Choices

It's been a while

Maybe not to you

You turned the page and here I am

But I've been gone

I tell you true

It's been a few months

Things are changing in me

Reconnected with a guy

Still entangled with a guy

New people at work

My body won't work.

The summer body

Never came

Fat girl fall

Is on the way

My favorite time of year

But who to share it with?

The boy who fell for me?

Or the boy I fell for?

Believe it or not

This big girl can't choose

To end up with either

Or alone

She can't lose.

She's okay with the options

Okay with all three

To be entangled with a boy

Or to be single and free?

One shows more effort

One makes me smile more

Both make me feel special

Like a girl worth fighting for.

But the other night

One didn't come through

Said, "It's not my scene."

Is it the poetry?

Or was it me that you mean?

You say all these nice things

But are never by my side

Not down for open mic

But always down for the ride...

The other will show up

But lacks interest once he's there

I can't blame him

Listening to a poem about

"There" "Their" and "They're"

Words are my life

They're apart of me

So you think you'd show up

Present, you would be

It wasn't the best night of my life

Not even close

But one did show up

That's good

I suppose

My mind wants one guy

My heart wants another

These events are telling me

To let them meet each other

And fight til the death

So that I don't have to choose

They each gain points

And then lose them again

For right now

I'm just calling them

"Friends"

They both look at me with want

And sometimes make me forget

About my size and insecurities

I pray I don't make a choice

And end up with regret...