Chapter 40

Chapter 40

Logan

Coming back to Adam's place was probably the first time in ages that I felt like I was coming "home". Although the surprise party was mom's idea, I'm not going to pretend that I didn't enjoy every second of it. Especially seeing the boys.

During the past two months, we've grown so much closer. I don't just consider them my "students" or boys that I coach. Hanging out with them is actually always fun. But even being surrounded by the entire team along with the office team as well isn't enough to distract me from the girl with the piercing brown eyes who I haven't been able to quite stop thinking about.

On the one hand, I'm glad that Mar and I ended things on good terms because God knows that I truly care for her and don't want to lose her. However, on the other hand, I absolutely have no idea where I stand with Em now.

So when she walks towards me and asks if we can talk for a minute, my heart nearly stops. But I play it cool and nod. I walk behind her, trying not to think about how cute she looks with her cardigan and off-shoulder sweater. I try not to think about how much I like it when she pulls her hair up in a high ponytail or that the leggings she's wearing make her legs look even longer and -

Fuck. No. I should not be thinking about this right now. Not when we walk inside her bedroom. Not when she closes the door behind us. Not when the memories of us kissing on this very door come rushing back in.

"Thanks for coming. I know you were talking to the boys and-" She starts to say, and I can't help but notice that she's playing with the hems of her sweater like she's nervous.

"Of course. No worries. What's up?"

She sighs. "I just wanted to talk. To see if we're good. You know, after what happened when you came over and-"

I shake my head. "Don't worry about it. It's all good. I know that you didn't mean it and I'm really sorry about what I said too."

And it's true. Despite everything, I think that I'm starting to understand Em a bit more as days go by. She's guarded and has a gazillion layers of walls to protect herself and every time someone passes through a layer, her defense mechanism is to push them away even if it means saying shit that she doesn't even mean.

Does that mean that I know where we stand? Fuck, no. I don't even know if she actually likes me. But I'd rather have her in my life as a friend than not have her at all. Even if it means I'll have to suck it up and pretend that I don't feel anything for her.

She looks taken back by my response. "Oh," She breathes out. "Cool, cool."

I nod. "Anything else?"

Fuck, it's hot in this room and it's torture to be here alone with her. I need to get out before I say something that I'll regret and it hasn't even been two hours since I've been here so I really don't want to ruin things.

"Nope. I'm glad that we got things cleared out."

My chest tightens uncomfortably in my chest as I let out a short nod. For a second, I actually thought that she'd want to talk about something else, us, maybe. I turn to leave and as I close the door behind me, she calls me again.

"Logan, wait, I-"

I turn around. "Yeah?"

She bites her lip. "I'm sorry."

"Em, I told you, it's fine, I'm over it-"

"No, it's not about what I said. I mean, I'm obviously sorry about that too. But mostly, I-" She pauses, her chest rising as she takes a deep breath. "Fuck, this is hard to say 'cause I'm not really good at expressing how I feel and-"

"It's okay. You can tell me anything," My voice is raw and deep, revealing the dragons roaring in my chest.

Her lips twitch upwards slightly. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry for ruining what we could have had, before it even began-"

Holy shit. My eyebrows shoot upwards but she goes on, "And I know that it doesn't matter now because you're back with her-"

"Back with who?"

"You're really going to make me say it?" She deadpans.

Wait, does she think that I'm back with Mar? "Em, I broke up with Mar. We're not back together."

Her eyes widen. "What?"

Holy crap, I can't believe she thought that I got back with Mar. It actually makes me admire her more that she talked to me when she thought I was back with Mar - that takes guts. "Yeah. That's why I went there. I wanted things between us to end on good terms."

"Oh."

"Yeah," I breathe out.

We're silent for a second before she lets out a laugh that makes me laugh too because I'm nervous but then she walks towards me and before I know it, her arms wrap themselves around my neck.

God, I miss her smell. Without even thinking, I pull her waist closer to me and bury my face in the crook of her neck.

"I was terrified that I lost you for good," She whispers and her breath on my ear sends tingles down my stomach.

"I'm sorry," I whisper on her neck. Her hands move to my cheeks and our eyes touch.

"You mean a lot to me, Logan. And it scares me."

I can't help but lean in, brushing our noses together. "Don't be scared. I promise that I'm not going to hurt you."

She smiles. "Don't make promises that are impossible to keep."

My chest tightens as it truly hits me how she always expects the worst from everyone. I brush the strands of her hair from her face and place them behind her ear. "I promise that I'm not going to hurt you intentionally. Better?"

Her smile is wider, but she doesn't say anything. As if she respectfully disagrees. I meet her eyes and release all the emotional barriers that I've been trying to keep up since I met her. "You mean a lot to me too, Em. I hate it when we fight. I hate it when you're mad at me."

She leans her head against my chest. It feels like we're dancing to the sound of our beating hearts.

"Okay. No more fighting," She whispers.

"No more fighting," I repeat, leaning my head against hers, the smell of her vanilla shampoo hitting my nostrils. This moment is perfect. If only I could frame it so it can last.

"Where do we go from here?"

My hands pull her lower back closer against me, the familiar feeling of warmth spreading in my stomach. "Wherever we want to."

And even though we didn't exactly say it to each other, I think that maybe for the first time, I understand what it's like to feel something stronger than words.

a/n

sorry for any typos - literally did not proof-read this.