pulling, but also highly attractive about it.

Yeah, I'm gonna completely ignore that. I roll off Kat and answer Adam's call. I don't put him on speakerphone, because I don't want to drag this conversation out and lose my hard-on.

"This better be really important, because I'm trying to get with my girl," I say as a greeting.

Kat watches me as I listen and respond. "No shit. Cool. Really? Yeah, he's like that. Mmmm. Not surprised." I chuckle. "Shit, sorry man. Pissing everybody off today. Congratulations. Happy for you. Yeah? Well, he does make things happen. Can't wait to hear the track and see the footage. Yeah. See ya tomorrow."

I toss the phone down. Kat looks at me expectantly. I try to be as brief as possible. "Baby's ok. Madam got married. Again." I reach down toward her thigh, trying to lift it and make a little space for myself, but she snatches my hand.

"What?"

"Yeah, they got married legally. Makes sense, with the baby coming and everything. For some weird reason, my dad is there. Some kind of newbie marriage crisis intervention thing. But it's all good. Mac recorded a single that Adam wrote and Matt produced. They shot footage at the studio and at the wedding chapel for the video."

"That's so romantic," Kat sighs.

I put my elbows on either side of her head and look down at the sweet dreaminess on her face. "What kind of wedding do you want, Kitty?"

Her eyes snap to mine. "You don't really want to talk about that, do you?"

"Sure I do. Just because it's a long way away, doesn't mean we can't dream..."

Her expression slackens. Her eyes grow wet and full and she blinks rapidly. "Trace, I really have to tell you something."

That's when I feel it. The same thing I felt on the beach the other night. Kat is keeping a secret, and she's full of regret. I know what that's like. My heart quickens. I don't want to hear it, but I can't be a hypocrite. Whatever has happened...I know she loves me and I know she regrets it.

Suddenly there's a banging on the locked bedroom door.

"I need to talk to you guys. Are you naked?" Leed's urgent voice yells.

"No," I lie, just cause I don't want to take shit. "Go away!"

I'm still on top of Kat, staring into her crying eyes. "It's okay, KitKat. Whatever it is, you can tell me," I tell her. She starts to bawl then, big wracking sobs that lift her chest and roll up her throat.

"Trace, I don't...I can't even explain it...I don't know how it happened...it shouldn't have happened..."

Oh god. Oh shit. Oh fuck.

Okay. I got this. It's okay. I got this.

Adam figured this shit out. I can figure this shit out.

"Kat..." I whisper, "Are you pregnant? Baby, it's okay, if you are..."

Kat just stares up at me, blinking, her eyes wide with confusion.

"No fucking way!" Leed growls behind me. "Not you too!"

Kat shrieks. I react instantly, pulling the folded comforter at the bottom of the bed up over us. As soon as Kat is covered, I whip around to glare at Leed, feeling under the covers for my jeans.

"Jesus, Leed. As soon as I find my pants I'm gonna beat your ass. What.The.Fuck!!! How did you even get in? I locked the door!"

He collapses into an overstuffed chair by the window, completely unmoved by my threat. "Your bathroom has two doors. I came in that way. You said you weren't naked."

"Well, we are. Get the fuck out!"

He ignores me. He looks at Kat. "Little Sister, tell me it's not true." There's no play in his voice, just concern. Suddenly, he recalls me to the question hanging in the air, and I stop scrambling to beat his ass, and look at Kat.

Her breath is shallow. Her lips are trembling. Her caramel eyes are bright with tears like spun gold.

Oh god. Oh shit. Oh fuck.

Man up, Gallant. You love this girl. You will not be a douche like Ross, or even a douche like Matt, who's a good dude, but still left your mom in the lurch. Be a man.

"Kat. It's okay. Really. You can tell me, baby."

She clutches the comforter to her chest, and then puts her other hand on my jaw, a look of wild confusion on her face. "I'm not pregnant. No. Definitely not."

I don't feel anything at her answer, which is kind of weird, because I should be feeling tremendous relief. There's only a brief acceptance of not yet, that works better that flashes through my brain.

"Okay," I say simply. I close the distance between my lips and her forehead.

"Oh, it's the other thing," Leed says flatly.

My spine stiffens, even as I'm rubbing Kat's back and kissing her forehead. I bow my head, like a man waiting for the executioner's axe. What the fuck is going on here, that Leed would say that?

Kat is my girl, my responsibility, and my lifeline. So it's much easier to turn on Leed than her.

"What the fuck are you doing in here, anyway?" I snarl at him.

He sits in the chair like a goddamn king, his legs spread, his long fingers curling over the arms. "I wanted to talk about Ashlynn. She called me today, and I...well, she's on my mind. But I see it's not the time," he rises to go.

"What about Ashlynn?" Kat scrambles up on her knees beneath the comforter.

He has his back to us and he shakes his head, just like Bodie did. I'm so fucking sick of being on the backside of my fucking brothers today.

I get out of the bed, pick my pants up off the floor. "Stop. You fucking started this shit. Fucking finish it." I calmly put on my pants as Leed rakes through his hair and turns in the same motion. I cross to the bathroom and retrieve Kat's robe. It seems like slow motion, the way I return to her and drape it around her, while Leed watches us both.

"What about Ashlynn!?!?!" Kat repeats in alarm. "Has her therapy failed? Has she relapsed?"

Leed smiles a tight smile and pulls himself up on the dresser. "That's all you guys ever see, isn't it? Her brain damage. Her addiction."

"That's not fair, Leed," I warn him.

"No, you know what's not fair? That none of this was her fault, but she's alone. That no one puts her first."

"That's not true," Kat says softly. "My parents are putting her first. They talk to her everyday. They visit her every week."

He shakes his head. "Their relationship is not as good as you think, Kat. Not from her perspective."

Kat's voice is hollow as she says, "You think I don't know that?"

Leed stares at Kat, then me. "There are too many walls. So many fucking walls. I'm tired of this mess. I...I'm trying to do the right thing, but I can't do right by everybody, and I'm rapidly losing the give-a-fuck when it comes to the issues you guys have with Ashlynn. Ash needs somebody to do right by her."

He thinks I didn't fucking try to do right by Ash? Fuck, I did the best I could. "I don't know about that shit, but I'm tired of the avoidances,if that's what you mean." I sit on the bed beside Kat. I stroke her back as I look at Leed. "There's something I should have told you, but I just...fuck. To be honest, I've been avoiding all things Ashlynn with you." I watch Kat's face. "Leed says he has feelings for Ash. Not sure how she feels, because I don't talk to her."

Kat looks down. "She's confused. But I think...she doesn't know how to feel right now. Her feelings are messed up, Leed," Kat warns. "She's vulnerable, when it comes to men. She's had a hard time. And you confused her even more, you know."

Leed face drains into shock. "You...you've been talking to her?"

Kat draws her knees up beneath the comforter, circles her arms around them, rests her chin on top as she watches him. "A few times. You didn't come up, until the last time. She was having a bad day...headaches...I think. She was feeling sad...her composure slipped...she cried. She told me everything."

Suddenly, my gut feels like I'm on a roller coaster. "What's everything?" I look from Kat to Leed. "What the fuck did you do, Leed?"

He sighs, but doesn't answer. Kat doesn't look at me, but her knees. "Do you care?" she says evenly to me.

Fuck. Why is this so hard? All the goddamn time. And I can't even wish I'd never met Ashlynn, because I knew her first. She was the way I found Kat, and the way I lost her, and I'll be goddamn if I let Ash come between us again, but I can't lie to Kat, either.

"Yes, I do. I care about her. I wouldn't be the guy you love if I didn't, Kat." I return her even tone. "Baby, I know this is complicated. Sometimes I wish...I wish I could feel the hurt you feel over this. Just the same. I'd take it on, if I could. I swear to God. If I could feel what you feel over this, take away your pain, I would."

Kat eyes lift slowly to mine, and there's...a hardness I've never seen.

"Street painted my tats."

I realize...this is the thing. The thing she's been keeping from me.

Crazy how, I didn't feel anything when she said she wasn't pregnant, but now I feel the mind-blowing desperation I was expecting if she said she was.

"What?"

Silence. In the background, I hear Leed rising, leaving the room, closing the door softly behind him.

My beautiful, lovely lifeline looks out of reach. Her face is expressionless as she looks me straight in the eye and says...

"He was scheduled to paint Ella, his girlfriend, as a photo shoot for the Loving Marcs Art Auction. When we went to see Mac's video shoot in Napa, and the henna was mixed for her styling, he painted my back as practice. Bridge was with us, then. It was good. Fun. His shoot with Ella was scheduled for the next day, but they broke up. He showed up at Seb's place, where Seb and I were setting up to do the photography. He came to apologize for the busted shoot, but Seb and I got drunk with him to commiserate . Really, really drunk. He'd already painted my back. We'd already set up the real shoot. We just...went through with it."

She drops the comforter, looking down at her own chest full of painted regret.

"I only remember...laughing with him, so it must not have been all bad, right? Kind of like you and Ash. But it doesn't mean anything, right? Because I don't feel anything for him, except maybe a little pity that Ella broke up with him, and some soft feelings...because he's your brother. It was just a terrible mistake. I love you, and that's all that matters, right? Cause I'm so fucking sorry," Her face is almost curious, as she waits for my reaction.

I back away from her. My mouth is dry, my hands are fisting in the comforter.

"Goddamn," I whisper, looking at her with new eyes. I blurt the first thing that comes to mind. "Did you do it to...to repay me? For Ash?"

She looks away. Tears spill over and down her cheeks. "I...I don't know. Maybe. I was drunk. Not on purpose, but maybe."

I nod.

We sit, not speaking. I don't know how long.

Then I remember something important.

I rise and walk out the bedroom door.

He's downstairs, nursing a glass of liquor, looking out to sea from the deck. I catch him from behind, by surprise. Drag him backwards by one arm and the collar of his So Cal Cool open short sleeve button down. When his head slams hard against the brick exterior of this place I invited him to, that's when he knows: I fucking know.

I grab the lapels of his shirt, lift him of the wall and throw him against it again. "You hate me that much, brother?"

"Hate you?" he sneers, shoving me off harder than I expected. We bow up at each other, not touching except with our animosity. It's crazy to see the mirror of anger in his gray eyes, just like mine. "I don't even fucking know you, man. You're best fucking friends with Row, you text Bridge every goddamn day, you're all that Dad can fucking talk about, but I don't hear shit from you. Honestly, I don't want to. I know what you are all about."

"What the fuck are you talking about? I'm only all about my band, and my girl. That's it." I shove him hard. "So you stay the fuck up off her, you understand? I don't give a fuck about those tats. She's young. She feels too easy. She can't handle her liquor. But you are fucking LA and you've probably been stealing Matt's liquor since you were twelve years old. You fucking know better, asshole. If you were anybody else but my father's son, you'd be getting the beat down of your fucking existence right now. Out of respect for Matt, I'm going to give you one goddamn warning and one warning only: you turn your fucking eyes and your fucking dick the hell away from Kat."

I put him against the brick again, one final warning, and I turn to walk away, just as Kat skids out one slider and Leed barrels through the other. I hold up my hand against Leed, warning him off, as I give Street one final glare.

"Don't fuck with me, little brother. "

I say it just to hurt this kid who looks at me with angry eyes. I fully mean to walk away. I want to, but I can't. Street's eyes are filled with something I wish I didn't know, but I do.

I see it clearly...I'm once again the bastard son that destroys a good man. He looks just like Ross, when he throws the punch that changes the game.

I don't duck, though I could have. I think I let him make contact just for the excuse. Because Kat is watching.

His  blow is too much, much harder than Ross ever gave.

Damn. I guess my dad's heart was never really in it, when he hit me.

Street fucking means it.

Ross hated Matt, and I was only an echo of that.

Street? He hates me.

My vision is knocked loose.

It comes back red.

I refuse to be Street's victim. This punk thinks he knows hate? Fuck him. Hate is nothing. Fear is everything. I'll teach him to fear. He will never fucking think about hitting me again.

I don't feel the blows—not the ones I deliver nor the ones I receive. I am rage, because I refuse to suffer another man's blame ever again.

It's not my fucking fault who my father is.

Leed is not enough to stop this. He tries. He tries too hard, and takes too many blows. It's not until I hear Kat's cry of unrelenting pain that my fury falls to the floor with her. I'm on my knees, her face in my hands.

"Baby, baby, let me see, let me see!" I plead. I can't see. My vision is blurred by red. Not by fury. By blood. Mine. Street's. Leed's. Hers. I don't know.

"Oh god. Baby, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry..."

I hear Riley's voice like I've never heard it—panicked.

Then arms that I trust...Ben's arms— muscling me in a way that feels anything but trustworthy.

So much shit happens in the next twelve hours. I don't give a shit about any of it, because they won't let me see Kat.

I don't give a shit about anything, until Matt walks into the bedroom where they are keeping me.

Oh. Shit. I have NO IDEA what Matt is going to do or say. But I know, he's the only one that has even a hope of getting things back on track. I might have to take  minute to "hear"  this situation...stay tuned!  Thoughts on this situation? Who do you feel for? Trace? Kat? Leed? Street? Uhhhhm...MATT?!?!?!? Talk to me...