Chapter Seventeen

Aurora's POV

"Aileen?"

I've tried calling her several times, and she hasn't answered. Yet again, I get her voicemail.

"Hi, I'd really like to talk to you. Look can you call me back, please."

Tallulah looks up from where she's watching TV.

"Still hasn't answered then?"

"No." I'm trying not to get angry. My family have been keeping secrets from me; Aileen's secrets. I know I'm probably being selfish. "I just feel sad that I wasn't able to be there for her when she needed me most."

"You just want to be her big sister," she says gently as her phone buzzes with an incoming text message.

She glances at the screen before turning off the backlight and putting her phone down on the coffee table. When her phone buzzes again she ignores it completely. That's not like Lou. She's perhaps the politest texter I've ever known. She always replies, almost immediately.

I nod.

"I feel like I've failed her."

"You didn't know." Tallulah sighs as she wraps me in an embrace. "You aren't responsible for that."

"Are you okay, Lou?" I can't help myself asking. Tallulah is still looking thinner than normal, and I'm worried about her.

"Yeah, of course." She smiles, but it's not a real Tallulah smile. It's brittle and only skin deep. It doesn't touch her eyes.

My phone rings and I jump to my feet, answering it.

"Aileen?"

"No darling." It's my mother.

"Mother," I say with a sigh. I'm disappointed.

"Were you expecting a call from your sister?"

"I've been trying to get a hold of her all morning."

"She's not answering?" She sounds concerned. I'm cross though. You'd think she'd be used to it by now.

"She very rarely does." I try not to sound bitter.

There's silence on the line.

"I was phoning to see if you would like to go shopping," she says eventually.

I'm surprised. I shouldn't be. My mother loves shopping.

"You need a dress for the fundraiser," she pushes.

"Can I bring Tallulah along?" I ask because truth be told, I don't want to be alone with my mum right now.

"Of course, darling. Will Tallulah and Cameron be joining us this weekend?"

I look over to Tallulah and she nods her head.

"I'll have to ask Cameron, but Tallulah would love to come."

"Will she be bringing a date?" There's a split second before she adds, "Will you be bringing a date?"

"No," I tell her. "No date."

"That's a shame darling."

My mother will not be happy until both myself and Aileen are happily married off to nice, preferably wealthy men.

"Should I pick you up in twenty minutes?"

"Yes, please," I say before hanging up. My phone beeps and I pull up an email from Landon. It makes me smile. I quickly type out a reply.

From: Aurora Stone ([email protected])

To: Landon Peters ([email protected])

RE: re: Last Night

Time: 12:10

Landon,

I'm looking forward to tonight too.

Intense? I don't know if that quite describes it...

A x

My email to Landon gives me an idea. If my sister won't talk to me, perhaps she will read an email.

From: Aurora Stone ([email protected])

To: Aileen Stone ([email protected])

RE: You're Not Answering

Time: 12:12

Ali,

So, I've been trying to reach you, and you are either really busy or you're just avoiding me. I'm really hoping you're busy. I went to Mum and Dads' for dinner last night. They asked after you. They always do. Mum accidentally let some things slip. She told me about what happened; about Amelia.

I'm struggling to understand why you did it and I just can't believe you never told me.

I'm really sorry. I never knew.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you I love you. And I'm here if you ever need me.

Aurora xx

There is so much more that I want to say but I can't put it in an email. Tallulah smiles at me.

"You've tried. That's all you can do."

"I know." I smile back at her. "Tallulah, are you ever going to tell me what happened in Brighton?"

"Sure," she frowns, "but not yet. I'm not ready to even think about it, let alone talk about it."

"When you're ready, you know where I am."

"I know. I'm sorry."

Tallulah looks close to tears.

"Why are you sorry?" I pull her into my arms. "You're my best friend. Whatever you need."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. We don't have long before my Mum gets here." I give her a sad smile. "Go put some makeup on and find some shoes. I love you, you know."

"I love you too, Roo."

I make a quick dash for my room to grab my handbag before knocking on Cameron's door. I know he's in, but I also know he has a guest.

"Cameron!" I call through the door.

A moment later he's stood in front of me.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Mum wants to know if you want to come to the fundraiser this weekend."

"Sure. You know me. I love a good party."

"Great, she also asked if you need a plus one."

"Are you taking Landon?" he asks.

"I don't need to. He's already going. His mum is just as big a fundraiser as my mum is."

He chuckles.

"I guess I could ask Zara."

"Okay. I'll let Mum know. We're going shopping. See you in a bit."

"Are you ready Lou?" I call as I walk down the corridor towards the front door. My phone buzzes.

Darling, I'm outside. Mum xx

Tallulah rushes out of her room, meeting me at the front door.

"I love Stone shopping trips." She grins.

"I'm sure you do." In fairness so do I.

***

I'm sitting in the dressing room while Tallulah and my mum try on dresses. I've already found the perfect dress, so I'm now refreshing my emails every two minutes to see if my sister has replied.

My phone rings and I answer it on the first ring.

"Aileen?"

"Aurora, you wanted to talk to me."

Finally, my sister has called me.

"Did you get my email?" This is perhaps the most awkward conversation we've ever had.

"Yes. I've read your email. Aurora..." She stops. "Aurora, this isn't something I want to talk about."

"Is this why you aren't talking to Mum and Dad?"

"Aurora," she's exasperated as if this is a waste of time, "you were always so good at doing what they asked. I wasn't. I used to be jealous of you."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you? Tell you that I got knocked up? How am I supposed to tell my perfect big sister that I fucked up, yet again?"

"Ali," I sigh, "you can tell me anything. Sometimes I need you too, you know."

"Yeah right."

She laughs like she thinks I'm barking mad.

"Seriously," I'm smiling, "I'm not all that perfect."

"Yeah right! Name one of Mum's rules that you've broken."

"I like playing poker." I laugh outright.

"Wow, dramatic."

"I've broken other rules," I'm blushing again, "especially recently."

"You're kidding."

I know she'll never believe me.

"I've had help."

"Who? You haven't fucked Cam, have you? Because he's hot."

Her words make me laugh.

"No. Someone else."

"You are having me on! Who?"

"Landon Peters," I tell her.

"Peters?" She's quiet for a second. "I know that name. Does he have a brother?"

"Yeah. Ayden."

"I think his brother is in my economics class." She whistles. "If he looks anything like his brother, he's fit."

I laugh again.

"I've missed you."

"I've missed you too." I can hear people in the background. "Look, Rory, I've got to go, but I'd like to see you sometime."

"I'd like that. Bye for now."

"Yeah, see you."

I hang up just as my mum comes out of her cubicle.

"Was that Aileen?"

"Yes," I reply. "I like that dress, mum. It looks lovely on you."

"Thank you, dear."

She really is a very beautiful woman. She has hardly any wrinkles; just a few laughter lines. Her eyes are a deep blue. Everyone says I have my mother's eyes.

"Did she say if she was coming to the fundraiser?"

"She didn't mention it."

The disappointment on her face is heart-breaking, or at least it would be if I didn't know that she'd brought it on herself.

"I'm sure she's just forgotten," she explains away the fact that her youngest daughter is apparently estranged from her parents. "She's very busy with school."

I can't help myself. I can't leave the subject buried.

"Do you really think having the baby adopted was the right thing to do?"

"It was the only thing to do," she replies, and I know she believes what she's saying before she finishes. "That boy was never going to be any help. He wasn't good enough for her. He would have pulled her down. And it would have caused a scandal."

"A scandal?" I can't believe that that's what my mother cares about. "But surely that doesn't matter. Isn't it more important to have a happy daughter? You could have supported her; helped her. Helped with child care so that she could go to uni. Given her a job at the company?"

"We didn't want that for her."

"She'd made her bed. Why not just help her deal with the consequences in her own way?"

"Because it wasn't the right answer," my Mother replies heatedly. "She wasn't ready to be a parent. Do you think parenthood is easy? She had no place being that baby's mother."

"She was the only mother that baby had."

I'm getting angry. It's been almost two years, but to me, it all happened yesterday.

"Amelia has a mother and father who love her dearly. She is happy. She has grandparents. She has uncles. She has a family. She is loved."

"Amelia already had a mother. She already had grandparents. She had an aunty. She had a family. We would have loved her." I take a breath. "I would have loved her, but I never got to say hello to her."

"Aurora, it wasn't an easy decision."

"It wasn't your decision to make." I frown as I try to control my anger. "The only decision you should have made, was to stand by your daughter no matter what she decided."

I know I'm about to step over a line and what I'm going to say will hurt my mum, but I can't bring myself to care.

"I can't blame Aileen for blaming you. If it were me, I'd blame you too."

"Aurora, you don't mean that."

There are tears in her eyes.

"I've done everything I can to be the daughter you want me to be." I grimace. "I've kept every single one of your bloody rules, and do you know what I have to show for it; nothing."

"That's not true, Aurora." My mother could never be described as weak. She says what she thinks. "Our rules were there to protect you and protect you they did. Aileen broke the rules, and she suffered for it."

"Mother, that is very naïve. The truth is that Aileen only broke the rules because she found it impossible to keep them all."

"You managed it," she says as if that proves the possibility of it.

"No, I haven't." I laugh bitterly. "It's not possible to be perfect. I like to play poker, mum. I drink tequila straight. Your rules have smothered me, mum. Aileen and me are different..."

"Aileen and I," Mum says quietly.

"You're so frustrating! Aileen and I are different. The difference between Aileen and me is that Aileen worked it out years ago. It's taken me a bit longer."

"Worked what out?"

"That I can't live my life by someone else's standards, someone else's expectations. I have to make my own standards, have my own set of expectations. And for that to happen, I have to know what I want."

"What do you want?" my mum asks.

"Good question!" I sigh before continuing, "I have no idea because everything I've ever done has been orchestrated by you and dad."

I turn my head towards the window to give myself a moment to calm down.

"I'm sorry," I say eventually. "I'm ruining our time together."

She doesn't respond for a moment, and I think she's angry, but when I turn to face her, I see that she's pulling herself together; putting her public face on.

"Never mind. Let's see if Tallulah has found a dress yet."

"I think that's a great idea."

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