17. Tension Relief

Chapter 17: Tension Relief

Allen

I didn't want to leave Sarah alone with Mika, but I also didn't want to ask him to grab Sam. I figured that for the two minutes I would be gone, she wouldn't ask too many uncomfortable questions. She had a habit of digging into people's personal lives, even minutes after knowing that person. Mika definitely wouldn't appreciate that.

And of course, even hurrying as much as possible to get Sam to stop crying, I almost walked into the living room just in time for Sarah to ask the one question she shouldn't have.

"Do you love Allen?"

I stayed just out of sight, hoping Sam doesn't give me away. I desperately wanted to hear what Mika had to say to that, but I also felt weird about listening in. If he were to say it, he should say it to me, not to her with me eavesdropping.

After a moment, when Mika still hadn't answered - verbally, at least - I decided to save them both and enter the room. He looked absolutely relieved when I walked in. Sarah, who didn't seem to be affected by the tension she created, looked at Sam with a huge smile on her face.

She lifted her arm slightly, like she wanted to reach out for Sam, but I chose to sit back down next to Mika, still keeping Sam in my arms. She may be his mother, but I didn't trust her the way I once did. There was something about her being here and her story that didn't fit right with me. Maybe it was because she broke my heart, or maybe it was something else. It was hard to tell. She was tiny, a shell of the person she used to be, so I didn't doubt that she got sick. I just had my reservations about her refusing to talk to me back when we were still together.

"Can I?"

I hesitated answering her question to hold Sam. I barely even knew why. When I first met Mika, I had no problems handed my son over to him, who, at the time, was a complete stranger. This was Sarah, Sam's mother. So why didn't I want her holding him?

Sam had been standing up on my lap, holding onto my shoulder for support. But then he quickly turned around, the movement knocking him down to a sitting position. Sarah looked concerned for his safety, which, I have to say, earned her some bonus points. Her face softened as soon as Sam burst out into a fit of giggles, completely unharmed and unfazed.

Maybe she would be okay holding him.

Sliding my hands under Sam's little arms, I lifted him up and handed him across to Sarah. She eagerly took him, making sure to be extra careful with him, as if she had never held a toddler before. Maybe she hadn't.

It was hard watching her hold him. I never expected it to be this difficult, especially when I've handed him off to plenty of different people before. Was it just the fact that it was her that was bothering me so much?

Mika placed a hand on my arm, bringing my attention back to him. Without even saying anything, I could see the question on his face. Are you okay?

I nodded. It's fine. Of course it's fine. Sam was absolutely fine right now. Sarah wasn't going to hurt him anyway, and even if she tried, I was right here to take him back before she could. Not like that would happen.

After linking my fingers through Mika's, I looked back at my son and his mother. She had him sitting in her lap, just staring at him. He held a similar expression as he looked up at her with those wide eyes and his index finger half in his mouth, probably wondering who she was.

Then she had to go and try to take his hand out of his mouth. I was just a fraction too late, reaching for him just as he started screaming.

"What did I do?" Sarah asked, panicking. "How do I turn it off?"

I grabbed Sam off her lap and he immediately clung to me, quieting down. "Don't touch him like that, for one," I started, sitting back down next to Mika. "And second, he is a baby, not a thing. You can't just turn it off."

Sarah rolled her eyes. "He shouldn't be sucking on his finger like that. He'll get sick."

"What gives you the right," Mika spoke up before I could, "to give Allen parenting advice? You don't know anything about Sam - about raising a kid. So don't try and act like you do."

"Oh and you do?"

"Yeah, actually, I do."

I felt them both getting frustrated with this conversation and knew I had to stop it before it gets worse, especially on Mika's end. "Sarah." She looked at me. "I think you should go."

She gaped at me. "What? You can't do that! You can't tell me I can't see my own son!"

I shook my head while adjusting Sam to let him crawl over to Mika, like he was trying to do. "I'm not saying you can't ever see him, just that I think you should leave for now."

None of us said anything for a moment, and I could tell Sarah was trying to find an argument to use against me. But she gave up, instead letting out a sigh before standing up.

"Fine," she huffed. "But you can't forbid me from seeing my baby. I will be back and you will let me hold him longer than two seconds."

I stood up as well, after making sure Sam was situated in Mika's lap. "You'll hold him if he lets you," I said. "He is still a baby and doesn't understand much. What he does know, however, is that he doesn't like his hand being pulled out of his mouth. So you best hope he doesn't remember you the next time you come around or else he'll never let you touch him again."

Sarah, thankfully, chose not to comment any further. "I'll see myself out" was all she said before she left the room and, a second later, I heard the front door close.

"I am so sorry about her," I said to Mika, turning to face him. "You alright?"

He nodded, watching Sam as he squirmed around a bit until he found a comfortable position. "I think he actually needs his nap now."

I agreed. Between the doorbell waking him up and meeting Sarah, he must be getting tired again. He looked like he was, practically falling asleep in Mika's arms.

When we got Sam into his crib and moved out of the room to let him sleep, I asked Mika again if he was alright. I barely got an answer out of him before, and I felt like he should have something to say after everything that happened.

He rolled his shoulders into a shrug. "Yeah. I'm fine."

That movement of his made me notice how tense he was. So walking over, I stood behind him and started gently rubbing his shoulders, which had quite a few knots. He leaned back into me slightly, which I took as a sign to keep going.

Mika hasn't had anything easy in his entire life. I hated how he always felt like he needed to be strong, especially around me. He was acting like being kicked out of the only home that ever meant something to him was nothing, then, to make things worse, Sarah had to show up, and yet Mika still wasn't saying anything about it. It worried me.

"What I said to Sarah earlier," he started, turning around to face me. "Was that okay? You're not mad at me for saying it?"

I was confused for half a second before I realized he meant her not having a right to give me parenting advice. But then I was glad that he decided to actually talk to me about it, so I smiled. "I thought that was perfect. She-" I sighed, trying to find the right words to express what I saw in her. "Sometimes she needs to be put in her place, and I don't think I really realized that until you told her. So thank you."

He smirked. "Good. Didn't want to get in between you two. I know you have... history with her that you don't have with me."

He started walking away but I stopped him. "You will never come between us, Mika, ever. Just because I used to be with her - because she's Sam's mother - doesn't mean that I will ever chose her over you. She shattered my heart when she left. You helped fix it."

Mika started laughing then. "I didn't do anything."

I shut him up with a kiss and he wrapped his arms around my neck to deepen it. Even before I picked him up as we continued the kiss, I'm pretty sure we both knew where it was headed: straight to the bedroom.

Laying him down on the bed, I lifted off his shirt, revealing his beautiful body underneath. He really was beautiful, which is something I never would have thought I'd ever think about another man. Yet here I am, completely in love with Mika. He's done so much for me and he doesn't even know that he has.

When we finished, we stayed wrapped in each other's arms for a while, neither of us saying anything. Eventually, though, he broke the comfortable silence.

"You know, I think you're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

I tried not to grin like a maniac. "Really?" I asked, running my fingers along his spine. I feel like that was the closest I was going to get to an 'I love you' for now, and I couldn't have been happier.

Mika nodded. "I never thought I would have this, and I'm really glad I found it with you."

I kissed his forehead gently. "I love you, Mika. So much."

He gave me a small smirk before climbing out of bed. "Shower, then lunch?"

I laughed, sitting up. "Sounds absolutely perfect."

This life I had now was pretty perfect. I had Sam and Mika. What more could I ask for? Well, maybe if Sarah could disappear again. And maybe acceptance from my parents when they arrive soon. But even if Sarah worked her way into my daily life again and my parents disapproved of how my life changed this past year, I'd be okay, because I had my son and a wonderful boyfriend who doesn't realize how lucky he makes me feel every time he gives me one of those smirks. He was perfect for me, and that's all that matters.