Chapter 45

Emily

As soon as we get home, I head towards my room and close the door behind me. I can't really get myself to text Adam to let him know what happened, even though I have four missed calls and a bunch of texts from him and Josh. I can't get myself to talk or think or really function properly.

I'm just glad that Logan seems to understand my need for silence since he hasn't said a word on our entire way back. Seeing my mom tonight... let's just say that I wasn't ready for that. Not when I haven't seen her in more than a year. Not when she still looks at me with the same indifference in her eyes.

I didn't expect to see her. I didn't expect it to hurt so much either. I thought that I'm stronger than this, goddamn it! I hate the effect that she still has on me. I hate that I care. I hate that I can't get excited about hanging with Elsie on Saturday, because I know that it's actually not going to happen. I'm sure that my mother will find an excuse by Saturday to cancel the entire thing.

My stomach squeezes tightly when I think about Elsie's face. God, she looked so happy about spending Saturday with me. I don't want to break that promise to her.

The door knocks, shaking me out of my thoughts. It must be Logan since we're the only ones home. "Come in."

He opens the door and leans against it. "I just wanted  to let you know that I spoke with Adam and let him know that we're home."

He's still in his shorts and jersey shirt. A pang of guilt hits me, and I can't help but feel that I've ruined his night. We were supposed to be celebrating him. "Thanks, Logan - for tonight, I mean."

He gives me a lazy half-smile and starts to close the door, but for some reason, the words can't stop stumbling out of my lips. "I would have never done that, what you did tonight with Elsie-" I pause, looking away from his green orbs. "It means a lot," My voice breaks at the end.

"Em," Logan breathes out before walking towards me. He sits on the bed next to me and his palms cover mine. "You deserve to be happy. You deserve the entire world, with the stars and galaxies and planets."

My lips turn into a smile and I find my arms wrapping themselves around his neck. Butterflies proliferate in my stomach as his hands encircle around my back, and his chin rests on my forehead.

In this moment, it hits me that whatever this feeling is - this warmth that consumes every inch of me when he's around, this invisible string that ties my every thought to him, it's the only thing that has felt right in a very long time.

His lips press against my forehead, as if he can read my thoughts. "Is Adam coming back tonight?"

"He's on call tonight."

I pull away from Logan and walk towards the door. I close it - then lock it. When I turn around to face him, his eyes are wide. "Em," He gulps. "Are you sure?"

And as I look at him, a gazillion memories flash in my mind: fighting over doing laundry, hiking together, kissing - lots of kissing, getting drunk, fighting again, over everything and anything, but then making out like our lives depend on it. He's the only one who stirs up instigates my hormones sporadically - but he's also the only person in this entire world that I'd trust with my life, blindly. I wouldn't want my first time to be with anyone else.  "Yes."

"Crap. Okay, jeez, thanks for the heads up. I haven't shaved and-" I silence him with my lips, my hands caressing his cheeks, pulling him closer towards me.

His lips eagerly respond back, and before I know it, our tongues are dancing in sync, setting my insides on fire. I have this urge to be closer to him, so I straddle him and bury my fingers in his mop of curls. He moans into my mouth as I feel him rock hard under me. "Christ, Em, I haven't even showered yet-"

"Logan," I bite his lower lip. "Shut the fuck up, please."

He smiles against my lips before whispering. "Yes, ma'am."

He finally relaxes back and I tug his hair again, especially since he liked it so much the last time. His eyes close when my lips move towards his jaw and earlobe, leaving soft bites. His cold hands are under my hoodie, caressing my bare back, making me arch towards him.

"You look extremely sexy on top of me, have I ever told you that?" He whispers, and I can't help but smile to myself. That's one of the things that I like most about him: he always makes me feel so beautiful. It's almost as if he sees a different person - one who is the best version of myself, the one that I want to be.

His lips capture my neck and I lean back, addicted to the sparks that fly off every time he touches me. I can't help but rub myself against him as he devours my jawline and neck, needing to relieve some of the tension. "Jesus, Em," Logan sighs before flipping us around so that he's on top. "Enough with the teasing," He bites my ear and it makes my arch my back again.

Within seconds, we're tearing each other a part. My hands are on his shirt, clumsily trying to pull it over his head but my hands are weak and he's touching my back and I can't really focus on anything other than the building sensation. So, Logan ends up removing his own shirt and pulling my hoodie too.

His lips are on my chest, and his fingers unclasp my bra mechanically, as if he's done this a million times and I can't help but think that he has - he has so much more experience than I do and I'll probably be terrible at this since I have no idea what I'm doing and-

"Em," He stops to look at me.

"Yeah?"

"Shut the fuck up, please."

I frown at him. "I'm not even saying anything."

"I can hear your thoughts spiraling."

Oh.

Before I can say anything, his lips capture mine again, and his index and thumb capture my nipple and apply short but fast tugs. The feeling is so intense and foreign that I can't bite back my moans. Nothing has ever felt quite this good. Ever.

"You like that?"

"Yeah," I manage to make out. Before I can adjust to the feeling, his other hand is in my panties.

I can't help but let out another moan when his thumb finds my clit. He starts rubbing small circles, increasing the pressure and speed steadily. The combination of both movements sends me to the edge - and I'm so close, so goddamn close to erupting in pieces.

"Emily, look at me."

The moment I meet his green orbs, I shatter into lumps. My breath is a mess and air becomes secondary in this moment anyway, when all I want is him, his hands, his lips, his heart. "Fuck my life, Em, I can't wait to be inside you."

He pulls his shorts and boxers down, and turns to my drawer. "You have a condom, right?"

Uh oh.

His expression changes to mortification when he looks at me. "No, no, no, no. Please don't tell me that you don't have a condom."

"Of course, I don't have one! You're my first. I thought that you'd have one!"

He literally looks like he's in physical pain. "Well, I haven't been with anyone here."

This makes me smile. "Really?"

Logan glares. "As if you wouldn't have known if I slept with someone from around here."

"True."

Logan groans. "Goddamn it. Do you think Adam has condoms in his drawer?"

"You're not using Adam's condoms."

"Really? Do you have a better idea?"

"Any idea is better than using Adam's condoms!"

Logan sighs. "Fine, I can go check out if there's any pharmacy that is still open-"

"Logan, no, wait. Are you clean?"

His eyes widen. "Uh, holy crap. Em - are you sure? I mean, yeah, I'm clean, I got tested right before I left the states-"

"Then I really don't give a shit," I say before pulling his lips back towards mine.

His fingers move inside me before he whispers in my ear, "You're so tight, baby. It's turning the fuck out of me."

I can't help but moan back in response.

He looks at me one more time before pressing his lips on my forehead. It makes my heart melt. "Whenever you feel that it hurts too much, tell me to stop."

I nod, feeling slightly nervous. My eyes close when he presses into me. The feeling is extremely uncomfortable at first, but Logan is going extremely slowly, letting me get used to it. "You're okay, babe?" He breathes out.

I nod. His fingers move towards my clit. "I want you to enjoy it, too," I whisper.

"Oh trust me, nothing has ever felt this good. In my entire freaking life."

His fingers on me along with his soft caressing ease the pain, and soon enough, Logan moves again, slow, deep thrusts, that make me tighten against him. His eyes roll back and his jaw is clenched, with the veins on his neck slightly showing.

I can't help but close my eyes too as the sensations take over. The fullness of him, the pain of the friction, the vibrations of his fingers against my sensitive nipples and clit, the sound of his ragged breath on my ear, all of it is building my need for a release - so I clench tightly against him and hold on to his arms and pull him closer, closer until my eyes roll to the back of my head and my muscles contract into shuddering waves that take over my body.

The feeling is so intense that I'm momentarily teleported somewhere else: I don't notice Logan pulling out or grabbing a tissue from the counter to find his release into or that my breath is frantic.

Logan pulls me back towards his naked chest, and I press my head on his thrumming heart. In this moment, we don't need to say anything. The intensity of our feelings is loud enough to fill the silence.